The Round Table
The bbackh blach
by the students, for the students
2018-2019
Adviser:
Kerry Clark
Editor-in-Chief:
Marshall Roll ‘20
Staff Writers:
Kyrie Woodard ‘19
Michelle Lee ‘19
Grace Generous ‘19
Erika Piotrowski ‘21
Paul Darnall ‘21
Maddie Roberts ‘22
Art and Photo:
Claire Bennett ‘19
Bella Cooley ‘19
Krystal Larkin ‘19
Krystal Huang ‘20
Caleb Flegel ‘20
Lucy Yan ‘20
“Hayes, can I put conspiracy theorists on my [TOK document]?”
The Round Table has the right - Jacob Whitman, February 2019
under the First Ammendment
of the United States Consti-
tution and the Revised Code
of Washington to report on or
discuss anything that is not
forbidden by law, obscene,
libelous, or an invasion of oth-
ers’ privacy.
The Round Table will strive
to meet professional jour-
nalism standards and report
news accurately, objectively,
fully, and in depth. We will
acknowledge mistakes and
correct errors in content which
are brought to the staff’s
attention.
The Round Table is a public
forum, and op-ed pieces may
be brought to the staff for
publication, and the author’s
name may be withheld upon
request with editor approval.
The opinions expressed in this
publication are not necessarily
those of the Round Table staff,
adviser, or school admin.
Heard in the Hallways: Jacob Whitman General Updates:
My Host Family: The Tenders
A reveal of my daily life and some
Hold Onto the Memories
What Taylor Swift Means to
Heard in the Hallways:
Jacob Whitman
A collection of the senior's most memorable quotations A totally real overview of what is fun facts about living with Eliza-
me
A collection of the senior's
going on in the world beth and Jaime Tender most notable quotations
By: MICHELLE LEE Maddie Roberts p2 Winnie Wu p3 Krystal Larkin p3 Michelle Lee p4
The Round Table
Staff Writer
“I want more quotes in the Round Table. What do I have to do? Kill a communist?” - Jacob
Whitman, March 2019
“I can tell what time it is by the veins on my hand.” - Jacob Whitman, March 2019
Vol. IV No. VII Spokane, WA Wednesday, April 10, 2019 Saint George’s School
“Because you said ‘furthermore’ I have to show you a meme” - Jacob Whitman, March
All Tea, All Shade
2019
“Wait, am I illiterate?” - Jacob Whitman, February 2019
The 100% real truth about Joshua Hayes
“Billionaire is a derogatory term.” - Jacob Whitman, February 2019 By: KYRIE WOODARD
displeased and left his position as Moreover, the petty Kermit
Staff Writer
“Woof, woof, brother…” - Jacob Whitman, February 2019 Kermit. the Frog meme indicates our famous
As a school community, the Off the grid for two years, frog sipping tea in response to a petty
*laughing hysterically* population has accumulated quite a
he finally shed his frog-like flesh to remark. As any econ student will
“I’m just laughing at memes.” - Jacob Whitman, February 2019
lot of speculation about who Josh make his first mark in 1992 at what- attest, Joshua Hayes may be the pet-
“Stand up if you’re a communist” - Jacob Whitman, January 2019
Photographed by Caleb Flegel Hayes was prior to his thriving career ever college that wasn’t Duke Uni- tiest man in Northeastern Washington
at our beloved Saint George’s school. versity. From then on, he’s forged a state, often feeling as though he must
“I wanna hit Charlie in the face with a bat.” - Jacob Whitman, January 2019 According to the man in ques- well-covered path to ignore his prior prove his intellectual superiority to
tion, he had worked as an EMT and 16 years as Kermit the Frog. several minors.
“Integrity does not matter if you have enough money” a fireman. However, in my in-depth Where’s my evidence? And now, if you’re still not
-Jacob Whitman, February 2019
April investigation of the most suspicious Like, nowhere. Frogs can’t convinced, I’ve seen his scarily
man in the Saint George’s zip code, eat fruit, according to some 12-year- Kermit-like features, and have since
Birthdays I discovered neither of these career old’s YouTube video I found online. uncovered a horrifying image of the
4/1 Maggie McLaughlin paths are listed on our favorite man’s Furthermore, a man who allegedly man transforming into what used to
4/3 Oliver Ling
“What’s a weed company I can invest in… I wanna take a gamble.” LinkedIn. fought fires and “saved” people as be the star of The Muppets. If you’re
- Jacob Whitman, January 2019 4/6 Lydia Bade Now, I’m going to indicate an EMT is terrified of a lame yellow not scared by now, you should be.
4/7 Margreit Galow a seemingly unrelated event which berry. (Yes, a banana is a berry.)
"People who don't use the Oxford comma are psychopaths.” 4/8 Kamiah Hubert
may make you avert your eyes. Still,
- Jacob Whitman November 2018
4/8 Ashley Peone I beg you to read on and uncover the
“Legally if you go to a private school they have to give you all As.” 4/8 Hazel Schaub truth about our 25-year-old-looking
- Jacob Whitman, January 2019 4/10 Sydney Lennemann 40-year-old.
