S.I.

Something I Remember|Katlego Maake

SOMETHING I REMEMBER
k.m.

Something I Remember|Katlego Maake

Something I Remember (S.I.R)

Copyright © 2020 Katlego Maake

All rights reserved. This eBook or any portion thereof may not be used in any manner
whatsoever without the express written permission of the writer, except for critical reviews.

Illustrations: Katlego Maake

Pictures: Manoko Madeline Mashangoane

(You can follow her on Instagram: @Mother,Porcupine and or you can click here
Mother.Porcupine)

Drawings: Pinterest and\ pixels

ISBN: 978-0-620-86915-7

ISBN by National Library of South Africa, Pretoria.

Something I Remember|Katlego Maake

Acknowledgements
I would like to thank Manoko Magdeline Mashangoane for permitting me to use her picture.

Something I Remember|Katlego Maake

Note from the writer
If you want to enjoy the storytelling of this e-book do not read the events of the stories
contained therein separately. The stories written in this book are nothing but conversations
between me and my memory, that is, do not mistake these stories for fiction. The stories of
these events were nothing but notes which were part of my journal and it was not my
intention to compile them in this manner. In so far as the structure of this e-book is concerned
I haven’t yet developed a writing style, I am still searching for one and the search has been
adventurous.

NB: This is original work, not proofread or edited.

Something I Remember|Katlego Maake

 Dedication

To my ex-girlfriend who inflicted me with a heartache.

Thank you for teaching me a great lesson for loving you without any reasons.
You were a great companion and thank you for sharing best parts of your life with me.

Something I Remember|Katlego Maake

 This e-book is for free

Something I Remember|Katlego Maake

 This page intentionally left blank

Something I Remember|Katlego Maake

Lately, I have been feeling the rush of all the possible places we could have travelled together
and the moments we could have shared together. There has not been a more comforting place
than a part of me that keeps on replaying your laughter and the way I found you lurking on
the other side of the road waiting for me.

THE INTRUDER

Like a wind
You pierced through my clothes
And I felt your inevitable soft touch under my skin.

The first time I laid my eyes on you something said to me, “There’s an overwhelming
connection between the two of you, can you feel the sensation?”

I searched for you behind the fetal cloud--- I only wanted to notice you
I needed to associate a part of me with yours
And I wanted us to become companions.

-This is how we poured ourselves into each other.

1
Something I Remember|Katlego Maake
ABOUT US

When I was lost, I found you

And suddenly, you became my destination.
I was from nowhere, you were from somewhere
We found each other in the way we had lost ourselves
And suddenly, I became your destination.

I learnt about you, you learnt about me

For a moment we understood our affinity
I told you that I love you, and you said that you loved me too
For a moment we loved each other’s fidelity.

We had our way to each other without hesitation

We curved a path to create a bigger space for ourselves
We sowed a flood of attractions in each other’s eyes
And we felt each other’s foaming attention.

2
Something I Remember|Katlego Maake
She was the universe waiting to be explored
And a bookstore full of ancient poetry books.

3
Something I Remember|Katlego Maake
THE GROWING BOND

This was the beginning of us

The coming into life of my love for you
And a conquest of hearts that were once broken into pieces.

We undoubtedly spread our feelings

Like an inevitable and untimely coming together of falling stars
We let our whole colour the affection between us.

Within us
We chose to plant our characters
We chose to hold together pieces of our uncertainties
And nurture each other’s possible limitations of loving.

4
Something I Remember|Katlego Maake
CONNECTION

I found my way into you from your back

Piercing through your backbone with a wildfire moan
Burning your insides with tender fireworks
While I sow fatal fluids inside your flower pot

I let my fingers entwine with yours

We imprisoned our satisfaction within our hands
And our palms were fuming with enchantment.

-This is how I knew the rhythm of your heartbeat

5
Something I Remember|Katlego Maake
If you do not know what loving feels like
Only if you do not know, do not act like you do.
At this moment, I thought I knew what loving felt like
However, I should have known better.

-Consider this as a written warning.

6
Something I Remember|Katlego Maake
LOVING

Loving is not an easy thing to do

For some of us who do not know ourselves
Loving others is as brutal as colliding with a falling star.

Loving is not an obligation

But for some of us who do not know ourselves
Loving can become a battlefield;
A battle between who loves the other more than the other.

Loving is not a choice

But for some of us who do not know how to love
Loving can be defined as a choice;
A war of trying to find what interests you in her.

Loving is not violent

But for some of us who do not know who to love
Loving can leave our ears throbbing with blood.

