The City

ln
Crimson
Cloak

by Asli Erdogan
Translated by Amy Spangler

Soft Skull Press . Brooklh I.IY. 2oo7

The Ciry ih Crimson Cloak
Onginaly published in the Turhsh languaS€ as &mzr pELr'nli (c't
o 1998 byAsli Erdoed

translation O 2007 by AhY SPangler

IBSN,1 933368_74 8
ISBN 13:978 1 933368 74 0

Book Design by Luke G€rwe

Published by Soft Skdl Pie$

55 Washington St, Suite 804
BrooldlmNY11201 For Eduardo, who was killed by a snay bu et in Santa Tercsa...

Libraly of congress in Publication Data available from the Librarv of

You I coud how
when a fell away fron ne.
Celan
-Paul
 A TRAVELBR
IN
THE STREETS OF RIO I

'Ihe peopleof Rio ca theit city, 'the most beautiflll place in the
vrotld. A choir reciting in unisan: "The most bautifrl place in the
vtotld..." This sentiment has been expressed in a ranety of tongues in
various farms, from tourist handbooks to exotically spiced fiIns, fton
the conquistaAotes af the past to the carniral tourists of today who
come ta tisit in package tours. And I agee - abhough I don't really
kno1.,) haw they conceire of this thins olled "the world," I do believe

I've seen enoush ofit.

Here's a familiar, ardinary, breathtaking photograph of Rio for
you: shadowles beaches of spatklinq silveL st/etching aut into infin'
ity, the labynnthine shotes of the Guanaban Gulf extending into
the healt of the city... Mauntains, like daggers thrust into the eatth,
tip the horizon to shreds; staggering abysses; maenificent, murder
ous, rasins mad rock cliffs... Paa de Aeucat (su,at Loaf) Mountain
sculpted out of a sin+le pie.e af granite-on some dats I liken it to
a thumb, an athers to a gravestone. Having pleserved its mysteries
far thousands af yearc the jungJe, despite the many ravagd it has
enduted, still a virgin bubbling with the ferven y of adolescence...
Beneath that piercing light af the tlopics and rcddish mist embracing
the slapes, a city transformed inta a land af fairytales...
I wont compose yet morc odes in praise of Rio's exalted beauty,
which has been destibed in signifi.ant detail. And in any case, I
haven't had anything n do with Rio far a lang nme nov). Suffice to
say that the oldest image af the .ity in my nenory is ptecisely that
 C,rJ .r'm\,ir alo. k
'

of this photogaph, and that I saw it for the flrst time an a paa y bea.hes: "justi@iros (purveyors of justie!) who donl know enoush
pnnted, thtee cent postcard. In a wo/d,I was en hanted. tt was the arithmeti. to ewn keep a tally of the peopb they have killed... Well
rocks that impressed me most; .ontempafaies of the earth itself, ash intentianed, munificent, and ctedulous aryanizations tryine to prctect
gruy, bronze, .opper, riolet, btick .olored rorks standing thete like (lion whon?) a people overworked, underfed, exploited to the very
Kulptutes of a lethal natian... I.lad I been of a tuore sentimental cast, marraw of their hones... With a derilish wink Rio laughs them all off.
I would have bunt the postcard ih the fiame of a .andte and cast the She knows that they will be quick to give in, that on@ their @ns.lenes
ashes into the valley of Santa Tetesa, frcn when e the gunshats rang haw chalked up a paint or two, they will retu.n to the infinitely boring
out. But l,I just lostit. First World, whi.h, working with the eflidency of a waund'up clock,
The anly thing I can do now is to wish those destinett fat th. nost is as cansistent 1n rationing out pain as it is in doling out pleasure.
beautiful city in the warld a joulney sans mishap ar nisfortuhe. I pd&ed full af mosquito bites, intestinal parasites, and mematies af
remind then that all dhentures in Btazil have a bloady ending, thar quick fixes, high .onvenien.e, hygienic aAwntures... As far those nat
since the 76'h centwy these satage lands have gotten the better af yet satiated, she watehes v'ith great amusement as they, wotn ta a
every voyagea hatum scarun, gaQ hunter, ahd daringly mad hearted
ftazzle, escdpe to Nicarugua ot to the Zapatistd legions. mat elusire,
soul to set foot upon then. I advise them not ta forget far a singte friuolaus. ffiftatious ttxkster, Rio!
moment Rios re@rd highs in AIDS an.l .time statistxs, undet no The magnificent Rio photograph and its negative are a pat of
cir.umstances ta wandet about by themselves, not to wea. a wat h, masks, nothing more: anly two of the many and wried.ostumes that
gold, or any jewelry that rcsembles gald, ana tu tuke ercry kind of the city, hame of the cdrnival tradition far hunareds ofyears, has be
rctional pre.aution to keep the bload of the eity from splatterins upan decked itself in. Ihe Rio that I dft going ta tell you about, howere. k
them. And alsa ta watch the sun set an imryessive but shortliv.d a labyrinth established an mote than two dimensions, ot, to be more
spectade in the tropi.s- hi h,ith the fanaus,
from Cal.owdo (that exd.t, a senes of labynnths inter.annecting on the planes of time and
giganti( statue of Jesut, and most definitely to try the fresh papaya space.F l of dead ends, blind spots, hidden rooms, frightening echoes,
.onvulsiye |9rithing, ydgue pted|tioas...
And then therc is the Rio of jaumalists, international did arya ln a little bit yau will walk out onto the strcets of Rio. mis will
nizations, human ights advo.ates, a/ganizations without baderc.' he a jaurney within atrow runge of o cteature that makes its mon-
mb is a city a third of whose populotion lives an the rerge af stdrva strosity felt dt each dnd every moment: the sten.h of death's breath
tion, a city up to Xs ears in cline, a .ity whnh g.aws fat from its trade enstantly in yaur face: eyes laden with darkness I petrcrsity ah.iays
ih cheap mulatto flesh, .a.aine, and atms. AII six hunttred of its hills just a step behind... As if you ale leaning avet a well and suddenly
have been appropnated 4i the ravelas, and hundreds of thousands of r.ali2e that the treatute is stalking you. .. you will ehtaunter the hu
homeless people are scattered upon its streets like so many rusty ndils. nan body as dn illi.it gift intended to ingntiate, set upon the miser-
A pla.e of trholesale muder; reckless executions and meningitis and abLe throne of desire s realm. The ldiacy, in.onparable beauty, and
AIDS epidenics; Candeldria Cdthedral, with its garden where street n.xtinsuishable fire offlesh:a light, volatile, fickle life, and a death
thidren fa.e the finng squad; Cangs of Uzi armed robbets rciding the
 C,tt in Clridv'n Clorl

It was twa yeals ago. At a holiday eelebratian in the gheftos I saw a

FIREWORKS DAY
waman, wrapped in rug' her legs and backside eompletely exposed. (It
toak me severul minut* to figure out which sex she was). She loaked
Tturelet, who arc you?
like saneone who had been lescuei tuo hte llom a .on.entration .amp
What k it that you seek down therc?
and r.tas destined to pensh within a matter of days. She could have
Spoke Zarathustra
been in her t@enties, or just as well in her sewnties. She was issing -Thus
most of her teeth, and her elbows jutted out thtough het skih. She was
doing the sanba. Ecstatic with pleasure, roanng with laughter... Her
She had finally succeeded in beconine a real vaCabond, haring upped
and dlsappealed into this South Aneriean city famous fo/ its nuders
face alight wlth that inno(ent, pure joy seen only an the faces of chil
af strcet (hildlen, and its tarnival. Indeed, she had turned out to be
dren... And sa it is then, vrhen you lookinto the hazy, foggy, bottomless
eyes of a woman an the verge of death dnd yau @nfiont happiness,
ane of the nillions af ast-about drillers on this planet, one of the
lost souls left to the mercy of iron fisted fate. An adventure-lorinE gal
true happin*s, that yau will have plunged into the labyrinths of Rio.
from eood family, the once small, delicate, flightened younE gitl has
Henceforth, in return for what you see, you wi pay in kind wlth your
a

now become a consummate rcgue. She no longet falk for fairytabs,

And naw what you-and I-need is a bit af.oulaCe. As nuch,

she &n walk the strcets alone at night, and she doesn t brag about
the beatings she tdkes. Here in this vi(ious dty, sprawled upon the
perhaps, as you ned before plunging into dark waterc, ol laying down
ground os if her int$tines have been riwed to pie@s, not even in the
yaul cards in a game af poker. Don't faryetl It is Rio de Janeiro that you
thought of death does she find solae.
a/e up dgainst (Did you know that its name means 'January Ri!er"?)
She had crcssed aceans, truuelsed the equator, and set foot upon
A dty gtown so adept at the gane of endless eoin.idences, eren the
a pie.e af land about whxh she knew absolutely nothing. Elerything
devil is .onsidered a mere amateur in .aftparison. me nanent she
she Ieft behind, she had fed to the flames. And what canfronted her
makes you believe that she is bluffing, she whips out the ae of dia-
upon her arrival was a universe defiled and debased to the .ore. The

Nou close yaur eres. I
ten,youwillbeinRlo. Tis a pin] that I
should open your eyes.
m gaine to silently .aunt to ten. When I say
ald ways of the ald world no lon4et applied. Value judgments vtele
how tike the heary, useless pieee of luggage she haA carried aver fiam
wi notbetellingyouwhenyou
Turkey. Its bottom worn and stulfy, its hdndle about to (ame off,
it's
been left ta rot away in the dampness af the trcpi.s. Abandoned until
that @ntinuously deferred return.
when the life defying gitl chose the warld s nost danger
.us .ity, her sale intention had been to glance into the depths of
humankind. To look llom a safe distan.e... Instead, het hair went
up in flames in this he that she faced of her own volitian. Rio de
.taneiro si.ed its stupeliinE anarchy upon her, its days of white hmt,
 City iD Crinson cloak
its nilhts fu\|ofpronises, threats , .atesses, its muderc... Its ]uti now
bereft of its muscle power, its indiridualitt hanging aff af it in tattets.
An army that hos been routed and lefr Xs wounaed behind...
The ound o gurt're.tarled up dgdin rli on, e: I sta' rled O/grr
"r
junped, and the giass in her left hand fell to the floor. Her en
tire body tensed and began shaking, as if she had been given an
€lectrical shock. Sweat was gushing f/om every pore ofherbody,
but at the same time she was freezing co1d. Caustic tears welled
up in her eyes yet failed to flow "Enoughl Enoughl I can't take it
anlmore! My God, put an end to this torture, nowl Can t you see
that I've no strength l€ft?"
Her nervous attack iasted only two or three minutes before
she gathered herseu together again. With the attentiveness o{ an
ex?ert, she lisrened to the monologue ofthe semi automatic. As
sooDas she understood that the gunfire was comingnot from the
fare?as as ghettos are cailedjn Brazil-but tuom the valey dght
ne,rt to her, she decided to go inside. It relieved her to see rhaL
not one glass was cracked, and that not a single drop of tea had
spi ed onto her notebooks Wh€n she realized, what's more, that
the sweaty 6ng€rs of her right hand had tightly.lung to herpen
throughout the duration ofthe attack, she smiled.
the two huge /drelas located on Santa Teresa Hill, on the siope
leading dovm to the jungle, had been at war for ejght days. Since
the junta period, around six hundred of the &,e/as, which had
turned Rio's extfaordinarily beautiful face into a massive pock
nark, had been under the control ofCommando Verelho, one of
Latin Amedca's most powerful criminal organizations. Every day
was riddled with conflicti competing gangs would rip into one
anc,ther over the divisio. of cocaine shares, or the poli.e, dissat
isfied with their own ki.kbacks, would cary out Eids in units of
6ftt armed to the teeth.
Who would've guessed that the worst war that Ozgrir was to
see dudng hef two years in Rio would break out in Santa Teresa.
Since last Saturdat the sound of infantry guns, Uzis, and hand
grenades had ushered in the day and.ontinued throughout. Two
nights ago, she was in Santa Teresa, famous for its bars, and as
she wandered its deadly silent streets lined with detun.t lamp
lights, Ozgiir saw half a dozen buses their headlights dimmed,
cranned full of soldiers, long barrels hanging out of their win-
dows silently climb up the hili. But nther than put an end to
the conflict, the army's intervention had sent it spinning out o{
Untiljust the day before, she had always conside/ed the sound
of the gunshots to be just another noise amongst many in the
non stop comnotion of Rio, just another blemish that kept her
ftom concentnting on her novel, or so that's howshe thought she
r, r{idered it Llntil thener\ouqdlld,k.began.
She was trying to determihe exa4ly ho@ this petlad of no leturn had
begun. If she aul4 anry draw the barderc and lay out its tauchstones,
then at least perhaps she @uH brinE it undet the @ntrol af her mind.
I f she had to choose a point zero, she wouQ ehoose the aay that she en
.auntercd the muldtto womdn in Copdcabana. me frnal day af Easte.
||hen all the .lacks in Rio stopped, when the heat suddenly shot up to
over forty degrees, when the .ity began to shake as if gripped by jungle
Irwas Sunday. Justan ordinary Sunday... another dayexactlylike
the ones preceding it, days swiftly passing, devoid of hope, ex-
pectation, or meaning, full of nothing but an insipid emptiness...
Although it was the first week of December, the horrid heat
of Rio de Janeiro had swept over the city wave after wave like
 Cily in Crinson Cloali
it was to be for weeks, months, the
a rising ocean tide. And so
temp€rature never droPping below forty Celsius, as i{ the street
thermometers scattered a1l over the city were being held in the
armpitof ayellowfeverpatient: 42,41.5, 43, 43.6,42.4... In Rio,
shut off from the ocean winds by jagged coves and precipitous
mountains, not a leaf budges during the months ofthe so-called
"dry season,'nor is its radiant, indigo blue slry stained by a single
cloud. Heat descends uponyou like madness, wraps itselfaround
your thoat, chokes you. T}l€ city becomes a huge fumace dowly
roasting humm bodies alive. Ihe sun removes the benevolent
queen mask thatit had won all year and behaves Like a dictator
consumedby the desire to kill.lhe airabsorbs all the humidity it
can ard thickens to the consistency of water. Ihat fanous humid
Nowinstead of salgadirfio-a smallbtead-like pastry-the
a at least three meters above the ground, the windows in back
str€et kids beg for a cola. And so henceforth will they die of
dysentert chol€ra, or downright dehydration. All of the city's
fountains dry up, and the bodies of the homeless emit an even
ranker stench, andbecause the open-aif toilets on the sidewalks
where they dwell.ease to be cleaned by the rains, the smell of
feces, urine, and rot pervades the strcets- Vendors pack up the
sw€ets cailed bombons, thei chocolate covered .ashews, their
banana ftuit rol1s, and replace them with cold beverages and
fresh coconutjuice. "c"lada, gelada...'l"lce cold,Ice cold...") fte
people of the .ity are drained of their strengthi p
sations, even breathing, slow down as lif€ struggles to take its
.ou!se, lurching along like a river that's beginning to dry up.
Conversations in passing, on elevators, in waiting rooms, on
buses, all begin with the same sentence: Qrc.dlol/ (Whatheatl)
Flom th€ colorful advertisiDg posters plastered all over Rio,
Scandinavian lookinegirls in knee high snow scatter twinkling,
blonde, infantile smiles. Just as the Bedouins have apassion for
green, in the hearts of the people ofRio lies apassion for snow.
Bythe first Sunday ofDecember, thePeople of the city had al'
ready either scrambled to the beaches or escaped to the mountain
villages. Time had nearly come to a standstill lhe houre slowly
lost their grip, drip dropping away like beads of sweat ln the
Santa Teresa valley, which had otherwise withdrawn into a deep
siesta, gangs savagely exchanged shots
ozgur's home consisted of a long and nanow troughlike
hving room, a kitchen that she had named "the coflin ce1l," and
a bathroom full of leeches that she jusr .ouldn t bring herself
to kill because it made h It was one of six stu
dio apartments in the grandiloquently named "white Villa,"
.]11e
pretentious columns and all. slope looking onto the Santa
Teresa valley was so steep that while the bal.ony in front was
were at ground level and opened onto ajungle full ofweeds and
thornybushes. Carnivorousants, lizards, grasshoppers,winged
.ockroaches the size of a hand, and sometimes ev
wild cats would suddenly barse in through the windows, which
shc had to keep open day and night because of the heat once
slie herself jumped out the window and tYied to make her wav
rhrough the jungle, but her hands and face wete covered in cuts
rnd s.ratches before she even made it two steps Although she
knew that no animal larger than a cat could possibly make it
,{,cr those bushes, the nocturnal noises coming from the garden
.r ared her senseless. She didn t have the money to purchase a
1.,n. lhough revoltinsly rich, her miserly swindler ofa landlord,
l'rolcssor Botelho, had depdved his rentefs of air conditioning,
u'hi.hwasas vital here as central heating is in Stockhoim Hewas
rli. risht wing mayor's chie{ advisori he lorded his highbrow edu-
.rrrrn and unadultetated European roots ove/ others, and would
)it' 1,, great lengths to assume a noble air and the eljte manner
 Ci!r in cn,nron Cloar

isms befitting the dignityofhis forefathers. Moleover, he was a of beins both free and besiesed brctring within me. (Lonely, alone,
neat freakj he worshipped rules, order, design. He had adorned detelict, tusnnL orphaned... I ean list any number of adie.ti'es,
the side of the building looking onro the gard€n with Creek b t I .ahnot build a bndge between words and reolity.) The absolute,
gods of snooth narbie, lamps reeking of paris, and an elegant inpe@ble, infernal fteedom of havins nat a sinste person who needs
staircase thatglided down through tbe banana and mangotrees. me, ot anyone loaking after me... I can brandish the lies af my choice,
'Ihe apartment furnishjngs were yet another concrete expres,
fabicate the past that I lang for, purcue the nost sinful af fantasles.
sion of his gilded personality. Into Ozgrir's living room were Once I w ensured a slick geta ay out the bd.k doal, I n .apdble of
piled a huge ugly bed hard as concrete, alumjnum bookshelves, onmitting the mast abominable af ctimes. I reall in a book an.e that
a fake leather chair couch mongrel that looked like ir had been if you open the doat of a canary's cage, the canary instdntly makes a
pilfered from.ity hall, and in the middle ofall rhis rubbish had dash for the windot'.. Yet when the window, too, is apened, the canaty
been placed a hea!1,, elaborately de.orated mahogany tabte to- makes what is-arcrding to the authot-the wisest .hoice by rctun'
gether with eight .hairs that occupied an ex.essive amount of in g to its cage, and thus escaping .eftain death.
space And rhFn therc w"" ihe hammock. rne srn" qur non oi Sonetimes I pursue a liactured nemory to the othet side of the
Rio houses, which had been strungacross thebalconyj strings of Atlahti(. me .ontaurs of the past fade away and disappeat ih the ruw
shells hanging fron the door tintinnabulated at the hint of the light af the trapics. me o.ean, that petulant, starmy, immartal acean
slightest breeze. (A..ording to a Brazjlian belief ofAfrican ori, has wnquished all of ny seas. The sereans of parrots naw offet tuore
gjn, sea shells bringgood luck.) On thegraywalls, reminiscent o{ evocations than the sound of seagulls.
hospital or courrhouse corddois, hung ablack and white poster Giving up steeped tea for f'kered coffee, wrcstling with the wares
that Prof. Botelho had bought from the New York Metropolitan of the Atlannc rathel than sttiking out upan the waters of a calm,
and had so very meticulously framed. A close,up photo of the humble inland sea, dreaning in a Latin laneuage. .. mese are changes
slightlyoily lookingparted tips ofa kissing couple... On.e upon that I eould oljertome, but there were alsa losses that cauu neuel be
a time she had found the dull, hazy, virtually omciai eloticism replaeed. 1n nat referring to 1'/hins su.h as white cheese, sage tea,
of it titiilating. Especially on those nights when, in the high ot My lonlings are much simple/ thah that. For ex
the Basphorus.
pressure, suffocati.g atmosphere of the house, she per.eived dnple, cherries... Sametimes I lie in bed and inagike a bowl of dark
her loneliness to be a being outside ofherself, a being beavy like red .hernes cavercd ih a thin layer of ice. Ah ercti. fantasy of sorts.
mercury, growing like suds, bubble by bubble, spinning out of :la plain, uncomplicated, rdw. I miss the .hanging of the seasons
control, approaching the point of explosion... On those nights, lhw the leaves adotn themselves frtst with streaks af led and then
she wanted to pless her lips against those of the tie-bedecked hurst into flane before slowly rcasting in the heat of an internal fire .. .
man in the photograph. Not to kiss though, no, morelike a hun- t tow one marning they suddenly fall feeble and float to the grouna
gry chi.k reaching out to its mother's beak. Walking withaut a thaught as to ny destindtion, with purple lips and
rhc naltheast wind whipping at my fa.e... That incomparubb first,
Herc t am in this semi-savage land, all alone, an unfahiliar feetins htter sip of tea when the .old becones unbearable. In the heat of this
20 C,ry ,n Crnnso. Cloak Arli E oEan

infernal February, I even miss the snow, which I have ah.Jays despbed. tions. She witten thatpassage durjngherfilst dry sea_
must have
me snauJy beech forests, tun&a, steppes that I harc never seen... me son in the troplcs. she was fondofthat innocence o{sorts, which
thetmometer hasn t dipped below fotnj in six weeks and the air reeks sbe had by now long ago lost, that .hildish naivet€ concealed
of leather jackets. And then.. . I miss walking as I please, withaut hid beneath herwhimpering. "l neverhave beenable to overcome my
ing my watch in my baE, without clinging to my purse ani constantly loneliness," shethought. "Butitseemsiike I have grown outwalds
wakhing my back, without fearing a handgun that cauu be prcssed from it groidn enough that I .an Map myself around it. lt is llke
ta my forchead at any noment... Sleep evisceruted by the sound af a fetus within me now,like a m€dal I wear upon my chest.'
gunshats... Mt eyes arc always wide apen, I'm always alert, I smoke She was sitting at the table before her notebook, in front of
one .igarctte aftet the other, but na mattet what I do, I @nnot stop the her a beer glass full of Brazilian tea that, no natter how long it
@nstant trembling af my lips. was left to brew, never grew darker than the color ofstraw;lost in
But fur all of thk, I ha1,e nade sane gains, too. t da not, for ex- thought, she was.h€wing on the pen that hadbecome an exteD
anple, have ta eatry an lD, the barc that I go to ate open until hotn- sion ofher verybodt a third, prosthetic hand. she felt the roorn's
ing, nobody natices that I dan t wear s bru: in fact, I don't wear any ritless heat work slowly into hel body, unraveling and diffusing.
undemeat on days when it's over forty degrees. I have pleated skirts llcr breathing became erratic, her thoughts chaotic, like blind
that ride my ass, ngtu sharts, and thongs, and I like to wakh my bady bats. A new wave of sweat covered her body with each sip she
in its belatedly acquired femininity. I rewl in the feel af my hair, u,hich took. She could detect the acrid slnell of hel underarms, the an
hasn t been touched by scissors in a year, scampetlng along ny back ,,oyingstraps ofthe house dress clinging to her body, the taste of
like wild toks. (tf thls tity wercn t so windless, if I .auld have shaken .hcap tobacco in ber mouth... "Point Zero' delinitely had to be
a[f, far just one nonenL my dnxiett at the prospect of being dishonest, written before the day was through.
then I wauld have written of how much t enjoyed the feeline of my hait Just then she noticed that the gunnre in the valleyhad.eased
"beingtouslea by the wind. But Ria is wlndless...lt daesn't breathe, .,nd been repla.ed by the farelds' favorite rap song blasting out
that is, it laeks a spirit.) I can dance in rcstaurunts, bars, on sidewalks, ,,r a boom box. '?le e/d um bandita nas era um bon npaz... (:"He
smoke on buses, and sleep with any man I want. Here I am allowed to !v.rs a bandit, but he was a good suy...') She was amazed to 6nd
indulge in the most rulgt of ny desites ta my heatt's content. I @uld ihat the song, a wonder of shaloMess, penetrated her heart, and
even hire an assassin, if t auld .one up with four hundred bucks. Or thititspast tense in particular caused hergreatpain. Shegrieved
could it be that I miss those mi stanes of the OId wotld, millstones rI de:rh.frhis binditwhom she did not know lhe voice o{the
which ate part and parcel, pethaps the very buttress, af my self? rt.gro singing the song was deep and sorrowful, and it smelled
Fly back to yaw cage, little canary, fly ba.k to yow .agel While yau ,)i ltuDpowder... It arose tuom the land ofsemi automatics where
still have time.. . For that open window is yaut abyss! ,l, ,rtbs are a dime a dozen, and Ozgiir knew t^'eil andgood that the
i,,ser,like her own fri€nd, was one of the good guys, th€ bandits,
She found this text while flipping through some old notebooks, wln didn't have long to live. A memory from memory's many
tucked between her topology notes and Portuguese verb conjuga- ,(ophasi... Another song... Another heart-rending song... She
 Citt in Crimson Cloal

began turning the pages ot lhe City in Cnmson Claak. thdt fal the tine being she could sleep in the samber servant's room
apening onta the .ourtyard.
FIRS? DAY 1N RIO k was dark aut when the sound of druns awoke her. She couldn't
figure out where she @a9 Was she in lstanbul, ot an the plane? The
Ria had uelromed her with faggy weather and a lead sray sky, Nhi& sound of a dozen dtums playing out a lhythm sa jubilant, so peerless,

immediately thrcw her for a loop, for she haa sttuck out on het journey sa extlaodinaly that it brought tears to one's eyes... A penetrating,

lrll af tropical dreans. She d plappell herself into a taxi, teeteting an nelancholy male wice broke out in sonE. me voice had ta belon' to
the edge, exhausted after eishteen sleepless haurs of flisht, and lis d negro, and it nust haue been .oming flan the fringes of the city.

tened disintetestedly to the drive/. Like a pa/rct the nan repeated orcl It seemed to be familiat with all of the gutterc, the quagmires, the
and over in &eadfrlEnglish, Ria is the most beautifulplaee, the nost sndps of the whip that life serves up. And that's when it hit her they

beautiful plate. She had just lit a cigarette when they hit the favels. were in rhe trcpics. She was standing on the edge af an ocean, on the

