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Leaving the field is a crucial moment that has been examined neither from an emotional point of view
nor from a life course perspective. In this co-authored paper, we, the researcher and the research
assistant, analyse through our diaries how this moment was entangled with decisive life events and
how our emotions were conditioned by our embodied experience of sickness, separation and
incertitude towards the future. Departing from life course and feminist geographical reflexive
standpoints, we engage with the complexities of positionality and turning points. Drawing on the
duality of our experiences of separation and the individual and collective evolution of our
positionalities and identities, this paper reifies the life course principle of linked lives by examining the
interdependency of researchers’ and research assistants’ lives.
The information, practices and views in this article are those of the author(s) and do not
necessarily reflect the opinion of the Royal Geographical Society (with IBG).
© 2017 Royal Geographical Society (with the Institute of British Geographers).
416 Leaving the field
Accordingly, this co-authored paper by the researcher in-depth analysis, see Caretta 2015b). Although Martina
and the research assistant aims to show the authors’ had learned Swahili, most study participants preferred to
linked lives. We advance the concept of linked lives talk in the local language of Marakwet. Florence was not
through the relational aspects of research by not merely only responsible for translating and transcribing
engaging with the researcher’s reflections but by also ethnographic material, but she also played a pivotal role
bringing in the research assistant’s thoughts. Guided by in facilitating member checking among participants
feminist epistemological principles, long championed by (Caretta 2016).
feminist geographers (e.g. Rose 1997) striving towards the When we came across each other, Florence, an
debunking of power asymmetries in the research process, undergraduate in finance, was unemployed and
we discuss our field diaries in an autoethnographic and spending most of her time at home taking care of her
reflexive fashion to make apparent the catalyst that children, while at the same time looking – without luck
our encounter was and the turning points that our – for a teaching job in neighbouring secondary schools.
farewells meant for our life trajectories. Through ‘thick As the need for more and younger research assistants
descriptions’, we render the duality of our personal and became apparent, Florence started collaborating with
joint struggles and vulnerabilities as constitutive parts of Martina in 2012 not just out of the need for
our identities (see also Rose 1997), and we reflect on employment, but as an opportunity to gain knowledge
the power-loaded relations that are contextual and about her own community. Being in the same age
constitutive of the research process, even in regard to an bracket and sharing a passion for research made us not
end. only a strong researcher duo but also friends (see also
The paper is structured as follows. We first outline the de Leeuw et al. 2012).
background of the research project. In the second Because of her foreign background, Martina was an
section, we present the first instance of separation, outsider. Florence’s positionality was ambivalent: born
which from a life course perspective was a turning point and raised in the area, and hence an insider; yet not a
in our lives. In the third part, we analyse the moment of farmer, and hence an outsider. This unique mix of class,
definitive parting and how our lives have been linked. gender, nationality and ethnicity shaped our approach to
We conclude the paper by discussing how our identities the research. Disclosing our positionality in such a
have changed through the research process and the reflexive fashion materialises the contextual, power-
significance of this paper as a reflexive, intersectional loaded and relational nature of the process of
and dual analysis of the principle of linked lives. knowledge production and how that influenced our life
course, especially at the end moment of fieldwork.
