Starting from where we are

When starting something new or trying to accomplish a task, many of us tend to want to jump right to
completion. Rationally I can see that there are steps involved in the process, but emotionally I want to
be at my goal. It becomes even harder to think about when we start having to consider where we are
beginning the process.

There is a mental fallacy that if I accept myself where I am, I have chosen to surrender and may never
reach my goal. Frequently I encounter people who believe that challenging themselves and pushing are
the best ways to meet a goal. For some people this may be true, but most find that they lose motivation
and begin to doubt themselves because the critical voice is so strong. If that sounds like you, getting to
this more accepting stance may help you to move forward.

Being willing to start from where I am requires a few things. First, I must stop and replace any thinking
which insists that where I am today is not good enough. Pushing hard in this way will burn me out of
mental and emotional resources too quickly; it starts to build shame and guilt for not being at my goal
fast enough. Eventually it results in resentment toward the process and, potentially, a host of reasons
for giving up altogether.

Starting from where I am also means finding a supportive intention behind the work that I’m doing. I’m
setting aside time because it helps me to feel stronger. I’m establishing this boundary because it will
reduce my frustration. When I know what my intention is and keep it clearly in focus, I can more easily
challenge the voices that want me to be other than I am right now. I can also be sure that I’ve found a
reason for this work that is not based in “should” and “supposed to”.

Finally, it allows me to talk about the steps I need to take in more manageable ways. One of the most
common pitfalls in achieving change is focusing on a change that is too big to get to in a reasonable
timeframe. It’s okay to have big goals, but if I’m only focused on that larger goal I’m likely to get
frustrated much more quickly. The moment I find myself frustrated with the scope of the goal I have, it’s
time to step back and find a more reasonable change. Choosing something at which I can be sure I will
succeed helps me to feel more confident (and more likely to follow through on the next step in the
process).

Without starting from where I am in a compassionate, focused, and reasonable way, I’m setting myself
up for an uphill battle. I have enough going on day-to-day that I don’t need my own thinking to be an
obstacle. Creating a process of change that allows me to be non-judgmental and meet my own needs
will offer an opportunity for resilience and growth.

How can you start from where you are today?