Characteristics[edit]

The concept of limerence "provides a particular carving up of the semantic domain

of love",[8] and represents an attempt at a scientific study of the nature of love.
Limerence is considered as a cognitive and emotional state of being emotionally
attached to or even obsessed with another person, and is typically experienced
involuntarily and characterized by a strong desire for reciprocation of one's feelings
—a near-obsessive form of romantic love.[9] For Tennov, "sexual attraction is an
essential component of limerence ... the limerent is a potential sex partner". [10]
Willmott and Bentley define limerence as an acute onset, unexpected, obsessive
attachment to one person (the limerent object). Limerence is characterised by
internal experiences such as ruminative thinking, anxiety and depression,
temporary fixation, and the disintegration of the self, and found in their case studies
that these themes find relation to unresolved past life experiences and attempts
at self-actualization.[4]
Limerence is sometimes also interpreted as infatuation, or what is colloquially
known as a "crush". However, in common speech, infatuation includes aspects of
immaturity and extrapolation from insufficient information, and is usually short-
lived. Tennov notes how limerence "may dissolve soon after its initiation, as in an
early teenage buzz-centered crush", [11] but she is more concerned with the point
when "limerent bonds are characterized by 'entropy' crystallization as described
by Stendhal in his 1821 treatise On Love, where a new love infatuation
perceptually begins to transform ... [and] attractive characteristics are exaggerated
and unattractive characteristics are given little or no attention ... [creating] a
'limerent object'".
According to Tennov, there are at least two types of love: limerence, which she
describes as, among other things, "loving attachment", and "loving affection", the
bond that exists between an individual and their parents and children. [12] She notes
that one form may evolve into the other: "Those whose limerence was replaced by
affectional bonding with the same partner might say ... 'We were very much in love
when we married; today we love each other very much'". [13] The distinction is
comparable to that drawn by ethologists "between the pair-forming and pair-
maintaining functions of sexual activity", [7] just as "the attachment of the attachment
theorists is very similar to the emotional reciprocation longed for in Tennov's
limerence, and each is linked to sexuality".[14]
Nicky Hayes describes limerence as "a kind of infatuated, all-absorbing passion"
which is unrequited. Tennov equated it to the type of love Dante felt
towards Beatrice—an individual he met twice in his life and served as inspiration
for La Vita Nuova and the Divine Comedy. It is this unfulfilled, intense longing for
the other person which defines limerence, where the individual becomes "more or
less obsessed by that person and spends much of their time fantasising about
them". Limerence may only last if conditions for the attraction leave it unfulfilled;
therefore, occasional, intermittent reinforcement is required to support the
underlying feelings. Hayes notes that "it is the unobtainable nature of the goal
which makes the feeling so powerful", and that it is not uncommon for those to
remain in a state of limerence over someone unreachable for months and even
years.[15]:457
Limerence is characterized by intrusive thinking and pronounced sensitivity to
external events that reflect the disposition of the limerent object towards the
individual. It can be experienced as intense joy or as extreme despair, depending
on whether the feelings are reciprocated. It is the state of being completely carried
away by unreasoned passion or love,[citation needed] even to the point of addictive-type
behavior. Usually, one is inspired with an intense passion or admiration for
someone. Limerence can be difficult to understand for those who have never
experienced it, and it is thus often dismissed by non-limerents as ridiculous fantasy
or a construct of romantic fiction.[2]
Tennov differentiates between limerence and other emotions by asserting
that love involves concern for the other person's welfare and feeling. While
limerence does not require it, those concerns may certainly be
incorporated. Affection and fondness exist only as a disposition towards another
person, irrespective of whether those feelings are reciprocated, whereas limerence
deeply desires reciprocation, but it remains unaltered whether or not it is returned.
Physical contact with the object is neither essential nor sufficient to an individual
experiencing limerence, unlike with one experiencing sexual attraction.[16] Where
early, unhealthy attachment patterns or trauma influence limerence, the limerent
object may be construed as an idealization of the figure or figures involved in the
original unhealthy attachment or trauma. Lack of reciprocation may in such
instances serve to reinforce lessons learned in earlier, unhealthy bonding
experiences, and hence strengthen the limerence.