Considering these aspects of our subjectivities, how
Background
they converge in the research site, how they are
Feminist epistemology constitutes the foundation of our intertwined with our personal life events and how these
research. Grounded in the principles of reflexivity and of in turn have shaped our lives is the crux of life course
non-hierarchical exchange (Rose 1997), this approach is theory. Originally grounded in the analysis of life
reified in the analysis of both our diaries and requires us reproductive stages, this theory has developed to include
to disclose our positionality vis- a-vis the research the different trajectories of those individuals who do not
environment. While we are both women in our early necessarily build a family for themselves. Life course
30s – and in our late 20s at the time of the research – theory highlights the role of individuals in shaping their
we have very different backgrounds, origins and family own life path (Elder et al. 2003; Gecas 2003), while also
situations. taking into account that those paths change over time
We met in 2011 during the course of Martina’s first because of historical and social changes that provide
PhD fieldwork phase in Sibou, Marakwet, Kenya. individuals with, for instance, migration opportunities
Martina’s research focused on smallholder irrigation that do not necessarily lead to a stable family life (Hunt
farming and women’s participation in water management 2005). Therefore, when someone’s life path is to be
institutions in the East African drylands (see Caretta analysed, specific time and location should be counted
2015a). Between 2011 and 2015, we spent a total of five in as variables that influence and determine the
months together. When apart, we kept in constant contact individual’s behaviour. Accordingly, our gender, class,
through email, SMS and WhatsApp. We conducted age and ethnicity – i.e. positionality – are factors
repeated interviews with at least 30 women. Florence, shaping our life course (see also Finney 2011), which is
together with other research assistants, carried out a two- not simply determined by our differing institutional and
year survey every three months with eight farmers, and geographical context but, as this paper will show, has
she also led eight focus groups and participatory mapping also been influenced by our encounter. This catalyst,
exercises with an average of eight participants (for an that is to say, a crucial instance that triggered a turning
point in our lives and influenced our life course (Elder Florence’s life was at a turning point. A turning point is
et al. 2003; Heinz 2003), was the first occurrence that defined by Elder et al. (2003) as a significant
linked our lives through the interdependent work of transformation in one’s life due to, in Florence’s case,
research. returning to school in midlife. She did not know how she
would be able to provide for herself and her children; she
had decided that she would continue her education
Temporarily leaving the field
alongside her caring responsibilities, which were a
Reflections by research assistants are very rarely found constant of her life course. Emotionally, she felt uncertain
in social science literature (Caretta 2015b). Here, about what was expected of her when she moved from
Florence recalls what the end of the data gathering stage her small town: people assumed that she would return to
meant for her: the village when she completed her education. This
turning point is especially meaningful for a woman and
In July 2013, we were finalizing Martina’s research. I had mother in her late 20s living in a small community in the
been really enjoying the fieldwork since I got to learn so drylands of Kenya, where tradition prevails and women’s
many things about farming, soil and research in general. life paths are marked by their role as first daughter, then
I was used to waiting for Martina to come to Kenya so wife and finally mother. Becoming a mother is considered
that we could start our serious fieldwork as usual. I knew the highest realisation one can ever reach and the greatest
apart from the experience and building of friendship with legitimation one can gain in the local society. Deciding to
Martina, I could earn something to improve my living break the ties of tradition to pursue higher education far
standard. Life wasn’t easy since I had to contribute to from home is a courageous move for anyone coming from
the basic needs of my family of two children and those areas, let alone for a woman who can be perceived
husband and myself. When I knew that the research was as the odd one out of the community. Florence’s life
coming to an end, I felt so sad since I knew things were decision also had consequences for her husband, who
not going to be as usual. The friendship we had made suffered social scorn, as he had not been able to force his
was growing, and there was now a dilemma on what wife to stay and play her traditional role. This narrative
next, now that the research was coming to an end. How also illuminates the expectations and constraints of
will we meet again? How could I earn a little income? Florence’s lifeworld (Worth 2009) and the stereotypes that
Those were some of the few questions that kept still tend to be associated with a certain age bracket
disturbing my mind. (Hopkins and Pain 2007) which, in this particular case,
makes it hard for society and family to grapple with
Often researchers do not want to acknowledge the role Florence’s decision to pursue education as an adult.
that they have played in changing the lives of those that Martina’s perspective on ending that fieldwork phase
they have worked with, as they want to render their in July 2013 was as sad and hard to grapple with as it
research site as pristine and untouched by their was for Florence:
influence (Temple and Edwards 2002). Adopting a
feminist and autoethnographic perspective shows that Today I left Sibou. The last days have been a nightmare.
research had a sizable impact on Florence’s life course. I got food poisoning, which turned into diarrhea and
Working as a field assistant not only allowed her to save stomach sickness that has now been going on for a few
some money, but it also awakened a desire to continue days. I can’t keep anything down; I feel like I am
her education and become a scholar herself. flushing my brain down the toilet. If this wasn’t enough,
my condition did not allow me to properly say goodbye
I informed my husband that I was moving from the to everyone. I am sick and I want to leave the field so
village to Eldoret to further my education and search for badly, just to be able to sleep in a room that is not
a job since it was not easy to find another job in Sibou, infested by rats and where I can feel safe and
and Martina’s research was over. The response wasn’t comfortable, but at the same time I feel so teary about
positive as I expected; he reacted negatively, shouting closing this chapter in my life and leaving all these
that he was not going to support me since he had to people behind. I guess I have proved myself as a
support his siblings and I had to stay home and take geographer and I don’t have to endure this anymore. I
care of our children. This led to conflict between the have to focus on the writing, submitting articles and
two of us. I moved anyway to Eldoret to undertake my getting my thesis done.
