Writing Escape

Writing for me, since childhood, has helped me overcome many of the trails that have come in
and out of my life. There is someone being expressed in all this writing and to know more about
myself, I need to know more about who I am as a writer. Who am I when I’m writing? Who does
it serve? Many examples can be found about writing. Whether it is letters that I have written to
someone I love and miss, comments that are made on pictures, notes left in a therapy journal, or
essays that are written for educational purposes.
Writing letters over pain and loss for me, have been a way for me to cope and overcome some of
the hard feelings that I had to deal with when losing Sam when I was pregnant. Reading even
these small little letters can bring sorrow to my heart. I lost Sam July 26,2018. It was the hardest
moment in my life that seemed to drag,
like feet walking through quick drying concrete.
Writing can be a tool that we can use in our life for our Letter to Sam
advantage. It can impress people through a resume,
school essay, or to show love to someone that may Sam,
I think of you all the time. I
need to hear it through a card apologizing for
thought of you the other day
someone’s lose. Words are powerful and can often be
while I was going to buy new
overlooked. Especially if they are written. Letters have shirts for the Superbowl. I can’t
been a great way for me to express when I miss my help but think about how excited
son. I may have not had him long, but I miss him with Jordan would be to have you in
everything in my heart. Many times, when I miss him, a 49ers onesie, cheering with it
can be very raw, difficult moments. The only thing that you during the Superbowl. Your
seems to make it easier is to write to him. It’s the only momma misses you.
way that I have been able to find a way to cope about it.
Which only creates a persona in writing of
being a mom who misses her baby. These
letters could serve an audience of mothers
who may need to understand the feelings that
you can go through after losing a child.
Currently, they only serve me and for coping
over my loss. They tend to be immensely
private to me that I don’t even let my husband
read them.
Writing for me can be a strength and a
weakness, like “teeth being prized out of
one’s mouth by a dentist, leaning with both
hands clutched around the pliers, feet on the
arm of the chairs, grimacing with distress.”
My strength in writing is trying to find a way
to keep readers entertained and intrigued with
my message using very descriptive imagery. I
love to play with metaphors and other ways of
saying things. Writing becomes a game to me.
When I was younger, I used writing as one of my
favorite things to do as a kid. No one ever read
the short novels that I wrote, but I loved writing
them. If I write something that I really want
someone to read and love, I try to be as
entertaining as I can. I will swing on my aerobate
pen to flip words and ideas do make something
worth reading and sharing. Some of the great
examples that I have written would be “be able to erase a point that our childlike selves may be
gripping onto with toddler-tantrum strength to”. Many times, this causes me to stare in the vast
state of the empty paper with no direction. I also have a private personality that in order to share
my feelings, I need to know who I am sharing with and be comfortable around them. This only
causes me to not want to share around strangers.
Another outlet of writing that I enjoy using is journals. Journals have been a great way for me to
express when I miss my son and to help cope with anxiety/trauma that I have gone through.
Sometimes this was required by my therapist to track what was triggering my anxiety, it then
helped one day to minimize this affecting me. These are small notes. But my persona of coping
through writing still shows through. But more than anything writing for me reflects Sam.
Keeping this in mind, I think I consider myself
as a mom or a teacher in my writing
persona. When I write, I like to think of ideas
to draw someone attention and to learn or read
what I
have
to say.
But I
am
also I
very

private person and writing seems to be the only way

that I can be open and share exactly how I feel or have
to say. This writing could serve an audience, but I
don’t think that it would be well received. Many
people have a hard time communicating about loss,
whether it is fertility loss, miscarriage, or still birth. I
can communicate with others who have gone through
the same thing. I can write and show empathy to my
loss group and be able to send condolences that are
well received. I have also read other people’s blogs. All of which can be a great way to cope.
My persona in my education writing, is very serious. I write about the education aspects and the
information that is meant to be shared and expanded upon. When communicating the required
information, I try to expand upon the points to bring life into the essay. I feel like writing and
bringing the story to life in a narrative makes it more colorful. Whether that is talking about
history or biology, I need writing to be meaningful and that is what persona I most drive for
through all of them. In educational writing I try to keep my professor focused and interested
when reading so they don’t feel like they are reading the same thing that they read from any
other student. My persona from personal writing still occurs by sharing personal feelings for
educational purposes, but the language and information, I use it different. When I write for
educational purposes, I consider my audience more than I do in my personal writing. Sweat and
anxiety builds at the mere thought of a teacher being bored with what they are reading. My
persona kicks in to show only little bits of my illuminating self to shine through.

The reflection of writing and reading skills can be hard to see yourself, especially about yourself.
For writing is can seem straight forward that you only have a persona when you write. But you
can find a persona with how you reflect about your writing and in your process. This week I have
completely rewritten and processed informed that was given to me by my peers. This changed
many things about my writing process. Reading drafts helped my brain synthesize what could be
changed after reading the great examples that they wrote. You can tell the power that is written
and what they have to say and view the layout that it was written to help check and edit how your
own was created. When reading other persona, you can see more clearly how yours is.
In my moment of reflection, I was very frustrated with what I had written my writing. I felt that
it was lacking direction. It did not have the ebb and flow like the waves of the sea have a rhythm
for the raft to follow. Instead reading my work was like beginning to walk into the ocean only to
have a large wave of error stop you in your tracks and roll you back out to the start. Overcoming
the waves took time. It involved sitting down and rereading everything that had been written
including the comments. Piece by piece, I worked the essay with the new comments and editing
what needed to be said. After that, I read through the entire essay again, which caused me to cut
and make changes where things had been placed or said. It took a large amount of time. But this
reflection has caused the piece to evolve from a caterpillar into pupa. Which will, hopefully, turn
into a butterfly when finished.
As a writer I have an honest and truthful persona. I want people to accept me through my
writing, but I am also terrified that others will not be accepting of the writing and not enjoy it.
However, my writing causes me to talk about my son in most scenarios. Writing is additionally
an outlet for me to cope. I’m also an entertainer and want to express things in writing that make
me more transparent. I can be a perfectionist on wanting what I read and reflect to be emasculate.
When reflecting what I write can be over critical. This can be considered a strength and a
weakness. However, in all my writing process, Sam is my inspiration in about everything in
myself. I try to make him proud by working hard and trying to be the best writer I can be. But
always I’m just a momma who misses her baby.

Love and miss you Sam,

Momma