Components[edit]
Limerence involves intrusive thinking about the limerent object. [2] Other
characteristics include acute longing for reciprocation, fear of rejection, and
unsettling shyness in the limerent object's presence. In cases of unrequited
limerence, transient relief may be found by vividly imagining reciprocation from the
limerent object. Tennov suggests that feelings of limerence can be intensified
through adversity, obstacles, or distance—'Intensification through Adversity'. [17] A
limerent person may have acute sensitivity to any act, thought, or condition that
can be interpreted favorably. This may include a tendency to devise, fabricate, or
invent "reasonable" explanations for why neutral actions are a sign of hidden
passion in the limerent object.
A person experiencing limerence has a general intensity of feeling that leaves
other concerns in the background. In their thoughts, such a person tends to
emphasize what is admirable in the limerent object and to avoid any negative or
problematic attributes.
Intrusive thinking and fantasy[edit]
During the height of limerence, thoughts of the limerent object (or person) are at
once persistent, involuntary and intrusive. Such 'intrusive thoughts about the LO ...
appear to be genetically driven':[18] indeed, limerence is first and foremost a
condition of cognitive obsession. This may be caused by low serotonin levels in the
brain, comparable to those of people with obsessive–compulsive disorder.[19] All
events, associations, stimuli, and experiences return thoughts to the limerent
object with unnerving consistency, while conversely the constant thoughts about
the limerent object define all other experiences. If a certain thought has no
previous connection with the limerent object, immediately one is made. Limerent
fantasy is unsatisfactory unless rooted in reality, [2] because the fantasizer may want
the fantasy to seem realistic and somewhat possible. At their most severe,
intrusive limerent thoughts can occupy an individual's waking hours completely,
resulting—like severe addiction—in significant or complete disruption of the
limerent's normal interests and activities, including work and family. For serial
limerents, this can result in debilitating, lifelong underachievement in school, work,
and family life.
Fantasies that are concerned with far-fetched ideas are usually dropped by the
fantasizer.[2] Sometimes fantasizing is retrospective: actual events are replayed
from memory with great vividness. This form predominates when what is viewed as
evidence of possible reciprocation can be re-experienced (a kind of selective or
revisionist history). Otherwise, the long fantasy is anticipatory; it begins in the
everyday world and climaxes at the attainment of the limerent goal. A limerent
fantasy can also involve an unusual, often tragic, event.
The long fantasies form bridges between the limerent's ordinary life and that
intensely desired ecstatic moment. The duration and complexity of a fantasy
depend on the availability of time and freedom from distractions. The bliss of the
imagined moment of consummation is greater when events imagined to precede it
are possible (though they often represent grave departures from the probable). Not
always is it entirely pleasant, and when rejection seems likely the thoughts focus
on despair, sometimes to the point of suicide. The pleasantness or unpleasantness
of the state seems almost unrelated to the intensity of the reaction. Although the
direction of feeling, i.e. happy versus unhappy, shifts rapidly, with 'dramatic surges
of buoyancy and despair',[18] the intensity of intrusive and involuntary thinking alters
less rapidly, and only in response to an accumulation of experiences with the
particular limerent object.
Fantasies are occasionally dreamed by the one experiencing limerence. Dreams
give out strong emotion and happiness when experienced, but often end with
despair when the subject awakens. Dreams can reawaken strong feelings toward
the limerent object after the feelings have declined.
Fear of rejection[edit]
Along with an emphasis on the perceived exceptional qualities, and devotion to
them, there is abundant doubt that the feelings are reciprocated: rejection.
Considerable self-doubt is encountered, leading to "personal incapacitation
expressed through unsettling timidity in the presence of the person", [20] something
which causes misery and galvanizes desire.
In most cases, what destroys limerence is a suitably long period of time
without reciprocation. Although it appears that limerence advances with adversity,
personal discomfort may foul it. This discomfort results from a fear of the limerent
object's opinions.
Hope[edit]
Limerence develops and is sustained when there is a certain balance of hope and
uncertainty. The basis for limerent hope is not in objective reality but in reality as it
is perceived. The inclination is to sift through nuances of speech and subtleties of
behavior for evidence of limerent hope. "Lovers, of course, are notoriously
frantic epistemologists, second only to paranoiacs (and analysts) as readers of
signs and wonders."[21] "Little things" are noticed and endlessly analyzed for
meaning. Such excessive concern over trivia may not be entirely unfounded,
however, as body language can indicate reciprocated feeling. What the limerent
object said and did is recalled with vividness. Alternative meanings for the
behaviors recalled are sought. Each word and gesture is permanently available for
review, especially those interpreted as evidence in favor of reciprocated feeling.
When objects, people, places or situations are encountered with the limerent
object, they are vividly remembered, especially if the limerent object interacted with
them in some way.
The belief that the limerent object does not and will not reciprocate can only be
reached with great difficulty. Limerence can be carried quite far before
acknowledgment of rejection is genuine, especially if it has not been addressed
openly by the limerent object.
Loneliness[edit]
Shaver and Hazan observed that those suffering from loneliness are significantly
more susceptible to limerence,[22] arguing that "if people have a large number of
unmet social needs, and are not aware of this, then a sign that someone else might
be interested is easily built up in that person's imagination into far more than the
friendly social contact that it might have been. By dwelling on the memory of that
social contact, the lonely person comes to magnify it into a deep emotional
experience, which may be quite different from the reality of the event." [15]:460

