PREFACE, Gestures ofthe Body—Rscrbiendo para dear ‘Ther something estroge aboustoryeling 1 he way we row cachthar. te way we kw ourselves, The way we Know te wordt a Che way we dont now the way the worlds ep om a he way wee pt hom knowledg tout oureen, the way wee ep fommandestand ‘When waiting a ight, un aware ofl ina, Coyslrauqui hovering ‘over my house. [envision her muerta y decapitad (dead and deca tated), una cabeza con los parpados cerados (eyes closed), But then Ihereyes open ya mirodarluza es lugares oscures, see herlght the dark places Witngis a process of icovery and perception tat pro Aces knowledge and conocimient insight}. 1am often driven by the Impulse to write something down, by the desi and urgency to com ‘unica, o make meaning, to make sense of thing, to create myself {hough this knowledge-producing ct. all this impulse the ‘coyol- auhgul imperative" a struggle to reconstruct oneself and heal the sustos resulting from woundings,waumas,racism, and other acts of violation que hechan pedazos nuestra almas, split us, scatter our ‘energies, and haunt us. The Coyolxzugui imperative isthe actof|calling back those pieces ofthe e/soul that have been dispersed ot Tost, the act of mourning the loses tht haunt us. The shadow beast and atendant desconocmientos he ignorance we culvate to keep ‘Surseves frm kncoledge so that we can emain unaccountable) have ‘tenacious hol onus Dealing withthe lack of cohesiveness and sta Dit in ie, te increasing tension and conf, motivates met pro ‘cess the struggle The sheer mental, emotional, and spit] anguish Imotirates me toate out" my/our experiences. More than that, my {Spitations toward wholeness maintain my sanity, a mater of life and death, Grappling with 2s)conorimientos, wth what dont want to know, opening and shutting my eyes and ears to cultura realities, txpanding my awarenees and consciousness, or refusing todo 0, Sometimes results in discovering the postive shadow hidden aspects ‘of myself andthe word. Each iitant ise gaa of snd in the oyster ofthe imagination, Sometimes what aceretes azound an initant or ‘wound may produce a pst of gest insight a theory ‘im constantly strugling with my own ways of cultural production sind the role that pay a an artist ell he space where struggle ‘rth my creations "nepantia” Nepancia isthe place where my cultural find petsonal codes clash, where I come up aginst the worlds dic- tates where these diferent wordecooesce in my waiting lam con sclous of various nepantinetinguistie, geographical, gender, sexu Pistorica cata, elites social—when | writ: Nepanta isthe point cof contact ye ugar between worlds—between imagination and pys- ical existence, between ordinary and nonordinary (spit) realities [Nepantla concerns sutomatialy infuse my writing | don't have to cul myself to deal with these particular points; these nepanis in- Inait me and inevitebly surface in whatever Im writing, Nepantas are places of constant tension, where the mising or absent pieces fan be summoned back, where tansformation and healing may be possible, where wholeness i just out of each but seems attainable, ribo para idear—the Spanish word meaning to form or con ceive an dea to develop 8 theory, ofnvent and imagine” My works ‘bout questioning affecting and changing the paradigms that govern prevaling notions of reality, identity, reat, activism spirituality, ace, gender, class, and sexuality. To develop an epistemology ofthe Imagination, 2 paychology ofthe image, eanstruct my own symbol ‘system! While attempting toceste new epistemological framework, ‘Fm constant reflecting on this activity of deat The desire or need to ‘hare the proces of following” images and making"stries" andthe tres motivates me to waite this text Direct interpretive engagements between artists and ther images Ihave few precedents. There's very litle diet, personal artistic r= starch, sve had to engage with my own experiences and constrict ‘my own formulations Intento dar testimonio de mi propio proceso y ‘onciencia de escritora chicana. oy a que escibe ys esrbe/ am the one who writes and who i bing written. Utmamente ee es exis que me eerie / Ite the writing that “writes” me, reed” and “speak” mys into being, Writing s the sit where I rtque reality, emu, language, and dominant culture representation and ideo logical contra Using @ multiditcipinary approach and a “storytelling” format theorize my own and others’ struggles for representation, dent, slPinserpton, and creative expressions, When "speak" myself in creative and theorescal writing, constant shit postions—which ‘means taking into acount ideological rmolinos (whitivinds), cl ‘ra dissonance, and the convergence of competing wos. Itmeans dealing with the fact that Hee most people nbi citferent cultures and, when crossing other mundosshitintoand out of perspectives oresponding to each st means living i minal spaces, in nepantie By focusing on Chicana/mestiza {mexicans tejana) experience and identity in several axes—aeter/arts, intellects, scholar, teacher, ‘woman, Chicana, feminist, lesbian, working class—1 attempt to ana yas, describe and re-create thee identity shifts. Speaking fom the _eographies of many “countries” makes me a privileged speaker 1 “speak in tongues”—understand the languages, emotions, thous, fantasies ofthe various sub-personaltes inhaling me and the var ou rounds they speak fom. To do so, mt gare out which person (she, you, we, hem, the) which