Thousan]s, na, tens of thousands of de.repit hauses piled on top af one threshold to a .ompletely differcnt life. She was in Rio de Janeiro. She

anather, extending fat miles, all the way ta downtown Rio. Rooness immediately wanted ta take the frrst plane back hone. But that voiel
cabin s, shantie s of bn k,.a b oa, tin, labylinths sunk knee de ep in She felt a st/ong desile to tun barefoot into the future; an urge ta draw
het swo/d and tun her horse at fu gallop, straight into the fomidable

It didn t take long for Rio to teach her its first lesson: no longer
than it took hel to smoke het firct .igarctte. me hnA upon which she
had been born and nised had protectei hel fton fdllins off one of
Iife s cliffs, inta the ghastly depths of squalat into whi.h hunankind
sanetines des.ends. It was beyond anything she could hare imagihed.
A po@erful sense of faleboding whispercd that she was on a tlain that
had run off its track and ias hurtling forwad at fu speed, that this
.ity whxh fed an human sufferinswould be the end of her. Ho,xever,
they quickly rca&ed downtown, followed by the most beautiful place
in the world," Copacabana, and it was then that Rio de Janeiro toak
her captive, with its cares of stunning beautl, its sa1'age diffs, its
ltont battle line of life... This, she thaught, was prabably i,hat they
neant by "joie ae rir/e.
she downed the last dregs of her tea like a true Bavarian. Her
rhirst hadn't subsided at al] On days when the temperature rose
ibove thirty'seven, it didn t matter how much fluid she dtank,
hcr tongue remained like sandpaper. It was as if everything she
,lrank went straight to her stomach, without even so much as
,,rrapingherpalate. She had never before experienced such thirst,
.,thirst that was unique to the ttopics. "'Ihis tea just isn't doing
rhc trick," she grumbled. "l need somethinS coldr watermelon, or

tropical rerelry. She forgot d about the laeelas. In d snap, just like
that and just like the niddle class citizens of Rio did, too. she knew perfectly wel that warm tea was better relie{ in this
She had gone to the only address she knew in Brazil, to het pro' l,, it than a .old soda. She had leahed the hard way just which

apartmeft. mey had let her knaw tight away that she wasn't , L,l{'s one must follow to make it through the dry season in one
fessor's
Nanted: they didn't eren gl,re hel a room. Hours later, they took pity t'lr.c, like drinking a halfpint of water every halfbour. Delicate
an the pale faced foreisnet who'd fallen asleep in a chait anA tuld het .1,,(l capricious, her mis-created body did not befit her intrepid
24 CirY in Crimson Cloal
Asli Erdotan 25

lit a cigarette and deposited herself upon the fake leather couch.
sou1. Her Caucasian blood, with a dtop or two of Mediteranean
'fte salvo of automatic guns had ceased, and the syncopated
water mixed in, had given her a ghosdy white skin that moaned
rhythm of an indolent pistol took its place- Three or four shots,
bitterly beneath Rio's cruel sun, a nearlv t/anslucent skin o{ the
silence, three or four more... Shots of a weary gunman with no
t?€ that the negroes caled "newspaper .oloted " Asthma at-
intention of killing, just unabte to endure the sil€nce. Ihe con
tacked her constantly on the dust-bathed streets, andbe'ause of
nicts in Rio were nothing like those that she had seen in the mov
atlergies caused by vermin, she itched atl over dav and night' as
ies. Banditos did not lavishly rain down bulets like the ruthless,
if thousands of ants were storming up and down her bodv Her
bo1d, superhunan Holllwood gangsters; they were frugal, they
stomarh couldn't handle the acidic tropical fruits, or the oily
took their time. One day, during her second month in Rio, she
Brazilian {ood. And what's worse, shed r€allv given hersel{ free
was sitting in frontofa theater pretending to listen to the street
rein, tuming a deaf eat to aI warnings, eating and drinking at
actors' conversation when she suddenly found herself caught in
food stands that smelted of urine in neighborhoods where all
rhe crossfire, wedged between some nadly dashing car thieves
kinds of epidemics, {rom meningitis to AIDS, ran ranpant, and
end the police in hot pursuit. Experienced Cario.as, as the people
so she had been infected by amoebas and invaded bv intestinal
of Rio called thenselves, immediately threw themselves to the
parasites time and time again
ground; ozgnrmeanwhile leapt to her feet, cigarette jn one hand
Her ktchen had beenuder the occupation of fiuit fiies dd ants
.rd gudldnn soda in the other, and with the curiosity of a child
for some timer cans of.om with a nastv liquid ooz!1g out of them
8etting her 6rst glimpse at a piranha, stared after the car rob-
wele stewn right and left She opened the reiiigentor, more to c@l
hcr, whowas hanging out the f/ont window from his waist, firing
otr than to look and see what was inside Ther€ was nothing but cof
nonstop. She ex?ected his ey€s to be huge, covering nearly all of
{ee, apiece oI Minascheese a aLstant SouthAmerican relative of
liis face and tul] of dread like those ofa game animal. But his face
Turkish white cheese-that was starting to tuln yellow, and two
,x pressed not even a hint of fear.In fact, his face expressednoth-
lemons that were starting to spoil. She hadn'tbeen shopPing for
,,g. Llke an arlow unleashed from the bow, the man concentrated
pyobably ten days at least. She turned on the mud clogged filter
,)rcntly upon one thing: Hitting the bull's eye. Ihe only things
that had be€n left behind bv the previous rentet, awkwardlv
I', hadwithwhich to stop the carofdeath trailing after him were
wielded hammer, andbegan to break offpieces of ice from the
a
r 11rn and steady fingers. And naybe the amulet he never failed
fteezer. As she struck at the ice, all of a sweat, she grew angrv
r' like to work with him in the mornings... the more intense it
with herself once again for not having bought an ice trav or a
lrr i'ne, the more his fear of death nust have been fading awayi
filterin a1l the months she?been rhere, cursing her incorrigible
,, h like unhappiness does. Roberto grabbed Ozgny by the waist,
"couldnt car€ 1ess" attitude. She placed lots of i'e and some ' ',
r,r,kinghertothegroundandsavingherlife.
sweetener in a glass oflemonadej she turned to go to the living
:ll,e picked up a copt of O 61010, which, including the Sunday
roon with het drink, which was in no wav sufEcient reward for
, .,'rs, wejghed in at over one hundred pages, hoping to find
her efforts. She was covered in sweat and had alreadv lost more
liquid in acquiring her drink than the drink itself 'ontained She ' ,,, thing that she had not yet read. Column after column of ce-
 Cirt in Crimson Cloal Asli Ellogln 21

lebdtynews;love and romance, gossip, soccer, dispassionate arti My fust srade reading baok. I've never read any other books.

cles on politi.s, hackneyed, ftivolous op eds, astrologn personal People you admire?

ity tests... prostitution ads.-. mulatto panthers, blonde, blue eyed Pele, Ranario, Aytton Senna.
-
"European tr?es," whip'beaing Amazons... An engraving of Rio Yaut best feature?
-
in loud colors and distorted pe/spective, Meaking utter chaos I prcte.t girls liring on the strets. I dan't beat them.

the city would usualy request a third page since the twenty mur Your worst feature?

dets that-according to governmcnt statistics-o.curred each ... (Pauses)... 1 euess... tobbery.

day did not fit on the two pages already devoted to 'Violence " Who do you want to be like?
-
Ozgur would scour those news items, taking down notes with a I ve never known anybody .. . good enough to look up to.
-
statistician's meti.ulous passion for bare facts. Journalists whoA
had their tongues cut out and thet ears cut off, housewives 111e weath€r report said that it would be thirtt seven degrees,

who'd been riddled with bulets because they dared to hold onto sunny with clear skies in Rio. ln Istanbul meanwhile it was to be

their purses, street children castrated and th€n murdered by rwo degrees with snowfa[ "If I were over there, I'd be wanting
th€ police... fte chi ing stories, packed into only three or four some salep," thought Ozgiir. Shedjust finished offher lenonade,

sentences, moved her profoundly. She identified both with the but the rustytaste iD hermouth remained.

murder vi.tims as well as with the gangsters who were captured Towaids the end ofNovember, the laneuage school lrhere she

by the police. And she also sensed that, deep inside, she derived
a kind of pervetted, highly criminal pieasute from it all. In
shehadtastedtheeroticinhumanblood.Whattmore, therewas
some kind of relief iD knowing the dreadful dimensions of the
pit of quicksand into which she sank. Death, when reduced to
Bave English lessons let out fot summer vacation. Tlis also put
Rio rn end to the miniscule sense of order and duty that had given
Ozgur's days, which otherwise dangled in a void ofnothingness,
.one sembiance ofstructure, much like thebandages that hold a
,nummy together. And so now she almost never set foot outslde

numbers, ceased to be personal tragedn li.,r house unless absolutely necessary. She spent two days a week
)living private lessons. From the break of dawn through to the
(41): cauEht in the midst of an armed confliet on the ,r jddle of thenight she chasedafterstudentswhowere constantly
Maia de Penha

bus; trhile the rest af the passengerc threw themsetues to the flaor, she .hirking.lass, canceling without letting her know ahead of time,
.''.as squished ta death in the turnstile. ,,(l straight up vanishjngi it was usually a struggle wheedling
Another Maia (13): She sk@ed s.haol and went to the beach, , r,aid bils out of the debrors, and she had to resort to methods
, )

wherc she was sh.)t in the head by a st/ay bullet: the autopsy rcvealed ,,,drpletely in.onsistent with her personalitt everytling from
that the gltl @as pregnant. Both het kille/ and the fathel af het baby ILr.rts to fawning and flattery. Ihe following dayshe would wake
r 1, rround noon, and then only with the greatest difficulry After

An interview with street kid Joda (9): .',i uDeasy sleep constantly interrupted by nightmares, slumber
Your favorlte book? rl,,r was more like thrashing for her life in a bubbling swanp,
-
 air! in ( rlins.n Cloxk
she would 6nd herself drench€d in sweat and mole exhausted
than she had been when she first got into bedi her eyelids would
be Slued to her eyes, stubbornly refusing to open. She nevet
remenbered her dreams, but she knew that every nighr-.'eD,
night-she wept quietlt sobbedsilently. Ihe tears she shed then
wele her truest- her most sincere. For several minutes she would
be unable to tell where she was in fact, wio she was and she
would rub hereyes, dazzledby the pjercing noontime sun, and rry
to return to reality. Orperhaps she wouldn't try, for in the end, a
reality even nore horrible than the most horrendous nightmare
would cruelly seek her out. she would then re.all with infallible
certaintythat she was in Rio de Janeiro, and sighing more deeply
than usual, shewould sit upbe{ore makingherway to the kitchen,
all the while spewing a litany o{ Turkrsh profanitjes, hel mouth
tastinglike an ashtra, Once she'd placed the teapot on the stove,
she'd walk back and like an emptypotato sackcollapse backdown
onto her wrinkled, smeily, damp sheets. First .igarette of the
day... That first cigarette, filling her lungs with insidious, compas'
sionatesmoke, asshepreparedtofa.eanotherdaydetetminedto
take another nick out of her sou1...
A beer mug full of tea and two more cigaretles... some more
tea, some more cigarettes... Put on some ftesh tea, oPen up an-
otherpack... Too lazy to empty out the two heapingfull ashtrays
frorn the previous night, she would slide over an empty can le{t
over from the last night's dinner and lie down on the chaise
longue. Managing to $inkabout absolutely positiveiy nothing of
any.onsequence whatsoever, avoiding any analysis or inte4teta'
tion regarding he! seti nasterfully drawing a curtajn ovet all of
rhe de.isions she had to make, she would stare at the wall, her
eyes.losed to the outside world. AI o{thehours belongedto her,
but not to be used to be spread out like a corpse in the etemal
void that they contained. After several pots of tea and a pack of
.igarettes, a cramp would enter her stoma.h and she would feel
a pang nuch like that which accompanies the feeling of hunger,
a feeling she could hardly recal anymore, and so she would eat
! piece of Minas cheese with some of the flat b/ead they called
'Arabianbtead" in Brazil,justso she.ould continue smoking. She
would spend an entire day jn the chaise tongue,like a sentrywho
is under no.irumstances to abandon his position, moving only
to shift her weightjust a bit when the pain in her tailbone became
unbearable, wjth her glass and cigarettes always within arm's
reach. If a person has strength to do nothing else; if she .annot
even take her eyes otr ofa blind wall and reach out for a book; i{
she cannot turn to look at the banana trees or the wild jungle in
the Santa iheresa valley; if she is in no condition to smile at her
most innocent, cutest childhood memory or grow sentimental
at sundown, then steeping tea and smoking cigarettes are vital
activities. the lizard with which Ozgiir was shanng her house
would stand motionless upon the "Kissing Lips" photograph all
day long; as iflost jn pro{ound thought and with understanding
.'. r would rrk" long'ingFring looks ar Ozg r. Jn "noraou.
.reature as silent and inanimate as itself. It was as ifboth o{ theD
had just couapsed at their final stop on thjs earth, sick and tired
ofthe emptiness, of the banality o{ the world, hopeless and indif
ferent and utterly exhausted.
It was only at nightfall, when the neighbors' raucous televi
sjon 6l1ed her cemetely with fake screams and lauShter that
she managed to pull herself together. She ate a can o{ corn and
t)lopped down in front of her novel. Ihe night progressed; Adeiino
in apartment four cuddled his saophone, the hopeless dream
hcd been aspiring to for yearsi the dogs of Santa lheresa began
to howl; the sounds of pagoda-a dance rhythm and gunshots
hegan to ring out frcm the fa,elasi the parot of Joao in apart
inent six cussed and.urs.d in outrage at the cacophony. Finally,
 Cirr in Cnnson Cl.al
the sound of lovemaking corning from the floor right above her
drowbed out aI the others. ltie laughter, moaning, and nailng of
the women naned Rosanna, Lucy, Katja, and ftais as they took
thef tums-the man was always the same, Marcello-enveloped
her. Despite the exhibitions o{ these coup}es who, iike all similar
couples jn Rio, are determined to prove to all mortal souls that
sex is the most glorious pleasure to be had, LOVE had no place in
her witings, did not even seep through in its most symboli. form-
'Ihere was always DEATH on the white pie.es of paper 6lled with
scrawled tetters, scibbling, arrows darting to the right and left. A
death, constantlt rearing its bead, thrashing about in an effort to
right itself, struggling with al1 of its might to dp through the web
of blue ink above it-.. Amongst those .ircles and Lines called the
Latin alphabet it strove to come into being, to emerge from its nat,
leveled, smoothed over universe andseize another dimension.
"How to explajn Rio de Janeiro?" she numbled to herself.
"Which Maria's story should I choose?' this city offered way
too many specta.les, way too many contladictions, way too
many tragedies. She was constantly running into freaks, torture
wounds, corpses, and sex... ]}e magnificent Ipanemabeach lined
with "the world's most expensive ' apartments, and right behind
it, the three hundled thousand person Rocinha, the world s larg
est fa,ela, resembling the hunchedback of a crippled person try'
ing to ight himself... Writing meant first and foremost putting
things into order, and Rio, if it were to be dennedinjust oneword,
was CHAOS. Trying to captuie it was like tiackjng an extremely
cunning, predatory bird in a rainforest full ofpoisonous thorns,
crocodiles, and anacondas. Which words-wfi ose words?-could
she use to descibe hunger to a sophisticated, educated someone
who had never experienced hunger, and who would be sinkjng
down in a.omfortable chairand doingthe least rjsky occupation
in the world-reading?
ll
She thought of the foreigners tossed into rropicat waters by
the northem curenrs, caught in the net of tuo a .ity which
had devoured each and every prey that landed in its lap, eas
ily grinding theh to a pulp. European names ins.ribed in her
memory, echoing all the sorrow of migrationr Ronaldo, Mara,
l.othar, Katja... they tended ro their wounds in coot climates,
unaware of the roles, large and smalt, that they had been given
ir Ozgiil s novel. Ronaldo, the platnright who marked ea.h day
Ihat he had to spend in Rio otrthe calendartike a convict awaiting
nlease... Because he was a devoted Buddhist and a true aserul,
ird because he never went to parties and he despised drinking,
,l.rD.ing, and noise, in theater circles he was considered to be
',r.rrk raving mad- Before the first two months were even up heA
11! ked himself up in his empty room tull of inc€nse and
sought
rl,rr.rpy in the form ofmeditation. .'superfi.iality is in a state of
'1' drnic all over the world, but in this city, it's a religion,,,he used
r,
' :iy. With nearly identical desperation Mara, too, had reached
, ,tr t the saDe conclusion: "I've found superficiatity everlvhere
i (
'
'v,.s.t foot in theworld, but here, it'sbecomean
artform. Mara
anthropologist. She had spent 6ve yeals traipsingaround
America, had fought in Nicaragua, and had lived with
.'v LJr tribes in the jungle. Rio had managed to do in even
thjs
1,,,,l]l,ry, leserved academic, this harsh, steel,wilted, no hotds_
I ' , , I I woman. After a love escapade that pushed her to the verge
Lr nlc, she quit her stud, entitted something tike ,.Mutatto
, l',.rr,) Women ln Brazil and theil Relationship wirh Their Own
lL
' L"., h.tfwaythrough and headedbackto the drearygray skies
.r , , rrive London, now completelyin doubt ofhervalues. poor
"
I r ,'.,rril! had been knocked out flat in a viciously real arena, mu.h
', ', ,,.,1 rhan rhat ofany thesis or analysis or institution_the
,'.',,1 rl). body. Another weathered Nicaraguan warrjor named
I ', ,, l, rrcd to his ple,Rio life as his .Age of Innocence.,' fte
 C ,tv ,n cflnr$n C loal

licentlousness had swouen his ego to the verge ofexplosion. " Ihis
city sucks the willpower right out o{ yal hed numble mirth
fully after ea.h night of amour. Ihe well-intentioned, small town
beauty Katja became seriously d€pressed for the lirst time in hef
life a{ter beins seduced bya married man who then vanishedinto
tbin al/. "lhink only ofyoursell" shea told Ozgur, back when shc
wrs still quite innocent, quite the novlce. "lhis city is lethal to
foreign women. Learn to love yourself, because nobody else will.
As a respite from their worthless loneliness, a feeling that could
not possibly be shaled, they d embraced each other a.d raken ref-
uge in rhe consolation oftheir mutual sympathies. (And this was
a much morc potent pain reljever than love, especially the only
kind ofloveyou could find in Rro, because itneverwounded yout
( rricatur€s of themselves.Ihe caller also couldhave been any one
,)f the countless men aged between fifteen and 6fty who, having
, hecked offa[ the theirlittle bla.kbooks on this dreari-
names in
.st ofnlghts, had decided to try tieir luck with the cold semolina
lirrkish woman. She was so sick of calls to go out to dinner, to
loiningueira Sunday dances festas, bars, "un chopinho" ("one
lirde bee1"), or motels that she could almost puke. At the very
worsr it could be her landlord celling to "discuss the matter ofher
,,verdue rent,'or Lizboa. She had met the latter, a happy-go-lucky
.rwyer from Copacabana, about a year and a haF earlier when
.hc still spoke only a smattering of Portuguese, when he dialed
rl,c wrong numbe. Ior some reason hed become obsessed with
( )?ciir. Hed call every Sunday and go on and on for at least an

pride.) theyA gone to great lengths to adapt to this .ongenial,
caprjcious, indulgent.ity; they'd rushed to and fro, dashing ftom
one.on.ert, dance, political rally, /arela, and most ofa1l, promise
oflove, to the next.Itwas impossible to getyour fi1lofconsumlng
what in reality you djd not need.
the telephone rang. ozgur flin.hed, like she did when the
dunsh^rq 'rnq ^ul. bul h, h m"ined orh"rwi.e nor ,".ponsivp.
Hei abstraction from the outside world had increased together
with her loneliness; she had long ago quit running io answer
€very time that attentjon hungry contraption squealed. Whats
more, thanks to Ptof. Botelhot incomparable stingjness, she
had to share a single line with five renters and all of their lov'
l,ou' in monologues about his prudent success at work, his bed-
r,nm adventures, and his burgeoning young lovers, all the while
mphasizing details such as how forty nine people atteDded his
'
l,irthday party, oi how he had slept with 6ve different women in
rhc last three weeks, with all the philistinism ofa nouveau riche.
ril,. knew the Cano.as well enough bythen to know that he wasn't
Lyirg. She understood very wel the loneliness of this veteran
wornanizerwho was only able to open up to a woman whose face
ri, liad never seen: a loneliness concealed behind numbers, and
which the owner tried to eras€ in crowds of idle onlookers and
rooms rented out by the hour. Or maybe it was Eli... Could
'Li,)tel
, r really be E1i who was caling? No, impossible!

ers, siblings, cousins, servants, etc. She looked at the constantly Shc made her decision at the last minute and, springing from
tembling receiver that croaked like a frog and was at least twenty rli,,couch, grabbed the telephone just as apartment six's answer-
years old, perhaps even one ofthe first models availabl€ in Bra,il, ,'Jt machine was about to pick up.
and coolly calculated the possibilities. Her mother only .alled her ''
Quen estd falando?"

on Sundays, fireworks day. Whathad started outas weeklyphone ' l,el-o. l-want ro ralk-ro- OZCUR.
calls two years ago had over time grown i.creasingly less fie llcr mother pronounced each word deliberately in heavily ac
quent, and the teaty eyed conversatlons of longing had become ,,.,,rcd Enslish,likean an.hoMoman readitg the news to the d€af
 1rl, Erdolan 15

andmute. Ozgr! felt a spark oftruejoylight up inside ofher'
"Hello, I want..."
"Mom, it's mel Don't you recognize my voice? Why haven't
She hadn't spoken Turkish in so long that her voice sounded
odd to hernow in her mother tongue. Like she was mumbling in
her sleep. No matterhow much her motherprofessed to the con'
trary, she was .onvinced that she had a.quired a slight Brazilian
accent, and that her diction was off as well
''Is that you? Oh, good. I}Et man, what s his name, Joa or
A prickly silen.e o{ Porcupine proportions. I}le mother and
daughter became aware of the Atlanti. Ocean separating them
That they spoke without salng anything, so as not to say any
lhing...
''whar are you doing in that awtul city an)'wav? whv haven't
you come ba.k yet? I mean, you're not even doing anvthing over
there, just bumming around You've dropped out o{ universitv,
you don't have a job, you're always whining about being broke
You're risklng your life for nothing Here you've got evervthing, a
home, a ca/... We can go to Mos.ow together i{youwant."
.She
s trying to bribe me,'thought Ozgur' 'Shek afraid to take

something, he s always hangingup on rne. I m sorry I haven't been rl,e trip by hetself.'

able to ca for a while. I had to go down to our summer homei it ''l m comingback," she said.

got nooded. How are You?" "When? lfyou corne before January
For sevenl moments she was ar a loss for words; finailv, she She interrupted her Dother' She was now talking with a me-
Iet out an indifferent, "Same as always And how are you? what , hanicl device, the old battered plastic object that she held in her

"I'm thinking ofgoing to Moscow in January Touls have got "l m coming back. As soon as I settle accounts with Rio I{
ten really cheap.I'm solrt l.an'ttalktoo long Thephone billiast I run away now I'I be its prisoneY foreve(. Do you understand'
month cost me a good three milljon."
Ozgiir didn't respond. Her mother's words rained down upon Silence...
her blain like ttansparent bulets. A steel hand had wrapped itself '''Ihis .ity's kiiling me, Mom, every dat every minute every
around her head and was yanking her forcefuly to rhe ground. ,,fportunity, in every way, it's killing me Slowly, insidiouslv
'Ihat f amiliar nausea... l)l)wn deep... lt's taking away evetything I have, right out of my
"So whatt up? h€t mother continued, obviously struggling to lrrnds. I m surrounded, besieged, outside and in I have to Mite
Iind any questions to ask. How are you feeling?" llro.I don t really thinkl can explain . "

