FEB.

21, 2020

i need to start a journal to get my shit together coz i have been feeling bad abt
myseld. again. im not proud of who i am today. i feel bad abt my hand writing. i
feel bad being unproductive this past few months. i feel bad because i still keep
apologizing on what i feel and how i act on certain situations. i feel bad about
myself. that's it in a wrap.

i want to be better. i want to feel better- for myself and for who i am becoming. i
want to break out from my bad habits. this past few month i have been over-eating
foods that arent healthy for my body. ive been drinking out with friends (although
i enjoy it a lot) i know its not good for me. ive made my time idle instead of
doing something productive that will make me a better person. i also smoked maybe 8
ciggs in total. and that is not what i want to be. that is not what i want to
reminisce myself 10 years from now. and still i am a pro at procrastination.
hmmmmmmmmmm. i already watched a million of youtube videos on self-improvement,
motivation, self-care, blaaah blaaaah blaaaaaaaaaaah. but then there is me, still
questioning my self worth and if im in the right sht. lol obviously i know im not.
although i can claim that im better than i was 2 years ago. still i am not
satisfied of i am today and i think its okay because that means that im self aware
of my actions and the consequencdes it will bring in the future. that is why i am
writing a journal so i can keep track of my improvements or disatification on
myself.

all i want is to become a woman who ill look up to and be charmed with her power
and belive in herself. i want to be contented. and clearly, i am not contented with
who iam, what i am and where i am today. aaaaaah. I dont think i need contentment.
as i assessed myself, i know that is more of certainty i want rather than
contentment. because certainty makes me happy.

obviously i am not obliged to have it all laid on me. i mean the path. the path for
me is a very crooked one and i still have to figure out my and way get a bit dizzy.
and i have to put in mind that it should not stop me and put me down. i should take
it as an asset for me to keep going in this world full of uncertainty.

i want to be certain for what id be and who id be spending the rest of my life with
+ my career of course because i dont want to be a plain housewife although at times
i want to... i want to be a CPA. although the road is still vague. i know i can be
one and i know i will be if i keep working hard and working smart to be one.

stop procrastinating therese!

get things done!!!!
stop cramming!!!!
stop cheatinggggg!!!!
be dedicateeeeed!!!!!