READ ALL OF THEM!!

1. Take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling them and stranding them at strategic
locations.

2. Ride those little electronic cars at the front of the store.

3. Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten minute intervals throughout the day.

4. Start playing Calvinball; see how many people you can get to join in.

5. Contaminate the entire auto department by sampling all the spray air fresheners.

6. Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift wrap.

7. Leave cryptic messages on the typewriters.

8. Re-dress the mannequins as you see fit.

9. When there are people behind you, walk REALLY SLOW, especially thin narrow aisles.

10. Walk up to an employee and tell him in an official tone, "I think we've got a Code 3 in
Housewares," and see what happens.

11. Get several of those frogs (that croak when somebody walks by) from the Garden Dept.
and place in strategic locations throughout store.

12. Play with the automatic doors.

13. Walk up to complete strangers and say, "Hi! I haven't seen you in so long," etc. See if
they play along to avoid embarrassment. See if they play along. Insist on calling them ‘Bob’,
and if they protest, get angry about it (violent if necissary).

14. While walking through the clothing department, ask yourself loud enough for all to hear,
"Who BUYS this junk, anyway?"

15. Repeat Number 14 in the jewelry department.

16. Ride a display bicycle through the store; claim you're taking it for a test drive.

17. Follow people through the aisles, always staying about five feet away. Continue to do this
until they leave the department.

18. Play soccer with a group of friends, using the entire store as your playing field.

19. As the cashier runs your purchases over the scanner, look mesmerized and say, "Wow.
Magic!"

20. As the cashier runs your purchase over the scanner say “BEEP” in a loud voice. Repeat
this for every item, and for other customers items.

21. Put M&M's on layaway.

22. Move "Caution: Wet Floor" signs to carpeted areas.

23. Set up a tent in the camping department; tell others you'll only invite them in if they bring
pillows from the bedding department.

24. Test the fishing rods and see what you can "catch" from the other aisles.

25. Ask other customers if they have any Grey Poupon.

26. Drape a blanket around your shoulders and run around saying,"I'm Batman. Come,
Robin, to the Batmobile!"

27. TP as much of the store as possible.

28. Randomly throw things over into neighboring aisles.

29. Play with the calculators so that they all spell "hello" upside down.

30. When someone asks if you need help, begin to cry and ask, "Why won't you people just
leave me alone?"

31. Make up nonsense products and ask newly hired employees if there are any in stock,
i.e., "Do you have any Shnerples here?"

32. Take up an entire aisle in Toys by setting up a full scale battlefield with G.I. Joes vs. the
X-Men.

33. Take bets on the battle described above.

34. Hold indoor shopping cart races.

35. Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from "Mission: Impossible."

36. Try on bras in the sewing/fabric department.

37. Try on bras over top of your clothes.

38. Attempt to fit into very large gym bags.

39. Attempt to fit others into very large gym bags.

40. Say things like, "Would you be so kind as to direct me to your Twinkies?"

41. Set up a "Valet Parking" sign in front of the store.

42. Two words: "Marco Polo."

43. Leave Cheerios in Lawn and Garden, pillows in the pet food aisle, etc.

44. "Re-alphabetize" the CD's in Electronics, while headbanging & playing air guitar to Willie
Nelson demos. (Bonus: Braid hair & tie bandanna around head).

45. Make a trail of orange juice on the ground, leading to the restrooms.

46. When someone steps away from their cart to look at something, quickly make off with it
without saying a word.
47. Relax in the patio furniture until you get kicked out.

48. When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker, assume the fetal position and
scream, "No, no! It's those voices again!"

49. Pay off layaways fifty cents at a time.

50. Drag a lounge chair on display over to the magazines and relax. If the store has a food
court, buy a soft drink; explain that you don't get out much, and ask if they can put a little
umbrella in it.

51. Try putting different pairs of women's panties on your head and walk around the store
casually.

52. Turn on toys that make noise or talk at random intervals, and leave them in strategic
locations.

53. Leave small sacrifices or gifts in the hands of the mannequins.

54. Nonchalantly "test" the brushes and combs in Cosmetics.

55. When two or three people are walking ahead of you, run between them, yelling, "Red
Rover!"

56. Look right into the security camera, and use it as a mirror while you pick your nose.

57. Set up another battlefield with GI Joes vs. Barbies. (Red lipstick might give an interesting
effect!!!)

58. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-
depressants are.