tense (present, pat, future), which Jnguage and reste, and which voice ot stylet speak from. Mentty formation (whic involves “reading” and “writing” oneself andthe wold ian alchemical proces that synthesizes the dualities, contra Actions, and perspectives from these diferent selves end words. In these auto-ethnogrephies'am both serve and patiipant— [simultaneously look at myself a subject and object. the link of an ee, blur subjct/ebject class gender, and other boundavies. Mysthoelgea stances emerge wring proces othe he She watt wes nding hee npr he eson post. in omulang ce wee of eoving new set of we net perpen and now dingy of opens! gape rena wi a ew tthogy one tat hep dss 2 ‘ne pein des come oko ho oad wie [Game knowin concn rege oges-oee tse vrursaling ome cre ith tn experience it Treot on ad I se heer nguge a a coenpond oe ser ldo the wor blew tnt maton onan concious eee Tv of the mgr sglcace frm, te, and for You teinespeee census ot obs) the ange [ci guin tmevors for tring eegy experiences alwing the iage tee and toh gina my ye os Ihe images ant following ther tote dep conte, daopung sh ten and then wating what we tose Sometins te Tadow oot tis ones and les barr, mang he po oe pnt canto hc lngupe a ere of contain then sujet Using rary etd preenaton ot Iter tera seer chester ote Popes conceptions reflect on the Pyehologea nyt aspects of tnyowmeprson ern nye och hes ape tote of cof, coon as mate he is) at ate © inp mec ini cape te sno es, any ope wiht Methods have undriving sumption, implying bce os sonandesc rei There se oo undp percept ch fave ay adimogal wars py ey np elmapes opto intr (he story el aout heage) se img hinting employ angi erence ye Spuot he imag. np ainen ogg spi) ean nner Eatin det ny ean geo con oneal erence’ My agian nd my ng ae sommes hey se [pecs of thc ne proces of cet ea aga devo Imetings ht cotny tony wand prone mula, Alans eg) etingin an angeles. Oreroing thee impase bcos arte oe proves Thode of peep ‘Simgial ning ereads what hppene Int exteroa wo in terms of my personal intentions and interests. ess external events to give meaning to my own mythmaking Magical thinkings not wa donaly valued in academic wring My texts about the imagination (the psyche'simage-reting fc uty, the power to make Beton or stores, inner moties ke Stat Tes Iolodect about ‘active imagining” ensuefoseamingwhile awake), and interacting consciously with them. le ae connected toelcenote ‘i the indvival and collective arbol de a vida, and our images and {ensuetios emerge fom that connection, fom the selt-in-community (inne, spiritual, nature/animals, aciaVethnic, communities of inter 25 nelghborhood, ty, maton plane, gala, andthe unknown uni verses). use'dreaming’ er ensueios (the making of image) to figure fut what's wrong, foretell current and future events and establish hidden unknown connections between lived experiences and theory, “This texts about ozdeals that wigger thoughts rections, and ia ginal musings. It deals inivety with the symbols that I associate ‘ith certain archetypal experiences and processes ‘Thoughts pass ite ripples rougher body, causing a musle tighten er, bee here. oeryting comes ough si, js ear. She expe ences ety physically. No ation exits ouside fa psa ono. Eoery ‘con the retl ofa dc, intemal confi, strug, eatin, Stalemate The Body always reflects ier acy “Espana” in Ls E- suetos dela Prletat Forme, wrtingisa gesture of the body a gesture of creativity, work- ing from the inside ot. My fern e grounded not on incorporest stration buton corporeal reais. The material body is center, and ‘eentral-The body i the ground of thought. The body ea text Writing {is not about being in your head; is about being in your body. The body responds physically, emotionally and ntllectaly to external ‘and internal stimuli, and wring records, orders, and theorizes about these responses. For me, ting begins with the impulse to push ‘boundaries o shape ideas, mages and words that travel through the body and echo in the mind into something that has never existed ‘The writing process is the same mysterious process that we use to make the world ‘Tere adiference between talking ith mages/stories and talking tou them In his text atemp to talk with imagesstores, to engage with creative and sprtual processes and thei rituals aspects. In‘enacting te relationship between certain images and concepts and ny own experience and payche, {se personal narrative with theo ‘ete discourse, atobiogaphical vignettes with theoretical prose. Create a hybrid genre anew discursive mod, which I call"autohisto- fia" and “outohistoria- teria” Conectando experiencias personales on reaidades socials reel in authistoria, and theorizing about ‘his activity results in autistra-teoria I's way of inventing and ‘making knowledge, mesning and identity trough self-inscriptions By making certain personal experience the subject of this study, also blur he private/public borders. ‘in writing this book, {had ta igure out how to imagine/reate/ Aiscover certain conceptstheories, ow to shape each esay'structure land desgninother word, hd to map ot each essays universe the ‘Sweep and body ofits terrin. male these discoveries 361 write, nd hot before. uncover and release the energy shaping each piece, ds over ite premise, ideas, counter ideas, controling ideas, and arch lt | tack what Hes beyond the originating idea ace its turing point ts emotional dynamic, and the Linking ofits pats. ret each Essay as"stoy" with antagonism, dialogue, ess imax, resolution, tn poste, consider various aspects of craft: narative technique, tse of Tanguage—uhen Spanish is appropiate theoretical anguage petinen,yemacolar language sultabie {don't write fromm sny single discipinary position. 