Original Paragraphs:

Watching Mrs. Sheppick run her classroom is like watching a well-oiled machine. There

is no doubt Mrs. Sheppick excels at her job. She’s an exceptional educator, mentor, and friend to

her students. You can tell she genuinely wants what is best for the ten students in her class.

Mrs. Sheppick’s love for people with disabilities began in high school. Years ago, she

was a peer tutor here at Copper Hills. But her experience in the life skills classroom wasn’t

always a positive one. “We would sit and play uno. Everyday I went in, there was a movie on.

The students didn’t go to classes. They sat in the same room all day,” she said.

Condensed Paragraphs:

Mrs. Sheppick runs her classroom like a well-oiled machine. She excels at her job and is

an exceptional educator to her students.

Her love for people with disabilities began early on. She was a peer tutor years ago, but

her experience in the classroom wasn’t always a positive one. She said, “The students didn't go

to classes. They sat in the same room all day.”

One of the techniques said you should ¨avoid strings of prepositional phrases.¨ So I took

out words like ¨for,¨ ¨of,¨ ¨but,¨ and the word ¨and.¨ After doing this, I already saw a big

difference. But I condensed it even more by choosing a clear subject. Once I stated I was talking

about Mrs. Sheppick, I used ¨she¨ which helped when trying to condense my paragraphs. My

audience knew who I was talking about and I didn´t introduce a new character, so it didn't make

sense for me to say ¨Mrs. Sheppick¨ over and over again when it was already common

knowledge. I also eliminated unnecessary words like ¨absolutely¨ and ¨clearly.¨