4/11 Clark Chen In 1990, The Muppets re-
“I am the second messiah, I love all my people.” - Jacob Whitman, 4/12 Skyler Peplinski leased The Muppets at Disney World,
September 2018 4/13 Aditya Pardeshi
unsurprisingly starring the one and
4/14 Alexandria Gustafson only Kermit the Frog. However, 12
4/17 Noah Buchmann days later, Kermit the Frog’s “actor”
Join the
4/17 Henrietta Osborne disappeared, only to be later replaced
4/20 Yasmine Tehrani by some other idiot without a good
4/21 Thomas Fei acting career. Two years later, Josh
4/23 Adam Hasdorff Hayes stepped on the campus of
4/23 Fair Niven whatever not-Duke undergraduate
Roundtable.
4/25 Kuhu Amin school he attended.
4/26 Elsa Goeke Here’s the full theory.
4/28 Nate Henning After the release of the seem-
4/28 Tung Quach ingly incredible Muppets at Disney
4/28 Tom Wang World film which received an un-
4/29 Callie Gee derwhelming 7.8 out of 10 stars on
4/29 Mattison Napier IMDb, Josh Hayes found himself
Image constructed by Kyrie Woodard
 General Updates: The bbakch blach
A totally real overview of what is going on in the world
new flavors have been introduced by
By: MADDIE ROBERTS
Staff Writer the infamous soda brand, including
avocado, sourdough, and charcoal.
So far, 2019 has been a pretty
Absolutely delicious.
successful year. Businesses have been
These will be the hot new
booming, and this spring they’ve come
drinks of the summer, and if you hap-
out with some exciting new products
pen to be doing some traveling during
and ideas to change your life. Warmer
that time, maybe check out Virgin
temperatures and sunnier skies make
Australia’s new spin class. That’s
for the perfect time to get hooked on a
right, you can get fit while flying, even
new trend.
during turbulence! No more annoying
So, let’s start with everyone’s
leg-cramping, and only the best expert
favorite: Burger King. This April, get
trainers (flight attendants) are there to
ready for the chocolate-freaking-whop-
make sure you have a successful work-
per. Yes, this is in fact real. Topped
out.
with raspberry syrup and white choc-
Besides that, one of the most
olate onion rings, this delicious entrée
brilliant business ideas this year has
can be eaten for any meal of the day.
been eharmony’s new canine compat-
With only 3,000 calories, it’s practical-
ibility dating site. It’s true, now your
ly slimming you down just by eating it!
dogs can be matched based on per-
Also, what better to drink it down with
sonality, likes, and dislikes. The next
than some Diet Coke? Three delicious
little piece of news is Tumblr’s new
crypto currency: tumblcoin. Bitcoin is
shaking right now. However, I know
that finals are coming up soon, and you
need to study. Unless you’re a teach-
er, in which case, please give us less
homework and make the tests easier
(thank you). This new osmosis pil-
low by Chegg actually lets you learn
information while you sleep. It has a
layer of memory foam, conversion and
absorption material. Thanks to this new
invention, you will be sure to get at
least an A on everything.
Also, if you plan on going to
Canada, look out for the recent reports
of “moose-nados,” which are literal-
ly tornados filled with flying moose.
Weather experts say this can be cured
by singing the Canadian anthem, and
wearing the flag proudly. Stay safe out
there and have a good (late) April’s
Fool’s Day!
My Host Family: The Tenders
A reveal of my daily life and some fun facts about living with Elizabeth and Jamie Tender
By: WINNIE WU lia WASN’T paying attention, and said: five-foot-four me. But now, we get along
Guest Writer “Where, America?” which brought us a lot well because I changed how I thought
of laughter. about him. Jamie is certainly being serious
Have you ever imagined living five Speaking of Thomas, sometimes when his identity is the Head of School.
minutes away from school every morning he is definitely a weird one. Don’t laugh Yet at home, he always brings laughter and
and 30 feet away from the room of the because there is a reason for this claim. He jokes to the family. It is especially funny
headmaster? I have not. Not until I decid- is a fast eater, so fast that we sometimes when he jokes around with Elizabeth.
ed to study aboard and was hosted by the wonder if he hides a snake in his room. He Elizabeth believes in ghosts and
Tenders. If you ask me what it feels like to once finished 35 bottles of orange juice in she doesn’t like to joke about them. Some-
live with them, I would describe it as fun five days. I am grateful for the happiness times when we arrived at home late, Jamie
and comfortable (you would be wrong if my roommates bring me and for all these would open the door for us and say quietly,
you expected me to say something explo- joyous memories that will definitely be- “Who is the guy that just went upstairs?”
