Gary Larson is to cartooning what Jojo the Dogfaced Boy is to circus freaks. He's the best of a weird breed. | suppose most people have this image of a cartoorist as a quiet person sitting in a cozy den, puffing on a pipe, and carefully drawing on a sketch pad. Sort of like Norman Rockwell. My image of Gary is more like Norman Bates. | imagine Gary in a dark and mysterious laboratory with chemicals brewing and static electricity crackling. He stands ‘over his sketch pad, cackling like a mad scientist. He raises his arms to the sky. Lightning strikes. And he maniacally shouts,""Give my creation LIFEI!!” ‘Whenever | read The Far Side® | feel like 'm watching a National Geogrophic special on Prozac—talking sharks, cigarsmoking termites, lustful flies, squirrels in cop uniforms, cows with attitudes. | picture Gary wandering through zoos and aquariums, talking to all the animals and insects like a demented Dr. Doolittle, He approaches a boll weevil, hands it a ‘contract, and says,"I'd like to sketch you for my next cartoon. Who's your agent?” But | really love the Larson flair for drawing humans. Future civilizations may dig up his, ‘cartoons in archaeological expeditions, Their scientists will examine them and they'll think twentieth-century man was a lumpy troglodyte with bad eyesight, buck teeth, and cowlicks. Then again, maybe that’s how we will evolve. If that’s the case—if mankind evolves into a bizarre Gary Larson creation—it’s gonna be a strange and funny future. ‘And, for me, it will be a future with more job security knowing that Gary chose to use a pen rather than a microphone. Enjoy. | always do. Rosin WiLAMSled and alercin ural habicat The deadly couch cobra—col Bulkniteers|“The parenting advantages of dentists age for Yur party's total chaos! No one knows witen to feat, where to stand, what to. .. Oh, thank God! Here comes. border colle!” ‘So then I says to Borg, ‘You know, as long as we're under siege, one of us oughta moon these Saxon dogs."“Teaant handle it anymore Ed... The kids are everywhere in the Kitchen -- running on the floor, « across the counter, behind the ridge, under the stove ....Tr a moment I'm just goi ng to start Smashing them myself.pe E —_ ae "Wel, there he, Bobby-—Big Red. Sure he's tough, but if you can ride him, he's yours.”ANDERS¢ scHool FR NS. |21Early setters of Beverly Hilsso "Why'd you do it, Biff mean, lalways knew car chasing ‘was in your blood—but the presidents imo!™ 23 “You know, | used to lke this hobby. ... But shoot! Seems _ like everybody's got a rock collection.” NN“And, 25 amoebae, you'll have no problems recruiting “Take a good, long look at this. ... We don’t know what other sales reps... ust keep dividing and seling, itis, butit’s the only part of the buffalo we don’t use.” dividing and selling.” 24AISLE 5 TABLE SRA ‘And so tewent, night after night, year after year: In face, "Wait, wait, wait. I'm confused. Bob, you'e the one the Hansen had been ina lving hell ever since that fateful ‘who's claiming your Slamese twin, Frank, changes into a ‘day the neighbor's "For Sale” sign had come down and a Werewolf every full moon?” family of howler monkeys had moved inMountain families “Pretty cool, Dewey... Hey! Shake the jar and. 00 if they'l ight!” “You're so morbid, jonathan—the paper comes, and that's the fire section you always head for.”Tey! T tald you kids to Rocks it off back there Or help me Zl just false this car and drive it ofF the Frrst cliff I come fas1 carnage out here it terrible, Sandy .. feathers everywhere you-Oh, here we go! The Animal Control ‘Officer i leacing the so-called Chicken Coop Three water and the rusting of magazines c away ac this very moment.” ‘The tral, apparently had been fase.~ My baby’s left my lily pad, “Mm y legs Ware both, deeptried M4 T eat flies all 44yand when Lm gone they'll stick me in “or maldehyde.... oh, a I got the gre€eeetens Z got mem the greens real bay saagd...|| Vid say more XE like q blizzard, hl somet hin’s judgin” by my appenin:.. There hand here. gees my head.“Well, here we go, another exciting evening at the “Roy, you get up on the hotel roof there—and for Murdocks', all of us siting around going, ‘Hello, my name odsakes, if you are plugged, don’t just slump over Is so-and-so. ... What's your name? ... |wanna cracker. and die. Pursome drama into icand throw yourself Hello, my name is so-and-so. "" screaming from the edge.” 35"Yo! Everyone down there! This is the jackal! I'm tired of An instant later, both Professor Waxman and his time slinking around in the shadows! .. 