'Awful. I'm not eating.I can't." ''I can't hear you. ltt
so noisy ovet there. those fireworks
The truth is that she was hoping that her mother would be I was tellingsome {riendsabout itthe other day About the
'!'iini
able to compreh€nd the vital difference between those last two r.,vollos in Rio...'Ihey're cailed favollos, right? About how everv
sent€n.esj she didn't. riL,Dday theylet off all those fireworks so thebuyers know that the
.You've w,.ek s supply o{ cocaine has arrived About how the whole citv
cut down on the smoking I hope '
"I don't ke€p track.' I lhts up with lireworks... Nobody believed ne lhev don't know
 36

tuo so they asked me, naivelt why the police didn t do anythlnq
She let out a giggle.
''lo krh. Mint, iose,lemon, Ant€p pistachio...
"What FIREWORKS, Mom? What FIREWORKS?',
"What's wrong with you? Are you cring?
Her rage unleasheditsett rushing forth ar fulgalop. Srraight
She could hardly speal.
tnto thejungle, full of insurmountabte, thornybush€s.
.Don't "No, I'm laughing. It's tunny, isn't it? that word, lo-,krn?"
you hear the machine guns? those aren,t fireworks,
Burst o{ laughter, bubbles jetting to the suface of a boiling
th€y'r€ MACHINE GUNST For cod's sal<€, can,t you even tel the
sound of gunfire fron fireworks?"
"Look, your nerves are all a wreck now And I don't like the
Wlen, after a long, sorrowfuisigh, hermotherbegan to speak
sound of that gunire one bit."
onceagain, hervoicewas coated bya thin layer of ice. A nofthen "Oh now, why do you say that? I thoroughly enjoy it. I mean,
wind blowing in from a snow,covered Istanbul...
Iltazjls {amous for jts armed clashes,like Tulkey's fmous for its
"What's going on over there? More mjljtary operations again?
/ofuft. Don r you pay any mind to all that talk about camivals and
Look dear, you re Dakingme si.kwith worly. youjust up andteft,
just like that. Turned your back on atl of us... Are you in tou.h
She began to laugh again. Inside she was telling h€rs€lf that
:ihe needed to put a stop to this and legain her (onposure. She
"He hasn't called since September.'
"He's mad at you for dropping out of school. Alt that stu.iy .Anlvay, I should go now.
Do you need antthing?'
ing just so you can throw it a away and loaf aroundt He doesn t
'Ihis was the question she disliked most of all. Sh€ alnost
understand what you're doing. But then, he always has been an
screamed, "Yes, I need a 1ot of thingsl" If only she could stop
Lrughing... 'Most of all someone who asks ne what I n€ed." Sh€
For some reason, Ozgii! feit the need to stand up for her
.Okay,
then. Bye...'
"But he did send a suitcase ful of.lorhes. And sohe T,,rkish
"Mom, wait. Are you going to call next week?
delight!
''I doubtit. Maybe when I getbackflom Moscow Okay dear,I
Of course, she didn't say that the ctothes were too heavy and
lriss you so much youknow Take care now."
conservative for Rio. And she didn't btane her father for not
''Mom, wait a secondl'
having noticed aU these years that she never, ever ate Turkish
there was a long, verytong sil€nce.
delisht.
"He sent De Turkish deli ght-lakun . Lo.kun .. .', .Mom,
please, please don't leave me- Talk a litde more," she
She felt like she was roling a big, sugar coared pie.e of tokufi
rl,ought to herself. Instead, she giggled.
around in her mouth, su.king on it gently. There was sometbin,l
''Okay then, God willing i'I see you in Moscow in January-
funny about the way those letters "O," "K," and .,U came together.
 Ciry in Cnmson Cloal
'Hoslraftal. Goodbye non.'
she held onto the phone as if it were a dead bird and con-
tinued listening to that expansive silence that is so much nore
meaningtul, so much more agonizing than words. lt was as if
shea gone deaf. 'fte word "HOS CA KAl ricocheted in her
brain, like a pdsoner pa.ing back and fotth in her cell. ihe tak
tak rhythm of Turkishk crisp, evenly paced sylables in militaiy
mdch... Unlike Rio Portuguese, which was reminiscent ofa brook
flowing hopscotch ovei pebbles, Turkish announced its meaning
without any dilly'dallying or attempted seduction. 'Ihe moden
day fairytale knoM as communication had disintegrated, drop
ping flake by flake ftom the telephone wites, like the powdered
srgat on lokun. She felt a chill within as she went to heat the
teapot on the stove.
Seized by a sudden and irresistible urse, she sat dom at th€
table, not even waiting for the water to boil. She tided a brand
new, untou.hed page: "HARBORLESS VOYAGER." She wrote
non-stop for severat minutes, hardly even pausing to breathe.
'Ile unpunctuated run ons ofa writer lacking even the resolve to
complete a sentence...
She wlote until that impulse that transfolmed her pen into
a pair of shoes dancing by themselves on the stage of a farnous
musical had expired. She began to scratch the large chery sized
mosquitobite on her elbow. First gendy with herpen, then swirl-
ing the tip of her finger around the bump ofit... But rather than
subsiding, the itch gradually grew more and rnore intense until jt
was nearly unbearable. Sh€ angrily pressed her dirty, long 6nger
nails into th€ vely centerofthe redbulge and, with the rancorofa
farmer ddving his pitchfork into the cracked earth, ripped at her
skin until a thin trail ofblood oozed its way down to her wist.
I}le burning had fina y subsided.
she reached for her pack of cisarettes once she heard th.
teapot start to moan. There it was, anotlet sttoke o{ bad luck,
!nother disaster to top off an alreadymiserable dayl She had only
rhree cigarettes left. She b€gan violently rummaging through the
ness upon h€r table, as if her life depended upon it, searching
for a spare pack. She had de.orated the mahogany table, a reflec-
rion of Prof. Botelhot aspirations to nobility, with the cheapest,
nrost common o{ objects Iacking even a shred of distinction. A
true specta.ie of squalor consisting of a twelve dollar "made in
l'araguay ' tape player, dusty cassette tapes collapsed in heaps Like
soldiers, bandages dangling fron their wounded bodies, warped,
steam srained teaspoons, tin cans full of cigarette ashes, used
l)ind aids, salt shakers that had failed to stand up to the hurnidiry
,il the tropics for even three weeks, screws, nails, clothespins, bat
r .ries, pil bottles... Papeys of every length and breadth: newspa'
lrrs, magazines, cinema progres, tickets, posters, uset's guides,
worn sketch books, old photos as sorrowful as ships put oD the
,,tocks, unanswered letters from people whose very existence
h. now doubted... lbe pistachio green notebook containing Tle
t itr in Crimson Cloalr... Pens, ubiquitous, str€wn everywhere...
ri, ishells... Pincers, screwdriver, .oland€r, can opener; tools and
r rrplenents snall and puDy, yet of \,'ltal imponance in the home
,,1 i bachelor... In nore experienced hands this m€ager mini-
'L,rrwwage'working
proietariat of featureless, unaff€cted objects
w, { d have mutinied against Ozgiir at every opportunity, putting
, t) i melciless fight for its freedom. It was no user there were no
|.,rettes to be found in this rat's nestl 'Ihree cigarettes at on€
it.,rette every ten minutesj that meant that in less than halfan
l' ,1, r she would hav€ to go outside and look for an open kiosk in
, Teresa, where the confli.t yaged on.
'r1i
World weary, she collapsed onto a chair, but only after having
i. fl.n a fresh cup of tea o{ course; she picked at her mosquito
,'i,1,.rs she lookedoverthe house, iike a young wonan searching
 city in Crin\on clodk
for dues about tle boy into whose bedtoom she had entered for
the first time. A kind of writing exercise...
She was a veteran migrant who had long ago leamed that a1l
of one's "indispensables could 6t into a single bag, that the lest
could be tl1rom to the wind. She got absolutely no satis{action
out of claiming places and things as her own, or making them
into reflections o{her p€rsonality.In this house, pervaded by the
rotting odor ofthe tropics, there was not a single non tunctional
thing, not a single item intendedto appease the aesthetic senses.
Like avase, curios, flowers. Justas she had hatedbabies as a child,
as an adult she avoided what she described as "feminine" it.ms
like the plague. She was so broke that she had no television, no
washing machine, no chandelier, no mirror no carpet, not even
curtains. By means ofa new technology that she had developed,
she used the cornices to hang her laundrn she resorted to this
because hangins laundry on the balcony was included in the
twelve articles o{ prohibited acts t}?ed out on a t}?ewriter by
Pro{. Botelho himself. Her clothes, which be.ause ofthe humid
ity never dried rega/dless of the temperature, and which gtew
dirty once again before she even had a chance to take th€m
do n, were quickly disintegrating, rebelling at the seams. Bui
then nothing .ouid stand the humidity of the uopics for long.
Fruit spolled in a few hours time, milk went bad, the soles of
shoes carne unhinged in a month, clothing grew noldy in the
wardlobe, books, falling victim to the attacks of a1l kinds of
tungi and ba.teria, wilted away.
She ran her eyes over the books on the aluminum shelves as
if to bid farewell. Fifty caretullt selected Turkish books-shed
calculated one book per week, thinking that she would be hetu
for one year second'hand English novels; the only Portugues.
book sh€ owned, which she had bought because of the Naz,n,
Hikmet poem it contained on the 6rstpage; Boal's prison diary.
'nre bloody eyed, bloody-toothed snake man, an Indian god that
Roberto had brought ftom Amazonia, had tuhed his back to
lbtstoy and was glaring at Ozgnr with eyes full of spite at having
been plucked from the rainfoiest.In the coyner stood her sullen,
bulky suitcase, like a boxer of past glory who has not been in
quired after for some time...
.this house is just a shelter {or me," she thought. "Where I
really live is a spiitual place that needs no ornamentation."
Months ago she had changed het mind, de.iding against her spy
like bound to secrecy attitude, and, like a cancer patient trying
ro add a friendly flair to her hospital room, had hung upon rhe
wall something of sentimental value to her a ballet poster. Yet
i,r less than a month's time, one day when she wasn't at home,
l'rof. Botelho had comebyto check the apartment; he had ripped
rhc poster {rom the wall and tossed it onto the table, whicb he
rrcated as a trash can, andleft Ozgur a note advisineherto review
rhe 'list of prohibitions.' (So it seems that Prof. Botelho did not
rrust his renters'taste and thus preferred to maintain amonopoly
L,pon the right to decorate the walls.)
tt was a dirt cheap, black and white postet made af ukra thin cad
hrq.d: it i4ras sa poo/]y printed that the dan.ers facial features dls'
pted
i of
like ArubX letterc dissolvingin wateL It contained the name
ttithet the photographer not the ballet, but she re&gnized the lattet
tr t oudidtely: Orpheus. Saldlrcntne s Orpheus. Passion. rcbellian,
,r I d csperatian transfotned into stulpture, be.oming concrete in the
t
t \ t l..ted matian af two people. .. Etetnity captu/ed in a singb matian,
"\t
ho1 a single noment... Humankind s fleetine, desperute, absolute
She .ould imagine it light therc before het lery eyes: Togethet
rth his pure blaod German Shepherd os@r in tow, and the enen
'
. ,,r \r dcvated, pwe blood Rio mulatto housekeeper, her landla
 C ily 1n c mson Cloar
marches in with all the pomp of a Ronan warlord ana has a taok
dround the living roam: dll the mosquitoes make hin feet queasy
and so he covers his nase with a handkerchief ta carcfuny insped
the books and flip thrcueh their pages; he chooses a wark af Marcus
Aweliuq with the tips af his noble fingers he ips the poster off the
wall and dispases afit.
Ultimately, by purifyihg her home of symbols and nyths, ahd
destroying the sale prcje.tion of her saul that it @ntained, he
taughr he/ a lessan: A mirrors dre empty in the city of vanpiles. In
the fa@ of so much nuder, tarture, and death, he had shown het the
cledulousness af seeking refuge in aft, ahd in so doing haa indicated
the empty walls. Those matte, whitish walts, their plaster swa en
and crccked, their surface .overcd in spideNebs, rivulets of the btood
of dead nosquitaes, and stains shaped like hunongous tears. ..
\,{onths later rcrd whJr shc had wr r en. Ozgur re, rJ"o a
a< she
coincidence that had up until that moment completely escaped
her miod-that3la.k Orple"s was the first 6lm she had ever seen
tbat had to do with Rio. Amusi.ian hailing from the fd,elas, Btack
Orpheus goes after Eurydice, naking ajourney in the Rio ca/ni
val, where mass hysteda, death, and chaos prevail; with his guirar,
which is able to open locked doors, he descends into the deptls
ofth€ Lard ofthe Dead and reunites with his lover in a rituat of
the Aftican religion, Crndon,/a. But at the very moment he has
defeateddeatb, he opens his eyes, which he was slrpposed to keep
closed throughout the ceremony. Too earty,like every Orpheus in
history... Only the guit& ofBlack Oryheus, a man fated to perish
in a Fareld, would remain.
Ozgit had lit up her last cigarette and was staring into the
white walls. She felt as ifrodents were gnawing at her hearr. She
was angry at herself for having used up the teteph
tion shed been awaiting for so long like that, and for not havins
p,cked up ayound the house that Sundat and for never manag
to have a spare pack o{ cigarettes around. 'Point Zero" was
'rg
rrrarching in place. "l haven't really lost all hope as long as I can
.irill write,' she thought. But then ?7Id Ctty i, C/inson Clodft isn't
.xactty a text to be read with Chopin's noctumes spinning on tle
r,,cordplayer, and it can'tpossiblybe so; because where I write, it
,s the sound ofgunshots that ptays in the background'
had Her eyes lingered upon the pen hanging fron her Angers like
r pack animal that's be€n worked to death llen she wrote her
,n huge lFllFr< in rhc !Pnler of an "mpw p,ge: OZGIIR
',.,n"
(|REE). shed always hated her nane,like she d hated all blatantly
,n)vious slmbols. Ihere probably couldn't be amote absutd, nore
r()ni. name than hers; it made one an object of tidicule in onet
,)wrl cyes. For several minutes, the amount of time it took to
.,, ol,e une.isdrerre. she drpw. hllrng rhe.nird" ol rhe O Four
l, if clovers, sku s, treble clefs, innnity symbois
Suddenlyshe satboltuprightinher seat. From the pile upon the
,irch she choseablouse, which was bla.k and therefore concealed
,Dy tea stains, and a pair ofjeans dpped at the kne€s She didn't
l,ive the money to buy a new pair ofieans. Shed tried to patch this
t,rir up but failed, and so she ended up having to live with the ever
il.,ping rips, assuming the attirc of a punk while standing at the
rl,reshold of thirty. She put a ten /eal banknote in her wallet Sh€
, (, mpiacently noted that atl together she had lifteen reair to see her
rlrrough until Tuesday. She loaded a few lightets, pens, her sun
{ n en, wristwatch, telephone book, and keys intoa bag the size of
., ,inill suitcase. And the good luck neciJace of seashells, which had
1,r,ven useless onnumerous occasions, and hergreen notebook
She always carried her novel with her, like an amulet, and
lvhcnever she wanted to retteat to her inner world, she would
write, regardless of where she was. on the bus, at a kjosk, on
rl,, beach... the gunshots had stopped, and tranquility reigned
 citr in Crinson Cloak

A TRAVELER
for the time being. She hid the last bit of cocaine, which shea IN
conceal€d in th€ pages of Hops.otcft, and her pocket mirror in the THE STREETS OF RIO II
secret compartment of her bag. She knelt in front of the door
and prayed that.he mrke it throuSh rhis iourney rn one Di'cP.
when she was seventeen years old shed jumped up in religion
class one day and declared that sh€ was an atheisti all the other A trolreler aimlesly wandeting the streets of Rio, ha'ing taken
students glared at her lik€ they wanted to skin her alive. But now t , fuge in her own self like a snail rctleats into its shell, feating the
here she was, unable to male the slightest move in Rio without l minent pistol at her temple, her mouth like sandpaper, taking
first imploring the very same gods that she had denied her entire tt .mulaus steps, larse .ircles of sweat at het armpits . me hoti2on
life to keep her safe. nas linited by her fision, and she had nothing she could trust except
"FIREWORKS DAYIOh, how naive I was back then." Otiginaly
lnr het own weary eyes.
she had attnbuted the frr€works that soared into the sky from me jungle, which had been the single, unconditional ruler of these
some six hundred fa'eids every Sunday to the Brazilians' love Ltt ls not so long ago, only thrce centuies or so, was still therc: it made
of life, and sh€ had been in awe of this exubelant people. It was , t :. heard throush the iron ba/s surlouhaing the huge apattment
"oi.e
only months later that she leamed that the fake shooting stars tr t lding. on every bit of these lands upon which the European had set
announced the anival of the latest batch of cocaine. "l wonder t,, 't , bearing his bloody crcss-and sword, feveL torture, tuber.ulosis,
what it was that I lost that day-the day that I 6gured out what |t'hilis-he had been defeated by the trapics. The White Man, wha
that 'shiny labydnth' in the sky realy was? My innocence? No, ,tld not entlule the junsle, the chaos, the unknown, and who sought
now, come on, nothing that could fit into such a bulky, insutrer- t .lvc, resolve, and rule eterythlngin whi.h he meddled, was dragged
' '
) t t
'
t t a.nibalism, into insanity, an these lands. me vopical hunidity
t d tk matlaw of his bones, and his moral fabric dis
its @ay into the
t n! nted under the sun and in the ruin. 'Ihe Gad who abandoned his
'

t,ty rn son on the class, and the onewho dis@vercd the tiffe, failed
t lt\t African Eros, anl sa he put him up for sale, sullied hin, and
,h

ttr tt I hin into d rnme. The rhythns of the Cand.otabl' fused with
t, I ttt :t. lanentations, and the crack of whips.
t| this .ity, which lies Aircdly abow the Trapic of Capneorn, all
ttr tt' t::ihilities of humankind are there beforc yaur lery eyes, as if
t' | t t hcing olfercd up to a lisitot ftom anathet Planet...
, t The black'

' ttrt, tndiah'@hites, lndian black mulattos, Japanese, lndian,

I t,rt. (;c/nan, and the Sta,lss-who established colanies on etery
 City r. Cranso. Cloak

hill that even faintly resembled the Alps... Os'ltncos, as the Syrian
THEMADMAN
OF
Arabs who brought desert meladies and ielikofte-neatba s fiied SANTA TERBSA
in a dacked !'heat coat-to Latin Amen.a are called... Ihe dark
Beyond a celtain point there is no return.
Nordestinos (No/tteasterners) through whose gullets pass noth
This point nust be reached.
ing but .offee and .assava rcat, and who migtated lran fle sertoes
Karl<a
wastelan* wherc feudalisn percists to this day... me Bahiano,
coveled in the bloody .]:ws of fury generations af slavery... The
Ar hrst, that indispensable condition of the vagrant life, penury,
Anazon natives, h,ho haL,e the most impenetrable eyes in the world. ..
, ,rtcred her life ever so quietly; like an insidious tumor that un
And all other possible combinations... Blacks with indigo blue eyes,
, L,,r8oes metastasis and then overtakes the entirebody,itcaptured
Indians with stnw UanAe hdiL Japanese with Afiican lips, Arabs
l,,i soddenh utterlr and completely. when shesotfired&omher
vtith Kalmyk foreheads... Every .olot and tone passible to the skin of
r,'l) at the university, she hoped to work as a teach€r at any one
hunankind... The olor of .innamon, the eatth, brcnze, nilk, coffee,
,'l thc hundreds of English schools located throughout the city.
11'rt as it turned out, things did not go as planned. A1l of the good
The dizzying analchism of the bady... Bodi$ that hale never
r,,1,s had alreadybe€n talen by Amedcan summer adventuiers or
leamed af mystely, that have nevet known the thousand and one pns-
v,Llrure like professionals who had dedi.atedtheirlives to English
ons of noraliry, thi& s@eaterc, boots.. . Alwats flesh and lively, naked,
stipped of myth.. . God bestowed unto these lands an endless summer,
L suage teachins. Nobody trusted the oddly-named woman from
, , ountry that nobody could identify on a map. ftroughout the
an endless youth. me colorful skifts af wonen binawinT in the wind,
its forty in the-shade weather,
',!,nth of January and
degrees
the natijuana smoke enveloping the beaches, rhythms risihg ftom
..1i. had jumped onto buses packed tull of people, the air heary
s.or&ing sidewalks to 1r'/ap thenselves around hips, desire throwing
wrrh human odor incessantlyen route, traveling {rom one neigh-
itself otf of diffs like a rapacious bird... A city capable of breathins
l,rliood to the next, from morning until ev€ning, writing vari-
in the stam of sexualitl: Rio de Janeiro. All,tays naked, yet always
tr,r..v.'s amongst the swooning passengers. She d had interviews
masked... Alwoys sated, yet always ravenous.. .
,!rrh a series of ever-so-.hic, ever so haughty directors. Ihey
rr young professionals, in love with theirbusiness cards, theil
'!,
l,i,rs heldhigh as i{ to show offtheirAdam's apples, who believed
r, rhing Englishto be the most important job in theworld-and
, r oo, undoubtedl, was everythins else they did. What with her
,

,.,lred purse, worn-out shoes, and hair that hadn't been touch€d
l,y s.issofs for months, they had the pale woman sitting across
i,,',n them pegged in a split second. And then there was the one
l.'rrgoage school that she managed to get hired by after much
l8 city r' Crinson cloak

she refused riuffered by nine tenths of the world's population, that malady
strenuous effort, only to swiftlv get the bootbecause
it-a]l known as 'poverty." Un{ortunatel, that particular int€llectual
to coddle the students and because of her persistent' know
blood' .,ttirude which doesn't personalize the issue, andwhich considers
university professor attitude Andso, after shedding rnu'h
of them irsclf above the physical worid, failed to sustain her ego. Out o{
sweat, an.l tears, she got a few private students' most
and who thc blue she had begun goins through her old jewelry and wear-
engineers who were lonety and therefore depressed'
rrg scanes, hats, huge wooden bracelets. Like lhe Africans sat
had developed an incestuous telationship with theiv computersi
' hetentiousness becomes the hungry"... Whenever her money
thet eagerness to learn English, however, $'ouldbe quicklv extin
guishedas soonas she turned down their dinner invitations
And \drs about to run out, she would spend it more lavishl, squn-
Ozgur €nded uP having to cut ba'k mo'e and nore
il, ring it on smal indulgences, caprices, and gi{ts to pamper her
so sradualy
bulng new cloth€s' or soins ,11o. She wou1d, for example, buy peaches that were twelve do1'
She could no longer even consider
.rrs a kilo and savor them, letting their juices daip, licking her
to the batber or dentist or out to eat; abashe'lly she bargained
only t rrgets. She would frequent cinemas and watch film afiel film in
with vendots at the lo.al bazaars, she read the newspaper
that wl,i.h silence /eigned and the setting was always a cold .Limate,
one day a week, and she onlv attended shows and concerts
rd sonetimes she picked up all the English Dovels on a street
were ftee. the polar opposite ofthe classic stoies ofimmigYants
who gradualy grew fat with we.lth in the New world'
her journev l"rldlcr's cart. lhen there were times when, with flushed fac€,
CoPacabana; Plain' i,, d hand over the little remaining money she had to a street kid.
sot staned in the cityt darling neighborhood,
' t! nding her money to "treat herseF" was iike signing a ceasefire
"middle ctass"; she'd mapped out her toute along the Botafogo
hospitals' and ,r,rl,life. Perhaps itwould alowherto dJink pleasure in tiny sips,
and Flamengo gu1fs, with their abundant chutches'
heart of rl pain in tiny glasses.
supermarkets, from the shores inland, straight into the '
Rio
the city. From the white-skinned touristv, ait-conditioned
and hellish t\lqay s like a crutth. It helps you stand rytight. Evety single God
ofappearances to the real Rio, mulatto, hushed'up'
nnt day she recolled this sen*ne, which she'd heard years ago fton
From the Rio that gobbled up victories with an insatiable
appe
xi driuel in Istanbul, the nisdam of which she was able to conpre-
tite, to the Rio that alidn't even realize itwas a 'onstant loser"
. t Ir

donuts eaten Ir trl .nly an.e in Rio. Erery time she was t/odden down, every time
Japanese cuisine was replaced fi/st by butterv
"petjt tr t\ttered someone up, every tine she hunbled helself... Every time
stanalins up, then later by nanenolla, and Enalln once her
repla'ed t,, I s obeyed the most basi. principles of the' we'brcd"...
bourgeois stomach revolted, stark hunger' Milk coffee
t

freshly squeezed Amazonian fruit juices, and hei Parliaments t)|c Ftlday night, she was at a currency ex&ange affice in
t,',,intto.She had only ten do ats left to last her the entire weekend.
the cigarette of.areel women were replaced bv L M's'
the t
'iga
rette of cashiers. She didn't even have enough money any morr tt 1! af the unfathonable bureaucraq of Brazil, an.l its paranai.l
ro buy FREE, the academicians' choi'e, with which'
in a wav' sh' t y tneasures, there had been a nix'up with het money as lt made
t t

shared a name. Counting her pennies was

just too much for hrtr ]t)t ham signatute to slgnature, and from hand to hqnd. She had
to deal with that common simple' banal strtr
t ,t) Mn the money of sone pre teen kid, whon she could deatly tell
she was unabte
50
Cjly in crinson Cloat

wasan apprentie from the overallshe was wearing

Exa'tlv thirtv two r,, save from what would be an embarrassing exchange for them

reais ard .entavos. S he stood motionless for sevetuI secands: her ll,th. After all, she was the on]y renter to whom the poor fellow
folty
were on firc: there h'as a tuane in her eats
She had two long lrid shown his newborn child.
cheeks

nights and two long days befole het and a

hea\" rustv' deftpit con
She put
s.ience which, despite numerous stunbles, stitl functioned
the money in her pocket As she dashed out of the
affice she saw how
At thishour of the.lay, the hou$ewas deadquiet; the resideDts
,n ViIa Blanche, who were hardly tobe seen eversince the fighting
tarted, had all gone dom to the bea.h or to the mountain villages.

the opprcnt,e boy rcuatPd ftP no4cv

gr c4 rc h n and road haPa At this hour, Romado must have been asleep in his dankquarters,

he hPaded lot thP count?t wtth d t"d't'ul o ptPssian with his sixteen year old girlrriend and two and a half month-
n hottot, andhaw
,,ld babn Prof. Botelho s pride and joy, the pure blood ceman
rihcpherd Grarda (cuard), had vairiy soushr shade on the terrace,
She andered about the streets for a while' like a Wisan es'apee
spent all which gleamed like mirror under the sun, before finally colapsing
men she do|e into the ftrst ltatian rcstaurant she saw and a

ofher naney-all af the apprcntice boy s money

all of the thirty'two ,r.xt to the low wall. Romario took out his persistent frustrations

reais and fatt centa\ios that had 'ost so mu'h

tail' on a single dinner' r,)wards the White Man upon this defenseless animal hea leave it
virtrc' Like lemon in .rrtingout tlere all day on that hellish terrace, .ompletely depdved
mere are sone things morc indispensable than
the Sunday ne'/rspaper, ot Italian mozzaftlla ,'l food or watcr. But then Ozgiir was the only one who was ever at
your tea,
i ll affectionate towards the poor animal.