Master and paid part of my fee with the savings as a
research assistant. Initially, life was very difficult: it was In her diary, Martina unleashed her negative feelings,
too challenging to play the role of a student, a mother which were affected by her deteriorating physical
and a wife living far from her husband. condition (for a deeper analysis on this, see Jokinen and
Caretta 2016). While both Florence and Martina were It’s like a test on my organizational capability, while at
sad, Florence was wondering how she would make it the same time I am being questioned on my knowledge
without fieldwork assignments, and Martina was and the data I have gathered on local people.
thankful she did not have to come back to Sibou. Worn
out by long fieldwork, tough living conditions and Florence’s life had also evolved compared to one and a
sickness, she did not hold back in her diary. These half years earlier:
reflections constitute relevant data for analysis (Bennett
2004) and show that Western researchers might risk In January 2015 when Martina came back to Kenya to
reproducing unjust global racialised power structures by present the result of the study, I had to go to back to
depicting only their experience as authentic, while in Sibou. By that time, my master education was almost
reality they are grounded in one-sided Western coming to an end. My life had changed a lot. My
whiteness with implicit authority (Radcliffe 1994). By husband had become happy with my hard work, and
giving equal visibility to Florence’s experience, this he was fully supportive towards my education. Having
paper moves beyond this near-sighted discourse. worked with Martina’s research helped me carry out my
Martina’s life was also at a turning point. She was in master thesis smoothly. For instance, it was easier to
the last stage of her PhD, and she had to excel in her approach the respondents when collecting data, as I
academic performance through articles and thesis had gained experience when I was assisting Martina.
writing to be able to succeed further in academia. Given This is one of the reasons why I insist that being
how rough the last fieldwork phase had been, she was research assistant made me become a researcher and a
looking at her future from another perspective, knowing scholar.
she could not ask herself and her body to go through
such a tough experience again. Accomplishing her PhD Florence had moved from being a mother, a wife and a
was perceived as liberation, an opportunity to be set research assistant to being a scholar on her own,
free from academic hierarchies and to be able to autonomously carrying out her master’s thesis and
conduct research on her terms. finally getting the support of her husband. She had also
When bidding farewell, she felt sad not to be able to moved for good out of the village, which she did come
do it properly, as she was feeling sick. However, she back to for the sake of the dissemination workshop. She
was in a privileged position. She could leave the field had migrated, and her level of education had improved.
anytime and go back to the comfort of her home, but as Moving back to the village was not something she
a student she was vulnerable because she had to would consider again: a situation that reveals the turn
conclude her data collections to be able to complete that Florence’s life had taken. By being the daughter of a
her PhD. Her positionality was hence shifting. She was a school teacher, then going through secondary school
Western scholar, but a scholar in the making, who had and college encouraged by her family, moving on to
to prove herself to achieve her title (see also Porter being Martina’s research assistant and finally obtaining
2009). her master’s degree, Florence had gone through a
process of cumulative advantage. Her family’s premises
were positive from the start of her life, which, together
Leaving the field for good with the educational and work experiences she acquired
Methodological and ethical reflexivity drew Martina back over the years, put her on a social pathway that led to
to the field one and half years after her exhausting changes in her statuses and roles (see also Alwin 2012;
experience of sickness. She was getting close to Elder et al. 2003).
defending her PhD, and she had realised the need for At the time, Martina was fully immersed in trying to
methodological validity, reliability and attentiveness successfully finish her dissertation and had a less clear
and for overcoming epistemic injustice, i.e. questioning vision of what the future would hold. Research
Western researchers’ normative positioning as the participants gave her a powerful wake-up call:
‘knower’ (Fricker 2007; Caretta 2017 for a full analysis on
the dissemination of research results). However, she was They often say, ‘We are happy we got to know you. We
in a different position compared to her previous fieldwork are thankful about the booklet that we received. We
phases. The role of student and novice to the field were wish you good luck with becoming a professor, and we
behind her; she was now in charge of guiding and understand that you won’t be back for some time, but
coordinating a ten-day research workshop for 15 people, we are looking forward to meeting you in some years’
among whom were other scholars and members of local time. You should then come back with your husband
communities. She reflected: and your children.’ They were the first ones telling me I
one day will be a professor. I never thought of myself issue). We go beyond this by disclosing the evolution of
like that. This trip in this sense not only feels like the end our identities through our collaborative research efforts,
of a long journey, but it also feels like a coming to life of which were determinant turning points for the shaping
myself as an independent scholar. I am dreading of our present self-hoods.