'm coming down to ‘machine are obliterated, leaving the cold-blooded! warm- the kil! I that gonna be cool with everyone! ... blooded dinosaur debate stil unresolved ‘don’t want trouble!”Butterfly yearbooks Becoming arogve in is later years, Dumbo terrorized the work's yways 7 At the internatioral meeting of the Didn't Like Dances With Wohes Society“Isay wedo it... and trichinosis be damned!" Suddenly, seccind-chair granite rock's jealousy of firse- ‘chair grinite rock becomes uncontainable. and less astute brother, Gomez, had a sirilar ‘career cucshort,“lteagtn, Grange! There seve bag enghc tithe shark frenzy off the Great Barrier ReefAlthough nervous, the Dickersons were well-received by this tribe of unique headhunters. It was Pooki, regrettably, that was to bear the brunt of their aggression. 40‘Auggi467. Tike Bente ay, 15: loses the beat ta Eiger hts note Seet. 4.1048. 4 Dizzy Gillespiecont ga DALAZE, fgets ‘Fea Be se cherie 45° Herta Soul" ‘Cowmen Miranda Infamous moments in jazz Vernpites! The vampires “are everywhere! Listen to me? Everyone must beware! Vampires! 4a‘The crew of the Starship Enterprise encounters the floating head of Zsa Zsa Gabor. “Well, here's your problem, Marge—if you and Bob really want kids, next time try sittin’ on thase litte guys.” 2 ii . a's “OK, Zukutu—that does ie! Remember, those who live in ‘grass houses shouldn's throw spears.”= ere _| Pent “Zelda! Cool it! .. The Rothenbergs hear the “Aaaaaa! There goes another batch of eges, Frank! . ean opener!” No wonder thisnest was such a deal.” “46ety brief period, medieval sclentises ware known 1a have dabbledin the meri of eardbourd armor‘Although i lasted only 2 millon years, the Awkward Age “Vim afraid ies bad news, Mr. Griswold... The lab results was considered a hazardous time for mest species. indicate your body cavity i stuffed with a tasty, bread- lke substance.”Tethercat esr Faalehegranene peed except youTecrance —'rn afraid "0 Cee tre stil nok complete Foo! schoo! “Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! ... You're in my favorite chair Carl.” "You ever do this)... Justsitina place ike this, and ancwacch?”“Wel we could go back tom but you have: “Don't worry ... your litle boy's somewhere in our ‘nderstand-—I'm serious when Isay it’s just service department—but let's move on: ‘hole in the wall.” check out the TDS00.”Ralph Harrison, king of salespersons “The wench, you idiot! Bring me the wench!” Ge eee a fe atrchics "or tha famiy rein, 53Deer Halleweens Slug vacation disastersThe rooster stared back at me, his power and confidence almost overwhelming. Down below, a female paused warily at the coop’s entrance. | kept the camera running. They were beautiful, these “Chickens in the Mist.” ssEat if, Zot! Latif Zok/ Eat it Zokt.. Primitive fraternities ‘Cockroach nightmaresProfessor Lundquist, ina seminar on compulsive thinkers, illustrates his brain-stapling technique. 37i A ‘the Seven of CLUBS! A superstition erin Asian cultures that your). i mercies) goup of professional Fillers who wll unt you coun, Sut of your hon, ard leave your i the buzzards? | Peet he een ‘Asa child, tue Henry Jekyll would often change himself “Now, this s our dead beetle room, and some of these Inco a big, red-haired delinquent that parents in the babies are 50 times an ant's body weight. “Course, ‘neighborhood simply dubbed “that Hyde kid.” ‘we'll want to start you out on dried ladybugs.”“Bobby, iggle Grandpa's rat so iclooks alive, please.” Suddenly, o Redney'sherror, the police arrived with nerd:-sniffing dogs,Thag Anderson becomes the first fatality asa result of “Listen, you want to come over to my place! faling asleep atthe wheel. 1 get great FM.” SS . | od Randy Schueler and his winglass butterfly collection ‘Anatidaephobia: The fear that somewhere, somehow, 2 duck is watching you. 61ante "anon (Bi ea ae fd aleve you” Tan Taran, are Kou a3 Sane» Ce = Yo rust be Sine Cee eA la hensive ® met ol! + Tra You Jane! “For erying out loud, gor! First there's that screw-up with the wrong brain business, and now you've I head go through the wash in your pants’ pock. HAYWIRE HAR & SUPPLIES Asis 6 “Mi. Cummings? This is Frank Dunham in Production. ‘We've got some prablems. Machine No. Shas jammed, several of the larger spooks have gone off track, the generator's blown, and, well, everything seems to be you-know-what.”What really happened to Tinkerbell 4‘When the monster came, Lola, lke the peppered moth More Facts of Nature: As part of nature's way to help and the arctic hare, remained motionless and undetected. Harold, of course, was immediately devoured. 