¡Viva Caliza!

from Climbing Magazine - February/March 2019

https://www.climbing.com/places/hornswoggling-and-hubris-on-spains-limestone-paradise-of-la-costa-blanca/

A quixotic tale of hornswoggling and hubris on Spain’s limestone paradise of la Costa Blanca.
BENNETT BARTHELEMY
UPDATED: MAY 9, 2019
ORIGINAL: MAY 7, 2019

Ryan Wilson nearing the top of the dizzying Parle (5.10b), Sierra de Toix, Spain. Bennett Barthelemy
“Do you see over yonder, friend Sancho, thirty or forty hulking giants? I intend to do
battle with them and to slay them.”–Miguel de Cervantes Saavadera, Don Quixote

The plan was to celebrate Christmas 2016 by traversing the 4.3-mile Bernia Ridge, a
wandering dragon’s spine of limestone above Spain’s Costa Blanca. For this mostly 5.6
route that has a touch of 5.8, my partner would be an old work colleague who’d stopped
by Spain briefly en route to a ski holiday in Norway.

However, the celebratory mood quickly evaporated when we crested the ridge,
scrambling, and saw the 2,000-foot drop at the far side. Tweaked by the exposure and
looking up at sideways, sparsely protected, semi-alpine terrain, she began yelling at me
for dragging her into yet another desperate epic. I yelled back, citing past adventures we
had in fact survived—like the Zoroaster Temple choss marathon in the Grand Canyon,
the Baja kayaking and climbing near-drowning debacle, the Grand Teton summer
hypothermia retreat, etc. Before I could finish, she stomped off back to the car with
both rack and rope, announcing her plans to go trail running. And so, I climbed solo.
Peñon de Ifach and Calpe.
The rock fortress of Peñon de Ifach, used as a lookout for millennia, has scores of worthwhile pitches
from mellow to 5.12 and rises more than 1,000 feet above the party/vacation town of Calpe. It’s
home to a number of adventure lines up to 10 pitches, with devious climbs that wander around and
through caves, cross over each other, and that even have raps to ledges to engage different crack
systems. And let’s not forget the aggressive gulls and hordes of feral cats that lurk on top.
Bennett Barthelemy
Five hours down Spain’s coast from Barcelona, Alicante province sirens in boatloads of
drunken Brits in summer (a legacy of British freebooting that goes back some four
centuries, beginning with the Barbary Pirates). The rest of the year, it’s popular with
Euro climbers in search of sun and moderate sport routes—which you’ll find by the
hundreds, from 5.7 to 5.11+ at a few dozen crags. The multi-pitch trad/mixed routes
and long ridges, like the Bernia, are captivating for their solitary, adventurous feel.
Based then in gloomy Scandinavia, I’d managed a handful of visits to the Costa Blanca,
escaping with a $60 round-trip flight.

As I climbed now, alone, I wandered up and over sometimes snot-slick stone on this
regional mega-classic, gingerly engaging crumbling limestone towers, reversing sketchy
moves, trying to decipher a lithic koan from the myriad options. I paused breathlessly
just beyond a lonely homemade bolt. Many days, I’d eyed the Bernia from the coast far
below as it collected and grew clouds by noon. Not quite the tallest but certainly the
largest single feature in Alicante, it seemed to be the one spot, save the nearby,
vertiginous 4,613-foot Puig Campaña (only six miles from the sea), that clouds up with
any regularity.
Ryan Wilson and Luke Davies on P2 of Parle (5.10b), Pirates of the Caribbean sector, Sierra de Toix.
After a free-hanging 60-meter rap through a dizzying hole, the three-pitch Parle launches up one of
the most exposed stretches of limestone I’ve ever climbed—it’s a spicy odyssey finding the line of
least resistance leading deep into the cave and back out. Imagine if M.C. Escher and Hieronymus
Bosch had a love child who grew up to design a seacliff—that would be Parle.