Loving can be a battlefield

For those who do not know how to communicate with their hearts.

We choose who to be with but our hearts knows better.

We choose who to not be with but our hearts knows better.

7
Something I Remember|Katlego Maake
ME AND HER

After we explored hidden parts of ourselves

We taught our bodies how to inhale each other
And we taught our lungs how to appreciate our breaths.

We decided to embark on this long road to nowhere

We are for each other and ourselves for each other
Our reasoning about each other became a healing song
And our imperfections turned out to be the listener of that song.

We travelled across unknown places

Where we loved each other in every possible way
We fought but never drifted apart
And our mistakes turned out to be our lessons.

8
Something I Remember|Katlego Maake
I have been feasting on our moments
Darling, your glimpse is scrumptious.

9
Something I Remember|Katlego Maake
“There are two beds in the room. Of course, we make love in one, fall asleep in the other.”
Sherman Alexie

Between the two of us, she was the light-bulb

Flickering on every sad part of me
I’d always find myself breathing the fire under the moon
Where the fireflies lie awake in their sleep
And the twilight serenades the lonely shores.

Between me and her, I was her air supply

She would always gasp for me when life tries to leave her body
And I’d always be there to caress her lungs.

She was the guest of my stupidity

A storm that turned out not to be a liability
A wind that entertained my handful loneliness
And a fur that became my haven during winter nights.

Between me and her, she was a calm fire

I’d make love in her and she’d sleep in me.

10
Something I Remember|Katlego Maake
We would always find ourselves on the mending wall
Where our hands would have sexual conversations
And our veins would be out to witness us.

-Every part of our bodies was listening to our moans.

11
Something I Remember|Katlego Maake
SOMETHING I REMEMBER (PART I)

Let me tell you about something I remember, shall I?

The girl I fell in love with was my ideal adventure

Her body was always full of my eyes
And every part of her knew the touch of my hands.

The girl I fell in love was a confession of ecstasy

She was down to earth like her unmeasured height
And the freckles on her big nose were full of life.

The girl I fell in love with was no more than human

She was a constellation of all beautiful things
And she would water me to encourage my growth

The girl I fell in love with was an array of wilderness

Her thighs were a landscape of wondrous kisses
And the warmth of her thighs would spawn sensual cuddles.

The girl I fell in love with had a wicked sense of humour

She was an interesting and unpredictable species
And she was as beautiful as how the sunflower appeals to me.

12
Something I Remember|Katlego Maake
”Our minds were always close to each other
We would have long conversations over the phone
And tell each other about our favourite songs.” Intimacy is unpredictable

13
Something I Remember|Katlego Maake
We freed ourselves from our earlier mistakes
We aligned them with the language we use to describe ourselves
We sighted our darkest spaces with lighted maturity and
Our hearts became mates and we mated as soon as our souls met.

We leaped from one season to another

Like snakes chasing after the burning stones of summer
We looked for comfort in every place
And we became each other’s comfort in our own space.

14
Something I Remember|Katlego Maake
SOMETHING I REMEMBER (PART II)

The girl I fell in love with became a piece of metal

She would make a screeching noise when you touch her
And she could no longer survive the heat.

The girl I fell in love with turned out to be a smoke

She would prefer to exist over my head
And inhaling her existence became hazardous.

The girl I fell in love with was no longer the girl I fell in love with.

She became a burden in the way I had carried her in my heart

Her weight began to collapse my shoulders
And piece by piece I was slowly decaying.

The girl I fell in love with is nothing compared to the girl she has become.

The girl I fell in love with connected with me in thousands ways

I cultivated her from the deserted sand
And I nourished her incompleteness with my all.

My heart never needed her violence

Never did I betray her.

15
Something I Remember|Katlego Maake
You began to wear faceless masks
And I could no longer notice your presence
I was always hungry for the recipe of your absence
And we became splitting borders of Africa.

-We lost connection without any possible refuge

16
Something I Remember|Katlego Maake
THIS IS NOT A LETTER

I was slowly falling in love with the absence

I could hear the buzzing sound of its howl
I could feel it caressing the nerves of my peace
And the pain of this season was absorbing my sanity.

Without any further reasons of excitement

Do not mistake this for a complaint
No, I am only trying to paint a picture
of the smithereens of the space between us.

This is not a love letter or any kind of a letter

In fact, this is not a letter at all; it is a reservation.

This is not a bedtime story about disappointment

It is an exposure of how the snow is melting within me
and how unromantic loving you has become.

