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Work the Pond!

Use the Power of Positive Networking to Leap Forward in Work and Life
Darcy Rezac, Judy Thomson and Gayle Hallgren-Rezac | Copyright © 2005 by Darcy Rezac
Used by arrangement with Prentice Hall Press, a division of Penguin Group (USA), Inc.
www.penguin.com (1-800-253-6476)

The essayist E. B. White said, “No one should come to New York to live unless he is willing to be
lucky.” People succeed when they make their own luck. Many do so through networking. If you
are willing to be lucky, new opportunities may unfold before you because of a valuable connection
you made yesterday, or one that you will make today or tomorrow. Authors Darcy Rezac, Judy
Thomson and Gayle Hallgren-Rezac believe that “positive” networking is the key that opens the
door to all of life’s possibilities. If you want to learn to build valuable connections to get ahead,
getAbstract recommends this easy-to-read and lighthearted, yet sensible and savvy, book.

Take-Aways
• Helping those you meet is the secret of successful networking.
• Hand out your business cards at every opportunity.
• In social situations, focus on the people you don’t know, not on those you know.
• Embrace opportunities for conversation.
• Make networking a joyful experience.
• Seize networking opportunities whenever and wherever you find them.
• Just about any situation has networking potential.
• You won’t become a great networker by staying behind your desk. Get out into the world and
mingle.
• All great networkers focus on others, rather than themselves, in networking activities.
• When networking, keep your expectations realistic.

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 Summary

It’s Not “Who You Know”

Your personal networks can help you advance in life if your networking approach is positive, not
negative. In other words, don’t ask, “What can you do for me?” but rather, “How can I help you?”
This positive networking creates “good karma”: If you help others, they’ll help you.

“The Old Establishment was a club. The New Establishment is a network.” [ – From The
Wise Men, by Walter Isaacson and Evan Thomas]

Many people view networking as a crass activity, the province of pushy salespeople and glad-
handing politicians. Nothing could be further from the truth. Positive networking is a process of
establishing nurturing relationships. As such, it is a basic life urge and a necessary skill.

Creating a network is not about whom you know – your current circle of contacts. To do it
successfully, focus on casual acquaintances. After all, who knows which of these strangers may
open up a new world for you? If you shudder at the thought of networking, you are not alone.
Networking makes most people nervous. But like ballroom dancing or bicycle riding, it is a skill
that you can master with practice.

The Croaking Order

In the fairytale The Frog Prince, a lovely princess accidentally drops her golden ball into a
deep pond. A frog promises to get the ball if the princess will welcome him as her friend and
companion. The princess agrees. But after the frog retrieves the ball, she ignores him. The frog
goes to the castle and demands that the princess fulfill her promise. She refuses. Her father, the
king, remonstrates with the princess on the frog’s behalf. In the Grimm Brothers’ version, the
princess grabs the frog and hurls him viciously against her bedroom wall. Magically, the frog
transforms himself into a handsome prince, and he and the princess live happily ever after. In the
modern version of the story, the frog changes into a prince after the princess kisses him. Many
people find that, “You have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your handsome prince.”

“Traditional networking continues to be very transactional, doing favors with the

unspoken expectation of something in return.”

Kissing frogs is the essence of networking – because everyone is a frog until he or she finds a
professional match. Look around to see which types of frogs are in your pond and where you fit in
the croaking order:

• “The royals” – Networking’s princesses and princes are few and far between.
• “The tree frogs” – Everyone in the pond looks up to the good networkers.

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 • “The chorus frogs” – Frogs who make contacts are “practiced ribbeters.” These pond
citizens are willing, indeed eager, to “take the plunge” when it comes to networking. They are
ready to advance in the croaking order.
• “Just frogs” – Too scared to get their feet wet, these frogs hop around, unknown, in the
weeds. They’ll never evolve into princes and princesses.
• “The toads” – Perverse, ornery creatures that “move down the frog chain” instead of up it.
They are “just plain ugly.” Avoid them.

