Part I: Paradigm And Principles

Covey says most people look for quick fixes.

They see a big success and want to know how he did it, believing
(and hoping) they can do the same following a quick bullet list.

But real change, the author says, comes not from the outside in, but
from the inside out. And the most fundamental way of changing
yourself is through a paradigm shift.

That paradigm shift is a new way of looking at the world.

“The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People” presents an approach to
effectiveness based on character and principles.

The first three habits indeed deal with yourself because it all starts
with you.
The first three habits move you from dependence from the world to
the independence of making your own world.

Habits 4, 5 and 6 are about people and relationships. The will move
you  from independence to interdependence. Such as, learning to
cooperate to achieve more than you could have by yourself.

The last habit, habit number 7, focuses on continuous growth and

improvement.

The way we see the problem is the problem

Part II: Private Victory

Habit 1: Be Proactive

You Create Your Reality: You’re In Charge

Proactive is not what most people would think it is.

For Covey being proactive means exercising your power of choice

between the stimulus you receive from the world and your
response.
If you feel down, it’s because you allowed the stimulus to bring you
down

“Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our

power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and
our freedom”

Focus On What You Can Control

Covey introduces the “circle of control” to represent all that we care

about.

We can only influence a portion of what we care about, and that’s

where we should be focusing on.

Focusing on anything else means focusing on what the author calls

“the circle of concerns”.
Focusing on what we cannot control is a waste of time and energy.
And often also spoils our mood because it takes the form of worrying
and complaining.

Ironically, the more you focus on the things you can control, the
more your abilities and skills improve. Which in turn will further
enlarge your circle of influence.
To start mentally shifting your focus into the circle of influence the
author suggests you stop using “if” sentences such as “if only I had…”
and start using instead “be” sentences, such as “I can be more..”

Habit 2: Begin With The End In Mind

Start Creating Your Reality

Beginning with the end in mind means being clear about who you
want to be and where you want to go.

And then travel that path.

Habit two is based on imagination and on the idea that two different
forms of creation exist: mental creation and physical creation.
The mental creation comes first, and the physical creation follows
the mental one.

Covey says that if you are not clear about the mental creation of
where you want to be you are the mercy of randomness and
circumstances.

Personal End in Mind: Principles

Covey recommends that as much as you think about your life goals,
you also think about who you want to be.

When you have that clear, you can draft principles and values in
accordance to that person (check Principles to see Ray Dalio’s).

With your principles and values clear you will approach life and all
the events in your life with a high level of clarity and confidence.
Aligning Life and Principles

To make sure your life goals and personal principles are aligned
Covey recommends you write a personal mission statement.

The mission statement should answer the questions “who do you

want to be and what you do want to accomplish”.

This chapter reminded me of the auto suggestion chapter in Think

and Grow Rich, but better and without woo-woo.

What do you want to be when you grow up?

Decide and then become it.

Part III: Public Victory

Habit 3: Put First Things First

Time Management is Life Management: Put Your Life Priorities First

Habit three is all about prioritization.

If you follow the steps of Habit 1 and 2 then you have your values
and life goal very clear.
This means you know what are your priorities.. And which are not.

Basically, your first and major prioritization is through the filter of

your life goals.

Once you have a burning desire to become and do what you want
your yeses will also clearly show what are your nos. That’s the
bedrock of prioritization.
The Time Quadrant

Covey introduces here the now famous time quadrant.

To effectively manage your time you should spend most of your time
on non urgent and important tasks.

This way you will rarely have to deal with urgent and important
tasks, which heighten your stress and often deliver sub-bar results.

Habit 4: Think Win / Win

Covey says that win/win is a character based approach to human

interactions.

To achieve this level, you must first acquire three essential character
traits:
 1. Integrity (sticking with who you are: feelings, values)
2. Maturity (expressing your ideas and feelings with a balance of
courage and consideration)
3. Abundance mentality (life is no zero sum, there’s plenty for all)

I particularly liked that the author stresses the importance of

integrity in the sense of aligning yourself with your public actions.

Habit 5: Seek First To Understand, Then To Be Understood

Covey says that communication is the most important skill in life.

And we are all heavily under-trained in listening. Indeed, very few

people even listen at all.
Which is a pity, because the foundation of influencing people is to
first understanding people.

