RESPONSE PAPER

Leon

First of all, I am really grateful that everyone likes my speech! However, I noticed that

my problem has one thing in common: things are either too detail or too repetitive in the body

paragraph. I actually realized the problem once I finished recording and looked back at my

video, especially during the body. I think the main reason is because I didn’t really make an

outline of my body, all I did was writing down some supporting ideas that I want to talk

about, instead of putting it all together and make it into a scheme. The other reason is that I

considered intro and conclusion has to be precise, so I actually put a lot of effort on those two

parts and try to make the sentence simple and clear. But in the body paragraph, the things that

I want to talk about are way too much, so I kind of just talk in “improvisation” way. Nothing

is pre-planned, so that’s why some of the sentences are redundant. In my opinion, by half

improvising the speech is not necessarily a bad thing since we cannot always rely on

memorizing the speech to give a presentation. But what I should do is make a very detailed

scheme with every idea connected together in a logical way. For example, I should strengthen

the connection between each of the idea, and also to the thesis of the presentation. Also, add

more stance words, emphasizing tone, or even metaphor in the technical part to make things

easy to understand. Most importantly, I should put more organizational pattern stuff in my

presentation, such as contrast and comparison, cause and effect, in order to make each the

ideas very clear and easy to understand. In short, I think the feedback from my classmates are

so helpful and I learned so much from this!