'ftis was pelhaps the most heattfelt part o{ the novel Because She was inlucktodan She had silentlyopened the triple locked
rden gate and manag€d to slip out without running into a single
it was so pYo{oundly personal, she had used a straightforward' ) I ,

Ozgtu of this It was Sunday evening, the time when

frank, bare bones style. Yet writing faited to purifv she made her wrekty
,,u1.

utterly shametul memorv fte eves of the voung apptentice

would , p to the small kiosk at the top of the hi[, the only nearby p]ace
crawiing like a wlrere she could buy cigarettes. lhe heat attacked her like an ana
emerge tuom the dark corridors of her memorv'
,,rida, wrapping itsel{ around hey thrcat. lt couldn't have been
giant octopus, and grab her {rom behind at the mostunexpected
Lhan thirty six or thirty seven degrees; with her two years
'rx're
down the staits likc ,,i rxperience, she.ould now tell ftom the slveat that instantly
She had gently closed her door and glided
a ghost to avoid encountering the mulatto Indian portador lcarc lrrrhed out of her pores when the tempelature was above body
no conditiontolis ,, ,),perature. A.ommon, warm summ.r day for Rio! But still she
taker) ofthe white ViIa, Romatio she was in
ten to the 6ve foot, dark complected, meek caretaker abashedly
',,srrntly felt as ifshe were standing right in ftont of a Turkish
remind her about the rent once again
'nre check shed receive(l ,,r,r shnd, meal spinning on a spit befor€ th€ namej no matter
foi two months' work from the last school she worked at
harl h way she turned, she felt the heat...
"'l',r
boun.ed: for weeks she had {ailed to rhe bulldog {accd With their rose colored, stereot'?ical phrases, toudst ha.d
'onvin'e
boss in his Al Capone garb-cigar patent
leather shoes' bowlcr l"'ks described Santa Teresa as "the.enter of Bohenian life,'
hat to Pay in cash. Actualt it was Romario whom she wanten , ,,1 i(:.ommended it only for the adventurous, or those travelins
 clty in cri son
on a "shoestring budget." they recommended lhe hundred vear-
old tramway that huffed and puffed its wav up the stone paved
sidewalks, and a bar naned 'sobrenatural"l thev also strlctlv
jewelrv
aalvised you not to wear a @istwatch, gold jewelrv, or anv
resembling gold. An intenational scandal had broken out about
two months earlie/ when a Japanese businessman, struggling to
fend off an attempted robbery, fell off the tranwav ro his dearh
(and during Brazilian Japanese Friendship week no lessl), and
a ttamway rides wete terminated lhus was OzgLir res'ued {rorn
the vibrations that turned houses into connlsing malaria victjms
once every halfhour, and those screeching blakes that sounded
iilc the.ryof ahuge, metallicbirdbeingstrangled Unfortunatel,
buses were now the sole form oftransportation, fot no taxi dtiv
er dared enter Santa Teresa, a p]a.. famous for its carrobberies'
those godforsaken Santa Teresa buses, cran1ned full of People
like sardines in a tin, their rates determined bv their inevjtablv
high as-a-kite drivets... And as for the midnight bus! whenever
it slowly approached the bus stop, without a ca/e in the wotld
andatleast twentyminutes late, therewouldbe a burst of com
motion in a[ tbe bars as the booze guzzling Santa Teresa 'rowd
made a dash for the door, with their last beers ot ca&atas-'
kind of rum-in hand. tt would take another twenty minutes
for the drove of eighty peopte, nearly all of them inebriated, to
be issued, thanks to the un
fill the bus, and no tickets would
recorded agreement betwe€n the battle's.arred ticket salesnan
and the neighborhood residents. Each person would hand over
some money according to his means, keeping the dtiver's sharc
in mind. whatever they fett like giving .. Ihe bus, weigheddowr
like an eight-months-pregnant woman, grumbied, occasionallv
coughed, and hiccupped its way up the steep hill Ea'h time ir
stopped and set otragain, the boundades between bodies woul(l
become clouded beyond recognition. Ihe voice of a stone drunk
Clork
,,.11ro wouid energe tuom the backrows and break out in a sambai
,rlrr voices, at first just a coupte, then the whole crowd, would
r,' ,r in; the sound ofa drum would step in to accompany the song;
r, i.,lly, the whole scene would spin out of control when the old
,,, krt Laker would turn the ticket box upside dom and begin
r,, koep rhythm. A midnight festa spontaneously bornl Despite
rl! fa.t that most of the passengers were drunkards, thieves,
, ,,rtionists, or drug dealers tuom the fa,slas, not once had there
\
r
, tr,r been an incident of even pickpocketing, let alone armed
,,l,l,e/y, onthemidnightbus.AtempoEryfairytaleof fraternity
,,,lcquality, with pumpkins turninginto coaches, and frogs into
Lrrdsome princes, in bloody handed Rio...
hill in the city not yet overrun by
Santa Teresa was the sole
rl', larelasj and it was also the sole neighborhood that belonged
, , i rtists, espe.ialy bla.k artists- A res.ued zone for musicians,
r .
,l LLers, painte$, and artisans of everything from carving to per
LIr., rescued from the pinch of squalor thanks to their skills...
, r nival kicks off here a day before its ofncial opening this is the
rily place where the birthdays of Nelson Mandela and oflegend
y resistan.e leaderZumbi, who foundedthe 6rst black republic
',
i lristort are .elebrated. Master interpreters of the samba, that
'
rild ofpain and father of happiness, play in the mal(eshift bars
,,i saDta Teresa. (lhose tourists wi$ bals enough to €nter the
.,.k clubs' after dark are hard pressed to believe that those
1,
', *,(h rheir ro'ten t"erh "nd rrgrdg lorh". drp musi'idns.
ri whose nanes had made it ali the way to the northern hemi-
"',
| ,.rc emblazoned on record covers.) With their wooden stools
I I rickety tabtes, pools of urine and lons lines in front of faucet'
'
, ., rcstrooms, these bars, which served radraqa and beer on tap
,,,,1y. were always packed;and that darling of the middl€ class, the
,,,lln, sugar-coated bossa'nova, was definitely not part of the
All the customers, except for the gringos, would ac-
', t!.rtoire.
 n
Cif in Cri rson Cloak
companythe musicians, keeping rhvthm with drums, madmbas'
andmatchboxes, singingat the tops o{theitlungs and dan'ing' as
the samba tvned \ato pagode, the pagode \nto nara'ure, and the
nal4crte into pure Aflican rhythms.
In Santa Teiesa, land of the perpetual carnival, there also
lived a Ininolity composed of anbassadoB, politi'ians' mafia
godJathers who wanted to stay out of public view, and forrner
police chiefs who'd f€athered theiY nests; these People lived in
high waled vitlas with their guards and DobPrmens and never
showed their faces on the streets Ozgur's landlord Pro{ Botelho
belonged to this caste, as did the gangste/s who had carlied out
the greatest train tobbery in English historvbefore makingtheir
Next to the BIue Mansion-one ofthose vinas surloundedbv
electdcal fences and slass shards was OzgiiY's
'Point Istanbul
At every stop in the course o{ her migYant 1ife, from ocean shore
towns to Alpine cities of Central EuroPe' at evervhatbor in which
she had ever taken refuge, she had either found or created a Point
istanbul forheyself. Places whi.h, given the right peBpective, tbe
ight light, and undoubtedly the right mood, resenbled Istanbul
With itsbeaches separatedbysoadng cliffs, its sinuous coves that
intertwine like the streams of the Amazon, its savage locks rip-
ping into the hodzon, and its jungle like a boundless hshing net
.astover the city, Rio was cettainly nothing like Istanbul lt had a , 1,,
seductive beauty, one that ltas {ond of extremes, contradictions'
and imprudence; it pounced upon her, cruellv, inebriated het'
took her fiymty jn its jaws lt had an eerie cha'm 'hout it like an
Atuicanmask, while the city o{herbirth and chiidhood was like an
antique silver bracelet, inlaid with amethvsts, subdued, elegant
proud, tight-lipped, languid. - But just here, oniv at this spot,
which she reached by walking past the kiosknext to the tramwav
stop, taling care to avoid getting too close to the wals of the Blur
55
[hnsion, Rio, a city that revels in the game of trickern would
,'.move its tropical mask and don the garb that Ozgiir wanted to
,ar. I]le Atlantic O.ean, galloping towards the ciry at fu speed,
,rr nranebilowing behind lt, wouldpause suddenlyin the mouth
,,1 the Cuanabara Gulf, calm its waves which echoed eternity, and
,lxll.ate its vast throne.lhere, it ltould tum into apale, moss
coy,
rtron inland lake; like a cat's tongue it wolld gently nudge its way
,,ro the humble, gently sloping hi s o{ Niteroi. nre Golden Horn
,, viewed from Piere Loti...
(izgiir came here every day she could muster the strength to
l' .,ve her apanmenti she d stand straight and motionless amongst
rlrt wooden benches where all the homeless, the drunkards, and
rl . .okeheads crashed. and wait for a breeze from the ocean to
weep her into the past. And usualy the breeze would come, but
, , rhe form of a desert storm. It would 611 her eyes with sand,
. ,,,iig down tint molecules of volatile memories that scatter
,k sawdust, fllckering images from the life that had quickly
.,, rk nto the depths o{ he' memory,like a ship filling with water.
it l.vant or irrelevant, timely or untimely, tight frsted, overseas
,,,,'r.rips Memories tlDt run out ofbteath all too soon, umble to
I .,, ,sport her across ihose boundless waters sepeating her fron her
I
1,,:,1.. A scent, a sound, aboat horn, a pomegranate_colored sun
,.r . Swift, smooth sailing into her childhood, and then, always,
ked door... Birds, unable to take flight though they flap their
,!,,,lls with allth€ir might, wouidbesiege her menory: onlysome
rirg on the su/face and a slight-not too much, not enough
r
'
r l'1rrt melancholy... At such moments,ozgLir felt the desire
'
,, w, rt(,... Het past assurned a fa.e only after she d traced over its
I l, ,llines onc€ again.
'
Y, r beneath the .ommandeering, heavy handed sky of
r1,,. rn)pi.s, sometimes even memory" seened like a.oncePt
tcd by men of letters. Just a woYd. A skin containing no
",,,{
 crll i. crimson Clork

soul, no essence... Ihe most reliable refuge in the face ofrealiry... tlr .ity is cast oret all thouEhts af the futurc, then you arc farceA tu
Ozgiir was now able to exist in a two-dimensional universe made 1rb rcfuce in "the present.' You have na othet chaice but ta be hurled
ofwords. In a univerce in which death was reduced to the sedes t d Neen the sea and the jungle, between the alms ofwhites and blacks,
ofietters: "D" "E,"'4," "T," "H."... li D ane bodily hun+er which is easily satisfied, but whieh creates a
Today was realy her lucky dar for the wooden benches were t I n st worse than beforc, to the next. Cleate onta wet lips until e1,ery
€mpty. He/ mindat peace, she tookher notebook, with its desisn |
\) t .f yout bady gushes, tip apatt mangaes with yaur barc hands and
of sreen leaves, out of her purse. On the back covet of the note- i k Lhe sugar [rom your finsers, puff an cigarettes as if inhalihg pure

book was Mitten, "P/otef a Naturezal A extintao 6 para semprei' ' '
\,* n, and dah.e! Distance yourself anothet step from your very self
.Protect t h aa.h beat af the drun. Don t forEet! That music, that music which
NaturclExtinction is forever. ' I i

|t)t you by the shoulders and d/av's you into the rcunty of madness,
Why an earth did 1 evet choase this city that is sa 1)lciausly eruel to me? t tt t
hnal temnant of the Bla.k orpheus.
This Rio de Janeiro, whi+ con.eals its sharp, painty teeth behind its
carnival nasks, and envelops my very self in its crimson cloak, woven ,l' ipproached the kiosk, which was the size of a newspaper
fiber for fiber af human pain...? There is only one thlng for which we .r.',{l and reminded her of a gift in blue wrapping paper that
abandon safe waters and cut off our roats. Anly ane thing, fot whith ,,,,i.onc had forgotten and left behind. At that point, she coutd
Adam rejected imnortalityr ?HE UNKNOWN. I' ,v(. died {or some g,a/a'rd soda and a cigarette- (Suddenly she
ft lonc, longtine ago. I clad nyself in the amot af laneliness , ,ll.d a midday in August when she had walk€d towards a his
utas a '
and set out to sea. At this final stop I have come to underctand that my ,,' looking, touristy kiosk in Sultanahmet. How t}le sun had
',,r1
existenee is anly going in circles. Atmed with twa dull swards, hunched ,, ,,,i,cd hcy back, the dusty avenue, the sesame ring peddlers...
beneath the weight of ny rust, shields. Each time only changing otbit, I , kiosk sold sandwiches of white cheese and olive paste. But
nevel drcvring nearet to the center...lt is neithel desirc nor caftage l!. wisn t in Sultanahmet, she was in Beyazrt, at the entrance
whXh drags ne fron qdventure to adtentwe. Pethaps it is the wish ta r, [ .af6 where she smoked waterpipe. She was eighteen years

flee, but not from my past, fot my past frees with me. Like a pickpo.ket, ',1 ,r university student; nothing significant had happened
lunnin,atfull speei, and sheddingleft andtight d the money aut al , r rl,.t day.) fte most wretched, that is, the most genuine, of
the wallet he has stolen. .. ., rr., lcrcsa's drunkards w€re th€ clients of this kiosk, whi.h
Edch joutney is a change of d'car, thats a . The pdnel uith tht , I L,l,ohol, cigarettes, and Paraguayan cookies thathadn't been

silhauettes of mosques is taken batkstage, and the golden yellow sun
takes its place. A few palm trees, flashy beaches, a univetse brought
into being with a few strokes af the brush... Cheap d6.or, a few ama
teur extras, the leading aetar akeady alienated fron the druma i
which he plays. And the nusic? Right now, the samba.
', lrrl for who knew how many years. A dientele of the home
L I',Ls drivers, the self made engineers ofthe small fawla who
, , l'. rheir living in car thievery, the .apo€ila dancers who pur
'
''', lows using knives (a combination dance/fight art of African
'' J ,,, rvhi.h is based on sudden attacks and withdrawals and in

lf the past has twned inta a lost Atlahtis, and the datk shadow ol 1,,,l, ,)t)ponents never rouch one another)... A clientele that
 -1

c in Criison Clork
'rt

chose to drink standingup-that is, until they collapsed onto the .1, , by them and make her way to the window. 'Ihe Rio Logbook

ground-.. On those rare occasions when Ozgiir managed to wake , ,l I )i:ath was ful o{ those who had worn the wrong expr€ssion at

up early, she saw how the place was covered in broken glass, and rl,,.wrongplace and been riddled with bulets;but she w* dlng
'
I r h irst. Moreover, she was prepar€d to 6ght like a gladiator for
'

Abarefoot,mulattoyouth,eighteenornineteenyears o1d, lay ' n one single cigarette.

sprawled out on rhe sidewalk, snoring llies buzzed about his
scrawny head, which looked like a skull carelessly slipped into
a leather case; his right leg was in a pool of urine, most like1v
his own. At his head stood a pure-blood Siberian Huskv, howl-
ing and moaning in pain Most street people had dogs, and not
just any dogs, but breeds like Dobermans, German Shepherds,
and Afghani Greyhounds, which was uttetlv incornprehensible
to Ozgnr. Why would someone who .ouldn't even 6nd enough
to eat for himself rjsk his life to steal a pup and raise it with so
much self-sacdlice? Was it the need for se.urjtv' or the need{or
'LIm gualand por favor e uns L.M. Lights," she yelled flom two
rcrs away in the most determined, most forcetul tone she could
',,
'l,,sr.r. If this had been
a theater stage, her voice easily would
L'v. rca.hed the backrows.
Like all countei workers in Rio, the Portuguese opelator of
'r, I ru.k. wro wds gorng or sevenrv. would remain inpervious
1,,,,stomers' requests, reaching a satisfying climax onlyafter he
1,,,1 rormented the petitioner sufEciently and made him repeat
,, fuquest at least three or {oul times. 'You otr your rocker?
I , to hell?" ozgrir
r r had withstood plenty of injusti.e, insult, and

friendship? Aftet barking hopelessly fot severalninutes-du/ ,",iidling, but the blatant rudeness of.ountet workers still drove

ingwhich time it had scrutinized ozgiir out ofthe corner ofits ,, , , rizy. She iras.ibly began scnt.hing at the mosquito bite on

eye and realized it could not expect any favors from her tht ,, , r'lbow, now a bloody wound.

disgruntled doglay dom next to its o'{ner, placed its head onhis
' l\rr falot, um guarund bem gelado e uns L.M. Lights" Utterly
stomach and quickly fell to sleep "Not even the most destitutc '., ',,rd.d. rhe man conrinued putting awrv borrles. Ozgur was
of humans awaken as much compassion as a helpless aninal" I
'i,l If shed had a gun at that moment, she would have put a
, ll,,r straight through that callous prick's ribs!
thought Ozglir, "lnstead, the formerrouses only a forced{eeling
ofpity, hortot, and usually revulsion Humans are so merciles's
'll.y buddy, aren't you going to give me a girarahd? I've been

towards theiY own kind."
Two faveladas, thef; gazes dark, stood in front o{ the tinv ki
osk window guatded by iron bars. they were leaning up againsi
the.ounter, enjoying their.old beers Ozgnr, who had long beton'
learned to always be on the lookout, immediately sensed thil
,,."r,ng here under the sun for a full ten minutes."
Wrtlr rheumatic sloMess the Portuguese nan gradually
, ,, irrl.d his back- He looked Ozgiir over from head to toe. He
,, I ifht yellow eyes, eyes like those o{ a dead fishi there was
,,' l.{,ndary between the ids and the white of his eyes, just lik€

the men were uP to no good Long t shirts down to their hipr' , ,rnd olive oil jn the same glass. Ihe look they gave her was
'r, '
swank shoes, gold-plated watches . Maybe they were a couple ol ,,, r ha t of dreaming that she had never existed than wishing to
',
Commando Vermelho's gangsters, takingabreakbetween battler
, , , the person across from then. 'I}le Portuguese man
','iiDate
She rather pessimistically began contemplating how she coul'l I ,l 1,,,,s ego lowered his blinds on life. "Professional pervert,
 Crry in Crinr$n Cloak

llke all uue gamblers, what she really$,anted was to lose.

fucking pedophile," thought ozgiir.
.Wait "l\ guarand," she said, pronouncing the words one by one.
a minute, g/ingai' the man replied, squeezing as much
']{ight now And a pack of L.M.... L.M. Lights."
contempt and insult as he possibly could into four words nre
portuguese just couldn't bdng themselves to do the legwork on She felt the pencil-mustached mulatto to her dght freeze
.,,; if he'd just been tossed into a pool of ice water. She turned
these lands that they'd exploited ro the boDe, to the vety mar
r,trlards hlm. His eyes rajned missiles upon her. Shed made a
row, for centuries, and so they unloaded tbeir resentment onto
,',,rve mistakel the insolentgnnga deserved to learn a real good
other foreigners. And so now thevery thing she feared had come
, rson now l}rat goddamn Portuguesel If hed just slip her the
to pass; as soon as the two fawlada head the ward gtinga, they
,4trad so she could nake a run for itl Iheir eyes shot balls of
pricked thei earslike a.ouple ofpolice dogs, and startediooking
,r at her... At that moment she con.entrated upon one single
her over, making no effort to hjde the hea'y, dark, greasy look jn
lring: the bottle of beer that stood between them... If she coxld
theireyesastleydidso.'Shedoesn'thaveawatchoranyjewelry,
l,,, ik it, bur even if she did manage to break it, what would she
her purse's ragged but made of quality leather, dennitely fiom
,, with it... she wasn't giving a thought to the man on her left.
Arsentina. the he€ls of her shoes are worn. Just like the knees
,,d the next movel l]]e asphalt beneath her feet had turned into
of her pants... Obviously doesn t have a dime to her name But
,rd, and she was sinking. She feit that bloodthirsty wave dsing
her poverty is temporary; she's iust taking a break amongst the
Iowlifes who never got the smooth start she inhedted We're born
, t, lrorD the depths of her soul. ftat lust like feeling, a sense of
,1,,rh... Sowhowouldget!oitfirst? fteblackhandthatwasused
destined to suffer, but they, they only choose to do so later. She'll I
r,, rhc holster, or the white one that had her way with nothing but
gobackto her nest, retutn to the privileges she's so easily squan
'' ' , n/ r^ond. rhfl ,lofi"d. lik" m"r.ury... OzCLir I
dered, but onty aftet she's given up on ac.epting the world undet "drr"nng
h€r owr conditions, only after she's leamed to salvage the sltu
N, now looking at the world from a constictedperspective, the I

,'rrl.r of beer and the jugutar thlobbing like clockwork on the

ation with a few minor concessions. As {or us, though, nobodys
, L l.,tto s ne.k... Like a.ouple about to start a waltz, the two op
ever giv€n us anythingi and that's why we'll take what we want,
every sclap we can get."
t, i,,nts stoodfacing one anotherr motionless statues. 'Ihey were
rl
Ozgnr's sixth sensewas now as sharp as that of an animal be
r.,' irl to do the same dance but neiiher pitied the other. lhey
I
, ,,, ,i,,thing but puppets bowing down to the city's diabolical
ing preyed upon in the dark. She clearly read evely letter o{ thr
,
hate spelted out in the deepwel of the Portuguese man's eyer' 'l l)reposrerous, pathetic, murderous puppets... fte sound of
,1,,r' l)ultetsftomapump gun rangoutfromthevaley.
Stil1, she appioached him with a fury she.ould not rein in lrr
'Il.ygri,gd. Everythinga[ right?"
a motion both childlsh and masculine, a motion she had liklly
)z$rr instantly released all the tension in her bodn Like
i
learnedftonJohn WalDe films, she shoved the bottles aside an'l
,,, ,thon /unnet out of breath. Her muscles had suddenly
firrnly placed her elbows on the count€r. she'd let him know thlr
,, ',rr devoid of aI strength. She nearly collapsed. 1}le wold
shehad no intention ofleaving until she got he/gratund and dAl
gambler laying out €ve/ythingshe had, arrl
Irrrl, the same word tlat had almost led to herdeath onlymo-
rettes. She was like a

I
 rl

62
Cnr_ ii Crim:on Cltrt

the l,loodshot. A glob of snot hung out of his nose lndication of a

mentsbefore, restoredhe/ to herproPersel{ ltwas Eduardo'
q:ve'l ,ravydose ofcocaine very recently inhal€d. . Despite his disinte'
nephew of the {ormer Rio Police Chief She w" for now
oil and paint stained clothing, his ragged sandals with
It took several minutes for her to recompose hersel{; het hands rlrating,
jutting out of them, and his head ofhair mat
is pitch bla.k to€s
were shaking, her heartbeat reverberating in her eats- She
was lr

like rrd like a bird's nest, Eduardo still bore signs of the social class
dren.hed in sweat. fte dance o{ death remained incomplete'
rliat he had renounced. He did not, for example, smel lile those
a session of lovemaking inierrupred halfwav thtoughi the body'
gtew up on the street, and every dayhegot a smooth shave
having failed to reach orgasm, was trying to lid itseif of the en- 'rho
ergyit had amassed trembling, conwlsions, ttembling Shed
'' Bonjour, nonsieur,' OzgiiY replied, trlng not to look at the
face. She wasn't easily put off by bodily fluids. Rio had ac
made it through another dalliance' another lliltation' another ','in's
, , stomed her to festeringwounds, gangrene, andboth defecation
capoeira with the City in Crimson Cloak
.',i.1 masturbation out in the open, but for some r
"Hl. I'm Iine..." ]hen after a white, she repeated, stuttering'
l ill repulsed het. She would have to drink hetguarand, fot whi.h
,r had almost sacriEced her life, there in tuont of that piece of
Santa Teresas most likeable bum, Eduardo, had given the '
he
mansion at the en.l of Multinho strect, the sole inberitance
''Would you lik€ to buy necklace?'
got when his father was oblitelated bv a grenade launched at his
a

Eduardo always caftied a small display table with him; he sold

car, over to publi. seYvice, donating it to the honeless, drunk
Helivednexr l",.rls and baubles, semi'precious stones, and astrology books, as
ards, cokeheads, renegades, and the down and-out
i. suitedhim. Actualy, rather than se ing them, he more
to th€ fa'rla, in a r€ed hut that he had built with his own hands 'nood
,,lr.n handed them out, especially to girls he {ancied. Aftet aI, he
andwhich was 6lled to the brim with plants o{ the Amazon' ca'ti'
,.illy couldn't.are less about money an no/e
and orchids. Truth be rold, he generallvprssed out and fellasleep
night lt was sanl ''I don't have any money for a necklace."
on the sidewalk or in the last barhevisited each
a talented painter, and an incorrigibte cokehead ll{ she wasn't aware that when she spoke Portuguese, her per'
that he was
,,rrrlity changed, and she becane someone harsh, rigid, and
was a vagrant thlough and tbrough; an emotional, kind-heattcd
,rr. She understood the language aloost perfectly by now, but
crackpot who had indefinitely postponed settling bi$
1,1,
endeaing
l" l,ad not yet achieved fluency in spealing She could express

"Baniour, nademoise e: said Eduardo with an exaggeranal I

' ,r'li in only the most direct manner.
,

ol "lhcn let me give one to you, as a gift Choose onelTake aI o{

gesture, giving her a low, Japanese stvle bow He was aware
,,.,,,, i{ you want. Business sucks aq,wan Because of the boom
neither the time nor the dance of death tbat had been per{orm'rl
moment earlier' "You'retooking a lirlli' ,,r,rboomboom.'
in theblinkofan eyejust a
Wirh an invisible gun he unteashed a series of bulets on the
down this rnorning
., iI., IcresaVa et andthekiosk. Ozgur leaned her head slightly
Eduardo's {ace had that grav hue that people get when thrv
r,,' *,,rd and noisily exhaled through her nose and puckered her
havent eaten in a long time. His cheeks were sunken his cvrn
 Cir] in Criinsoi Clort \' r Lldogan

,rrs face appeared on his chin.

