Kayla Stinson

1 November 2018

Higher Sense of Self

Going back in my deepest realm, which I call my mind, I see this little girl. The image of

her is so vivid I feel as if I can have a conversation with her only if I were to try hard enough.

And as I sit here, I wonder what I would even tell her. Would I tell her the troubles that tomorrow

would eventually bring or would I let her have that last bit of carefree innocence that would be

ripped away soon enough? I got my first taste, of the harsh reality we call life when I lost the one

thing that an 8-year-old should never have to lose: a dad.

At that moment it felt as if the time should have stopped, but it didn't. I felt like the least

the world can do, after ripping away something so precious, is let me catch my breath. Life

didn't and it never will. There is and always will be twenty-four hours in a day and seven days in

a week. It's an obvious concept, yet it's still hard to accept when going through difficult times.

However, death has actually taught me one of the greatest things I could ever learn. Honestly,

it’s kind of frightful if you think about it, because how can something so morbid teach me

anything that is of value? Realizing at a young age that death doesn’t discriminate and that your

life can drastically change in a matter of seconds taught me to not stress so much of the

unknown of tomorrow or the troubles of yesterday. Since I learned and accepted this idea, it has

been vital to my personal growth over the years.

It is a surreal moment when I realize how much time has passed since it all has

happened. Almost a whole ten years later, and I must admit I still have a long way to go. Not

knowing what tomorrow may bring can be a bit overwhelming so rather than worrying I make

sure I savor every good thing that comes my way. Enough time is wasted on contemplating the
‘What If’s’ soI try not to overthink what may happen in the future. Over time I have noticed many

people either focus too much on the future or the past, which keeps them from living in the

moment. At different points in life, I have used that realization as a reminder to myself always to

experience life to its highest potential. The world has too much to offer to miss out.

Now thinking back to that little girl, the one that had endured the most challenging

circumstance that life could have possibly thrown her way, I know what I would say if I ever had

the chance to talk to her. I would neither tell her nor allude to the impending doom ahead.

Instead, I would say to her: cherish every moment, glean from the past, and understand that the

journey is just as important as the destination. Now that I am older and have managed to cope

with the hurt, I realized that knowing the outcome doesn’t mean the journey will be an enjoyable

ride. It does, however, suggest that whatever challenges come we keep moving forward. Much

like that young girl, I don’t know what the future years will hold, but I am confident that the ride

will further shape me into a stronger, wiser, and bolder young woman.