-Intro-

I'm sure you've all checked out my earlier phile on making wine on a shoestring
budget. What do you mean you haven't?!? Then bugger off and don't come back till
you've read it. Brilliant. Welcome back. I'm aware that for some my earlier rec
ipie simply isn't... hardcore enough. So here you all go, after much experimenta
tion I present to you this recipie for my own brand of moonshine... sans wheat m
ash.
-Disclaimer-
This file is intended for informtional purposes only. Do not attempt any of the
instructions written down here and if you hurt/poison yourself, don't come cryin
g to me! That said, good luck and have fun! If you copy and/or modify, please gi
ve credit to me, or so help me god when I die aged 100 in my bed surrounded by m
y many wives, I'm gonna come back and haunt you.

-Here's What You Need-

An empty glass bottle, j2o bottles work best.
Kitchen Foil.
Sugar, Granulated
Marmite Yeast Extract
Water
Nappy Pin, BBQ Squewer or similar
Sellotape
A packet of dry yeast, the kind that contains exactly enough for one loaf of bre
ad.
-The Method-
Okay the first thing you're gonna want to be doing is making a makeshift "valve
" to cork up the bottle yet allow the by-product carbon dioxide to escape. Heres
how:
1)Tear off a largeish strip of foil and scrunch it up till it looks like a littl
e, metal rugby ball.
2)Force it into the neck of the bottle till its about halfway in, halfway out.
3)Take your nappy pin or similar long metal spike and poke a hole all the way th
rough the foil. Simple, huh?
4)Remove the "valve"... for now.
Next up you want to shove the ingredients into the bottle. A good desertspoonfu
l of marmite ought to suffice. Good luck getting it into the bottle! I had to ge
t creative with a McDonalds straw...
1)Into the bottle pour a "chefs measure" of sugar. About a quarter of the bottle
should suffice. If you want brownness, use demerara sugar. Otherwise regular g
ranulated will be fine.
2)Top the whole thing up with boiling water and wait for it to dissolve and cool
. Should take about 3 hours.
3)If you think you can add more sugar then by all means do. You should get enoug
h sugar in so that no more can dissolve. This is known as a "saturated solution"
.
4)To this "saturated solution" add the marmite.
5)Then pour in your packet of yeast.
6)Replace your little foil thingy, then tape around the gap between it and the r
im of the bottle to make an airtight seal. WARNING... Do not cover over the hole
.
7)Stick it somewhere dry and warm for at least a week, preferably longer. This i
s where experience and trial and error comes into it. Leave it for too short a t
ime and it'll be an undrinkable sludge. Leave it too long and you have vinegar.
Have fun finding out which mistake you made!
Now you just filter it through a coffee filter and into another bottle or a jam
jar or whatever. However... and this is where this nasty, noxious little liquid
is different from my comparatively lovely wine... the fun need not end here...
-Distilling-
DISTILLING. Now. Not everyone has acsess to a still. If you do, then great! If
you dont, then never fear! Just shove your bottle of "medecine"... actually for
this bit its best to use 3 or more bottles of the stuff... into the freezer and
leave it for about a day. The water should have frozen, leaving the reasonably p
ure alcohol still liquid on the top. Take it out of the freezer and stick it in
the microwave on defrost thaw. Then pour it out into yet another bottle. You sh
ould now have some nicely potent hooch. Down it in shots to avoid going blind an
d/or dying.
ENJOY!
-Outro-
Phile authoured by Jables Dragonfood on satjul24;'10
Volume 3 Of The Odourous Collection
Free Thought For Thinkers, Free Software for All!