Lips.Itwas h€r attempt at a smile
stiffsuits. .'Ihevre going to fuck
'''rhe governor and all those
" lhank you, but no I realy don't want one "
, t, Santa Teresa.'Ihey re going to build a police station evervhalf
Eduardo scrutinized the pale faced, dejected looking gri'ga
lrlometer. Trey can kiss nyass Herewhere this kiosk is, too
'
ftom head to toe. Ihe woman's face was calm, as if shed iust .Re.lly?
But isn'r this a histodcal site?"
talcn a hit of opium, but the numerous lines,like traces of"aves
'hprp ya qoder".2ra,rru dnd L N4 Lighl'
on pebbles, gave her away; clearly she had had her fair share o{
the old portuguese man, whom not 6ve minutes earlier she
quarrels with life, and gotten het fair share of roughing up She
l,,d dreamt of sendjng to Never Never Land with a single shot
had none of the lively, flittatious mannet, or flagrant sexualitv
rl,,ough the ribs, was finally handing over the desired goods'
of the Rio wonen about her' Hers was an unde'orated, plain,
orr]ur feltashamed. Theviolence that had grown in herheartlike
mostly lost beauty..- HeA watched her from afar in the bals of
.' jtahgmite ever since sheA begun to live in this city ftequently
Santa Telesa. She was always a1one, always sitting at a table in
o' r,r,k over the reins to herbeing She hadhorri6c, stomach- chutn-
some secluded corner, chain-smoking and scribbling things
, ig fantasies that she just couldnt reconcile with herseu Like
napkins. A haff living monument of sorrow, with no intention
i,,l.ling a gun to the head of bus ddvers, counter workers her
of in{ectins others with hel unhappiness. nrough she reeked of
l',ss. and informins then in a.ool, inditrerent voice that if thev
lon€liness, she always lebuked the jackals that descended upon
,li,ln t giv€ her her salary or her .offee right awav' she was going
her andunderno condition didshe everletdown herguard Hed
r,, pull the trigger.
hea'd it said ofher. who was rumored to be a Slrian author, "This
''1,um...thankyou'
woman is loneliness personified A Middle Easten goddess whose
Sbe found a frve-real banknote without having to take her
cult has disbanded, her temples covered in graffiti " Perhaps the
out ofher Shehad turnedherback to both the fd'e
Purse.
inexplicable weakness he {ett for the gringa, whom he actuallv '!rllet
/'rl,,s and to Eduardo, and held h€r bag close to her body Habjts
didn't 6nd to be a that attractive, was be.ause of this sentencc'
. i.d picked uP in the New World. when she approached the
which he iust couldn't get out ofhis head; so far, he had showered
,,''nter. thetwo mulattoswere no longerpayingher
she saw that
her with gifts at eveYy opportunitv: Silver earnngs' astrological
Lrv attention but were deep in conversation, as
if th^t o{
maps, apair ofsandals. Ozgnr's ears weren't pierced, she couldn
t ,
'apaeita
,l, rth of iust a few minutes before had never actuallv happened
careless about astrology, and she detestedopen toed shoes Still
I l', was shaken by an awful {eeling of doubt Could it be
that a1l
she stoyed the gifts away carefulll Nobodv except the tendc!
,,1 rhis the beer bottle, the crimson cloak-i 'as nothing but a
hearted, crazy Eduardo had given her anvthing in Btzil, though
,, I on of her jnternally bleeding imagination? Mavbe these
men
she'd already spent two birthdays there
I read it in the newspaP" .'1,Iing on their Sundaybeers were not outto get her' Whyhadn't
"'he governor's in Santa Teresa.
just be
r ti.urred to her that their btood chiling glances could
He's here to put an end to the fighting.
,,I of.uriosit, or sexual attraction? And to think that she had
A naughty spa*le twinkled in Eduardos iddescent eyes A
,tidy written that very sane scene hersetf l}le protagonist of
slightly protruding, heart shaped dimple verv becoming to hrr '
66 Cir} in Crimson cl.at rrrdogrn 61

the novet, still naned just

O,' a half ictional "Ozgua" alnost the sround, and mumbled something or other. Maybe the
got into a s.rap with twojailbirds at some decrepit pla.e in Lapa womanjust had a screw loose.

called "fte bynere coincidence.

New World," her life barely saved Suddenly ozgiir felt tlat one of the countless puzzles of
"]he violence within and the violence without... the boundaty l,r nemory had for no apparent reason been solved.'Ihat day,
stones separating the two are being dislodged one by one. Life wl,en she had eaten the olive paste and whit€ cheese sandwich
and wyiting stand opposite one another, like two ventriloquists , i Beyazrt, SOMETHING had happened. Something that had
speaking ftom their bellies. Each constandy trying to drown out *,{rnded her deeply... A conveysation. In the courtyard where
thevoice of the other.l m no longer certain which it is that I hear. l,, A smoked from awateryipe...
this rnust be whatmadness is like." ''Do you speak English, Eduardo?"

She took a long, lustful gutp ofgaarand. By the time she had '' Very litde. I love you, gnnga l"

quenched her thirst, the bottle ia'as nearly empty. She got a high
from the sugar that rushed to her brain. She licked her lips at
length as she iipped open the cellophane-Mapped pack of ciga
"You do this?" she asked, indicating the charcoal drawing on
the display tab1e.
It was the face of a negro, long as if it its .heeks were being
squeezed together, its cheekbones resemblingthose ofa skeleton.
Ozgur on.e again repliedwith the pu.keted face that she'dac
,tL,rrcd in Rio, as substitute for a smile.lt seemed that shea heard
rl',s sentence in various languag€s and tones since her early child-
L',d, and she was sick to death o{ it. Shea once been a beautiful
'',,rran, but she'd lost her beauty before she could learn how to
''that rcally is very little.
'Come over to my pla.e. I've got some high quality snowi we

A ca ous, fragile, sorrowful narvative like a scabbed $'ound... [t.
looked lile heAjust gotten out o{prison. Ozgiir saw the same fa.r
in that of the wide eyed, downtrodden woman she sometimes
watched from behind dirty bus windowsi but sh€ was incapabl'
of feeling even the same pain for that woman as she did for thir
portrait.
"Yes,gri,ga,I drew it. Or don't I looklike an artist?AI o{Sanli
Teresa knows that I'm an artist. And I m an alchitect. too."
.Really?
You made all of these? this kiosk, this square, Sanrr
Having lit her 6rst cigarette, she was now jn a supremely go(rl
,,, have alittle fun together."
'No thank you," replied Ozgrir, with the Old Worldpoliten€ss
I' ,r she had retained, in tulI, throughout the two years she d been
,llr.zil. SheA received numerous such invitations to go to bed;
,,f the blue, informal, unceremonious. Only on the 6!st such
",r
'",.$rrn had she been sho.ked byit; while standing around eating
z r, a friend o{ a friend, whose name she couldn't tecall, began
'.
,,,,,;singherneckandtellingherrhathewas dyingtomakelove
,,, L, r. and she choked.
rilic arew silentwhen she sensed the.hange on Eduardo's face.
I ,. lrlt the eyes of a raptor upon her. Watching Eduardo's eyes

nood. she could nake allkinds ofnonsensical chitchat for houri r suddenly serious, she th€n saw that the madman of santa
"'w
standing there under the hot sun. Eduardo attributed the grin,{4i r' was standingight next to them- He must have slipped up
',,.,,
odd question to her limited Portuguese. H€ bowed his head, $t)lr ,ri.ed, from behind the kiosk, with the silent footsteps of a
',"
 C,ry in Crins.. Clorh

leopard. His blue, phosphorescent et€s werc 6xed upon ozgur' '
hLran.e, a gigantic hirsute man with water running down his pants
She was totally immobilized; in the presence of a madman she tich were held up by a pie@ of twine. His heavy scent preceded him,
becam€ dumbsttu.k, as ifin the presence of a king, for she found ..tttling upon ercrythinE like a thi.k fog. He was leaning against a cal
the insane even more frightening, more €lusive than the dead. i nn oh his left atm, stanaingtherc like the sphinx, patiently sctutini2'
t t t r1 everyone one by one. A merciless gaze impeniaus to illusian, ful|y
March marks the end of the long dry seasan in Rio |t's the month ''tnizant of the true meaning af
rhat thing.a eA the hunan soul"...
when the trapical ruins begin, tuins that persist for davs' nights t h held an ovetuhelming s@ay of unknown origin o"e/ the graup, each
weeks. A huge amy clad in black suddenly spreads owr the hotizan; it rnber af vhich was a puppet, the stnngs in his hands. Each tine
approaches at a gallop, full speed, and attacks just like that, withaut t ln il gaze net, she fek herself shivet like a sign whose nails were being
@arning. lt des.ends upan the eity like an abominable' inescapable \,1t t tked out by a lialent wind. me madman had eyes the likes af whi.h

fate, without ewn allowing nne b pull down the shutters. A funaus tt had never before seen in het life; cabalt blue, metalht, @ith an odd
savage, venseful, insufferable, merciless dawnpout. The skv final|v
'ltlt that almost seefted to emit a radiation with mass. Two stars
fi|th-the streets, the sky'
rebels. determined to ercdicate all af this t nklin| on his fa@, abso*ing the darknesst tvo super navas on the
scrapers, the blood, and the hbtory-and turn the city into a ttuer' , ty. of explosian. A chemieal fire, bath buming austic and chilling,
'
drcwning lt in the ocean. Ta return these lands to their rcal owners , ttl.pedher conscience.

the jungle... To return to ltrose beloved, pre'human davs, when time the gablin walked avet to her, as if she were the last person on
did nat yet flow... me drops bun like acid; they stlip the calor t'1an , , t tth with wham he had not yet settled scores. He stoad tall before her,
obje.ts, ond the oldest recolbctians fron mematv. Ihe floods ' drapinll t,b n proud plane trce. He was very, rery tall; he had a nose like the
thensebes orer alt, sending everythinT awash The ocean, besier t \ t rk of an eagle, and sttaight, ra1'en bla.k hair, like that of an Indian.
ihg the city with its awful, uproalious laughtet; seagulls going nal ,\t t huge, bla.k nngs beneath his eyes... He was really vety ugly, but
amangst the spume. .. Gigantic waves breaking upan the docks whisk | \ tt his ugliness therc was a kind of macnificence.
away, withoutpreiudice, allthat standsintheirpath Palm trees, gat 'scus olhos (Yorf srer," the man said, mumbling then a few
bage, beach rnbrellos, bnycles, drunkards, street peaple .

That night was het bifthday me 1,*e at the heatt of the cit'/ hal t:he vaguely heard the theatrical acrobat Andre say, feeling no
floaded, and the water was iJaist high ewn an the nain at'enucs ,
"
I I t o low er hi s voice,'Don t watry, gt\nga, he s hat'r.less. She was
Telephanes hadbeen down fot a week Late one night, she'd cone upon
a table af people ftam the street theater' she was so distruught thnt Mcus olhos? (My eyes?) she stuttercd in het poorly accented
she hadn't the sttength ta rcspond to even the most sinee/e of smil's

She'dbeenwaitingforhaursforthe lainto stap Her dpattnent wos n l. \t r angeir a? " (F o r eiEn er?)
stone s thrcw anay, but she had no desire to venture outside not wit h :t:r'gently nodded. The nan broke into impeccable Oxfa
thehugepe ets af rain.oming Aown Neat Aawn,whenthe musi'iatn
took a short break for an akohol boost," a goblin appeared at the btr 't your eyes arc like no others.
"ni.],
70 ciry itr Crimson Cloik \\LL Erdogxn 11

she shuddered, as if tryins to shake hercelf ftee of sone heavy t .ok /efuge in a .igarette. Andre hatl thrown his arm dround he\ with
drug, an] indicated the SpanishJhdian nulatta Tanja wlo was sitting t ypi&l Brazilian indifferen.e-they cauldn t stdnd still withaut ha.)
Dg their hands all oret one anothet like lotebirds and begun strok
''Het eyes arc more beautilll than mine.'
"I didn't use the wald beautiful. I said they arc inconpa/able." ''You know that mah, light7
Though she thought to ask hin just what he mednt by inconpa
rable, inside, she remained in a daze. ''Senhot deOliveiru.'
.me 'biiveira" olirs
Hunan Dress, is forged bon. The Human Forn, a fiery Farge. The only thine she recognized was the word
Ihe Hunan Face, a futnaee seal A.
At that momen\ she felt the bell jat arcund hel head nse. Ihis was ''He was one of Bra2il s leading painters in the 198A s. In
fact, he s
exattly what sheI been sea/chlhg for fot months: Soneohe who spakc t tu man who introdu.ed Bra2iliqn att to Europe. He lived in Eneland.
his awn lanEuoge. Like someane dying of thirct ih the middle of the t t tt mah s got eulture, seriously."
ocean, that's what she a been laoking for. For the first time, she met th. found hercelf stupefied on.e agaik, but not .edlly surprised.
She

natlman s glance with the sane intensity, and said the final line: ,\ hating, ordihary, desolate evenlng had sudd.hly taken on profound
.me nnings, signs, and hlysteties. Like the bus dtivets wha transfotnea
Humdh Heart, its hungry Garge." r r.

The Eablin's readionwdsriolent. He started into along, c.mplicaLen I i t n t tgans, kings af the walld o/spilifs, i n .1. Candombld tllrals.
tirade. He spoke brcathlessly; he was ruinins do@n words, sentences, ''So h,hy is he like
thot? Crazy? Crczy like?
verses, like bullets fram a ha.hine gun. A quotatian ftom Macbeth, ''lle gat that way dller he eme ba.k ta Bnzil He s not .razy, I
a fanous line faan Keats... Ihase were the only ones she re.ognizcd. , i i, d n, nat alL the tihe. He lives in the Blue Mansion next ta the kiask.
She (auldn t keep up tuith his thoughts, ar keep tlack af his choin ol ,\ t ully, rery pledsaht fella when he's got his head an straight.
he s a

assodarions. It was neithel possibb ta jain in an his delinun-and t tt s a,razing. But then, as youte seen, somctimes the nood strikes

she wasn't elen sure if that's what it was-nor to stop it. l rnd he td"t dnbo hr h;a.elt .h,o rhc .t,"cts
't)aes he stlll paint?
Within a few minutes' time the bat owne\ Atnauda, .ame tunniryl
o'er with tt+,o waitets, toak hold of the man, who had just skipped liont As fdr as I khow, he quit. As soon as he got back ta Brazil.
literdture to philosaphy and was talking about Locke, and grabbed hitn A h eated dis(ussion was now underway How drtists wercn t giren
and dragged hin out of the bat like a heaA of cattle. She was able to un t tt I i lue in thc Third WorA, the demise af the most impoftdht ,alues,
derstand anly a single sentenc of their prcfanity ridden aryunekt . ' t lttc street theater actors identifi.d thenselves with Oliveira and
"l want to talk with her, not with yau, WITH HERIJust talk...' ttt h yihg ta claim a pie.e of his genius-fof it was unanimausly
The theater actols intetuened to help send the madman packirsl
'
| , t! that he was a genius. Meanwhile, Arnaudo had came up ta her
without doing him too much danage. And thus did the gruesot't,. vringtng his hanas, apalogized; he saia that the lunatie had neltet
"tt
mnd.\e, the sole gtft she had rcceired an het birthaay, disappear )wt tIti| d anyane like that befarc, and so that s why he hadn't thought
like that. She feb awful, a fist of guilt clehchlng inside af her; and !h/ t tik d(tion earlier. Arnauda, born and raised in SantaTeresa. did
12 ciry in crnnson Clork
nat know who Oliveira was. O felt like she was dto\9ning, and she
nade a mad dash out af the bar, despite the lain. She nn ta and fro'
the nindrops whipping against het face and li(kling in beneath her
callar: hopetessly she saught Oliveira, the goblin wha hdd disappeared
into the stomy darkness.
They ran into one another again two months l't'Y it was at her
Point Istanbul. Olivejra was wearing a black tuxedo; he looked
so elegant and smart that Ozglir was able to recognize him onlv
from his eagte nose. Next to him was a woman dioMing in jew
elry and make up. clearly, she belongedto that social class which
comprised the main buyers of the art world A haughtv muse a
bit gone ro.eed .. OLverr drd noi rP'pond ro O/8u's ppFis(enl
glances; he definitely did not remember hel lhat odd, bewitch
ing twinkle had disappeared ftom his eyes; tbe stars were extiD
guished, now nothing but dead celestialbodies
'heir paths had crossed several more times sin.e their initial
en.ounter. On o.casions when Oliveira was a street person, or
dudng those sp€tls when the nameless sheet person shed his
Oliveira shell. Every time h€ had suddenly appeared at Ozgnr's
side and stood thete, silently, motionless, enveloPing her in il
tragic, blue light that transfotmed h€r into a skeleton His evos
were phosphorescent leaves giving off the onlvlight in a darl(
lllc
jungle. He never spoke to her again, except for the one time h(
said to her, "Sers o/fios." Every time, Ozgiir was ovd@m€ bv alr
uncontrolable sense of uneasiness and distanced herself fronr
him as quickly as she coLrld.
But today, she was determined not to tun away She wantt\l
to talk wjth Oliveira, to get a response out of him, no mati't
what the .ost. It was too much; she had to tell someone whil
.Don't worry, he's harmless " It was Eduardo who broke thr
..rlcnce. He wouldn't hurt a flea. He doesn't even talk. He just
.t.rnds there and looks."
ozgrir considered teJlinghim, "Buthe talked to ME," but then
.You
remernber me, don't you?' she said, addressing him in
llnglish. "You know, that night, last March, you recited that fa
,'lrus quatlain by William Blake. And the last liDe, I..."
She felt like idiot. I}le goblin didn t even hear her.
a cornplete
r,rst like Eduardo had said, he just stared, nothing more- Without
..,,cDrg... His eyes were fi[ed with an adoration bordering uPon
w,)rship. "I must remind him of another woman. Maybe the
woman who drove him insane," she thoueht.
''He can't understand you," Eduardo int€riected. "He goes
w..ks without speaking, eating, drinking. I usually tale him to
hut, clean him up a bit. You know, because he shits himself
',,y
.',id stuff. You wouldn't believe it, but he used to be a very famous
t,.,inter. In England..."
dzgiirdidnot even hear his words. Shewas completelycon.en-
r,rtcd upon one thing, and one thing only,like a huntet. Actually,
..|. didn't know what she was after. Ile word in the dark, the
,rlht reflecting offofthe silence? Or some other awtul miracle?
''It is a tale told by an idiot,'she said slowly, assuming full
,,.,,ponsibi1ity for the words that she spoke, full of sound and
r,Lry..." She wouidn't be able to say the last line without her ey€s
L' rmmingwith t€ars.
''Signifying.. . Signifying nothing.. ."
oliveira's eyes suddenly gleamed like a sun setting within
,'rrself and a wave of pain washed over his face, a sculpture in
' I really should take him to my hut. Otherwise he's bound to
r' r l)lown away by some strayblrllet."
'spnha/ de Oliveira...' She was nearly begging him now. It was
 Ciry in crinton cloaL

rame... His eyeswere still focused upon Ozgiir.

the courage of a doM his {inat trump card A
poker plavet laying
his oM name
'' Eli, Eli, lama sab akhtani?"
petson could hardly be so far gone as to fotget
you l "Sorry, what? What is that? Arabic?
"senhot de Oltueira 'Ihere's something I want to ask
''Something like that. It's tuamaic... 'fte last words that Jesus
whv vou once
should ask. not whv vou no longer talk, but pethaps
.poke on the cross.'Father, father, why hast thou forsalen ne?'
did." "lhats all nunbo jumbo to me, sweetheart. I carty my gods
Or why did
i.re, inside. wel, see you latet, lover. Kisses " 'Ihe last word he
"Senhot de Otil'eira. whv don t vou paint anvmore?
in silence ? rlxrke in English.
you once? Seeing as you would ultimatelv tale refuge
I breathe now Ozgur couldn t help but give him an agonized smile
What I'm really trying to understand is this: 'an 'ijust be caretul they don't escape. It's a wretch€d age we
only when I s:r in lronr ol a bldnl' piFce of wnrre
prPer- in d wrv
lrve in. the streets are much too dangercusl Kisses to you, too,
an empty, aleaf wall to which I bave nailed
mvself-and 611 it witb
words are enptv But stil thev fil mv vacuous
life
wotds. the
All of her courage, her strength, her desire to live had melted
In fact, they overtake it, reptace it You undetstand me' right? I
. wrylike a candle. She was.overedin sweat tuom head to toe That
sense that You do '
clearly' simplv tremor settled onto the corner ofher mouth on.e again
Silence... EmPtiness. Oliveita was obviouslv' ','sidious
'1,. felt the muddy gaze ofthe Portuguese man on het back She
nor rherp. He hds not pFsenl nor even hrs o$l
in cves Ozgut
r, rned around.lhe favelados were gone. She was orercone by an
suddenlY began to screan.
,wl ul, ash-gray loneliness.
"Fot God's sake, what do vou see inmvevcs?"
she wa! She lit a cigarette and began walking down the Santa Teresa
lrom her lips had escaped the last question to which
thepremonitiol l,'ll with her
She couldn't stand to go back home and be alone
pyeparedtohearthe answer. Shefroze' fiIedwith
. ,l,llcd inner world. With the echo o{ silence in her ears... She felt
of a horrlble proplecy Such as 'A MORTEI ; the sentence o{ deal h
wi! r. L, ty She d tried to erploit Oliveira, prisoter to the luster of his
in a language other than her mother tongue But Oliveira
,r,r cocoon, and sousht in his sp€ctrum oflight, which reached
refuge in the streer $
merciful, at teast on the davs when he took
Emptiness ll" ! rhc greatest extremes, avibration forheroMbenefit. She had
He returned to Ozsnr what she had given himl
grabb*l l.','ne much too dependent upon tle word, whose sacte&ess
didn't say a word. She calmlv submitted when Eduardo
,, lbcen de.lared in the OldTestament.
hey by the arm and began to drag her awav' 'lr,,r cod's sake, what do you see in my eyes?"
namr r"
"By the way, I thought vou might want to know his
[/hat audacityl How could she have fotgotten that in this city,
Eli." avoice said, in Portuguese 'thoughts o{ the future" be.ame but a fear of death
"WHAT? WIIAT DIDYOU SAY?" 'll ,i, rnner of
llr r', r h eir very in.eption? fte madman had taught her a momen
"His name is Eli,' Eduardo lepeated' nodding toward$ ',
Irl . l.sson and sentenced her to life instead of death. She stood,
and spirit'
madman. lhe man was completelv devoid of will ",
react to hirs owrr
,,i,,i!l by arazor sharp enlightenment her cigarette had fallen
gave no reaction whatsoever' He did not even

_,t-
16 airY in crirnson Clorl

HARBORLESS VOYAGER
{rorn her hand. the answer that she ran tuom-and chas€d af
ter-in horror was not d€ath. She had been afraid that Oliveira
would see tbe reflection othis own eyes Trat he wouldsense the
presence of $ose same magnificent stars, ofthe diamond tipped
arrow of insanity in her eyes... "I'm just hallucinating again lte
mindhim o{anotherwoman, that's al Awoman ftom his past, a
woman he renoun.ed."
v,'yage6, nrept up and depasited upoh this forsaken cohnnent, so
Sherccalled, as shebentover to pickup her cigarette, whv the
I,| lrcn the fo.al point of civilization, by who knouts whi.h winds,
day she had eaten the olive paste and white ch€ese sandwich nr
tn l.rtaws. cauntercurrents... OId Nazis, autlaws, intematianal ter
front of the touristy kiosk in Beyazrt had not been an ordinarv
ntists, fallen dictata/s, sailorc, those r&oue truverceA the aeean in
day. She was eighteenyears old, tuesh back fron her firstvacation
ttu n of the specter of freedam .. . Those who journey all the way to the
jn Bodrun, and she was meetingher lover' "I had this adventu/e' '

t ntrics, chasing a rccallection of lore that has ripened to petfe(tian in

so passionate, like the summer Yain, the young man had said to
1

ttt nind;those in sedrch af thenselres," oflast Atlantiseq those who

her. "l thought Id fallen in love $,ith soneone else But then I
1\ litk nusic, dance, and passioh ta be the antldote ta a exinennal
understood that, rea]ly, it'syou that I love "
r t in .. Those who lear behind nat only their oats and boots, but theit
still smarting ten long years later'.
.
A long forgotten first love,
1

o:;rien.es, ta.t, tc, pursue the dirt cheap lains af child/en.. . Incurable
But it seemed that even in the midst ot that pain lay a kind of
t

t't4nties, their rcoms adorned with Che posters, who head stnight
happiness. Happinessathavingbeenloved, once,byevenasingl.
t,t t he swdmps, belierjngthat there are no mare ideals worth dying for
person in this whole wide world. .
,t their own .ountties... Those wha skip ftan one honzon to the next,
It was almost sundowni she decided to go down to Lapa and
lnays longing fot the distant, farthe. fafthest .ontinents.. Those
lose helself in the city crowds She walked towards her om Pri
vate Rio, erect and dgid as a ro.k, tulI of acrid, forlorn defeal'
in escape to Sauth America, theblankca asupan which to paint a
t tnt drcams: South America, that knotted bundle of illusions, prom
and brimming over with her own private pain l'ler footsteps
) .t:;, and fairytales. .. And those who collapse down on thet knees and
were hard and determined, as if she were preparing for a terribl.
l', L t he floar in the chatuaus of their fantasy ...
battlei but her sorrowful shoulders belied her courage to be thar
Warld mig.ants... Devil-nay care iJanderers, night rcanels,
,, jratuty birds. .. Those who walk alane on this great, infinite rcad
"
lttt! wha always trarel with ane'way ti.kets, those who disappear
spend decddes living aut of a suitcase.-
"lthout d tra.e, those who
tttt.. who refuse ta be tied down, to be gtaunded, to integrate, wha
' rt t h.ir roats for the sake of a pair of wings inepable of calrying the
t)ltt of their bodies... Those with a fandness for deserted, russed
""

i
 City 1n Crimson clolk

AWAY
nenotv Those wha pte'
paths, ba& stteets, and the outet t'|inges of
eddy back and forth
ferthe darkwinesto thebnght stage Those wha Heaven k a leaque beyond he ,

between t'no imaginary harbots, one hldden in the

past the o&er in
Hell a step past heaven.
the future... Hatborless loyagers
fruluent' and more
Letters vrhi& gruaually become less and 14s
and marc repetitiw, thrce'penny post'a s' trite words of separation
photographs taken in poor lighting' gifts
fuII of node'to arder sniles lhe evening she bought her notebook with the "Protect the
mistakes
light in terms of weight and wlue abituaies fulI of spelllng linvironmentl Extinction is Forever" cover, she hadbeen released
squeezed into just thrce lines "Ot Consutate herebv announces the
lrom the police station after eight hours ofto/ture. Shed dashed
haldet of paspott
death of T.M., .itizen of the Twkish Republic and ,,,to a pizza place in Catete; there, she drank glass after glass of
numbet 01.1.7743, on4/24in ahanendous ttafftr
aceident "
l,.,paya juice, cup after cup of cotree, and smoked nearly an entire
t,,rck ofcigarettesj then she bought the thickest notebook she had