59. While no one's watching quickly switch the men's and women's signs on the doors of the
rest room.

60. Fill your cart with boxes of condoms, and watch everyone's jaws drop when you attempt
to buy them.

61. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna" look with various funnels.

62. Hide in the clothing racks and when people browse through, say things like "the fat man
walks alone," and scare them into believing that the clothes are talking to them.

63. Beg the greeter for those happy-face stickers. Stick them on your face, then stand next to
him and copy whatever he says when customers walk in.

64. Go to an empty checkout stand and try to check people out.

65. Get a stuffed animal and go to the front of the store and begin stroking it lovingly, saying
"Good girl, good bessie."

66. Try on every pair of shoes in the shoe department. Take the paper from the boxes and
throw it in various aisles.

67. If you are female: Take some men’s clothes to the men’s fitting room and ask to try them
on. Act shocked and insist But I AM a man! if the attendant says anything. If you are a man,
vice versa.

68. Get boxes of condoms and randomly put them in peoples carts when they aren’t looking.

69. Lurk in the cosmetics department and spray people with a bottle of strong perfume as
they walk by. Lean in and sniff the, then wave your hand in front of your nose and saying "P-
eeew! That perfume stinks!"

70. Plastic fake-vomit and fake-dog doo can be utilized effectively here.

71. Go outside to the payphones, call the store and ask them to page customer "Mike Hunt"
(or "Harry Butz", etc.)

72. Stand in front of the Preparation H. Ask everyone who walks by which hemmorhoid
remedy they prefer, then launch into a detailed description of your own problem.

73. While you're doing that, have white-out & markers handy. Modify the boxes of "Anusol"
by covering up the "OL" on the logo.

74. Crawl around on the ground and pretend that your a cat. Meow when people walk by, rub
up against their legs, etc.

75. Take a chair to Electronics, tune in all the TV’s to Young & the Restless, and
watch while sobbing loudly.

76. Chase your friends up and down aisles with those electric cars. Make sure to tell your
friends to act like they don't know you.

77. Ride the little rides for toddlers. Fit the character; if on a horse, act like a cowboy, etc. If a
little kid comes over wanting to use it, start crying.

78. One word: STREAK!

79. Excesively use anything thing that says "Try Me".

80. Start pocketing any and all free samples.

81. Draw mustaches on all the pictures and mannequins.

82. Walk up to the customer service and say "Hello, I'll have a Quarter Pounder with cheese,
large fries and a diet coke." Then go to Mc Donald's and try to return a toaster.

83. Start to madly scratch yourself and walk up to people asking where the rash cream and
lice remedies are.

84. When alone, have loud conversations with your "multiple personalities".

85. Tune all the radios to a polka station; then turn them all off and turn the volumes to "10".

86. Try on crazy costumes and walk casually through the store.

87. Act suspicious and stick your arm in your jacket when leaving store. As you are walking
through the doors act like you are expecting the alarms to go off. Then quickly look around
you to see who's watching and run away as fast as you can.
88. Balance EVERYTHING you see on the tips of your finger, your nose, your forehead, and
the top of your head while singing the circus song.

89. Put jockstraps in the lingerie department.

90. Put lingerie in the men's department.

91. Put super sexy women’s lingerie in old men's carts when they turn around.

92. Stand in the sock aisle, and give each package a stern lecture.

93. Spend hours staring at a little blinking light and say "blink" each time it blinks. Don't look
away, just stay mesmerized.

94. Put condoms in the mannequin's hands, and cigarettes in their mouths.(Safety warning:
Leave cigarettes unlit.)

95. In the Garden Dept., skip through the flowers while holding your arms out and "buzzing".

96. With friends, stage a "sit-in" in all the bean-bag chairs in Furniture Dept.

97. Walk up to a guy and say "It's YOU!!! I haven't seen you in so long!!!!" and kiss him, then
say "Why didn't you ever call me?" and walk away. Much more effective if you’re also a guy.

98. Stand next to a mannequin and pretend to be a mannequin too. Try to hold the same
position for as long as possible. Then finally as someone is walking by, check your watch
and say. "Finally, my shift is done. I really don't get paid enough to do this"

99. Start singing oldies songs in the megaphone.

100. Ask everyone in "Electronics" "Do you know what CD this song is on? I don't know the
name but it goes like this:". Then sing loudly, and don't stop until somebody throws you out.

