Short Story of Mothers Love – Tears of Joy

I lay in my bedroom staring the motionless fan hanging from the ceiling above.
Electricity has gone, but the cool breeze through the windows works better than the
fan. Despite that, sweat drops cover my body.

The pain in both legs makes me mad. Two months back a slip in the corridor had
gifted me broken bones in both legs.

Amidst the pain, the fingers of my left hand are wrapped around the cell phone. The
pain in my heart coupled with the unbearable pain in my legs makes my grip over it
even tighter.

I am expecting a call. A call from my son-in-law!

A confirmation call for me to add myself to the group of grandmothers!

The most precious person in my life, my Munni, is admitted in the city hospital for her
delivery. My kid is just nineteen years old and is going to be a mother. I know it isn’t
news in today’s world. But for me, it is!

An accident had taken away my husband when Munni was seven years old. That
time I had thought that my life was over. But it wasn’t. Without much education and a
stable employment I had taken pains all these years to raise Munni giving her every
comfort a middle-class child would expect. But I couldn’t send her to college, though
she was a good student who aspired to study more.

When my pretty daughter turned eighteen, the proposal from this decent, employed
guy, my son-law, had come. It changed my Munni’s life and along with it, my life too.
She had moved with her husband to the city and I live alone in this cheerless house.
Munni, my only cheer, is far away!

My son-in-law had promised to send her to college, but soon she became pregnant.
It wasn’t a mistake too! And even now he assures me that he will send her for study,
after the child is born. I don’t know. But there is no reason for me to doubt my son-in-
law. For my Munni, he is a good and loving husband who takes good care of her and
my daughter is happy with him. That automatically makes me glad. And sometimes,
her age gives her fears, which she lavishly gives me too. Whenever she shows
that generosity, I become weak like a one-armed boxer and the life scares the hell
out of me.

These days, I can’t move myself without my old aunt’s help, so taking care of Munni
seemed something unthinkable, so she had to plan her delivery in the city itself.
They have hired someone to take care of her. As travel has been impossible for both
of us, I haven’t seen my daughter in months. Since then our only contact was
through cell phone. She calls me umpteen number of times for sharing even her
most silly doubts and fears. I understand how much impact a mother can make
on her children. My words, loaded with love, strengthen her, give her courage to face
things for which a woman is destined.

That’s when I realised how important a cell phone is in my life. I don’t know how I
would have managed without the cell phone, which meant no connection with my
only daughter, for whom I have lived so far and for whom I am still living.

Once she asked me, ‘Ammi, what if my child is a still born? When I went for check-
up, another girl I met there told me her first child was a still born!”

Always I ask her to be positive, to pray and to not think about such matters.

Another time she asked, ‘Ammi, what will you do if I die?’

She, with that question, had taken my good life that very moment. Her fears always
make me fragile.

I had become her mother at a younger age than hers. But I hadn’t given much
thought about it then. I was just excited about the baby, my baby! Even if I had fears,
there was none to support me,  my mother was a harsh one. I was ignorant.
Sometimes, ignorance helps. When my date was due, fear had gripped me. But
soon, I had become extremely happy seeing my cute baby, my Munni.

But Munni’s question had made me panic. I can’t even imagine losing her. I would
rather die with her.

I had cried, had scolded her for asking that.

I don’t know what other mothers think, but I am more concerned about my daughter
and her life than the child’s. It may sound selfish, but it is a truth. Childbearing is not
a big event as lakhs and lakhs are born each day. But even the most mundane thing
becomes the most important news when it comes to our children or close people.
That is what it is all about.

But again, I didn’t know how to pacify her. I just had told her nothing like that would
happen.

But the fear which found home in my heart from that moment has remained there like
an uninvited guest.

“What would I do without her?”

A girl’s best friend is always her mother. But taking our circumstances into
consideration, I am unable to be with her, when she needs me the most, to stray
away all her fears.
I cry over my helplessness. I know it doesn’t help. But that’s the only thing I am able
to do now.

I find my cell phone as one of the most treasured possessions. The thing that makes
me alive connecting me with my life, with my breath, which makes me forget all the
pain by her sweet voices.

I check the cell phone, nothing new! I don’t want to call and disturb them.

As times passes, fear gains strength. Bad thoughts pass through my mind.

I try to remain calm, but I can’t. I am no saint to win over all my emotions. I am an
ordinary lady.

But, as my thoughts wander, I get to know that if I don’t find peace and overcome my
fears myself, none can help me do that.

I think about my life. I had gone through many bad times while living the life of a
widow without anyone’s support. But I had overcome all those hurdles, had led a
model life. I had raised a girl, had given her education as far as I could and had
given her in marriage to a good man.

I, who have come all this way, am now afraid of losing my child.

But does worrying help? Will our fears change anything? Will it bring us desired
results?

I think. I try to be strong. I try my best to think good thoughts.