sive here), and I really appreciate the help I come some of my most precious. Usually, he would get a “serious look”
received and their care for me. If the three teenagers in the house from Elizabeth and he would stop his
To start with, let me introduce the are regarded as the “bad” children, of jokes. Another time recently, Jamie trav-
members of our house. I have two room- course, Jamie and Elizabeth play the role eled to Chengdu, a province in Sichuan. He
mates: Celia and Thomas. Celia is my of parents in the family. They are the most called Elizabeth when he was at the hotel
classmate and one of the girls I always awesome host parents I have ever had, and and spoke about the warm weather there,
hang out with. In order to do so more I cannot imagine what my first year study- making everyone in the car laugh. “It was
easily, I decided in my sophomore year ing aboard would be like without their so warm here that I got a sunburn on my
to “put” her in the room beside mine. She help and their concern for me. I feel safe at head yesterday,” he said.
is always fun to have around, especially home under their roof and I would like to I am so lucky to live in a wonderful
when she is not paying much attention to express my appreciation here. host family with the funniest roommates
our conversation. One time we went to a The first time I met Jamie all I ever and the best host parents. Undoubt-
restaurant and Jamie asked Celia: “Have could recall is a seven-foot-tall man, look- edly, this will become one of my fondest
you been here before?” Obviously, Ce- ing a little scary, shaking hands with little memories from my high school life.

Liam “Bubs” Elsensohn Hold onto the Memories

The Saint George's junior who adds a little spice to the Upper School What Taylor Swift means to me
ta Claus Liam who is just having a good
By: MARSHALL ROLL
laugh while learning IB Mathematics. By: KRYSTAL LARKIN
Editor her song “New Year’s Day.” This helped
Liam’s laugh is matched only in Staff Writer / Artist
me understand that people should love
It’s incredibly difficult to go more volume by his attention-grabbing yell. Since childhood I was never a a person for who they are, not for their
than a day at Saint George’s without During his sophomore year, Liam ap- popular kid. I noticed the “cool” kids clothing, appearances, positions, are peo-
hearing someone yelling in the halls. And proached conflicts in the hallway in a were always the ones who had the fanci- ple they adhere to. Taylor Swift’s philan-
by someone, I mean Liam Elsensohn. His unique manner. Each time something con- est shoes, clothing (Gucci, Prada, Nord- thropist spirit attracts people; she EARNS
friends know him as Bubs (pronounced troversial occurred, Liam could be heard strom), and of course were stars of sports her acclaim unlike those in high school
bUHbbs), whereas teachers and admin- shouting, “I do NOT condone any of the or a class rep. I don’t have any of that nor who subject and fight for theirs.
istrators know him as the guy who keeps actions that have just taken place!”Liam’s have I ever yearned for those superfluous Swift taught me the key to salu-
them on their toes. Liam best summarized yell has often attracted attention from Photographed by Caleb Flegel amenities. There was a time I wanted to brious friendships isn’t popularity; the
his life in the Upper School when he teachers. The teachers such as Holte, fit in. I hunted for the key to being pop- key is authentic kindness. “If someone
was giving advice to eighth graders upon Coach R, and Mr. Marshall have been hit Nevertheless, in my eyes Liam ular. I’d ask myself, what do the others calls you a bad name, don’t let it destroy
receipt of their class sweatshirts: “Pep’s hardest with noise this year due to their is a valuable asset to the Saint George’s like, do I have to like these expensive you, let it strengthen you,” Swift said
couch is comfortable, but don’t go there proximity to Liam’s home—sprawled community. He’s always there to con- brands, do I have to force myself to danc- after Kim Kardashian called her a snake.
for the wrong reasons!” across the floor in the junior hallway. verse with his classmates, and his laugh es to make friends? She didn’t let this ruin her.
Liam’s most notable attribute is Now, most people might consider lying is admittedly quite contagious. He has The first song I heard from Swift In fact, the original insult became
by far his laugh. When he gets going, lengthwise across the hallway to be a participated in some athletic events, was “You Belong with Me” from her a symbol that Swift used to theme her
sometimes he doesn’t stop for a good ten traffic hazard, but Liam acknowledges including basketball, field, and Mead’s second album “Fearless.” From there she “Reputation” tour. Hearing the quote “Be
minutes. If you think the walls between people who must traverse this area with a football team. Although Liam may be was my inspiration. Years passed and like a snake, be kind until someone steps
classrooms at Saint George’s will keep surprising normalcy. known for his eccentricities, he does have Swift released new albums. Each piece on you,” felt enlightening. Currently, I
out this booming noise, you would be Liam has made some mistakes in many redeeming qualities. was more allegorical than the last. When hope to walk the same path Taylor Swift
wrong. Being in a classroom adjacent to his Saint George’s career, the most unfor- “Reputation” was released I learned that did though I could never be even half the
the Math Studies class is an interesting tunate of which came in the propinquity This article was printed with the permis- life isn’t about gaining the most attention. woman she is. Illustrated by Krystal Larkin
experience. Every so often, the silence of administrators. sion of Liam Elsensohn “Here’s to my real friends,” Swift sang in
will be broken by the “Ho-ho-ho” of San- *4 lines redacted*