' vcr seen in her life from a stleet peddler. However, days would
t,.rss before she would 6naly he able to write the following on the

t ear to tell the truth, the r^Jhole truth, and nothingbut the duth.
'
t trtt s the opening sentehce far those in the witness chair, or at least it

r u Hollywood aurtrooms... But ah authar \rha starts off with these

-u!s should acept defeat by knock out flom the get'go. Even if he
t)lt atLempts to wite af phenamena phenomena that are plenty
, to speak fot thensell'es-as saon as he begins to fiII in the na-
')\'t
^ hefarc hin, he has to nake certain choices. What, whom, which
| ,

t.t' He will see that different sequences of the same phenanena

'tu hirth to entirery aiffercnt realities,like the innumeruble hands af
t ' 'L t trodueed by a pack af 26. And he cannot contenA ta be objectil,e
,) tl .l1oices that he makes. Plejudice, favoritism, a ase or twa of
'
r|'t , t fuge, a little s.hening, inevitably become part and pareel of the
, r tnuor at hand; all of the fearc, expectatians, and feelings of worth
t t$s that he had re.oiled from aamittihg will suddenly one day
), t n light and nibbb away here and there at the powet of observa
110 City in Crin$n Clork
tian of which he is so baastful. Fot na elo is snall enough ta fa.e up to
its own reality. And if he has been able to make it thrcugh this phase
without losinghis belief-in which mse he should be congratulated for
his plu.k ani idealism indeed then, ance he amprehends that he has
to build,withhisownhands, a bndge betweenwo s and phenonena,
a btidge without a raihng, and ta aecomplish e'erything by himself,
lrom the choiee af natenals to the lightlng, the humilianan will teach
him a eood, hdrd lesson. But the nost horrif,c disappointment await
ihg him @hes at the end of .ountless days and nights spent bett)een
four walls, and which take place in an ocean of asht/ays and furthet
deepen yet anather clease on his forchead. And r,)hat eneryes aftet so
nuch effott, sacrifice, a4onizing, ahd etuatiandl turmoil is not at all
the btidge he was haping fot; it is not a bridge to the autside world. As
life ntinues flowing by, with all af its indifferen.e and irrerercnee,
he will find that he has managed to @nsttu.t nothing mote than t ylu. tught away, tonight. I miss your scent so much.l'll cal you at
personal obserlation towet in the gruesane desert of rcality. A brittle,
moaning toweL full of the wind blowingin thrcugh its cracked wooden
planks. .. In the end, everyone who takes up a pen must struggle ||ith
this question: Haw much rcality CAN I S?]AND?
She didn't know when shed decided to wiite rhe City in Crimso
Cloak;in fact, she didn t even think that such a "de.ision" had
been made. Like everything of determining .haracter in life, il
was the product of unexplainable accidents, encounters, and co
,n, d"n. e". Borr . udd.nly Lkp pds\ion. ir h,d caught Ozglir un
awares.Iis headhungin sorrow,like that of an unwanted child.
In her first pain and fear-filled months in Rio, her imagin;r
tion writhed, like a mare that swells and swells but just cannor
give bilth. fte transfomation that she had labeled Process
D.struction" was proceeding at an astoundingly swift pa..
Everything decayed so quickly in the tlopics, and revived just i!
swiftly. In a sjngle night a jungle of weeds, thorny bushes, anrl
\\lL Erd.grn 8l
tnison ilr would sproutup, replacing {elled trees. Chaos replaced
,,rder, pieces the whole, wild the domestic... Pe#ect proofofthe/-
,,odlhamics in this universe, which is said to be governed by the
SheH plunged into passion with the mettle of a novice, and the
rrnpudence ofthe parvenu... SheA tasted the belatedly disovded
,,,toxication of skin in magical and common embraces. Shedbeen
! du.edby Latin names, resonatinglike guitar stiings, always end
in a cotton soft "o"-Fernando, Robelto, Rodrigo and each
'rg
r,me, she had fallen madly in love. fteyhad easily disposed ofher
', h rhqr empry p'omBe'. With a beauntul ,apng. " promisc. r
lvrrm smile, a night of love that clotted her loneliness ratler thm
, lrjrpating it... (And always the same explanation: Please don't
r rk. it personally. This is Rio de Janeiro.) "1 absolutely hav€ to see
r,ve." Shed heard these same sentences in vdious sequences and
i n,m various lips countless different times. She had only believed it
!i,re, the very first time she heardit. Shea waked out of the th€ater
l,,rlfway through the filn and rushedhome as ifby flying carpet in
,iderto make itin time for that "enchanted" five o.lock. Forhours.
,l.rys, weeks, she sat bythe telephone, unable to ten herself away.
l.,ke a motherwhojust can't believe her child is stilbon...
Because she couldn t deal with the long nights that extended
lr.fore her lile black tunnels, she clung to the human bodt salve
,)r the worst possible pains; she had do.ilely acquiesced to hav-
r11 her frail senality punted tuom one born samba dancer to
llr next. Of course she had come to th€ realization that she was
','rhi.g but a bimbo prop in their love storiesi but she was so
,,r'rwhelned by loneliness that she was prepared to content
L.,selfwith the wobbly, tuagile breath oflove present even in t}Ie
,rx,st self seeking relationshjps. Herpower of imagination trans-
r,ri,,ed insubstantial memories into fairytales; and her memory
82 c,r! i. Crimson Clo!k
increasingly exaggerated the pleasule she had derived, and the
rcte she had played. At the pinnacle ofthe art ofself-delusion, she
would enbrace the telephone; as soon as she heard that saucy, ob
noxious, insolent Rio "ODy!" sound on the answering machin€,
shedhangup the receiver, in disgust.
this cityhad relinquishedher, andshe inturnhadtelinquishcd
her self. Otherwise, she never .ould have otrered up her body so
easily and, unfortunatelt in Rio's vocabulary of love, it was thr
body that had the last word.
'Ihe person she had spoken with on the telephone only an
hour ago and agreed to neet here had stood her up, naLing her
wait all alon€ for hours in the most dangerous part of Rio. thc
second salary check that herboss gave her, with a thousand and
one apologies, had bounced, after taking three different buses ar
the break of dawi for a lesson, her stud€nt tumed up missingr
as she was returninghome on an empty stomach, not yet having
had breakfast, a street kid put a knife to herthroat and denanded
the money that remain€d in h€r bag. Her friends tyied to templ
her lovers before her very own eyes, and what's more, expected
gratitude for having shown her the frne points of seduction. 'Ih.
streets of Rjo that she tlied so hard to keep away from her inn.r
world were muchmore than she couldtale. Gangrenous wounds,
eunshots, and sexuality... Every step she took, another hungry
child appeared at her side, leaving her to confront this questionl
Am I losing my humanity? Or is this whatbeinghuman means?
'Ihe principles that she had developed, distil€d through h.r
experienc€, had been expended, cruelly consumed, and nade a i,Jl,)ing since timeimmemorial, andthe words had been given to
tool to va/ious ends. I}le islets within the circle called "I" had es
caped her one by one and formed independent satellites aroun,l
her. The empty sheli left behjnd neanwhile had been abandon(l
to destruction, decat and the mercy o{ time, which doesn't ptry
\ \l' Ldolrn 33
At lirst she took refug€ in her an.ient friend, literatu/ej she
r{ght an authorwho.ould shed light upon the nisht that gradu
,lly deepened within her. An autbor whod ser foot upon wild
Lr s, whod had the blade of a knife pressed against her throat
iy a twelve ycar old a n1ere child. Ozgif now had two separate
!v,,.lds. In the frrst world, woven of pjano sonatas and Chekhov
r.ries, that broad, d€ep o.ean called life was depicted on a thin
,..rshell, while the se.ond belonged
to deceplions of lov€, hit
and the voracious jungle, determined to take everything
'i,or,
its possession.lor a longtime, Ozgrir sought an authorwho
',lo
' I.hanged the rcalbut irrational world in which she lived for the
1,, lional, but more real, one.
Finally, she understood that she was the oniy person capable
,,1 siving meaning Lo the void that surrounded her. Nobody else
,'L,kl decipher life's puzz)es for her, or open its padtocks. She
r.irted writing on the day that she decided where to deploy her
r,,r..s agalnst the city's blind violence. Neirhe/ forherselfnor for
,,rl,ers; she wote simply because she had to. As if excavating a
r,nrDd, shc peeled away the scab,layer by layer, to reveal the real-
iry(,f Rjo, thedarkblood spewedbyan intenallybleedinspatient
,l it)ping onto ea.h ofher sentences.
lly the end ofher fourth month in Rio, whjcb also marked her
,,,.unter with her {ourth murder victim, she was already well
w.,re of her mortality; she had accepted that ir ra;ould take a
. ,,tle bullet to the head, in any street, ro wipe her ofl,rhis earth
,,, ltood. SheA gotten in line for her own tiny rcle in a tragedy
''You must go to distant lands to unde$tand people, a writer
I' ,il drce said. Yet Ozgnr was able to understand the Latins onty
she had left them far behind. "Nao vdia; a realidade estd
'lrtr
t, trttu de n.e.' (Dan't go awayi reality lies within you). perhaps
34 Cit! ii Cnnroi Cl.r[

she would have to transcend hell before she could be reborn. The
A TRAVELER
IN
perilous, hellish, melancholy tropics...
She'd now spurned that which had been presented to her as
THE STREETS OF RIO III
"the woid," mobilizing all o{ her forces, she concentrated upon
a single goal to capture Rio liLe a butterfly in her hand, and to
gentlyimprison it in herlvords, witbout killing it. And so Tire City
in Cnnsan Cloak \aas horn.
tl .ity ttembles feverishly in a raging fite. Like a huge beached whale
, r st ruggles to breathe, buried beneath the .touds of stean rising
from
ttit hot asphalt. Not a single breeze has blawn in f,on the beach for
,l,tls now; the heat rises as it.lrifts intand, hitting
forty fiw in cen
t, t .ity. Street dags faam at the mouth; the stteet chilfuens
lips arc
, tkked fram debldration: the a.ean\ feeble waves tick at the .ity,s
ulnds. Only a downpaul of liEht washes the dusty avenues that I

) t tk af hunans. The raw, sharp, painfully dazzting tropicat sunshine llr

t\1'trd.ts.alorc in a trcil ofhaze. Barelt bearable dliernaons... Time I

ltv1 gblindlyby... The haurs squirm, wail, wnthe. A badies are ex

l,l\ted,sticky,sated ta the very last ce . In a slumber that be.kons
tttt to death, she tties to gather sttength far the night. The day has
1\ n abahtlaned to rct,like a piece af ftuit that s had its salory sec
l

A Turkish wonan wandenng aimtessly abaut the streets of Rio,

t t , nS Laken refuge in ht
awn setf, like a snait retrcats into jts shett;
I, t t rng the imminent pistol at her tenple; het mouth tike sandpaper: I
, r Li g trcmulaus steps large rings of sweat at her atmpits. .. Thete is
"
,1, r 1t rig she can tust ex.ept fol her a|'n eyes: the honzoh k limitei! to
' t M2e.
t She sttuggles to draghel pate existen.e towards the future,
'1 i th has been rcpeabA here an these salage tands.
\hc is canstantly hunCty, but dbgusted by
food. She is .onstanily
t )t nl. hut afraid of nightmares. She is
constantty thirsty, but knows
,

'
I trhat for. She smokes one .igarctte after the other and cannot stop
1, t ltt): fron tremblins.
/
.n Crry in Crimso Ctoxt

She wants ta slip her arn into that of a ran{om passet-by ana bq DOWNHILL
far a wad. Not for low, ar ronance, at faiendship; just ane word. mat
single wod that will give meaning to a saunas. me uJeary shadaw al
het back, entirely ihcapable of tuelty, brushes past the street peopte. Thdt tue have fargottea is an illusion.
Deuida

rilic was making hel way down the peritous slope ofsanta Ter€sa
d irrto the city. Ihe road, the sidewalks of which probabty hadn't
, i
'
i,rr repaired for sone forty years, neandered like the Amazon
llivcr, frcquently changing direction with its sharp bends fte
L,,trrwaynils,havingabsorbedtheheatof rhesumnerdar shone
l,lr
newly sharpened yellow knives and exuded a nauseating me,
L,llic scent. Ozgrir was walking along the railway, which had been
,, rr of use sin.e the Japanes€ businessman was kilted. With rheir
,!,)rn out heels, her shoes wouldn't have been able to handle the
,i,,Bh stones of Santa Teresa. She took short, swift steps, tike a
l,phese woman in a kimono, &om one railway tie to the nextj
r.rw and then sheA jump, as if playing a game of hopscotch.
lr'rhaps the last nicker of childhood that Rio hadn t yet manased
r,' strip her of... She definitelynever ever stepped on metal; it was
,,,,o of numerous personal nini rites sheA developed ro prote.t
lr''self from bad luck. Untiljusr a year ago, shea turned her nose
,l,.rt Lhe Brazilians vacuous beliefs, the .ountless religions upon
theyd wreaked bavoc, al1 kinds o{ nystic beliefs to which
'rILch
rl,,,y half wittingly devoted themselves astrologn fortunes,
,,',,s, hlnns, spells. In rhis cit, so chaotic that a single god alone
,L,ld neverendure, vadous religions, denominations, and myths
l
,
'
, rgled and neshed. fte Catholic Church, condernning with one
, ,,d whilesanctifying with th€ otherj Protestantism, a faded
r'.,r(h in the revelry of rhe tropi.si the Baptist Church, wjth its
,, r,rnonies ofnoise, commotjon, and sanba spilling over into the
 \\li Erdolan 89
Cir] in CriDson Cl.xk

,,iatchbox houses, which looked more tike dressing cabins on the

streets: the Cardonlb, now nothing bur black magi'; native to- l!,ach than places of residence, had been constructed directiy
of
tems turnedinto flea marketgods; Zen tsuddhism, the favorite .rlj.rcent to one another. fteyhad noroofs, and their interlinking
the ecologicaly concerned new generation middle class' so open rrraces provided for a labyrinthine structure that made poti.e
as quests for balance; Mormons who climb
it is to aI kinds of , r ids nert to impossible. Except for midday, when they were sub
up to the favelas in dress suits, despite the infernal heati Hare
r,\ tcd to the sunt rage, the terrac€s would teem wirh peopte tike
city'
Krishnas with thet carnival masks Inthis life- squanderjng
survival proved impossibte for the godless Men, ca4acking famiiy breadwinners by trade, woutd prepare
'Ihe steep incline made construction imposslble, and so the
jun r rk chops and lug cases of beer for a cookout. Fult bodied mu
slope on the right side ofthe hill was a completelv unsettled I'rro women would hang laundry; adolescents, having panaLen
g]e. Only a Francis.an monestarv, datingfrom the endofthe last
,,i .tll manner of sexuality and vioten.e before the age of 6{teen,
century, stooal concealed behind high wals Nobodywas allowed {rld revamp thet speakers for the nightfesra. chetto chitdren,
to go in, and the nuns we/e not allowed to leave ozgnrt 'uious rl', dnlyspecies on earth absoluteiy imperyious tothesub, woltd
eyes were only abte to pick out a silhouette or t
o, swaving likc
.'r rrn aboutlike so manybees es.apedfrom thehjve.Animage of
penguins behind the iron doot. On the left side were rows of
de
tr.,reful, sedate, domesric Sunday, enough to easily foot anyone
crepit houses, tatge and smal. Villas,left behindbv the pre 'oup , r w.ll acquainted with Rio.. . Yet the shots continued to ring out
,

Santi
Iich who had made their escapewhen the fd'elas took over , r|c hour, revealing all of this-the chops, rhe hammo&s, the
climate well "
Teresa, had rotted and disintegratedin this atlocious I' ,l .lothes dryiDg on the line-to be ephemerat, in the batance,
tninks '
be{ore their time. Weeds, i!7, thorny bushes, {allen tree I lt was but a mask, vital and breathing; and hiding the seeds
da)'
had overtaken the derelictyards, andthe iungle, reborn each ,,' renory ofdeath.
enveloped everything. It looked war torn; evervthing strewn'
.laotic. wounded... Visibte here and there amongst the savai}
,1 YOYA6'R IN THE IAND OF THE DEAD
everv
greenness gushing fotth from evervpote, swiftlv devourjng
in.h into which it could sink its claws, was the craterous Sanli tt, t.tvelados don t call the plaee wherc they Itue the faveta, just like
Teresavalley. ,), N t iws don't eall themsebes Natiles. mey refer to themsetves
t r
by
'fte fdrelinia was like a thousand-armed, white octop'rr
'halkv ,
',,1 lire.t, sttdightforwa te/n mol.1o (hiII).In partuguese,
trying to .limb its way uP a giSantic, deep gteen 'ro'k Resistilrt
"' I ako neans "I'm dyinq,' So is it just a slip of the tonsue, or yet
gravity on those huge rock outcrops' on the soaring cljtrs of
Ri"
lilr ',rttt xanple of the .ity s devilish sense of hunot?
a

where even srass feared to tread, thefa'elds gtew, dav bv day' k n lu.taht guiae an this journey into the Land of
t 1
the Dead was
aboil.Amonumentto desperation unclearwhetheritwas growllr
of rrr
tt rL h.auty a sti.t Catholic, membet of the conmunist party,
or decayian organism with nine ljves, a giant a"umulation y student, hailing llom the Vigario Ceftt (a {avela fanous
lost batlln ' '
: t t

nexes, comPised of so nr:ch hopelessness, so nanv

'
t ' tt, lturtendous massacle that took pla@ there in 199q. Maia
so nuchpersonai agony.. Nearlv all of the featureless'
indistir! I
 C,r) in Cr'mv,n Clo l

t \. t ... Wome n drcss ed in an amdtgan af bi'ht calors, as if thev'd

ferried the a.ross the Ukdery/oun'l Ri'er-tfie gringa
e
Theresa
tr\.n in buckets of paint, werc gathered around a take deco
buning with unasity, and four Ceriacas who agreed to go on thi!
doused

rt ed with kitschy swans and tacky roses' posing for the phatographer'
joumey just because they could nat bring thenselres tt) let tie gdngi
t

Nha'A been fot this night' a night spdted na sacrifice Sane

hned
go alone, othe^L,ise they @ould newr in this hfetime eter have set foot
t,lpped their most naive, most imbe(ilic smiles on thei fa@, while
slipped out of the mask of happiness thev've been farced to
The Land of the Dead's insidiaus, squatid, mvste/ious labvrinths ',thets
as vou leap fron terrdl ,tat throushaut their liws, and there in front of the camera arrived
An hour long .limb that teaws you bredthless
n thei/ solemn, heavy heatted, eahausted selves, thel real sebes An
to terrace an{ rcek to rock, passing through the narrowest af corrida^
riddlel ,iDnzingly familiat world, tike thase town weddings in old Tutkish
dnd tunnels. .. Homes, their plaster peeling laoking like faces
if meked by tht r\ties... A guitar instead of the drum and horn, the sanba instead of
with pimples ahA boils; huts dtooping to ane side as
t t

tn +lftetellt. .. Some two hmdted guests sardined on the latge living'

fian wha knows \a'hat periad af ci"iliza
t
\m: brush and reed shanties
t n,n-sized terrace scranbled for the rcfreshment
anA pasttv trcvs as
non... Everythinefun.tianal, jan pa.ked,huddled, and as uglv
as can

nud arul \l their ttues depended on it A ptivilege howewr, was bestowed upon
be. Like theatet da.or on the vetge of collapse; she snelled '
ben4l tht gtinga, who was hande.l a stoot an| a can of soaa She fek like
se@age, and the stench of ratting she per'eircd an unnanable

in the thrces of death there 1n the shada:',f Itwas pethaps, the tra1l
t t:iant parrot that haAn't yet leaned how to speak: perched on her
tul, she toak micros@pic sips floft her sada, whi&
edies that had been dawn ftam generation to genention Da' k
passed
t I he water at a Turkish bath and ttied to withstand the heat and
pav,ers, nightmarc'.rippling feare, bload'sucking battles, dangetuus
11 , sweaty bodies that pressed up against het. At one paint, kno@ing

Cammanda vermelho s rankLls ttit and that she wauld lose her goldnine of a spot in the carnet'
soad
A senty every fifty neters
tl Jn for bave lron two gangstets at the head of the staits and
soldiets, Hades' pubestent guards . me sharp eves of a huse bnd asked
,trv. lkdaors, only to find that it was even more dawded inside than it
prey always at their ba.k
lhey @ear fat gold
'hains
and watthLs
Ma/I"' t,xl been out on the terrace Wonen of all ages dustered in groups of
an thelr feet are sneakerc the size af babies tanbs; thet Bob
thtt or fifteen in the mostly windawless toons the size af monks' 'ells
t shirts ean eal their pistals, the keys that open up all the doors t
'
stars thtv uing at black arut white scrcens undet the ruw light of naked bulbs '
the wa d has slan|.ned in thet faces. Thev dress like rap
lNithaut evrr lhtrc was na running vrater; the etectrxity was stolen: ardboard and
sttut like Hollywoad gangsterc, anil thev die like fiies
ltn.leum werc plastercA all owr the windaws and therc a teleri'
realizing that they themselves ate the rcal gangsters the real
pc{ll' "/as
rt1 in elery roam Neither the boundalies of the hause wete cleat'

They had been iwited to the Fifteenth'bifthdav pat\r of tl' n its .loats. or t ha .ame and ent ln the favels reigned a lifestvle
tttut rendercd con.epts like "properry" and "Ptirate life" and taboos
daughter of a nodest, pious @a*he Aass fanilv The voung gitl tl
t,k. nrcst invalid but more than a commune it resembled a women's
rcady laoking like a nother af twa' was swathed in her snow whitt
ward. when the famished guest of honar toak a pastrv ftom
heart-rending .ommunian .lathes A la'v dress with a billoliv sh t't
t tsoh

.t of the ,ays in the kitchen, she met with harsh glanees, shatp rc'
and puff sleeves, poinq, high soted linen shoes, a ctaun of fake i\rn'
 Ci$ itr Cnrh$n C o.'r. ".1 I

p/aaches, hlatant .urses. The insolent bourgeox, .laining eftry objet t ,,,ne t/uel 'I|e headline on the violence page last Sunday: "10
an earth, touthing and grasping and fingeting elerything they @n ger .rd in Vigario Geral. Cocaine war.rashes birthdayparty.'
Another one of those curves in whi.h her novel, instead o{
Befo.e the haw af midnight, the small group was toLl ta teave , hising breathlessly after the truth as it uslally doe, suddenly
thl
{avela immediately. Of course there was na explanation, but the watut t)riDts ahead to take thelead. To her it was perfectlynatural that
on the town rlas that a bloodbath was underway in Boca de rumi .Lir,r transferring them to paper, she should recall her memories
(Smoke Mouth), where the ecaine dealing went an. ,st ,s she had written them, or that language should teplace
Final image frcm the Land of the Dead: me group, abdhdaned by .' sli.e of reality that had atteady taken place. Human memort
their guide miaway, is horrified, and desperately seeks a way out; th.y , I alone a writer'.s memort possesses not a shrcd of that virtle
throw themselres downhill dnd run with a their night They dive into ,.r ledhonesty. Butwhatwas realy frightening was theprescience
dead end streets, .limb wdlls, jump fron loof to rcof. Same tnp antt , n h er imaginings. And how they claimed some sort of ight over
fa on the rough streets, some bawl thet eyes out, some lenenb.t r L r luture. . Tre real Rio de Janeiro and nle City in Cdmson Cloak
thet manhood and urse theit .owardi.e... Ea(h ane is con.ened wit h I .,d melded together, both in time and spacei they had become a
soving himself alane; nobody helps anyone eke; nobody encoura!:rt ,rificd, insoluble, unparsable whole, as much in the tuture as in
'
anyane eke, nobody tutns araund ta laok after the othe.s. A sabo.l lif past. And the labyrinth, with all of its wells and pendulums
semi automatics tings aut ftan uphiLl. Ab/eathless Lutydice, drench
'
!l secret rooms, through which she fumbled and groped her
as if shed been washed dawn with a hose, is so tdken aba& that shl N.,y, was as much jt was extenal.
intemal as

fotgets tu be afraid; with all her night she ties to.atch up; she falts
aawn twi.e and, desensinzed ta the pain in hel stuo en ankte, sk+,t
flom stone to stone like a broken wlnged sparraw. She is on the wrg,.
Dawn, downhill, dawn as if she would never stap... Doh't stop,
eren fal a second, doht lase the het.l, gather all yan strength!
At one poini she hadendeavored to write a book thatwas one
l,,,ndr€d percent autobiographi.al. Or as she once referred to it
,,,r a particulally sar.asti. day, a record of traumatic events."
ll,rbaps jt was he! attempt to knock a tragic h€ro, a proud monu-
n.t ,,.,,t of humankind, off its pedestal... Her goal: to polish up
Don l r iose memories, frozen in the placenta ofher jmagination, with

fall again and, whatever you da, da hot laok bd.kl
ln her novel she had re.orded, true to actual events, an accour)r
of the jouney that she had made ba.k in the spring of nlnely
foua to the huge farela o{ Vigario ceral, where masked poltr
men massacred two homes full ofpeople; thar is, rrue exc€pt t,,r
one small detajl. Actualy, she hadn t heard any gunshots th.rr
nightj shed received news of the frght in Bo.a de Fr,1a only lat,,l
Unfortunatelt all those hordflng nightmares do evenrua y
, (oat o{ poeticism. Yet what had emerged was a completely dif
, r.rlt story altogether; a story that, even if it had happened to
l', ., was not something that she had "expeienced for rea1, but
, llory that belonged to another woman, to O. ftat intractable
,urman whose progress she so carefully monitored,like a mother
I l.niDg to her baby kick in her womb, was growing increasingly
,!lcpendent with everypassing day, andkept trying to take over
i..uthofs own role; she was uswping.enter stage. It was as i{
i ),aur's bland soul had been held up to a pism, and in the {otm

I
 a'ir! ii ( r CLorl
'nson

ofO., finally hdiated with all the.oloF o{the spectrum, even in rnd the.ocaine in her stash. She wiped her damp palns on her
the purest, most pistine bla.k and white. As jf she w€re nore t)ants;with skillfulfingers she made two 6ne lines ofpowder on
concrete, more real, mole human than Ozgur. More alive, even rhe milrorishe leanedtowards her own reflection,like an elephant

after beingmurderedby a single bulletneal the Blue Hill/atela at l{'aningin to ddnk water from a lake, a pape! trunk hanging fron I
the end of the novel. Finallx in the end, on.e sheu gro n strong l,er nose. It sent a dose o{ pure, undiluted, faise energy into her
enough, she would break free, pushing Ozgnr onto the margins i)ody, which was depleted of strength or desire to walk any fur-
and overtaking her completely. She would set out for the savage r her. nre cocaine seared her nasal passages as if she d just inhaled
landsof herowncountry-dragginghermakerbehindher,like. nitdc acid; she squeezed her nose with all of her might to make
.;ure that no! onebit of her {eatherweight fri€ndwent to waste.
She walked silentlyup the hill for some time, breaking out in i She didn't have enough money to be a coke addict, and be-
tar ljke swear beneath the sharp lighrs, which bit at the back of hcr jrdes, she didnl really enjoy it anyway.In Rio, shed ofa[ oftleir
ne.k. She d swi{tly used up the 1ittle bit of energy th at Lhe guarunn rsso.iated nyths, drugs had becone an object of .onsumption
had provided. Herhead began to spin and she became nauseated ,tlually accessible to one and all. they were easier to get than
before shed even made it halfway up the hil. the asphalt was l)read even. Evelyone in Cariocadid then; {ron servants to busi
meltingbeneath her feet. Two years ago, in copacabana, she had ,r.ssmen, ftom university professors to police chiefs. Drugs kept
tried to swim in the o.ean {or the vety first-andveryl:st-timc rhc td'elas afloat, invigorated the city's economy, and paid fol
Immersed in freezing water up to her waist, she waited for thal rhc unfathomable costs of the camival. For a long time she had

first wave to hit her. Fol that huge ocean wave, rnaybe a mettr rvoided cocaine like the plague. She was pron€ to all kinds ofad
high, which quickly rose before her like a wall of steel, wreakinll ,li.tions, especially when alone andidle. Overtime her wilipower
havoc as it drew closer... firm
She'd stood as a ro.k, and did nor wo,kened, and her indifference towards herselfincreased to such
collapse. Not for a long time, not until the wave began to /e.ed., , degree that nothing flightened her anymore. She experienced
takins the floor below hq feet with it. She was hit by anothc' rlrc miE.ulous transformation shed been hoping for only once,
wave, a ferocious kick to the face, and then anothet, before sheii ,,,1y the first time shed tded it. Suddenl, she had become as

had the chance to recompose herself... And that s exactly how slx' lltht as a feathei shed shed her chronic unhappiness, and the
felt dght nowi the world was receding below her feet. And shr lrrvy ahor of her dour personaJity. At the hour of midnight
knew why: HUNGER. She hadn't had anything to eat for the lilrr l,.A thrown herself into the task of housecleaning, which shed
Itr en putting off for months, and was finished in half an hour.

