“The Fresh Prince of Bel Air” becomes the Fresh

Prince of Bikini Bottom?

By Angel Basilio

The Fresh Prince has just been

reported to be kicked out of Bel
Air. Apparently his uncle and
aunt has had enough of his
What are the benefits of
“West Philadelphia mindset”
Peach Milk?
and has reportedly been moved By Ross Lee
to the Bikini Bottom to move in Though we were always told to
with Patrick Star. In a quote drink milk as we grew up, we
from the starfish where he says “leedle leedle lee” expresses were always told of the benefits
his emotions to the new fish in town. The fresh prince had of plain old cows milk. So
moved here in order to get away from his unaccepting family. what’s the big deal with Peach
Milk, might you ask? Does it
However, commotion rises in the town of Bikini Bottom have magical healing properties
from noise complaints from the fresh prince. Local citizen, that plain white or even
Squidward Tentacles, called the police late last night, and we chocolate milk can’t deliver?
are able to release the recording of the call. In the call
Squidward says, “Hello, is this the police? I, Squidward The answer is.. ​No!
Tentacles, unrecognized talent, want to report a noise
complaint on the so called Fresh Prince. All he does is sing But it sure is cute and loved by
many for its #aesthetic. What
this annoying song about him being from West Philadelphia
more of a reason is there needed
being born and raised and chillin at this playground.” to buy some peach milk today?
Squidward goes on to make reports of how he is far more Get on some nice clothes and
musically talented than the rapper. What is next for the fresh take some selfies with a carton
prince in Bikini Bottom? of peach milk today!
 CRIME SOLVED BY MONSTER
by Robert Pressman
Another murder in Hollywood’s Toontown, but this time,
Detective Pikachu​ is on the case! In order to solve this case,
Detective Pikachu was forced to step into the shoes of Detective
Eddie Valiant, most known for having solved Toontown’s
infamous ​Who Framed Rodger Rabbit ​case. This time a major
figure in politics in Ryme City was the murder victim. The crime
was similar in nature to those Valiant solved. Eddie Valiant
retired in 1988 at age 71 after more than 50 years in both the
LAPD as a detective; and later as a private detective. Valiant is
known for successfully solving the 1947 Hollywood Toontown
murders of R.K. Maroon, head of Maroon Cartoon Studios,
businessman Marvin Acme, owner of both ACME Corporation
and Toontown, and the previously unsolved murder of his own
brother.
Roger Rabbit was accused of the murder of Roger Clifford, the
new head of Maroon Cartoon Studios and the human representative of Toontown. Mr. Clifford, originally from
Ryme City, Pokémon Land, commuted between Ryme City and Tinseltown. He had decided to serve both
Pokémon and Toons to make up for his father’s villainy.
Roger Rabbit was seen leaving the office of Roger Clifford, just before Clifford was found dead by the cleaning
crew. After an exhaustive investigation by Detective Pikachu, Benny, the toon taxicab, who had been helpful to
Eddie Valiant in the past, has been charged with the murder. It was found that he had run over Mr. Clifford in
his office because he thought Mr. Clifford had plans to close down Toontown near Hollywood and move it to a
suburb in Ryme City. However, that was never Mr. Clifford’s intention. Mr. Clifford left plans that show he
wanted to start a Ryme City annex adjacent to Hollywood to make new Pokémon movies easier to create.

Today's Struggle: "The Modern Crime"

By Melike Durmaz
“My name is Sherlock Holmes. It is my business to know what other people don’t know," said Sherlock, as he
entered the crime scene. He asked to talk to the victim, and he approached Kim Kardashian, who was soaked in
water and weeping. "Madam, can you explain what happened?" he asked in a humble manner. "My diamond
earrings are lost!" exclaimed Kim. "It was $80,000!" Sherlock Holmes understood the importance of the matter.
“You know my methods, Watson," said Sherlock, and asked him to jump into the water where the earring had
been lost. As he looked at Watson struggling to swim, he remembered the times when he was asked to solve the
hardest of mysteries, murders, and robberies. "This new generation," he sighed, "has the weirdest of difficulties."
 “​This generation has the weirdest of difficulties.​”