I have never imagined us apart

Or walking around searching for the footprint of your heart
Or piercing through your breasts to feel your heartbeat like cancer
No, this is not how I had imagined loving you in every language.

I only needed to love you more

I wanted to share unknown parts of me with you
And let you scoop out the best parts of me like a vanilla ice cream
But I guess you were not interested.

17
Something I Remember|Katlego Maake
FADING BOND

Behind the walls of our existence that held us

We existed without each other
We walked on lonely roads on our own
And we met different strangers along the way.

We decided to choose them over ourselves

And we had our way into their unknown identities.

We abandoned our ways of loving each other

We began to learn how to love other people
And we unintentionally taught our hearts to forget about each other
And our minds were slowly replacing our memories.

18
Something I Remember|Katlego Maake
Our absence from each other left me with a torn heart
I wanted to exist in the way your lips carry a red wine
I wanted to reach out to your breathing
But loving you from the other side left my heart worn-out

-Is this how we heal a broken heart?

19
Something I Remember|Katlego Maake
OUTCRY

“When the sun came out, you weren’t there to remind me about yourself and I was not there
to remind you about myself too; we were not there to remind ourselves about ourselves--- we
had forgotten about each other.” I hope I made myself clear.

Do not go far from here

I want you to be close to me
I want us to hold hands and walk together
And I hope we will not forget the reason we are here.

Our feet survived the long roads we’ve walked on

Our visions of each other had always been part of us
Our storyline did not include us living separate lives
However, we are here living without a course.

I tried to catch you falling from the other side

But you were already caught up in your new life
You did not need saving, you were already held up
You had begun living your life outside our storyline
And I was searching for us like a hopeless villain.

Luckily, we had not imprisoned each other in the way the universe pronounces forever. In the
land of the dying hearts we only imagine the sizes of our heartache soiled in the clumsy
graves of lies, and we occupy spaces of abandonment.

There isn’t much that is left of us

Absence has plunged itself between us
And our loving has lost its confidence.

We share this untidy screwed place

Where we have both become lonely shores

20
Something I Remember|Katlego Maake
---not a day goes by without a leap of unhappiness.

21
Something I Remember|Katlego Maake
“It is a little song about abandonment, and it goes something like this…” Suzanne
Finnamore, split: A Memoir of Divorce.

-I have never felt the taste of abandonment

22
Something I Remember|Katlego Maake
Look inside of me
you’ll find shattered pieces of our memories
your absence has turned me into a muss
and all that is left is for me is to escape our memories
but the feeling may remain.

23
Something I Remember|Katlego Maake
WHY DID YOU LEAVE?

In sight of your absence

The yearning for your presence will never stop
However, I was not born to take shallow breaths.

Each passing time resonates the yelling of your absence

I wish I could lie and say I don’t miss you
But you are too loud in my mind to be so quiet in my life.

24
Something I Remember|Katlego Maake
I honestly do not know what happened between the two of us
I might have pretended as if I understood everything
But I am still clueless.

How I wish she knew how much I loved her

If only she knew what she meant to me she would still be mine
But I guess she didn’t know or maybe, she knew but did not give a damn.

The girl I fell in love with left me without a warning

Her last words were “I will always love you,” the irony.

I pretended to have understood everything to avoid unnecessary misunderstanding.

25
Something I Remember|Katlego Maake
CONFESSIONS

26
Something I Remember|Katlego Maake
#1
I haven’t stopped loving you
I am still in love with you
And I hope this makes sense.

#2
I do not like hugging people
but the first time I hugged you
I knew I belonged into your arms.

#3
I have always hated hugs
but hugging you felt like memorizing
every inch of your skin with my arms.

#4
The first time I saw her thighs
She was lying on my bed
and there was nothing more beautiful than watching her.

#5
She left me without a warning
in some other times I didn’t know if she was still mine
or someone else’s.

#6
She became a slice of bread
that dipped into my cup of rooibos
when all I wanted to do was to take a sip.

#7
It’s ok to cry when you are hurt,
it’s ok to regret when you made mistakes
27
Something I Remember|Katlego Maake
but do not forget to forgive yourself.
#8
The first time we kissed
your lips tasted like a love story
however, I didn’t know it would be a sad one.

#9
“Loving sounds hypothetical,” the boy wept.
If you are bleeding, that’s ok.
Stitch your wound and walk away.

#10
After the breakup, you will become numb
You will feel somewhat stupid
ok, you are stupid however, life goes on.

#11
I only miss you because of my unresolved issues with abandonment

28
Something I Remember|Katlego Maake
Thank you for reading my story!

29
Something I Remember|Katlego Maake