She quicklyscouted out het surroundings before slippingnrlt' 'rr,ll feeling the rush, shed then pro.eeded to look through all
the garden of the long disused vila belonging to the Society f,,r , h e old newspapers, lettets, and scraps of paper lying about,
I
'1
the Protection of Street Children. She took a few st€ps into ll!' r,' organize her bookshell to kill the leeches in her barhtub, and
thick brush and then withdrew to a secluded area invisible frorrr t'f,i1ly to dress hersel{ up to the nines before dashing out of her
the road. She took out her pocket mirror, her 6ve rdal banknolr, Until the wee houls of norning shed hopped ftom
't',rrtment-

l.
 C,ry in Crin$n Ctri I
bar to bar, belting out songs and dancing to theworid's most chat
lengi.g rhythms, from the san:ba to the ar!, and getting tuisky
with a blue-eyed mulatto while wairing in the never,waning lln.
for th€ bathroom at Sobrenatural.
Now she used rhat winged elix; {rom the Andes sotety fol
the purpose of.oping with the grueling effects of hunger. for
some time she hadn't been on very good terms with drugs or
alcohol anlvay. And she was not concerned wjth es.aping froh
the real world-if such a thing does jnde€d exist. To the con
traiy, she hopelesslytried to draw.tosel to it. Before her stood r
Matryosbl<a, countless dotls nesred one inside the otherj but rry
as she might, sh€ just could not reach thar wortd at the bottonr.
the essence, the corc ofrealiry.
the battle at the top of Santa Teresa had staltedup once agail
TI€ gangsters must have woken frcm their siestas and gort{,,
back to wolk, mumbling and cursjng and grogsy. A round of bul
iets, silence, another round. Bullets that rurn the serene face ot
the afternoob into one seared with po.kmarks... ,.Ljke me, thes.
fellas plobably just have no patience for the familial armosphefu
of Sundays," thought Ozgiir, smiljng beneath a slnthetic hato (n
happiness- "lhere you have it, the real wortdt In aI its magnitr
cen.e, unfolding like a fan before rny very eyes._. Semi,automar
ics, senseless conversation, lunatics... A torchiight procession ot
jestersl" AI
of a sudden she doubled over, as if shed just bed,
given a swift kick to the stomach. Trat awful nausea. the m.rr
rena.rou. gifr rhis gcnerou< ( irv hcd grver her..
Shed managed to make it rhrough another Rio carnjvit
without being violared, trampled, mugged, stabbed, or rapc,t
For ten days and nights, overcome with a case of stark ravinu
madness, the locals, together with a few rhousand tourisrx
nabbergasted by the downpour of tits and ass, had staged tth
worlds nost grandiose orgl Ozgrir, too, had gotten cau,thr
Lr| in the overpowering curreDt of events. In the folty degree
li.at, ,lo.os (throngs of nasked and unmasked people raising
ll l], making tove, drinking, dancing, and trailjnS after musicjans
l! r.bed on the backs oftru.ks) had besieged the.ity like thronss
,,1 nalauders, and she had run fron one )loro to the next. She
,iride room for one body amongst rhe thousands of wet bodies
lrruncing upon her; she d taken her life into her own handsjust to
wriggle to the samba and twistedherankle while bouncing,bout
ri, lhe /reroj she hadn't protested at the pinches to her ass, and
l,rd only sought help from the police two or rhree times when
rhings really got out ofhand. She, roo, snatched a few of the one
,,,illion .ondoms being passed out in fro.t ofthe Sambridromo
.rNvenirs of Rjo and warched s.enes that surpassed anything
l,er well b€haved imagination coutd ever have conjured up, as jf
l,.eping on a bun.h of mating cats... SheA been pulled inro rhat
,li,zying, magneti. 6e1d of sexualityj for ten days and ten nights
!hcd been hurled from one extreme to the next in a stare ofsemi-
,Dsanity. She was breathless, drenched, and stunned, like a baby
l,iid thafs fallen into a swamp...lhe ftozen corpse smile that she
srtrck on her fa.e in ljeu of a calbival maskj a can of.ola and a
packet ofcigarettes always in hand; her keys attached to her un,
,lcrwear with safety pins; lacking idendty, willpower, ego... And
when, frnally, she could nolongerstand theloneljness ofcarnival,
r loneliness like no other, she lhrew herself into the nearest lap.
lndiscrininately... throughout all those days and nights she had
!pentscaredto death of being attacked, catching a disease, or los-
ing her mind, she had failed to .onvince herseli even once, that
was happy; or more precisely, that this was happiness. With
'he
,{re exception, just a single brief momenr... ftat indescdbable,
n.rpressible, unrepeatable moment, there in that pile of recol,
icctions that memory should have immediately ielegated to the
 Ciry in CnniJn Clorl
descent; the one ttut destrcys itself along with evetythins etse.
In the secludedgarden that she referredto as her "tropicat nook,
she leaned her head agalnst her knees and fought the nause:,
bjting her hands until they nearly bled. tt was as if bullets werc
ripping through her head. the cocaine hadn't done her taur
nerves so taut they were about to snap-any good. "t need .
little peace of mind, some peace of nind, and to forget. Ite so! nd
ofgunshots separates me even from my very selfnow; those anrt
that cursednovel. She was in thejungle, thar comer ofthewort(t
farthest from any kind of peace of mind. Hundreds of insects, fl ies,
and ants had descended upon herj they seemed to be waiting for
the damp, odd smelling, motionless mass o{meat to disintegrat,,
any moment now She was surrounded by plants intertwined,
shoulder to shoulder, crammed tosether. Racinstowards the sur,
always higher and higher, wirh a rabid thirst for light; in a star.
of constant bi.kering, always at each otherk throats, seeming t,r
explode from within as they gave vent to their {rustrarjon... Eactr
leaf was the incamation of another battle, like every bullet anrt
everyword... the sign of another death, yet another mask...
Some slightly wilted orchids caught hey eye. Six orchids w.r.
lined up in a crescent moon shape around a half-smoked cigrr
MACUMBA! Black magic! those forests of Rio still permeabt,,
by hunans were fu of votives offered ro the Candombli gods: n
half drunk bottle of cariaca or a half,smoked cigar surroundrt
bysix or twelve flowers. Sometimes apan half,ilted with meat
6sh- Shedidn'tknow the meaningbehind the incomplete state (n
th€ votive offeringsj perhaps the idea was to show that rhe wort,l
beionged to both the gods and the mortals, as if sliced perf&rly
in half. She renenbered that Commando Velmetho came dowrr
ftom the /arelas ar night to bury the dead in abandoned yards irrt
the thought suddenly made her feel uneasy, though neither rl!,
l i,rpses nor the blackmagic could do her any harm. Like the sav
rse tribes, she took no offense at sharing the tand with the dead:
,n fact, she felt herself to be just as privy to the secrets of the
lkad as the magi.ians themsetves were. Nevertheless, she ieapt
ri) her feet. More out of anxiety that she mighr get scared than
t,ut of fear itself, she quicklygathered her bag and began running
rrraight towards the wa1l. She stood directiy in flont of it before
I ,tking an ostentatious leap and breakjng out in uproarjous laueh
r.r at her sroundless fears. A joy 6t.hed froh childioodt When
/,e was old-tw€nty long years agol sheand
ejght or nin€ years
r.rneighborhood friends used to hold.,pjrate expeditions,to the
,, d wooden vilas in Coztepe; theyd return from the ruined
build_
r:,gs,long fallen subject to the sultanate ofrats, with theirbooty.
{ )n.e, they got caught by a watchman. Screaming, hands and
. , nrs covered in s.ratches and bruises, batf drunk
on the thri
'l nnaly getting to be reat pirares, they broke the windows on
,lI junped down into the gardens below. only
second Roo/ and
' ic person got caught that day. Tiny Ozgrir, with btood tri.kting
,1,)wn her knees and onto her ankles, was collared while
scram
l)ling to climb over the galden wal. She got a royai thrashing, bur I
lI didn't feel any pain. Not only did her punishrnent intensify
lrr tleasure of having committed a crime, but it elevated her to
She stopped at the rop ofthe stairs teading down to Lapaand
I,,,'kcd at the Santa Teresa Valley one last time, tike Robinson
or
' ,,,,ec biddinC farewell ro his island. She took a mental photo,
' t)h ofthe tropi.s, one that she .ould take with her and entarge
y (itue she wished. Trees whose trunks had become invisibte,
'
,,,,,( caled by.lusters ofleavesi petulant grasses, tush
and dense
r, I lull of sap; iry crawling over evelything
' it could sink its ctaws
,
' flump, pint-si2ed banana trees; imposing mango trees, their
i; ,
!A stroking the skyj bulky jackftuit, the plane tree of the tlop
I
l
102 Cir) in crimson Clorl
icsi garrulous palms, their lips in constant mumbling motion. . ,rth€r sjde ofthe scrub. She was very cute, tiny and as black as a
'i}!e rare foreisn tree that thinks it's in the Alps, its lanky skel
etonvisibte behind diseasedleaves .. Like a balierina holding het
breath, struggling to keep her balance duing an extraordinadlv
difficult pose. Every tone of green: emerald, pine, pistachio, sea
apple,jade, chrysolite-.. the landscape before herwas completely
ditrerent ftom the insular, reserved, downcast nature o{ thc
northem climates. Here, nature was so enberant, so vigorous
and beckoning, so vibyant, that it seemed to be visibly breath
ing. It wasn't posing fot some manmade Pottrait lt had not yet
been depleted or made into a sacled ptayground of the goddess
It had never been part of any estabiished system lt was indePen
dent and stlong'willed; in a state of constant revolt, retusing trr
fotratd like a fotest 6re ceYtain to go oor
compromise, pressing
should it deplete its essence.
"Ifonly I could take in all ofthese imPressions before turniD,l
them into symbols. If only I could keep from imputjng my own
emotions to natute, which actually has none" At that moment
she was startled by the eerie sound of someone whistling, as il
a huge tropical bird had just spread its wings dght behind hcr
R€luctantly, she turned around. I}lere wasn't a soul to be secrr
on the hill, which dissolved into a liquid blur before her eyes Shr
stood beneath a jackfruit tree; such a sound couldn't possiblv
have come from the steel-skinned, rugby'ball sized fruits at h.r
feet. Shed tasted iackfruit once. Athertongue's 6tst contact, shl
thought it tasted like damsoni but then when she ripped into il
with her teeth, it released a bitter, pungent, urine scented jui.r
this fiuit was the perfect candidate to be a symbol for so narv
things; love, life, reality...
"Het hey. overherel"
Her heart leapt into her mouth Until then, she hadn't n"
ticed the five ot six-year old b1a.k gnl sitting on the wall on lhr
\\ hrdogrtr t0:l
scncgalese. Her hair was woven, the feist, fidgety curls tamed
r r t o hundreds of skinny African braids. She was wearing make up;
rl)e b.i.k
lipsti.k that she had so generously applied or
coloyed
.LDdaround her lips nade hermouth look like an open wound.
"Look! Look herel i'ma goalie.
She merrilywaved herhands clad in blackleathetgloves nearly
lnlfas big as she was. For a few momenis, Ozgnrwas speechless.
"Irose aren't goalie gloves. Ihey're boxing gloves," she said
rLnally.
I}le little girl scowled and stuck out her lower 1ip. She wasn't
,nie to giv. up easily.
'"Ihese are Pele's stoves."
''That's ight. But isn t pele a boxer?"
'Ihe girl gave Ozgiir a curious look, scanning her from head to
r,)c. Tlere was somethingweird abour this woman, abouttheway
l,c talked, the way she looked... Some differen.e that she just
, irldn't quite put her finger on...
"You'te really white, she said after a while, obviously exhila-
,,rtcd athaving found an explanatlon.
For a fleetingrnoment Ozgrir .onsidered tea.hing the girl the
w.rd 'gringa," but quickly .hanged her mind. Instead, she just
.Do
you like black?" the sirl asked.
"What's 'black'?"
Of.ourse sbe knew very well that the word p/sro heant both
,1.,.k as in the color black, and negro. Ever since shed started
,riking a living otr of prjvate lessons, sheA acted upon this ir-
to ask wretchedly sinple questions, behavior
,t)ressible urge
,!lii.h inevitably made her conversants skepti.al about her men
r.'l health. It wasn't that she was being bratty, but that she was
,'lisessed with analyring concepts down ro their most basic mean
 Cirt in Crinson Clotl

bv this ques A TNAVELER IN THE STREETS OF RIO

ings. But 1o and behold the girl wasn't dumbstruck
been;she countered instantlv'
_ THE STREET PEOPLI OF RIO
tio"n as herstudents would have
"Blacks mY colot"
ozgur nodded her head in agreement
White?"
"ve",I llle Ut"d. e'avo", do vou like mv colot?
minutes sh'
the girl pleferred silence to a lie For several
and Iall
1", gfo*", if wishing to crawl inside them girl bla'k
""
"t.."a "i'Ihen all o{ a sr:dden she junped otr the wall and disap ';.ncs frcm the streets af Rla: An eighteen veat ald black
asleep.
t,,th!h on h finget and toenait\, \iling with her thrce
peared into the brush.
'hildten'
whete'd vou go? ,r lbaard bax, and spon}e bed at the entrunce of a supetmarket in
little onel You forgot vour glovesl Hev
"Hey,
Intnfala. Anine year old gi washingthe halr af her babv dallin the
I ve got your gloves herel'
rhat toldher to iunr u * in Cineldndia. .. She hasn't spoken with anvane sln? she was rcs'
Tuning a deaf earto the instinctual voice
af the prostitutian maf a; her eves are nurky as
t r! fron thc elutches
Ozgiir walked up to the wall Just as
shc'(l t

,-""a -"1t.*"n
""i gitl had vanjshed, as ifthe earth hadjust swallow'(l ,t someone s pulted *lret dtupes aner thetu An odd bird found onlv
thought,the Wha
, ukt is perched upoh the bran.hes of a mdnga trce in Flamenla:
t'". rr,i" ,""tlv strange' very strange indeedl Mavb| '
"p."* "erv
to the ground like a couple ol t ],,tus wha pla.ed this fteak, missing the latlet half of his badv up
a b"iom". She thre* the gloves
tlnre: he talks with his hands, and plays ehes with invisible pieces lhe
and sick to her stoma'h agairr'
dead rats. She'dbegun to feel dizzv
t I ti n with gangrene wafinghis tin can as he begs fot monev in Lopa
and her liPs were ttembling
it through this day in onr tt' sings sangs, re.ites prayers and hvmns swinging his shoulders in
"God, please just let me make
,, own,tang drfien modbv the pain Passers bv hok)
'lm.e dllhis
ago

d'wn the stairs sh' t t ti t noses to avoid the runk steneh of hls leg
She dowlv besan to make her descent
w'r' rrving'o'er' Street peapl? are the natwal vegetatian of the stteets of Ria' whi'h
.oulo ha dly leep her balar' p a' iFhe
r'

bv a spontaneous cur'nr | tither o*rcd in dust at knee hish paols af mud' depending upon
standing on a raft being whisked awav '
:a ason. They're strcwn ercrywhete fron the palm lined avenus
closedher evrt t t)
'
only a few minutes hadp:ssedbefore shepaused slums, taking
three tirtes nren' beln' I t ruristy Copacabana ta the aut af'the way' wtetched
and repeated her eia'ulatorv Praver
she found herself squatr ir"1
,ttrdeh.e in the squates, ovetpasses, a church, hatel, testaurant'
she even had a chance to step aside'
't
stairs' where she vomir(l ',' I
qaftment building entnn.es like so nanv narbles that sone
doi,vn right there in the middte o{ the
rhat had enteted l' t t nt , , walking through the streets of Rio had pulled out af her huge
up everfthing, everv last droP ancl morsel
t r, |t randomty scattered about Thousands hundreds ofthousands
stoma.h that daY
hu ed beyond the spherc of humanitv with the 'en
1 t',jl,,tte bdlls
wheel of ei'ilization mousands, hundreds of
','ttr rl fue of the
tt, iLls af people...
't,

_l
106 Cirl in Cnmson Cloxl \ \ll lrdogln 101

atnle*, elephant'lessed, wooden legged ghouls the Land of the Dead... Theit deaths ate always silent, like a @ndle
Handless and
prayers, hynns,
their heads wrapped in ban.lages, loaking as if they le just gatten out ' xtitguished by the wind. A death unencumbered by
af Aus.hwitz: btutdl, stunted d.lalescents running arcund in gangs: u bugles. They don t yell, they don t scrcam, they don t rcbel. Because
hdlf-grown !4nls who get rupea an erety God given day af theit livesl
therc is nabody rrho will listen to them. They anly resist. with that
rldest, most despente, most indomitable pdssion of the body, a will as
brcken winged pregnant women .aping wlth huneer fo( two all bv
themsetres; half wits i,lapped 1n rags who like skunks matk their tet
t .rgh ds sreel, layihg .laim ta that sliver af life still left within them,
hey rcsist, and resist, and resist..
ritories with the odotuus clouds thdt extend arcund then for yads;
t .

child bessarc .orcrcd in war wounds, fire wounds, and torture waunds:
tnoTq: The settled peaple of Rio arc so disgusted by these reptiles that
elenentary sehool-aged childrcn wlth tub.t(ulosis, tra.hama AIDS
Rdving tunaties wha talk to themselrcs, burst out in ldughtea nds
iuh thei ,iews, turn their beautiful city ihto a lentuble open-air

turbdte, hwt profanities dese/1ied, definitely well deserved al f.ilct, a haspital, a .oncentratian amp, that thorcughly tuin theil
rrtutation in the eyes of forclgners ana keep then fron wandelinq
the humdnity reprcsented fo pax*s'by me elderly dinging an tt)
this world with then rcttun teeth, whilc ereryone else eagerly wait!
t tt streets without fear, that they la,ish the jtsticenos with money.
t lacsn t cast mo.e thdn three, fi1)e hundreA do arc to da avtay with a
fa/ theh ta bite the Aust as soon as posslble The lords of honelest
t

sacieties dirided into .astes: Claim junpers, thie'res pickpo.kets rtBe snatching st/eet kid loiteting at a kiosk. But in the pre-carnival
nafia eftand bays, infomers... The 'honorably v'otkins'niddle .lass: \!son, when it's a mdtter of tourist safety and national pride, pri@s
,,ny rocket up to as much as double the standard rates.
selling tlckets, takens, co.onut candy, gtarana soda, and hatida flont
behindhand me down display eaunters- Families boundbv the bahl\
af inest, intriately intertlrining like ivy, heither the number, not thr
dses, not the parentage af their childrcn knawn fot .eftain. - Begtlars
struggting to wrangle every day, hour, minute they Qn out of Rrit
neatly zerc desree nercy ...
And then thete are those nha are so done faL thev'rc not ewn lit
to beg anymore. On the verge af stanation, they ha1r. atri,ed at th'
putest, simplest state of existence: neft living mattet They sl/,i,/'

rcnstantty, day and night, spread out on the sidewalk, at rc.lininl t

pools af nud, on wet con(rete, at on the sizzling asphalt mev slulr

canstantly, utte/ly impervious te, the anslaught of tropical rains thnt
cantinues unabated far weeks, the lethal sun, buses, the poliee' ul
the people who step oret them, bump their legs, and sometimes .uR
and sometines leave a slite of molay bread lt s a sleep that gradunll l
srows deeper, heaviet, clottell: a slo|r, fitful joutnet to the bo 1.' I
 NEWWORLD

Death is the only thins

mat remains unwntten.
Pinget
-Robert

liver since the military coup, thebackstreets ofLapa, Riot oldest

reighborhood, had been in the hands of the homeless, transves
rites, and footloose ex cons. Once the shops seling auto equip-
, ent, electroni.s, spare parts, knives, and guns Puled down their
n

,neta1 shutters and secured their huge padlocks, the chaning

Drulatto beles in theil g-stdngs and net stockings, and the nur
(lcrous looking men who Lived off them, would take over. Even a
worldly wise migrant llke ozgiir would have a hard time Pound
ingthe pavement ofthese streets, which served men twenty fouy
l!)urs a day. fte most savage metropolis ofEurope was like a Boy
s.out camp compared to Rio. But the only stop where she could
,.rtch the Santa Teresa bus was located here, on a street lined
rrcm one end to the other with kiosk bar mutts knowi as "lun
,l,eonettes." In Rio. which lacked a caf6 cllture and had a climate
,L,rsuitable for indoor spaces, on every con€r you could 6nd a
l,,rcheonette, €ach one like a gaping dent chipped into the wall,
,,r a fake cave calved into a building, lacking a door or four wals
r,' de6ne it. 'Ihey were the center of gravity in the gastronomic
l,lr ofthe city. Customers wouldl€an on the long counters while
r[ y ate and drank, or setde into th€ fold up tab]es and chairs
rl,,rt.overed the sidewalks on those sizzling hot summer nights.
llr)ugh onc€ they had been equidistant, over time ozgur's soul
1,.!lbecome even less adapted to the tropics than herbody had.
r was only now that she understood the vital importance of being
.' ,lr ro sit in a tea garden ora caf€ for hours on end. Or of having
 Ci!l in Crimson Cloar

breakfast standing up... It made her throw in the towel immedi by those parti.ular details of the Studio unique to tle tropics.
ately jn her duello with each new day, inevitably armed as it was Iroy example, the road from the dressing room to the classrooms

with a tuesh gamut oftraps, nastiness, ftacas, lies, and deceit. rassed through a garden ofmango tlees and when the rainy sea-
Dozens of street people lived below the one hundred 6fty ,on began, it wouldbe covered in water puddles from one end to
year old stone bridge, which was just wide enough for a sjngle rhe next. Buckets were placedin the classrooms to gather the rain

tram to pass. A iittle farther aiong, next to Lapa Square, was
grandiose conservatory, its wall covered ftom top to bottom in
.olotful Rio gravure. colden beaches; sharp cJiffs thumbing their
noses at the skyistatues ofJesus, ihose permane.t fixtures ofRn)
postcards, suspended i. the air by some invisible force and look
ing as if they might fall flat on their faces any minutej a gigantn
spear of fire flung fiercely out of the heavens, dividing the city
straight down the middlej and the seven arrows of the rainbow
embedded in rhe ocean... Meanwhil€, on the other side stood
series of rundown buildings left over {ron Lapas glory days. A
a streaming in from the roof, and the drops that snuck in through
a rhe windows, which wouidn't quite close all the way, would slap
r he dancers'sweaty shoulders. With the onset ofthe hot months,
rhe arbor in the garden wouldfiI Dp with monk€ysjunping from
Lranch to branrh, andbeautifulda* skinned girls waiting in line
l,)r ice .ream. And th€n there was the half c/a.ked, si.kly cat, a
rrrle tabby which, despite having grown up amongst humans,
,rcverbecame dom€sticat€d; it would wander the corridors grun-
I l)liDg about this and that, lashing out in reproach at evely Tom,
l)rck, and Harryit happenedto tun into, as ifto say, "With life as

few ofthem were repaired with state moneyand donated to AR I, , wful as it is right now and a[ you people do is waste your energy
whi.h hardly has a say in these parts. A concert hall, an Afro r,ying to stand on your toesl"
Brazilian cultural center. the streettheater called TaNaRra... th( 'Ihree nights aweek she'd walk out of her ballet lesson, and-
Olenewa studio, founded by a Russian balledna who,like Ozgitr, rvrth the sound ofChopin's waltzes flitting in her ears, exhausted,

arrived in the New Wofld with a single suitcase and pale whir, lr.r tongue stuck to the roof ofher dry mouth, but having under
|tn,e enough spiritual cleansing to endure the streets of Rio for
Just as it is possible to find a nook of one's own €ven in h.ll , while tonger shed slowly make her way to Ernesto. SheA let
itself, in lhis city Ozgur took refuge in the wooden, two-sl(try lr r imagination get carried away as she envisioned that first fruit
ballet school. A safe harbor where she could cast anchor durinx I r c; the occasion assumed the a ure of a sexual fantasy, and she
days otherwise spent adrift in nothingness... ln Rio she ea,l.rly Lrrrld derive a delicate pleasure from putting off her papaya-or
embraced this everso aristocratic, everso European alt forn tli't ,1,' .ocktail, that elixir of life, as long as possible. Ihe sounds of
',
she dabandonedyears agot turning it into a vital ceremony, whi,11, I ,\rtla ard samba rhyrhms would begin to emerge ftom the back
though it may have lost jts essence, still preserved its {ornr. lti .r,,rts at those hours, and the impatient couples at the Afro-
corddors filled with the scent ofresin, the sound ofpiano trrrr, r'.,1,han Center would leap to their feet fot the opening dan.e.
and perfectly postured, \qaf€r thin girls s.urrfng aboui llli. llnresto was the only Copacabana-style restaurant in Lapa,
frightened pigeons, the Olenewa Studio was like any other l),rll.t Nl ,, h means it was a run of-the-mill rcstaurant with a door, {our
school in th€ worldj initially, however, Ozgur had been drzzlnl ,v.rll,;, rnd air conditioning that hit you like a cold shower as soon