thinking about the uncertainty that is engulfing my life in Grounded in a reflexive analysis of emotions intended
academia: will I truly be able to become a professor one as a circumstantial response to everyday occurrences,
day? Will I succeed in getting research funding and we advance the concept of linked lives by revealing
landing a post-doc? several elements of fieldwork that tend to be obscured
by the traditional process of data analysis. First, as in
In retrospect, saying farewell for good was yet another Wimark (2016), we contend that examining emotions in
turning point for Florence and Martina. The research the context of fieldwork can unveil the embodied nature
was over, and incertitude was the prevailing emotion of these emotions, their entanglement with the
that they were experiencing. That defining moment researcher’s life course and how they are shaped by
pushed both of them to reflect on their professional interpersonal relations with research participants and
careers and to become active in the job search. collaborators. Hence, the end of fieldwork can
constitute a turning point in the life course of individuals
involved in the research process, as separation can
Linked lives through turning points
trigger particularly poignant emotions, such as sadness
Since 2011, our lives have evolved because of the and incertitude, which can lead to reflection over the
catalyst of change that our first meeting was. Coupled possibility to change one’s life. These emotions, we
with the turning points that those two farewells were, argue, constitute data that needs to be harnessed to
our life courses have changed. Florence went from increase research reflexivity and validity.
being a stay-at-home mom in a remote village in the Second, by centring our analysis around the
drylands of Kenya to a PhD student at Eldoret experiences of two individuals with conspicuously
University. Martina, a PhD student at the time and eager different positionalities, we unveil the role of
to conduct her academic career in East Africa, is now collaborative research in changing collaborators’ and
currently employed as an Assistant Professor at West assistants’ lives, and we also show that researchers are
Virginia University and developing a research dependent on their assistants. Along these lines, by
programme in Appalachia. Conducting research together reflexively including Florence’s accounts, our work
has been conducive for the evolution of our identities attempts to move beyond epistemic injustice (see also
overtime. Through her engagement in research, Florence Caretta 2017). We recount our emotions to question the
was able to make material gains to enrol in an implicit authority bestowed to Western researchers’
advanced university degree and subsequently decide to accounts (Radcliffe 1994) by illuminating the duality of
continue with a PhD, as she was aware of what that our experiences and how they have affected the
educational path can entail after having shadowed evolution of our life courses and our identities.
Martina during hers. Meanwhile, Martina would not Third, by drawing on our own narratives, we shed
have been able to complete her PhD without the light on the expectations and constraints of our
logistical, practical, professional and moral support of lifeworlds (Worth 2009), and we shed light on the
Florence. possibility of moving beyond the stereotypical portrayal
The life course is defined as ‘the age-graded sequence of adult life by engaging with the conscious yet
of roles, opportunities, constraints, and events that shape challenging choice of adult education (Hopkins and
the biography from birth to death’ (Shanahan and Pain 2007). Additionally, we move away from the
Macmillan 2008, 40). In this co-authored paper, we – rendering of fieldwork as an idyllic constitutive place
the researcher and the research assistant – advance the and time in the life of a researcher. We illustrate that
concept of linked lives. First, we show how encounters fieldwork can be constitutive, although it may be
and especially the end of these encounters can be characterised by negative feelings and desires to escape.
turning points in the lives of those involved. Second, Finally, as in Macmillan and Furstenberg (2016)
what is significant about our work is that it engages with and Laub (2016), by focusing on the context of
the life course theory by bringing in the multiple and our interactions and analysing them in relation to
relational aspects of research, not just through the our subjectivities and positionalities, we highlight the
researcher’s reflections but also through the research composite connections of social structure, linked lives
assistant’s thoughts. Often, analysis of the concept of and turning points to advance the relevancy of analysing
linked lives presents the viewpoints of the researchers individuals’ autonomous and active roles and choices in
and research subjects (see Gambold and Ng in this shaping their life course outcomes.