1 write outside olfcil theoretical pilorophial language Mineis a struggle of recog ning and legtiisingexchded seve, especialy of wemen, people ‘for, queer and ohered groups. organize and order hese ideas as “stories believe tat tis through narative that you come to unde stand end know your self and make sense ofthe world Through nar ‘ive you formulate your ientes by unconsciously locating yourselt| ln scial narratives not of your own making® Your culture gives you your identity story, pro en un buscede rompimiento con la traiciin you create an alternative identity story. “This book contains the various kinds of nareatives that make up my fe: feminism, race etic queerness, gender, and artistic prac tice Ideals withthe processes that oceut in reading, writing, and other cretive acts. Shamanic imaginings happen while reeding or ‘writing a book. The controlled “ights"that reading and writing end ‘us on are a kindof “ensues” similar tothe deat or fantasy pro: ces, resembling the magia fights ofthe journeying shamans. My image for ensuefo is of la orona astride a wild hors taking ight. Ione af her aspect hei pictred ae a woman with horse's heed. appropriate’ Mexican indigenous cultural Bgures, such as Coyol saubgul, symbol, and practices. use imaginal figures (achetyps] of ‘theinner worl. dwelon the imaginations olen journeying ono cexdinary’" eats, om the use of the imaginal n nagualismo and ite connection to nature spirituality This texts about acts of imaginative Aight in eaity ana identity construction and reconstrctons In rewstng narratives of identity, nationalism, ethnicity, race, lass, gender, sexuality, and aesthetic, I attempt to show (and not jst tell how transformation happens, My jb snot just to interpret fr describe realities bu to create them through language and action, symbols and images. My tsk sto guide readers and give them the space to co-reate often against the grin of culture, family, and ‘njometions, against external and internal censorship, agunst the ltates of genes. From infancy our cultures indict us int the semi trance state of ordinary consciousness, nto bein in agreement with the people around us, into believing that this isthe way things are. ‘sextremel dificult to shift outof this wance ‘This text questions its own formalzing and ordering attempts its ‘wn strategies, the machinations of thought itself theory frm lated on an experentil level of discourse. explores the various structures of experience that organize subjective words and iumi- rates meaning personal experience and conduct. enters into the lalogue between the new tory and the old and attempts to revise the master etry. Thope to contribute tothe debate among activist academics trying to intervene, csrup, challenge, and transform the existing power structures that iit ana constain women My chief decpinaty Seas tare creative writing feminism, a, erature, epistemology, a wel at spiritual, race, border, Raza, and ethnic studies. In questioning Sys tems of knowledge attempt to add tor ater thelr norms and make changes in thee las by presenting new theoretical models. With ‘he new trbalism challenge the Chicano and ater) nationalist nar ratives My dilemma, and that of other Chicana and wornen-of lor writers, is twofold: how to write (produce) without being inscribed (r= produced inthe dominant white structure and how to write withoutteinscibing and reproducing what we rebel against. Our task isto ‘write agsnst the edit that women should farther own darkness, {hat we not broach itn our writings. Noes tarea isto envision Coyonauaul, not deed snd decapitated, but with eyes wide open, (ur taskisto light up the darkness, 11 | Let us be the healing of the wound ‘The Coyolzaigul imperative—La sombra ye sue ‘The day the towers fel me sent como Coyabrauqui a una Algo me gam yme secu, ighteningasomba (soul) out of my bod 1 ll Sn pieces ito that pitch black brooding pace. Each violent image of ‘the towers collapsing transmitted veal over the world then repsted 8 thousand times on TY, sucked the breath out of me, each image etched on my mind’ eye Wounded, fell into shock, cold and clammy. ‘The moment fragmented me, dissociating me from myselt Arresting very vital organ in met would not eease me Rodies on fre, bodies fling through the sky, bodes pummeled and crushed by stone and see Ios cverps trapped and suffocating became ur bodies. As we watched we ta fl dos esos, What oe+ ‘ured on September 1,201, othe people inthe four hijacked ait Planes, the rid Trade Center twin ters of New York iy, and the Pentagon happened to us, too. couldn't detach rom the victims and survivors and thee pln. This wounding opened ike gah and wid ‘ened unt a deep chasm separated me from thos around me. Tn the weeks following éste tremende atrbate,susto trussed me initsmumbing sheath. Suspended in limbo in that in-between space, ‘nepal, wandered through my days on auroplot, feeling discon nected from the events of my life, My house whispered and moaned. ‘tints walls he wind howled, LikelaLoronaoet and alone, wasLIGHT IN THE DARK LUZ EN LO OSCURO REWRITING IDENTITY, SPIRITUALITY, REALITY GLORIA E. ANZALDUA ANALOUIS.