Bennett Barthelemy
I scanned my horizon to find some of the classic features of Alicante, all visible on this
bluebird morning. Ahead and to my left, I spotted the Puig. It is called “alpine” for a
good reason, and with its hour-long (gasp) approach it also attracts snow and more
rescues than Yosemite Falls Trail in August. The best-known route is Espolon Central,
put up by the Spaniards J. Roig, C. Torregrosa, and M. Gascon in 1965. This amazing,
1,000-foot, nine-plus-pitch adventure route feels like Valley 5.8+ with real splitters—
wahooooo! I’d dispatched it a couple of days earlier with my now-errant partner.
Surviving that, I’d reasoned she would have found the Bernia agreeable.

At the feet of the Puig, I discerned the sleeping lion of Polop, with its huge and
wonderful Ponoch Face, home to the classic Via Valencianos. First ascended by
Torregrosa in 1972, it features a wandering S-curving trajectory over 14 pitches (1,400-
plus feet of climbing) with a few 5.10- moves on pitch 13. When my barefoot Scottish
friend, Ryan, and I had climbed it the winter prior, we headed for the summit after
firing the crux only to find a herd of belled goats lounging on 5.8 terrain.
Jez Brown nailing the OS on Wings of Freedom (5.12a), Olta.
The sport area of Olta is a 30-minute hike from the upper slopes of Calpe and has a variety of single-
pitch bolted routes. Once you’re warmed up, tackle the two classic 5.11a’s, Tufa Groove and Tai Chi.
Olta’s main cliff is ideal for a “rest day” from trad, and a good spot to contemplate future sends of
the Peñon, off in the background. If you’re feeling frisky, it also has a handful of great 5.12s, like
Wings of Freedom, shown here.

Bennett Barthelemy
Behind me, the Bernia fell away to the valley and the coast. Down at the sea, white
sandy beaches interspersed with scores of vacant apartments, victims of the economic
collapse that the region still struggles from despite the continuing infusion of British
pirates. Some of the pirates do have a good eye for sport lines—many Brits have
relocated here and added to the robust list of sport routes, and there were and are quite
a few Spanish climbers active as well. While long, adventurous trad and mixed routes
seem to have gone mostly out of fashion in the 1990s, if you’re willing to walk a half
hour or more, you’ll find scores of undeveloped crags, many several pitches high.

My gaze followed the shore east-ish toward Calpe, to where the sea slams into the cliff
at Sierra de Toix, home to several “classic” wild and committing routes best saved for a
windless day lest the mist from crashing waves make the climbing too spicy. Some sport
old tat through pinky-sized stalactite threads, some anchors have bolts and hangers
likely from the reign of Carlos III, and some require free-hanging raps to sloping ledges
above the sea.
The 5.8 crux of the Bernia Ridge. Here, Wilson and Davies send the crux of the Bernia
Ridge, about 1.5 miles up the spine. We had ropes and gear in the packs, but somehow they
never made it out, though they wouldn’t have hurt on this 5.8 section. Sure, the ground is
only 10 feet below Wilson’s bare feet, but the steep gully tumble might finish the job. The
nearly 2,000-foot Polop, with its trademark Via Valencianos (5.10b; 14 pitches), is the cliff
on the clean face near the upper left skyline.
Bennett Barthelemy
Elevated a bit above the seacliffs is the mini-peak of Toix, which houses Cilber (5.9), a
route my third wife, Corinne, and I had climbed on my first trip to Alicante in early
2016. It was her first proper multi-pitch route, which I figured would go well after a
previous, quick-and-easy simul-climbing excursion up the Second Flatiron in Boulder,
Colorado. On pitch three, after she swore her way past a steep, polished bulge, we
witnessed rescue crews coming in to evacuate a fallen climber from a satellite crag just
below. Then, a three-foot long Iberian adder slithered down a crack to chill with us on
the pitch-five belay. A day later, we decided to test our fate on Magical Mystery
Tour(5.9), one of the Sierra de Toix gems. We’d heard it had originally been free-soloed
for the FFA—how hard could it be?