The Seven Secrets of Positive Networking

“Social capital” means the positive connections that people create with each other. You accumulate
social capital by “bonding,” establishing close relationships, and “bridging,” moving beyond your
immediate circle. The seven secrets of positive networking are:

1. Meet lots of people – The more people with whom you come into contact, the better chance
you have to build your network.
2. Help others – Earn their gratitude.
3. Use business cards – Give them to everyone you meet.
4. Become a true egalitarian – Treat all your contacts as equals. This is not only the correct
way to behave but it also provides you with the best opportunity to establish meaningful
relationships with strangers.
5. Give permission – Benefit from the “multiplier effect”: Make sure that everyone you meet
understands they can join your network.
6. Ask questions – Learn from Socrates. During conversations at networking and social events,
stay thoroughly engaged. Find out everything you can about the people around you by asking
intelligent questions.
7. Seek and share knowledge – You’ll become an attractive networking contact, if you can
make a contribution through your knowledge, insights and perspective.

Extend a Hand

To network positively, find ways to be solicitous toward others and to help the people you meet.
That’s how you will make a good impression. You don’t have to do anything as dramatic as lending
money or buying dinners at fancy restaurants. Instead, be thoughtful, for example, by introducing
a new contact to potential customers.

“We are well-advised to treat all our contacts like gold.”

Tom Donahue, president of the U.S. Chamber of Commerce, networks like this every day. “He’s
always trying to help people,” says his wife, Liz Donahue. “If someone needs a job, an introduction
or a doctor for their ailing parents, he’ll try and help.”

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 “Six Degrees of Separation”

Everyone is connected to everyone else. In 1967, psychologist Stanley Milgram did an experiment
in which he sent 160 letters to a random group of people in the Midwest, instructing them to
return the letter to a set individual in Boston using only personal contacts. Most subjects needed
only five or six contacts to get the letter to its destination. Milgram’s experiment is the origin of the
idea that everyone is only “six degrees of separation” from everyone else. Because each person has
his or her own network, making new contacts eventually puts you in touch with every person on
the planet – all six billion of them.

“Great networkers have a natural rhythm: There’s nothing forced in how they network.”

When you do nice things for your contacts they may return the favor in any number of ways.
Because your contacts have contacts, the possibilities are unlimited. Distant contacts may prove to
be the most important: More than 80% of people who secure new jobs through networking do so
through “weak connections” – casual or new acquaintances rather than close friends. The Tibetan
concept of “shepa” means a special awareness or sensitivity. Develop network shepa. Pay attention
to networking possibilities at all times.

“Your goal [as a networker] is for people to remember you for all the right reasons.
You aren’t just making contacts; you are making a real connection and building your
reputation.”

Take seven steps to learn how to network successfully. Remember these steps using the acronym
“NETWORK”:

N – “Never Leave Home Without Them”

To build a network you must have business cards. Keep them with you at all times, and give one
to everyone you meet. This is a standard practice in Asia. Make giving new acquaintances your
business card as routine as telling them your name.

“If your spouse can’t make an event, ask the organizer if you can bring your university-
age son or daughter. Be the one to teach them how to network.”

Your business card is your “brand.” Make sure it represents you well. Keep it easy to read by
avoiding small typefaces. Don’t get too creative; make sure it communicates with people across
cultural divides. It should be easily readable by a card scanner – an electronic device that quickly
organizes contact information on business cards into an automated database. Don’t make the
mistake of thinking that because you are out of work, you don’t need business cards. Indeed, the
opposite is true: This is when you need business cards more than ever.

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 E – “The Four Es: Establish, Extend, Exchange, Engage”

When you meet someone new, remember the four Es:

1. Establish eye contact.

2. Extend your hand for a firm handshake.
3. Exchange cards.
4. Engage in friendly conversation.

“Introduce people with a flattering introduction whenever possible.”