66 spread the species throughout their ecological niche, bison often utlize a behavior naturalists have described as “ballooning,The party had been going splendidly—and then Tantor saw the ivory keyboard, “7‘And down they went: Bob and Francine—two more “Well, thank Ged we all made it out in time. ... ‘Course, vietims of the La Brea Carpets. now we're equally scremed.” 68“Oh, no! | have several others—Oxgy here is just atad aggressive, so he has to stay ina cage.”Roger crams for his microbiology midterm. "The dam bursts. le rh "Youknow, Vern .. the thought of what this place ‘gonna look like in about a week just gives me the creeps." “Again? Why isit that the revolution always gets this far and then everyone just chickens out” n‘Crossing paths on thelr respective journeys of destiny, nnny Appleseed and Irving Ragweed nod “hello.”Thor'shammer, screwdriver, and crescent wrench *You just take your prey, sip “em into the flex-o-tube, flip the switch, and the Mr. Coils o'Death takes over.”popu and nly Una tay bang rpnced by mere popu coun hobo per waren aeno ner Well) ee See iE bt Rudy and his wifle can help ae ee a *Juseignore him. That's our rebellious young calf "You eat what you've taken, Mitchell... know you're ‘Matthew—he's into wearing leather clothes just for the just preading it around.” shock value,” 1sWhad iz dis ° L gives he ao nuts ie Satay Fey! get da nuts! . ana you, 582 you gonna Pay) / get dq nuts! Tush ) | K today! we J re oa oe oat Wert (need a liddte time Squee 2k!) or what P 5 The squirrels of Central Park 7%7 Luke! On your Mi Catlle sharkhile rm ‘cl tod- THE 4 OTHER SIDE Wiy do you need a reason?Baffle NY Nownber 2 nual convention of ig Galoot Sacety of Ameria.However, there was no question that, on the south side of the river, the land was ruled by the awesome Tyrannosaurus Mex. al“Listen—I bought these here yesterday, and the dang “Dave! Ain't that your horse that kid is messin’ with?” ‘things won't stop squesking!™Karl Maiden in his basement “Uh-oh. Carol's inviting us over for cake, and I'm sure it’s “Wel, well—another blond hair... Conducting alice lust loaded with palm of.” more ‘research’ with that jane Goodall ramp?"This is dumb! Realy dani. Why do 2 have “ge skins? “The Potatcheads in Brazil “First ofall, Mr. Hawkins, let’s pur the gun down. “Make a note of this, Muldoon. .. The wounds seem to | would guess t's an itchy rigger finger, buc| want to ‘be caused by bird shot . big bird shor.” ‘take a closer look.” 85Henry! am Tired oF e te Easel SSS arc) s Thay, nam Reap thal eign eq cessed for abaut 2 nde thats ie had Roobasad rit VI] \ caer | “Just lock at this room—body segments everywhere!” Leon Redbone’s workout video 86Fish funerals “OK, when | say ‘draw,’ we draw. .. Ready? ... One, ‘two, three—STRAW! ... OK, just checkin’ your ears.» (One, two, three—CLAW! ... OK, DRAWbridge! ..” 7 ‘The party-goers were enjoying themselves immensely— Unaware that, across the street in the shadows, ‘killer waited.“Sorry, kids—they've got cable, but no pond,” 88Dinosaur nerds ‘Tough spiders‘And with Johnny's revelation, Mr. Goodman's popularity in the neighborhood suddenly plummeted.“There he is, Stan! ... On that birch tree, second branch “Look at this shire, Remus! You can 2ip-a-dee-doo-dah all from the top, and chattering away like crazy! .. tell ‘day long for all care, but you keep that dang you—first come the squirrels and then come Mr. Bluebird off your shoulder!" the squirrel guns.” 3“Oh, wait, Doreen—don't sit there. ... That chair’s just not safe.”Ng SHAKE! Mowe Day CK oul). SHANE! Bick, oe ete Street physicians a Saar Darren's heart quikened: Once inside the home, ‘and once the demonstration was in full swing, ‘sale was inevitable Every hour on the hour, a huge truck, made entirely of pressed ham, lumber its way across Dog Heaven—and all ‘the car chasers can decide for themselves whether or not to participate,“Oh, good heavens, no, Gladys—not for me... late my young just an hour ago.” “Oh. for the love of —there goes Henry! .. Rita, you're closest to him—give that c-clamp about a quarter turn, wil ya?" “Now remember, Cory, show us that you can take good care of these litte fellows and maybe nert year we'll et you that puppy.”