Survivor 39: Heroes vs

Villains (3) Cast
Revealed

By Shayla Jacobs All contestants have signed an

In a not-so surprising twist,
Survivor producers have
decided to go with the Heroes
vs Villains theme for a 3rd
time. However, we were
surprised to learn that
competing alongside Russel
Hantz (we thought he was
banned) will be Thanos- most
recently famous for destroying
the world, Pennywise the
Clown, and the demogorgon
famous from Stranger Things.
On the heroes tribe, we have
some classic favorites like agreement that no super powers
or gadgets will be used. It is
Elizabeth Hasselback of season
rumored that Captain Planet
2, now famous for her run on
refused to sign stating his powers
The View, Batman, The Wonder
come from the Earth so it would
Twins, Captain Planet, Steven
not be cheating if he used them.
Fishback, and many more.
We were able to get a quote This will certainly be an
from the season's projected "first interesting season! Tune in to
boot off the show," Captain Survivor on Wednesday nights at
Planet. When asked how he 8/7 central.
feels about being the projected
early boot, he smiled and said
"the power is yours."

House M.D. Diagnosis' Gigantic Chicken, Foghorn Leghorn

By David Neary

Foghorn Leghorn, a man sized talking chicken, has unrevealed shocking results after being
examined by world renowned doctor, House M.D.
For the first time in his life, Foghorn Leghorn sought out medical examination after continuous
and ongoing daily chest pain. After seeing numerous specialists Foghorn L. still was left with
more questions than answers. After 13 months of dead ends Foghorn L. was sent off to New
Jersey where he was examined by House M.D. at Princeton-Plainsboro Hospital.
In short, the unusually large sized chicken is the consequence of a tumor on the pituitary gland.
A gland that regulates growth hormone. The tumor on the pituitary gland overstimulated the
production of insulin growth factor-1. The overproduction of 1GF-1 explains the gigantism of
Mr. Foghorn Leghorn.
The ill-fated tumor that resides in the cranium of Foghorn
Leghorn has also led to the growth of his interior organs. The
ongoing chest pain is the consequence of an ever increasing
growing of his heart. After withstanding decades of
uninhibited growth the outcome appears to be grim. Heart
 failure will soon set in. House M.D. stated, "at this stage there is nothing modern medicine can
do for Mr. Foghorn Leghorn."

Winter is coming?  
By Tyler Stump Momo Milk 
Breaking News!​ Famous Pop Exclusive Coupon! 
artist group Jonas Brothers
member Joe Jonas becomes king  
of the north in Winterfell after Get 50% off on all 
marrying Queen, Sansa Stark. The
love birds were spotted taking a Peach Milk related 
lovely vacation at the Beaches of purchases! 
Naath when Joe was seen dropping
down to one knee with an  
emphatic yes from the queen. The
wedding was held in Winterfell
where the two families came
together to join the families and
celebrate the newlyweds. An
interview following the wedding gave insight into the rumors of a baby
to join the two within a few months. With the new held responsibility
of being the king of the north and raising a child has also led to rumors
 
of the band breaking up again. Outraged, fans are asking the band to
*Only valid through certain
stay together but the future does not look bright for them. The band had
carriers
just recently come together again after a previous break up that had left
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fans broken. What will happen now? Will the band stick together
purchases over $20
through this new challenge or separate again?

Ara-Talk: Ask Arashi Narukami! 

Dear Arashi, ​Sometimes, I feel so alone at school. I hardly have any friends
and no motivation to keep up with my classwork. How can I befriend others
when I feel like a total outcast? It just seems impossible, especially considering
how boring I am. Should I change? ​- Momo Panda

Dear Momo Panda,​ ​Absolutely not! You might think you’re the only one who
feels like they’re alone and isolated at school, but you’re far from it! You just need
to remember that you’re perfect the way that you are, and you’ll find those who like you for you. For
now, focus on yourself! You’re lovely just the way you are, and you don’t need to change to make others
“see” your worth. Stay beautiful! ​- Love, Arashi