Confident with going light, I was sure we needed just one of the double 8mm ropes we
had brought, to rap in. The single 70-meter would reach the ledge and we could pull it
after rapping. Corinne was so new to climbing that I counted on her not quite
comprehending that we would be swimming a mile back to a cove if we didn’t send.
Wilson and Davies on P2 of El Dorado (5.10c), Raco del Corv, Sierra de
Toix. From the climber at the lower belay, El Dorado is best done in two pitches. Spacey
bolts and a zigzag finish across the upper slab make it a smart move to bring a few cams and
longer slings. Meanwhile, another traversing pitch (used to access the four-pitch classic Via
Missing Link) from the same belay goes at 5.10a R. Why R? Because a fall either leading or
seconding will drop you into the drink. It’s a drunken sailor’s wander across the wave-
misted vert, connecting tat (natural threads with ancient webbing), rusted bolts, and the
odd micro-nut and thin cam.
Bennett Barthelemy
We eventually found a rap station, far below the access trail on a slab that after 20 feet
plunged to the ocean. The good news was that it was a 35-meter rappel. The bad news
was that I’d chopped 10 feet off the rope and had forgotten until I saw the ends dangling
—at the bottom of the rappel. To get into the rock, I engaged an acrobatic upside-down
swing to an über-sketchy rusted ladder. Meanwhile, up above, Corrine was pre-rigged
for her (very first) rappel. When I’d dropped over the edge, she’d been smashed into the
rock by my weight, and screamed into the wind for several minutes. When she leaned
out to watch my descent, she somehow managed not only to hogtie herself with the
rope, taking up precious slack, but had also upended herself and was now pointing
headfirst toward the sea. She later told me she would have cut the rope had she been
able to reach a knife.

Beyond Toix, I spied the surreal plug of the Peñon de Ifach, which towers 1,000 feet
above the stubbly, skyscrapered landscape of Calpe, aka “Syphilis by the Sea,”
affectionately nicknamed for the young, inebriated Britons who Brexit here to practice
partying before ferrying off to Ibiza. Many stay, as it offers a cheaper alternative to the
pricey island. Facing the sea is the classic 5.9 Diedro UBSA and the Gomez-Cano, a
visionary 5.10+ A0. Both are wandery, 10-pitch routes that require only a slim rack, a
nose for route-finding, and some quickdraws.
Corinne Eenschooten raps into Magical Mystery Tour (5.9), Sierra de Toix. Just
before reaching Pirates Cove and Parle down a random gully, you’ll find rap bolts to access
Magical Mystery Tour. From the sloping landing at the base, you follow a ledge system
about 50 feet above the sea for two long traverse pitches before the climb out. Once you
descend, you’re committed.
Bennett Barthelemy
Watching my nose dissolve while slowly slipping into dementia from an STD didn’t
sound so bad as I imagined the likely alternative I faced on the Bernia—namely,
tumbling from a chossy section of the endless 5.2 ridge, express-routed back to my no-
doubt smirking partner waiting back at the car. I quickly changed the channel and
envisioned evening shadows chasing the setting sunlight as it crawled up the walls of
the Bernia, while down in the valley I sipped sweet redemption from a €3 bottle of
perfect tinto rioja. A gourmet tin of squid in its own ink, yanked from the sparkling
Mediterranean, to follow .…
Sidebar: Museum of Medieval Torture
There are eight museums (and at least four ice cream shops) in the inland village of El
Castell de Guadalest, which is perched on a cliff with a couple dozen quality moderate
sport pitches, all within a half-hour drive of the bulk of Costa Blanca climbing. But the
main attraction is the Museum of Medieval Torture, tucked away on the tiny dead-end
alley at 2 Honda Street. This narrow-roomed museum is built traditionally skyward,
four stories like the neighboring buildings to create shade and effectively stifle the
oppressive summer heat.