“And one more thing about tomorrow's company picnic: I z Do I have to mention what happened last year when system, hairtrigger mechanisms, and Bob's wife ust eft ‘some wise guy sabotaged the games with a case of him lastnight, so you know his mind’s not into this." acid-flled LD-S0s?” 98The Names We Give Dogs “Joe! You went and ate a “And the really great ching about chs jungle of ours s that ‘evening to the Macinryres? ... Well, any one of you could grow up to be King of the Apes.” It should stil be OK."ow nap. Roba Fer Reve witha ansuerng ‘lowing question: A Taig WE loves Prada ct cpm. Ss Fe CS rls pe hau 103... Say. youneed Some poner “Mom... Earl's grossing me out with a Math phobic’s nightmare ‘mouthful of worms!” 100“Idiot! ... You're standing on my foot! 101“What? You're just going to throw the tail away? ... Why, in my day, we used every goldang pert of a mammoth!”Inside a nuclear power plant “OK, Johnson—we've got a deal. We'lllet your people “"Ben—what d'ya say we turn the power off for a while and my people work out the details.” and let the little uy roam around?” 103Pirate manicures “Listen, before we take this uy, le me ask you this: You Each dine the click beetle righted itslf, Kyle would pit ‘ever killa lea before, Dawkins? Ie ain't easy." ‘over again—undl something went dreadfully wrerg.“| don't know if this is such a wise thing to do, George.” “Now, Betty Sue, we know you're upset... breaking up with a Boyfriend always hard. Buc as they ay, there are ‘more protozoa in the lower intestine. 105 March 16, 1942: The night before he leaves the Philipines, General MacArthur works on his farewell addresscone stormy right, when “No wayam lgoing to that party tonight! | your grandfather quietly anyone there, and that means 'llbeintroduced—and you rose from his bed, cook an ax, and made alll you kenow [rere learmed how to shake!™ lcle grandkids.” 106‘that they may prefer not 7 wate “phe following S2anent: "Yes, yes, | know that, Sidney .. everybody knows that! .. “Hey! Ernie Wagner! haven’ Butlook: Four wrongs squared, minus two wrongs to the been—20 years! And hey—you've stil got that thing fourth power, divided by this formula, domake aright.” ‘growin’ outta your head that looks like a Bui 107“Listen, Mom ...Ijust wanted you to know I'm OK and the stampede seems about over— although everyone's still alittle spooked. Yeah, | know ... | miss the corral.”Gus! What the hell you doin’? This is “Eine Kleine Nachtmusik,” third movement, »nuwelo allegretis, you brainless horned toad! Cattle drive quartets“Ihad chem all removed last week and, boy, do feel great.” 2It was very late, and Raymond, fighting insomnia, went for a midnight snack. Unfortunately, he never saw the duck blind. 13Bang Now anee wag going? I Ursula, as we like fo all her, was formed many. | fears 2op as a result oF psycholdgical duress. On Moy 71993, she hada full ruption and this entire ave was buried undera sea of) hot acid. And, as you can See, she's still festering \ ard gurgling fo this very iy a ‘Superman in his later years Ghost newspapers viewers, Dick Clark ages 200 years in 30 seconds.‘Ancient exterminators ‘Saving on transportation costs, some pioneers were “I buile the forms around him just yesterday afternoon known to head west on covered skates ‘when he fellaseep, and by early evening | was able toYd you detect something alittle they said, ‘See youl Iewa ‘to approach the the first place, but his timing was particularly bad.“Good heavers, john! Call someone! ... The entire “Well, that's an interesting bit of trivia—I guess | do only basement looks dry!” (rove ou eta Pid _ WELCOME. | ZIEFER cq "Wait a minute, friends... Frank Stevens in marketing— you all know Frank—has just handadme anote..." “Yeah, yeah, buddy, I've heard itallbefore: You've just metamorphosed and you've got 24 hours to find 2 mate and breed before you de. .. Well, get ost!”se aS oes The class was quietly doing its lesson when Russell, suffering from problems at home. prepared to employ an Place on Earth.” attention-getting device 130_ “Step back, Loretta... It'saredhot poker!” ‘As the emall band of hunter-gatherers sat around cleaning, their weapons, one made the mistake of looking at his club straight on, Bt “We understand your concern, ma'am—but this just n't ‘enough for us to go on. Now, you find the other half of ‘your husband, and then we've got a case.”