Covey says there are four levels of listening:

1. Ignoring
2. Pretending to listen
3. Attentive listening
4. Empathic listening

Even most good listeners stop at the third level of attentive listening.
Attentive listening entails the following:

 Evaluating: judge and then agree or disagree

 Probing: ask question from own frame of reference
 Advising: advising based on own frame of reference
 Interpreting: interpreting his action and feelings based on own
frame of reference

Habit 6: Synergize
A Team is Stronger Than an Individual
The idea of synergizing is that the whole of a well functioning team is
greater than the mere sum of its part.

The key to an effective group synergy, says the author, is to really

value the differences among us.
So ask yourself: do you want to be right, do you want everyone to
agree?
Learn to embrace differences as a strength instead.

Synergy also entails “flow” and perfect group automation as if the

group was functioning as one. That’s when you achieve top results.

Part IV: Renewal

Habit 7: Sharpen The Saw

Take Care of Your Greatest Asset: Yourself

No habits in the world will take you far unless you preserve, take
care and keep improving on yourself.

Covey recommends you focus on the four major dimensions of your

life:

 Physical: exercise, nutrition and rest

 Social/Emotional: meaningful human connections (see “how to
bond and connect“)
 Mental: learning, visualizing, acquiring new knowledge
 Spiritual: art, meditation, music, time in nature, prayer and
service

He says it’s important you commit some time for each one
dimension. And he’s right
 "Emotional Competencies and its impact on Professional Success"

According to Goleman, while IQ and technical skills do matter as

"entry-level requirements for executive positions," these five skills
that constitute emotional intelligence are essential for leadership
success. "Without it, a person can have the best training in the
world, an incisive, analytical mind, and an endless supply of smart
ideas, but he still won't make a great leader," he writes.
Below are the definitions of these essential elements of emotional
intelligence and explanations on how you can foster these abilities in
yourself.
 Self-awareness is the ability to recognize and comprehend
one's emotions, motivations and changing moods, as well as the
effect that one's emotions have on other people. Cultivating self-
awareness can often begin with simply taking stock of how you feel
and act throughout the day and also asking yourself how your
actions and moods correspond to other people's reactions to you.
 Self-regulation is the ability to control – and in some cases
even productively channel – negative and/or disruptive emotions
and impulses. Self-regulation also necessitates thinking before acting
and making a habit of suspending judgment on others in order to
fairly evaluate the people and situations one encounters daily.
 Motivation is defined as the drive to work for reasons that
transcend money or status. True motivation comes from a desire for
wholly internal rewards, such as fulfillment from learning, pursuing a
genuine interest or from positively impacting other people around
you.
 Empathy is simply the ability to understand the emotions,
moods and dispositions of other people and to tailor one's actions so
as to optimize interactions with different individuals.
 Social skill is the ability to build and maintain social networks
and strong individual relationships with others. This often entails
having some of the other skills outlined above, such as empathy and
self-regulation.
Successfully managing one's emotions in the workplace does not
mean suppressing these emotions. Doing so only results in an
increased likelihood of an emotional outburst later down the road.
Instead of bottling up emotions, try acknowledging your feelings
while reframing your thoughts to stay positive even in trying
situations. For example, if you get reprimanded at work,
acknowledge that you feel less than awesome, but also tell yourself
truthfully that this situation is a great learning opportunity, not only
in terms of your work product, but also in terms of navigating
conversations with your supervisor. While you maintain optimism,
try assessing how the emotions you feel relate to your interactions
with other people. Do your most unpleasant interactions correspond
to the days when you feel most stressed and/or resentful? Do people
connect with you better when you have a more positive outlook on a
given day?
Building this awareness can not only help you thrive in a corporate
setting and enjoy happiness in the workplace, but also lead to a more
effective and satisfying life in general.

Leaders can boost their emotional intelligence by taking the time to

learn about people and becoming more self-aware of their own
emotions. If you practice becoming more mindful of your own
feelings and your reactions to others, you'll become more
empathetic.

"While some people are going to be naturally gifted with a higher EQ

than others, like anything else, it is possible to improve with patience
and dedication," said Lupton.

"Taking time to get to know people around you and consciously

seeking to empathize can go a long way toward having an effectively
higher EQ," Lupton added. "If you look at someone else and see
yourself reflected back in them, you can begin to treat them in a
more compassionate manner."