Effects[edit]
Physical[edit]
The physiological effects of intense limerence can include shortness of
breath, perspiration, and heart palpitations.[23] Loss of appetite can also occur.[24]
If there is extensive anxiety, incorrect behaviour may torpedo the relationship,
which may cause physical responses to manifest intensely. Some people acutely
feel these effects either immediately or following contact with the limerent object.
Blended is dire ecstasy or keen despair, depending on the turn of events.
Psychological[edit]
Awkwardness, stuttering, shyness, and confusion predominate at the behavioral
level. Sufferers complain of abandonment, despair, and diabolically humiliating
disappointment. A sense of paralyzing ambiguity predominates, punctuated by
pining. Intermittent or nonreciprocal responses lead to labile vacillation between
despair and ecstacy. This limbo is the threshold for mental prostration.
The sensitivity that stems from fear of rejection can darken perceptions of the
limerent object's body language. Conflicted signs of desire may be displayed cause
confusion. Often, the limerent object is currently involved with another or is in some
other way unavailable.[25]
A condition of sustained alertness, a heightening of awareness and an enormous
fund of energy to deploy in pursuit of the limerent aim is developed. The sensation
of limerence is felt in the midpoint of the chest, bottom of the throat, guts, or in
some cases in the abdominal region. [2] This can be interpreted as ecstasy at times
of mutuality, but its presence is most noticeable during despair at times of
rejection.

Sexuality[edit]
Awareness of physical attraction plays a key role in the development of limerence,
[10]
 but is not enough to satisfy the limerent desire, and is almost never the main
focus; instead, the limerent focuses on what could be defined as the "beneficial
attributes". Nevertheless, Tennov stresses that "the most consistent result of
limerence is mating, not merely sexual interaction but also commitment". [26]
Limerence can be intensified after a sexual relationship has begun, and with more
intense limerence there is greater desire for sexual contact. However, while sexual
surrender at one time indicated the end of uncertainty felt by the limerent object –
because in the past, a sexual encounter more often led to a feeling of obligation to
commit – in modern times this is not necessarily the case.
The sexual aspect of limerence is not consistent from person to person. Most
limerents experience limerent sexuality as a component of romantic interest. Some
limerents, however, may experience limerence as a consequence of hyperarousal.
In such cases, limerence may form as a defense mechanism against the limerent
object, who is not perceived initially as a romantic ideal, but as a physical threat to
the limerent.
Sexual fantasies are distinct from limerent fantasies. Limerent fantasy is rooted in
reality and is intrusive rather than voluntary. Sexual fantasies are under more or
less voluntary control and may involve strangers, imaginary individuals, and
situations that could not take place. Limerence elevates body temperature and
increases relaxation,[27] a sensation of viewing the world with rose-tinted glasses,
leading to a greater receptiveness to sexuality, and to daydreaming. [28]
People can become aroused by the thought of sexual partners, acts, and situations
that are not truly desired, whereas every detail of the limerent fantasy is
passionately desired actually to take place. [29] Limerence sometimes increases
sexual interest in other partners when the limerent object is unreceptive or
unavailable.[30]