Assalamu, I mean, HELLO!

My name is Usman, er, I mean, Usman

Oh shit.

I did it again.

Yep, it’s an old habit and a tough one to break; assimilating.

It’s tough because that’s how I learned to adapt. Being first gen Pakistani American Muslim in
this country isn’t exactly as simple as it may seem.

I had to hide a lot from my family to protect them from the truth of my hedonistic pursuits. I
was always taught to be as close to religion as possible. In fact, my mom used her perception of
how good of a muslim boy I was to flaunt how great a job she did with raising 3 kids on her
own.

I made sure I ran with the right crowd and got my work done. I was gunna make my mom

(Proud of Your Boy)

PROUD OF YOUR BOY. I’LL MAKE YOU PROUD OF YOUR BOY.

I started to do as many extracurricular activities that I could fit in. I was a tough kid when I was
younger so I needed to make up for it all.

BELIEVE ME BAD AS I”VE BEEN MA YOU”RE IN FOR A PLEASANT SURPRISE.

I got really into sports and started hanging around the football crew. I was finally fitting in and
doing something with myself.

Then one day a friend of mine asked me to steal for him.

I stole some headphones and gave it to him.
Word spread and I became robin hood.
If you needed Beats, iPods, Xbox games, Speakers, I was the guy and I gave it all away.

I was letting my mom down.

I’VE WASTED TIME. I’VE WASTED ME

One day my friend asked me to switch an item out while in the apple store and we got caught
up. The felony got knocked down to a misdemeanor and I had to do 60 hours of community
service and was on house arrest for 3 months. This was my freshman year of highschool.

I AGREE THAT I”VE BEEN ONE ROTTEN KID. SOME SON SOME PRIDE AND SOME JOY
On the court date I promised my mother I would make a change

WATER FLOWS UNDER THE BRIDGE LET IT PASS LET IT GO

THERES NO GOOD REASON THAT YOU SHOULD BELIEVE ME NOT YET I KNOW BUT SOMEDA
AND SOON ILL MAKE YOU PROUD OF YOUR BOY

I had a choice to try out for the travel soccer team or Legally Blonde. I turned myself away from
that crowd and joined the theater community in a choice that changed my life.

MOM I WILL TRY TO TRY HARD TO MAKE YOU PROUD OF YOUR BOY

And I was into this new image! I prayed consistently, I donated, I cared for others, I refrained
from se-…..

Well

You see

I tried to refrain from sex.

The first experience I had was with a cast mate when I was 15

One night we started to talk about intimacy and before you knew it

(Sexual Healing)
BABY, I’M HOT JUST LIKE AN OVEN, I NEED SOME LOVIN’

Just like that.

I never experienced something more exciting. All my preparatory work came through. I got all
the way to 3rd base.

As the years passed, I started to explore more but felt a guilt that drew me closer to my
religion.

I decided that I would do everything but go all the way. That was for when I got married!

Then I got into a long term relationship.

And THEN came prom night junior year…

BABY, I CANT HOLD IT MUCH LONGER. ITS GETTING STRONGER AND STRONGER
I went to the party as the good muslim boy that my mom bragged about but once the dance
was over,

RIGHT THEN I GOT THAT FEELING. I NEED SEXUAL HEALING.

I told myself she was the one. I would only go all the way with someone I’m committed to and
never anyone else.

Later that year, we broke up. Sad times, man. I was out. Done. No more screwing around.

I went to theatre program over the summer to hone in on my craft. I was there to work.
I made some very close friends.

One day I took a tour to the sound booth of our theatre after hours

SEXUAL HEALING OH BABY MAKES ME FEEL SO FINE

I broke my vow. I was lawless now. Nothing to protect me.

I needed to find some disparity between me and real sinners.

I decided I would never do it in a public space

HELPS TO RELIEVE MY MIND

That didn’t work out. I decided I would never do anything with multiple people

SEXUAL HEALING BABY IS GOOD FOR ME

Okay, maybe I’ll refrain from exploring sexuality with anyone who wasn’t female

SEXUAL HEALING IS SOMETHING THAT”S GOOD FOR ME

Well. Honestly I stopped giving a fuck and starting giving some fucks.

CHORUS

I was in it and it was good because nobody knew. Until my mom found a letter.

Yep. THAT kind of letter.

My girlfriend at the time thought it would be a cute idea to send a letter to my house explicitly
talking about everything we liked to do and what she was looking forward to.
I didn’t know this until a couple days after my mom had read it and kept it with her.
The confrontation was one of the WORST experiences. 0/10 would not recommend. It really
changed my mother’s perception of me. I don’t regret it though. I stand by my choices.

Though all of that was fun and beneficial for my growth, the more I experimented the less I felt
complete.

Things in my life started to shift and karma seemed to start working against me. Despite having
people around, I felt lonely and lost.

I started to look to my mother to see what helped her after all the years of abuse she faced
from my father and her family. For her it was the practice of religion. This didn’t mean just
praying non stop but rather implementing teachings into her lifestyle.

She was acting as the example of what she wanted to see. She was doing unto others as she
wanted upon herself. She was shooing away evil…

(Evil)
Full Song?