Academic Writing Assignment on Analyzing Text 1

and Text 2 based on Academic Writing Feature

Text 1
There is substantial research evidence to suggest that internet addiction is a growing
phenomenon, and that this addiction may have serious social and personal consequences.
Studies have found incidence of online addiction in a number of countries. A recent, large-
scale survey carried out by Leeds University psychologists found that 1.2% of respondents in
Britain were addicted to the internet (Young, 2009, p. 67). A second survey of 2,000 British
people aged between 16 and 40, found that 2.3% could be categorized as internet addicts
(Shale, 2010, p. 5). Internet addiction has been identified as a problem in many other
societies, including India (Nalwa & Anand, 2003), and China (Li, 2004). Internet addiction
is commonly linked to depression, loneliness and social isolation. However, there is debate
about whether depression leads to internet dependence or vice versa (Morrison, 2010; Naylor,
2008). It seems likely that people who are socially isolated or depressed turn to the internet as
a source interaction, social contact or distraction. In China, however, the medical
establishment tends to view internet addiction as a cause rather than a consequence of
psychological problems and in Beijing online addiction clinics have been set up to treat this
growing phenomenon (Griffiths, 2009).

Text 2
I think it’s not the net that’s the problem, when we talk about online addiction. I think we get
addicted to stuff if we’re depressed. My brother split up with his girlfriend and he started
spending hours online. Why? ‘Cos he was unhappy. That proves that addiction is caused by
depression and not the other way round. Research shows that lots of British people are
addicted to the internet. Internet addiction’s a growing problem with big consequences for the
world. In fact, 2.3% of all British people are internet addicts! And there are lots in China and
India too. Chinese psychologists think that the internet’s the problem and causes depression.
They’ve set up special clinics to treat online addicts. Personally, I think that’s pretty stupid –
they should look at why people get addicted. And they should change and give Tibet back to
the Tibetans too. That would make lots of people less depressed.

Formality
Examples of informal language from Text 2

1. Use of phrasal verb such as ‘split up’, ‘set up’, and ‘back to’ are used which are not
considered to be formal. One should use ‘separate’, ‘establish’, and ‘return’ in place
of it.
 2. Use of subjective pronouns such as ‘I’, ‘we’, and ‘my’ which are not advised to use in
academic language rather one must use ‘one’, ‘individuals’, ‘a person’ and ‘our’.

3. Contraction of words are used such as ‘it’s’, ‘we’re’, ‘they’ve’, and ‘that’s’. In formal
language, one must avoid contraction of words.

4. Conjunctions such as ‘and’ are used in the beginning of a sentence. One must use
conjunctions to join two phrase and not in the beginning of a sentence.

5. Use of colloquialism such as ‘cos’, ‘net’, and ‘stuff’ are not advised in academic
language.

Structure
Text 1 is more structured because the information to be conveyed is well organized in a
sequenced manner (topic sentence followed by supporting evidence, body, and concluding
sentence) providing the reader to understand more efficiently. It is written with all features of
academic writing such as topic sentence, research and evidence based content, and
concluding sentence. There is also use of transitional signals to indicate time sequence such
as ‘a recent’ and ‘a second’, and to indicate contrast with use of word ‘however’.

Logic
Examples of illogical sentence from Text 2

1. And they should change and give Tibet back to the Tibetans too. That would make
lots of people less depressed.
2. My brother split up with his girlfriend and he started spending hours online. Why?
‘Cos he was unhappy.

Evidence
There are seven sources used in text one and the writer has indicated it using in-text citation
to show the readers that the writer has read the information from those sources.
Objectivity
Example 1:

There is use of pronoun ‘I’ in Text 2 which makes the text look subjective. Text 1 conveys
the same meaning as Text 2 but in an objective way by indicating that the idea is based on
evidence.

Text 2 I think it’s not the net that’s the problem, when we talk about online
addiction. I think we get addicted to stuff if we’re depressed.

Text 1 There is substantial research evidence to suggest that internet addiction is a

growing phenomenon, and that this addiction may have serious social and
personal consequences.

Example 2:

In Text 2, there is generalization of an idea based on personal feeling of the writer. In

academic language, one must express an idea supported by evidence as given in Text 1.

Text 2 Chinese psychologists think that the internet’s the problem and causes
depression. They’ve set up special clinics to treat online addicts. Personally, I
think that’s pretty stupid – they should look at why people get addicted.
Text 1 In China, however, the medical establishment tends to view internet addiction
as a cause rather than a consequence of psychological problems and in Beijing
online addiction clinics have been set up to treat this growing phenomenon.

Example 3:

The writer is being over-generalized without any source or evidence in Text 2, whereas Text
1 have source to indicate that the idea is based on research.

Text 2 And there are lots in China and India too.

Text 1 Internet addiction has been identified as a problem in many other societies,
including India (Nalwa & Anand, 2003), and China (Li, 2004).

Precision
Example 1:

Text 2 is being vague by using generalized words such as ‘lots of’ and it does not convince
readers how much of British people are actually addicted to internet. Text 1 is being more
precise by convincing readers that a certain percentage of British people from a group of
respondents are addicted to internet.
 Text 2 Research shows that lots of British people are addicted to the internet.
Text 1 A recent, large-scale survey carried out by Leeds University psychologists
found that 1.2% of respondents in Britain were addicted to the internet
(Young, 2009, p. 67).

Example 2:

Text 2 does not clearly convince readers how much of British people are addicted to internet.
Text 1 is more precise as it is being more elaborate on how many people are being surveyed
and it expresses the percentage of certain age group instead of generalizing to all of British
people.

Text 2 In fact, 2.3% of all British people are internet addicts!

Text 1 A second survey of 2,000 British people aged between 16 and 40, found that
2.3% could be categorized as internet addicts (Shale, 2010, p. 5).

Example 3:

Text 2 is written vaguely without any source or evidence, whereas the source is being cited in
Text 1.

Text 2 And there are lots in China and India too.

Text 1 Internet addiction has been identified as a problem in many other societies,
including India (Nalwa & Anand, 2003), and China (Li, 2004).

Submitted by:
Khandu Wangchuk
05190007
BE Power Engineering
15 April 2020