101. Bark while trying on dog collars. Have a friend lead you around on a leash. Better yet,
whinny while trying on horse tack and a friend holds the reins.

102. Take fishing rods & a fishing hat from Sporting Goods to the Pet Department. Pretend to
fish in the goldfish tanks.

103. With friends, form a line that leads to nothing. Act like you're all excited about
something. See how many people who walk by will come stand in it, too. (Note - This really
works)

104. Steal a Walmart shirt, and the possibilities are endless.BONUS* Attempt all of the
above during the same visit.
105. pretend you do not speak English , take a cheap item and say "no entiendo" or make up a
language so they will let you keep it

106.Go up to some old geezer & say "Grandpa!!! You're ALIVE!!! It's a MIRACLE!!! etc."

107.Hide in the center of the clothes circle where people find shirts, and jump out and yell
"AIHAIHAIHAIHAIHAIHAIHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!!!"
108. Go into the dressing room, wait a few minutes, then yell "THERES NO TOILET PAPER IN
HERE!!"

109.While walking around alone, pretend someone is with you and get into a very serious
conversation

110.Attempt to drown in a kiddy pool...

111.Walk up to an employee and ask questions like how come this store is called wal mart? Or
what's up with your hair? Why do you people wear name tags can't you all remember your own
names?

112.Walk along look at someone giggle at them & say to no one... I know I know... hehehe keep
doing it until they give you a weird look & walk off

113.Walk up to someone act like you can read their mind & say... sir or madam... don't think that.

114.Run up to an employee (preferably a male) while squeezing your legs together and
practically yell at him " I need some tampons!!"

115.Run up to random people and ask if they like green eggs and ham

116.Bang on the pots and pans in the cooking aisle

117. Act as though you are being beaten and fall onto the ground screaming and having
convulsions

118.Hold a bag of frozen veggies over your head and yell "Fear me and my evil army of frozen
carrots!!"

119. Hug someone randomly and say, "I love u mommy!"

120. Go in the undergarments section and ask random people if they think this will fit

121. Tie a plushie to one end of a string your ankle to the other end, and run around screaming
"HELP! IT'S AFTER ME!"

122. Start yelling at the stuffed animals when there are people around

123.Stare at the ceiling. See how many people look up

124.Yawn and see how many people you can get to yawn too.

125.Super-glue a quarter to the floor and count how many people try to pick it up.

126. Lie on the floor and do a ground angel

127.Ask for Goat Milk

128. Make sure somebody's in the same aisle, then run screaming into a wall. Fall down and say
"AHHH! The pain, the horrible, terrible pain!" Until someone asks if you're alright. When they do,
get up and say, "Yes, I'm fine, why?" And then walk away calmly like nothing happened.

129. Dress up as an emo kid, then scream at people, "WHY HAVE YOU COME TO WORSEN
MY MISERY?!"

130.Climb up to one of the really high shelves and start singing Christmas carols at the top of
your lungs. Works better around summer.

131.Call the front desk and when they answer the phone say I'm sorry, your call could not be
completed as dialed. Please hang up and try again. Then call and say I'm sorry, I will have to put
you on hold. Can you call back? I'm busy on isle 3.

132.Start saying stuff like argetrargrehargenstartgen to everyone who walks in

133.Poke people and run away screaming, "Don't touch me!!!"

134. Stare at people for a minute and then smile at them happily

135.Walk up to random people, give them a hug, and say, "I love you!"

136.Put on a cape and run around singing the Phantom of the Opera

137.Go around the store yelling, "MARRY ME!" to random people

138.Flirt with someone, plan a date, and then break up with them, all in 10 minutes

139.Stand in front of the security camera and pretend to die (dramatically)

140.Scream, "GET OUT OF MY YARD!" to everyone who walks by you in the garden section

141.Hide in dark places with a golden ring. when people walk by, jump out at them hissing, "We
wants it! You cants have it!" Then gently whisper, "it will be alright my precious"
142.Lie on the floor. Just lie there. It is guaranteed to freak people out.

143.Go to Wal-Mart at 2:00 in the morning and do cartwheels around the store screaming, ”I’m pregnant!”