Inside, you’ll find more than 70 “tools” used during the Inquisition and the Middle
Ages. As you climb the stairs, you encounter the Judas cradle. Here, the accused,
stripped naked and with ankle weights attached, would be lowered onto this tall,
pyramid-topped stool, which was coated in olive oil (how thoughtful!). Of course, they
have a rack—which, come to think of it, could come in handy for increasing your ape
index. Then there’s the heretic’s fork, used to gain confessions from blaspheming
spraylords. Attached at the neck, this device had a metal point aimed directly at the
throat. This meant no sleeping to avoid any head nodding, thus you soon wished to be
free of the device and confessed to whatever you stood accused of. And don’t forget the
breast rippers—sharp iron claws especially designed for women. All of these
unspeakably evil tools must be seen to be believed.
Eenschooten on Magical Mystery Tour (5.9). The five-pitch Magical Mystery Tour checks in
at just 5.9, and rumor has it that it was onsight free-soloed on the FA back in the mid-1980s. Here,
Eenschooten navigates the third traverse pitch, which leads to the two crux exit pitches. On the crux
lead, I was forced by the fading light to run it out, skipping a few bolts when I ran out of draws. As
Corinne seconded, picking out the holds by moonlight, I felt lucky that she couldn’t see the swing
potential across the serrated stone. Back at the Orange House, as we recounted our day, Roland the
Brit piped in to say he was not impressed with my judgment: “I think that would qualify as an epic,”
he said loudly. Why aren’t you back home climbing the grit, mate? I wanted to ask, but didn’t.

Bennett Barthelemy
As you wander across the creaky floorboards, nausea and revulsion are a common (and
healthy) response. It’s all too easy to imagine the dried blood and bile layered deep into
the ancient wood and metal. You can almost hear the screams and imagine the shadows
of the accused flickering across stone walls by torchlight.

How did such things come to be? Well, as per the website tortureum.com, “In 1252,
Pope Innocent promulgated the bull Ad extirpanda, a very important document for the
practice of judicial torture, which authorized, in defined circumstances, the use of
torture to extort confessions from heretics…” Of course, this bull applied to just about
anyone who looked at the Church sideways, like Protestants, for several hundred years
(the Holy Inquisition). Women were especial targets and often died by accusations of
adultery or witchcraft. Simply by existing, they directly challenged the religio-parti-olig-
capital-archy, and so were dealt with accordingly. Exact numbers are disputed, but
deaths by torture range anywhere from 30,000 if you believe the Church, to deep into
the millions if not.

Costa Blanca Logistics

Where to stay
Private Airbnbs are around, but my favorite is the Orange House (theorange
house.co.uk), which is central to the climbing. It’s a climber hostel with rooms, or you
can camp among orange trees with access to showers and kitchens—the latter option is
about $10 a night. Rich, the owner, also runs a guide service and works to replace bolts.
Note: A US passport lets you legally stay three months out of six in Euroville (if it’s a
Schengen country), with no visa needed.

Eats
Carrefour in Benidorm, five miles from Finestrat, has everything and more (stink-fish
in tins is handy for cragging). In Finestrat, there are a couple of good local markets and
pubs, plus lots of panaderias (bakeries).
Getting around

Bernia Ridge (5.8). Ryan Wilson, aka “the Scotsman,” getting ready for his next
pedicure a couple miles in on the Bernia Ridge. The meat of the climbing/scrambling is
over a mile and a half, but the whole ridge more than doubles that length.
Bennett Barthelemy
Be advised—your Mexi-Spanglish won’t cut it here, especially with the lisping
Castellano accents, and many locals don’t speak much English to boot. After touching
down in Alicante (cheap flights from major US airports, $300 one way often via
Norwegian), your best bet is to grab a rental car and pay the extra for insurance
($20/day). Crags of all heights and difficulties are from five minutes’ to an hour’s drive.

When
Any time but summer, unless you’re DWSing or staggering to Ibiza.

Guidebook
Spain: Costa Blanca, by Chris Craggs and Alan James.

These days, Bennett Barthelemy enjoys falling off the map to explore increasingly
remote limestone massifs in Europe—the more obscure, the better.