As First Lady, Jacqueline Kennedy was one of America’s most beloved and gracious hostesses. She
achieved this stature by speaking directly to people she greeted, while maintaining eye contact.
She listened attentively to everything her guests had to say. Then the most famous woman in
America, she made all White House guests feel important and special. Follow her example. Break
the ice with a smile. Avoid a sweaty handshake. (If necessary, keep a handkerchief handy to wipe
off perspiration.) Do not intrude on others’ personal space, and remember that the dimensions of
that space vary among cultures. Use the other person’s name. It is his or her favorite word.

T – “Travel in Pairs”

For security and support go to social events with someone else. You and your “tag-team”
networking partner can look out for each other and help break the ice during introductions. And
two heads are always better than one when it comes to remembering names.

“Going to an event and just hoping you will meet some interesting people is not the best
way to maximize an opportunity.”

Your tag-team partner can be a work colleague, a friend or even someone you want to get
to know better. Choose someone who will be a help, not a hindrance, at a social function. A
bored, ungracious or inattentive partner will make you look bad. Try to find out who else will be
attending the function. Publilius Syrus, an ancient Roman writer, said, “An agreeable companion
on a journey is as good as a carriage.”

W – “Working the Pond, Positively”

To meet new “frogs,” don’t make a “cannonball splash” into the networking pond. Strong-arming
people at a social function is a turnoff. Be relaxed and natural. Act confident but not pushy. To
develop a sense of ease in dealing with others, join Toastmasters or participate in a Dale Carnegie
training. These organizations provide nonthreatening environments where you can develop or
enhance your social skills.

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 “Give your expertise away for free – give a speech or write an article – and become
better known for the right reasons.”

After you’ve tried a few “trial run” activities in “friendly ponds,” such as fraternal, service or
business organizations, you’re ready for the real thing. Aim to meet seven new contacts at every
social function. Be enthusiastic, even perky. No one wants to be stuck with a wet blanket, so
“lighten up.” Do the “28-second hover” near a conversational cluster of people you don’t know.
Maneuver yourself into everyone’s line of sight. Introduce yourself. If the group freezes you out,
move on to a new one and try again. Keep moving around the pond; don’t get stuck in the weeds
and mud. To create your own conversational cluster stand near the entrance. Adopt a “greeting
position” and introduce yourself as people come in. Then introduce the new arrivals to each other.

O – “Opportunity is Everywhere”

Join Rotary, Kiwanis or a local Lions Club. Become active in an alumni association, business trade
group or chamber of commerce. Volunteer in your community. Assist the needy and help out at
events in your religious organization. Gain valuable high-profile exposure by delivering speeches
to professional groups. Writing bylined articles is another great way to attract attention.

R – “Repeat, Repeat, Repeat”

The best networkers work at it all the time. They attend events constantly and they never turn
down invitations. When these great networkers are out and about, they make others happy
because they take an interest in them. They are good conversationalists. Their secret is that they
always talk about the other person. Adopt a goal of attending at least one event each week. Enjoy
yourself while you are there.

K – “Keep it Going”

Positive networking can transform the business cards you have stuck in your desk drawer into
valuable treasures, if you follow up. Stay in touch with the people whose cards you have, by phone,
e-mail or handwritten notes. Offer to do something for them. Names on cards are meaningless
if you lack pertinent information about them. Therefore, when you receive someone’s card,
immediately write what you know about his or her likes, dislikes and hopes on the back of the
card, and the date you entered it. Work to build new bonds and maintain old ones.

Become a Networking Prince or Princess

With attention, effort and focus, anyone can become a great networker. Yet bona fide princes and
princesses of networking are not that common. Don’t let this dissuade you.

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 About the Authors
Darcy Rezac has served in executive positions in business, the military and government. Judy
Thomson is an accountant, trainer and team builder. Gayle Hallgren-Rezac is a writer and
entrepreneur.

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This document is restricted to the personal use of RAHUL VERNEKAR (rahul.vernekar@sg.ibm.com)

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