“Farmer Bob. ... Your barn door’s open.” 132The fate of Don King's great-great-grandfather The Ty-D-bol family at home 133Johnson, you idiot! You've armed the damn thing! She's gonna blowwwwwL February 22, 1952: Veterinarians attempt the first skunk de-scenting operation. 135“Frances, ve gota feeling we're not on - “Allright! Hand me the t dor 136“Oh my God, Bernie! You're wearing my nylon!” 137Wagons, staaaaaaart) ‘Nonurion wagon masters Runaway rains Innocent and carefree, Stuart's left hand didn't know Gireffes IV. This time, what the right was doing just looking for acacia leaves. 138Avent Pebieac “Oh, professor... Did tell you had another out-of- Nature films that Disney est-markeved but hhead experience lastnight!” never released“Well, it's cold again.” “Oh, the whole flower bed isstilin shock. He was such 2 quiet buttertly—Kept to himgel{ mosey.” (On a clear day, Eugene rose and looked around him and, regrettably, saw who he wasThis is only is fail’. You've allan ‘er the J Aries in the book jz a ‘The heart of the jungle now well beyond them, the three intrepid explorers entered the spleen. “Good heavens, Bernie! We've got company! ... And you're never going to catch that stupid squirrel anyway!”Giraffe beach parties Inche corner, Vance was putting the move on two smales—unaware that his fake hood had begun to sip. mons has lost his marbles, Mr. Wagner bursts from his office for the last time.willl Throw down that ‘ar or 2 blow yeurheed off! Well, Dl wing you ee sure. Olay, maybe Lil just ‘climb up there’ and give you goa Ditch ub, Semi-desperadoes Freudian side 143 “No, no, nol... That regular rock! Me need Philips!"Wharf cows2 wear he jb iy We whys re Hopeful parents “Well, 'mnot sure. ... | guessit’s been washed." 145Special Agent Gumby falls into the frustrated hands ‘of the enemy.it gonna ber Who00000000'S it gonna ber. 147“Sureit's crue! ... Cross my heart and hope to die, stick a “Aha! The murderer's footprints! ‘Course, we alleave sharp chunk of obsidian in my eye.” ‘racks like this.’Took od, Llacey? Tt’s the Ilardllord!) Lamas at home S Insect game shows‘The untold ending of D.8. Cooper Just when you thought it was safe to go back Into the copscil. Talking Mule” debates ee, = “Hey! What's that clown think he's doing?”Te ales 3 The glass 1 har! half enpty. i mm AT otdered Fcc) The four basic personality types — a “Who are we king, Luke! We know thsi going to be “Well, look who's excited to see you back just another standoff.” from being declawed.” 152want me to take your brother off Tre word was ong down the tubes, They needess ‘scapegoat. They founee Her answer off by miles. Sheila's “cow sense” was always “Carl, maybe you should just leave your flashlight off a target of rid We're trying to scare these kids, not crack em up.” “Well, here we go again! | always get the gurney with ‘one bad wheel.”“Times and places never to insert your contact lens. Danook shows off his Swiss Army Rock. “Our people are positioned on every street corner, “All this ime you've been able to go home whenever ‘commander... hall we commence with our plan to you desired—just cick your heels together ‘gradually eliminave these creatures!” and repeat after me... 155Bowlers’ Hell187‘On what was to be his last day on the job, Gus is caught “We must be careful, Cisco! ... Thees could be the ‘asleep at the switch. eenfamous Quek Sand Beds of Chihuahua.” 160“You, Know how to kill a 4. dont you, Steve ?. You Sust put your coils together and Squeeceze. Scenes from classic nature films 6hSrey Frulteakes of the World “And this report justin. ... Apparently, the grass is ‘greener on the other side,” 162‘The tragic proliferation of noseguns LN ie) — Primitive think tanks164Yo ogy had a litle {| dat et couied UA A he eertand croaked Fm Cce as ue | Professor Harold Rosenbloom’s ciagram of the middle “Well there he goes again... “Course, | guess | did the ar, proposing his newly discovered fourth hone. same thing at his age—checking every day to see if was becoming asiverback.” 6sForbidden Fruit "oh no Wowdh Frye Krow it tHell [Vi Ip/ AELLLLELLLL PY Faraway, on abillide, a very specialized breed of dog heard the ery of distress. = “The Bozone ayer: shielding the res of che solar system {vein the Earth's harmful effects 166 “My God! It isProfessor Dickle!... Weinberg, see if you can make out wat the devil he was working on, and the rest of you get back to your stations.”Suddenly, two bystanders stuck their heads inside the frame and ruined one of the funniest cartoons ever. 167