Cirl ii Cnmron Cl.rl
as you walked in. (SheA spent her lirst few months in Rio in a
state ofconstant illness be.ause ofthose air conditioners.In the
monthofMay, dressedin spring apparei, the instant plunge from
forty degrees to ifteen was like suddenly getting caught up in
a snowstom. Who would ve believed that shea have to carry .
sweater with her at all times in the hottest city in the world?)
Locals never eat dinner alone in Rio, and so Enesto, iike all thr
other pretentious restaurants in the .ity, did not offe/ singlc
servings. Ozgur would grow red in the fa.e as she asked to have
half o{ her meal doggy'bagged for the next night's dinner, and
nearly apologize {or her in.urable loneliness. Friday nights wer.
especially crowded at Ernesto. Students from the conservatory,
musicians, people off to the theater, cinema, oropera... Laughtet
roli ng our rr bur.rs Lke oredni. sdves. rn, 'prsing in proporhon
wjth the amount ofbeerconsum€d... Ablindpiano player wearinil
sunglasses, much etrort having been invested jn his Ray Charlcs
1ook, played such trite tunes as'Autumn Leaves and 'Strangerr
in the Night,'to whi.h no one paid any attenrion, except fot
Ozgr r rnd r lew old drunk<. No marr"" how -. gred she wr,
not to give in to cheap sentimentalism, Ozgtu colldn't stop th,
teats from weliing up in her eyes. Her loneliness would sprcarl
throughout her body like a pain with no known source, and h
need to love and be loved would become a matter of life or deatl'
SheA convince herselfthat love was the only thingthat made lilf
compassionate, meaningful, or at leastbearable. And sometimor,
ifshe was having a lucky day, a familiar face passing by wou|l
noti.e Ozgul's somber profile on the other side of the g)ass an,l
.ome in to.hat with her for the duration ofabeer. No matter wh,,
it was, the son ofher formerlandlord, the cashier from the sup.,
market, a nameless face sheA met months before at a con.err, hn
would wrap herup in a warm enbrace andgrow livelierand nrh
hll.rtive by the minute. Lonely people always talk too much. V'r
!
,Lrch miracles (fleeting and unimportant, but mihcles nonethe
l.ssl) would disappear just as qui.kly as they had appeared; the
htrddy" in question would grow tired of the g/inga's impossible
',)rruguese enunciation, her vexingly slow speech, and her lack o{
,rowledge she knew nothing ofVeioso's latest record or wbat
rihe the Ipanema concert was-and wor.rld soon head otr on his
w.ry, but only a{ter having invited her to an outdoor party or a
,l,in.e ha1l, as decorum would have it... Ozgur woutd feellonelier,
|ore de{eated, more exhausted than ever She'd review the su
t! rfi.ial conversation in her head once again,laugh to herselfat a
l, w of the jokes shed made, and wel up with pide at having told
i oft repeated story with a little more finess€ this time around.
'
rri)ill, she would curse Rio for naking her beg for such vapid
, ,,Lmbs of .ommunication, and, at the pinnacle of self-destruc
,,,n, she would escape to the Afro Brazilian Clltural Center jn
.rr.h of easily obtainable physical .onsolation.
At that moment, more than anything else she needed Emesto's
m, pea.eful atmosphere, impervious to pain as it was, just
r
t [r an old musical. A fortress that neither .haos nor the jungle
,,
'r the sanla coutd penetrate... fte cramps in her stomach had
,,r yet subsidedi her nasal passages were still on 6re fron the
'
.,r,rine. What she wouldn't do for a heavenly sc€nted papaya
1,,. with a few chunks ofjce swimming inside... Two dollars and
'!,
fty centsl "Luncheonettes the only place frt for a pauper like
,' sbe thought. "I get thirsty every fifteen minutes anlvay.'
'lr. ,lecided to buy a forty'cent cup of coffee at O Nouo Mrndo
r,. New World) and delve back into her green notebook. She
, , , ,l( d to pick up from where she d left off and continue writing
A Drulatto in his rwenties was llng
on the sidewaik; he'd
I
'
l' ,, asleep ieaning against one of the columns that stood in
r"' ., (loor at lhe New World. He had a startlinsly handsome
 Cirv in (.'m\rr Clorl
fa.e, wjth an expression like that of a young boy, surPrisingly
innocent {or someone living on the streets. She {elt like covering
him with a blanket and planting a goodnight kiss on his cheek
sheamadeherway up the misshapen stcpwben she realizedthat
the young mans legs were swollen like a couPle ofdead dolpbins
Elephantiasisl During the dry season, the legs of street peopic
would swell up like goutds and be covered in festering wounds
During the frnal slages ofthe illness, they would no longer be abk
to walk and, resigning themselves to a spot in front ot a restau
rant or lun.heonette, they would entrust theil lives to the very
limited,andunreliable,mercyof humankind lthadbeenthteedr
four months since sbed en.ountered rhar well groomed womrn
with the beautiful, made'up face. Ihe woman had been sitting rn
front o{th€ same column, on a skateboard like pjece ofwood wrll,
wheels:from rhewaistdown, shewas no more. On her.lean, whill
t shirt it said, rEsus LovEs You.lt was Tolstoywho believedthrl
love and benevolence made the world go round, right? Ozgiir h.r,l
started praying againi an uncontrollable urge prompted her l,'
repeat the same words every time she en.ountered sone bealrrr
or wounded person, especially one missing a lnnb lhree tim|i
A simple refrain .alling upon her personal god, from whom slr
herselfno longer really etpe.ted much assistan.e, to help TtlliN.l
On some days she sawso manyofthem that she spentalmosr tlr
entiyety o{ her long walk praing. A psy.hologist, a psy.holo,rrr
who had never been to Rio, could easily have explained the silrr
ation as a 'fear o{ castration and, unfortunatelt may have bu
right in his assessment.
She staggered hef way inside. Struggling with the dizziD, r '
rnd the nausea, she took big, bojsterous, .owboy steps (liklili
always did when walkinginto such places). Despite its high{alolrr
name, Ihe New World, the nost popular th/ee star hotel iD llr,'
was just another hole in the wall, a glorified lun.hconette Ii,rrr
,,r five wobbly tables were lined up next to the now gray cerami.
ri cd wall. She thought the restaurant, long and nanow with its
l,,w ceiling, dalk ar aI hours, looked like a subnarine. And so
l i e'd nicknamed it "Nautilus.' I}e combination of water seeping
, r,r irorn beneath the doors of the toilet, whjch was always kept
,,.ked, and rhe increasingly potent stench ofburnt grease, rotten
,,rrnges, and beer as one progressed inside, did not really make
r,). an appetizing locale. As if to spite Ernesto, whi.h was jusr two
.rrps down the way, the New World s clientele consisted ofbums,
l{.en there, done thatk," pimps, andjailbirds. Unlike those well-
l,'.d kids doing their best to look lawless, or the middle class
ilk and-warel rogues, these were real .riminals just trying to
'
lL(,k normal.'Ihey kept their cover, nevergot caught red-handed,
,,rl balanced their perfecdy flat, shallow worlds on their guns.
rl,r only other reSulars at'Ihe New World were the poli.e. And
l r only ditreren.e between them and the "criminals they fought
r,r)th and nail for a slice of the market pie was that their guns
rc on display for a1l to see. Otherwise they had the sane dark,
'r,
'lrrlchral eyes, the sane gaze, drunk on power and brimming
v,.r with the bloc,d theyA consumcd... It was Rio that had shown
, i/J]tu that order and cbaos were inseparably bound to one an
, rl,.r. the.riminal world that she had once exalred with that
,, ,,i.Dticisn indoctrinated by movies had now become nothing
I' ,r .r.oftmon, repulsive detail ofher dailylife.
ttr' , a/? .t"ad, rhpad. O/gur did r qu c
,, ihc .orners of her ey€s, taking in no nore, and no tess, than
,, L,ssary. Ihe relative calhness o{ Sunday evening had perme
r, ,l rhis pla.e, tooj there wasn t a soul jn the joinr except for a
' , ,
l, of drunkards, all of them black, entertaining themselves at
L r
rl'1. in the veryback. Armando, fie onlywaiter who didn't look
, I )r!urwith invasive, greast derisiveeyes, was standingbehind
,l', otrnter, placingfr€sh out of the-oven.ociiras chickenless
 t'J r'l l,nn . j.I
'n '

fried
onatray Hehadn tdpped l.apa's black communitx he was to remain herlover, in this world
roled in cassava starch and then
Ozguroff, notevenonce, in thewhole twoyear. *he; h..f therel rndthe next. theyadored Roberto... He $'as black, an orphan, an
hed always brought het her change right away, elact down to thc
.rl.oholic, and "a famous actor" ifthafswhatone shouldcaltthe
lrading man at ?a Nr Rl]d Iheater-who d dropped anchor in the
penny, and had patiently taught her the menu in those davs i{hen
her Portuguese was pitifully poor, and eve. wrote checks for her
uorld ofthe whites and managed to stay afloat...

sometimes. (Ba.k then nobody used cashbecause of the inflation

O,gur had gone to a lot of Lrouble to erase him from her
rate. which hovered at several thousand per.ent )
,rcmorr in fact, Roberto was the only person of the many she

Silent as a shadow she stipped into a seat at a table, its whlt{

paper bbiecloth covered in huge tomato sauce strins left behirrl
by previous cuslomers. She bad her back to the toil€t and th|
group ofdrunkards. But no matter how hard shc tried, she coull
even had
not make he/self invisible! Before she <t
l,id met in Rio not to infiltrate her novel. He was a man made of
.,r1, oninous clouds and iightning, bitter like poison hemlock;
rlie term "psy.hopath" frt him like a glove. A "rape babt" to put
rr in his own words... His mother, who diedwhen hewasjust two
chance to catr Ir v, irs old, had been a kept woman. the players at Ta Na R,a said
a

herbreath. she heard a woman's voice, harsh, cracked, the wor{l! rl,it he was the only black person in Brazil who couldn't dan.e.
rolling in h.r mouth like hotpotatoes
ll, was short, puny, hardly attractive, but his lively eyes, which
''Het looky there, our GRINTIA s backl Did you guys know slr, .rshed like fireflies, darting from one object to the next, made
1' ,r singularly endeadng. Bc.iuse they didn't share a language,

It was the retired whole, now too old to ply her tYade, l|ir ,,,ir relationship had been based upon physical communication

Ozgur used to run into almost every njght at Lapa back w|r'rr
,l ,, rhc mo r vinle or rll furm. ot . onnur,, arion Ozgur .
she and Roberto were together. She was one of tLp
pYtr:s in r'' ,,r months in Rio had been so painful, her loneliness amongst
'
City in Crimsan Claak. The 6nal link in the chain of.oincidd!. '
rl, rimless throngs so agonizing thar she'd tried wirh al1 her
had now fallen into place. SheA ph.ed a lictional conversrtt,'r, to wring some smidgen oflove, atrectjon, or something to
', ')tht
between O. and this woman in the chapter about the parlv Lr'
, [,,dlcir place, out ofthis stark raving madmanj a foo]'s errand,

in honor of Nelson Mandela's ele.tion I'lr squ.ezing oil out ofa Ry. For every gasp ofpleasure cost her
Santa Teresa held '1.,
really had taken part in such a celebration, where she ha.l r,rv' 'l
, rly, each paid for with nulriple lashings of humiliadon. In
against racism amongst the crowd ofAfto Brazilians, but sh l,"'l
, 'link of any eye the gringa, who held her body in no esreem!
been so drunk that night that she .ould not for the lifo "l l" r ', . ,.,rsi]y duped and, utteriy ignorabt of the Byzantine games of
remember whom sh€A taked to. Turning her head but rr r lr turned inro a sex slave. the Middle Easteh beloved of a
I
'.,
back, she gave a vague, tesene.i greetlng She hadn t yct , r'r111't
| ' . ,, Roberto had taken herby her gaunt shoulders and forced
Armando s eye. She lit a cigarette. The back table had brok, rr
L ,fro the dungcons of passion where she thrashed sweetly in
'r'r
in a flurry of voi.es; she picked out a few wods, variationr il"
"rr
term biack,like prer, and,eglo. It had bee. a year and a h.rll r/r'r I llr.y d ru. into one anoth€r countless times. Rio, the.itythar
she and Robetto had broken upi but it seemed that in lli| r'vp' "r ,r I',. you in its net oniy to abandon you to a blind roll of fate's
 ( irv itr (,I'nson Clorl

dice, brought the two o{ them together on numer
At parties, cinemas, concerts, and once even right in ftont of
her oM apartment... lt was as if he were the dark refrain in her
song of death. He seduced the gri,ga with his harsh gaze every
time. Even afrer that night... Even after that night wh€n he had
squeezed her breasts and twisted her arms untii she'dbegged for
mercy... "What couid possibly keep me from doing evil in a clty
k.ow what? they're calling me a racist because I told
"You
them your lover was black. Do you think that makes me a rac
Ozgur was caught offguard. To tell the truth, it was an unex
re.Ledlyprickly question. "No, why?" was all she could manage in
'Ihe woman started screaming at the top ofher lu.gs.

where murder goes unpunished? Anything goes in wal. I}Iats
the slogan shed had framed and hung on her consclen.e. The lasr
!ime, theyd come face to face on the Santa Teresa bus, .lose to
dawn, after the Juninlo festival, a celebration of pagan origin
Hed scrutinized Ozgurt inanimate face, a statue in marbie, will)
undeceivable, sneering eyes, and given her a smile that stunglikr
a knife wound. "You're so much stronger now. Rio helped yo
discover your secret weapons. But you're still as fragile as evc',
too. Youjust can't quit chasingafter that thingyou fearthe mosr.
"See therel Take that for an answerl I'm not racist at all. Even
'lhis time a .acophony ofvoices rang out from the table, from
s'hich she was able to dis.ern rhe words Turk and Turkey. She
, ouldn't tell exactlywhat was going on, she only knew tbat a heat
,\l discussion about her was underway. She nervously putred at
time. Damn itl If only I hadn't
i. r cigarette, exhaling noisily each
l! en su.h a cheapskate andjustgone to Ernestol" she thought.
''Hey gringd. Why you so quiet? nis gal's so damn shy! Shoulda

:i en her when she frrstgothere, fresh ftomTurkey.-. She'dgo a1l

What remained of Roberto, whom sheA locked away in ,
quarantjne cell of her menorn was a feeling of having b&rr
soiled, a feeling that was like a permanent stain upon her ber1].
and the hours she'd spent by herself on the second floor of th'
theaterwhile she waited for him on those neverending reheari
'l
nights. Dances perfotmed on e stage ftaught with cracks, the ri,,I
,rrl in the face even when she danced. She's opened up a bit now
lliough. He, tell me, how doyou say'.irzeiro'in Turkish?"
She felt her heart tighten in her chest. theyd pierced her
,,lotional armor just like that. In the two years since shed set
l,{)t in South Ameri.a, no one, not her lovers, her colleagues,
I .r students, her European friends, none o{ then had asked her

echo of foolsteps in an abandoned hal, black velvet .urtiirir,
rats the only audience... Rows and rows of costunes and mr:Lk,
on hangers... lheater was a world in which truth and lies w, r.
intertwined, where blatant fabd.ation was transformed irt,' ,
living, breathjng, vital teality its own. An absolutely pc'lr
a1l
metaphor for Rio, the.ity that never removes its mask, not rvrl'
"Hey, g/l,gal Look herel'
here was no es.ape. Reluctantly, Ozgiir turnedaround.
singie question abour her mother tongue. She welled up with
rr.rtitude, and resentment. And rhat miserable, ash gray feeling
''Kriluk. Ashtray is ku1luk."
1 'lhe woman djdn't listen to her response. She was having fun
rhe financially carcfree gfinea, little miss Snow White,
',.,king
.frc to her tune. A rare opportunjty to play 6rst 6ddle at the
''Anahow ahorr'mon ano r'?"
 Ciry in C mson Clo.k i2l

rvho crossed her path. She displayed her breasts, which spiled
From the table boisterous laughter, amorous moans, and loud
our of her brassiere, and her iush, shapely hips with appalling
slurpy kissing sounds began to rain down upon OzgLit She was
re.klessness and abandon, the same way greenhorn gangsters
surrounded on all four sldesj she rneekly Yesigned heYself to the
display their latest nodel pistols. this body, whi.h had lost its
role assigned to her, as always.
inno.ence much too young, and which was cast about with rhe
'' Seugilim;'
"What? Say that again. ,,xtravagan.e ofa prodigal daughter squandering her inheritance,

"SEVGi LiM. Now enough with the questions, pleasel"Ihen ade ozsur-and probably ozgur alone feel sad. Like aI o{
rl)e other Dass'cloned women o{ Rio, the girl had intenalized
sheyelled out: 'Armandol A milk coffee Please.'
dcsire that was not her own; she had become a mouthpiece for
She turned het back to tbe hoopla that was graduallv get
L

rhc lust for power, proclainingloud and clear the insatiability of

ting out of control and raised her shield to rhe oltside world
I rsli, dictated by this city. Like
a puppet hanging by her strings,
She cringed, as if trlng to make herself smaler, thicker, mor'
as
i lic was tangled in the binds of hel sexuality, and there was no
conpa.t. As ifher bony shoulders were her only defense againsr
this city whi.h stuck a thorn in her heart every hour' She nevct
, (ape. When tourists who stormed tuo in quest of second hand
Lrrasies saw h€r they immediately began fondling their wallets.
hadbeen bEzen, quick'witted, or good with a.omeback. Like all
timid and open heattedpeople, she was easilytransformed int(' i \i.r she wasn't a real professional, even if she didput herbodyup
,), sale, sometimes out of frnancial need, but most of the time
plaything in the hands ofthose many times stupider than hers.ll
, :,1 lor the tiny thrjll of it, or for chanee... Ltke nos! girls {rom
Shewas, aftet all, agnngaj she didn't stand a chanceagainst th.M' a

tipplers, notwith her stiff, slang free Portuguese. As sh€ rea.hrrl

rl! /are1a, she was a daytime beauty. A violet mushrooming jn

forher cigarettes, shenoticed that heY hands wele shakitg B.l'r

coming to Brazil, she thought that such thing haPpened onlv rI
a Like wolves having caught a whiff ofblood, all ofthe waiteis,
\,, pt for the shy Armando, were watching rhe girlt hips as she
figures in novels or women on the verge of menopause "Hnvr I '
,,,,l, her way to the table ofnegroes. Her shorts, ripped here and
reallybeen insulted, or cant I even take a little well-intentn!!'l
teasing anymore? I truly am at the endofmy rope 'She'd lonl l', rI ,.,, , stopped a few centimeters above her ass. She obviouslywas

gotten all about het first cigarette, which ivas still burning
on its own in the ashtray.
thankfully a doll-{aced mulatto o{ twelve or thirteen w,rllfrl
into the New World, moving al1 attention away from Ozgiir I rl' '
aI girls of Rio her ag€, she wore a ton of make-up and wrr t"
scantily clad that it was mind boggling lhe purple lipsti.k n r lN r
iw v ' ,'r ,,ied to restrictions sucb as underwear. "WANTED"was writ
,' ',,,, her tits in strawberry colored lipstick. Ozgtir co!]dn't hetp
, t lrugh. Of course you're WANTED sweerheart. It's hardly
I , I l)pc diamond that you're peddiing there, but it is the most
r!AN J llD thing in the world aI the same.
Ll,, 1e]t the slender shadowofArmando glide up next ro her. A
r

r,'i' l .{)ft likethatof awoman,afraidof infiictingdamage, gently

thick ljps reminded Ozgiit ofdamson ptums. She swagg.n\l lrrl"
the barlike a femalepanther, tossing her hair violentlv ,bor rl lll',
. l',., ( up on lhetable. OzgLirraisedhereyes; theysmiiedat one
a shawl on fiie, looking ferociously determined to seduce a rr y t rrr t, ,,,rl',.' lhe knowing, innocent smiles of confidants... Armando
 C,t) ri Crimvin Clort
was a slightly hunchbacked, wiry mulatto; he had cuYly hair arld
long, black eyelashes. His face had the 6ne lines of a miniaturc
and it refiected a misery shut offto the outside world, a stotm not
yet calmed... Ozgtu sensed a tra.e of Middle Easterness in him;
maybe one o{ the Syrians, O ?ur.o, who had migiated to Latin
America at the turn of the century, had tumbled in thc hay wlth
She ta,rapped both hands around the gtass and freed her mind
of any thoughts. with a slight slurping sound aftet all, therc
werenrt any spectatots around tc, rnake her observe the rules ol
etiquette-and rolling the cream on her tongue, she finished her
drinkinalmost a singlegulp. Sbe was coveredin sweat again, an(i
had failed to quench her relentless thirst, but at least her stom
achwas settled. Finall, she was alone with her .igarettes and h.r
Unlike the touristy bars of Copacabana, this pia.e didn l
contain the slightest hint ofthe tropi.s;no fishing nets, bdghtly
colored partots, seasheils, naive Bahia paintings, €tc. On th.
wal, marked with long cracks running through its plaster, hunli
a Japanese miniature-a woman wandedng in a cherry tree or
chard with a placid smite on ber fa.e, and a slighrly bewildel.ll
gaze, as she warched the insanity of the New World And ncrr
to her was a tsyazilian nag left ovey from the days of the worl,l
Cup. nrere was a globe, siightly squished on either slde-prob
ably slmbolizing the world-with a pendant stuck ln ir that r.rrl
.System"
and "Ptogress." An extraordinary irony rhat could makr
Ozgur laugh even after two yearsl
For a while she distractedherselfwlth the fly that kept conrintl
back for more ofthe tomato sauce stajn lhat looked like a mosqtr'
wjth three minarets. She got a whiff of the scent of fresh coll.r
weaving its way amongst the tables. Should she have anot|.r
cup? She tookher green notebook out ofhe/bae
Whenever she want.d to take a profound look into her per-
sonal history, she had ber last two years right there waiting for
her. woven, braided, varnished, tailored menories... Half 6n
ished stories, frist-person confessions, quotes...
Like fields afwhedt, the Brazilians were blown this way and that by the
tuihds of so.ial e'ehts; Mother's Day, the Aeath of Aytton Senna...AnA
then, after Valentihe s Day, they got .aught up 1n ahothet instance
af mass hysteria: the watA Cup. cane days were de.lated natianal
holidays: buses quit /unning and shops closed down aliet two in the
oftctnoan. An entire couhtty, evetyane from nine to ninety, .ldd in
ydkN, wielding ffags of all sizes and snat.hing up bugles, drums, ta-
han, whistles, rattles, etc., anything that &uld be used tn make noise:
hodrdine frleworks, confetti, beer; g.aups af dt least twenty people
t,a(ked into houses, bals, rcstaulants, and @n.ert halls equipped with
nassite television screehs. Beause tudtching the natianal games by
rn.. s self was @nsiderea b be ane af the worct dlsasterc that .ould
r*ibly befall a hunan being, even I was barraged with inritations.
It was an early afternaon in July. The ruin pourcd aotrn, as if eager
t a tear the tity asunder, to cleanse it of all its fikh. mere wdsn't a soul
the stteets. All transportatlan hatl come ta a hak, the metal shut-
t o s were pulle.l dawn an all af the shaps, and even the honeless had
ln e aeo escaped to whatever sheter they could find. The Russia game
*tuld be starting in half an haur. Meanwhile I was trying to make
tt hame. the only place wh.fe I could take refuge ltom the immihent
I rdn into him at the entrdh.e to a matie theate. in CinelAndia...
t b 't name him alter fve des(nbed hin-wds lyin| in a puddle
.l nud sercral inches deep. Needle sharp &aplets af ruin ple/.ea his
lr. t. Ihough he had not yet erossed aver the threshold to dedth, he had
t tainly drifted so fat fton the shates of life thdt thete was na tutnihg
t,
t',(k. He was abaut ta die af hunger. Hk body had betrayed his soul,
 Cirv,n Crim!!r Clork

of papet before me, 1 cannot see that man l still lack the langudge to
expelling the last bite he'.] had to eat. With his last aunee of strength
cxptesshim.I am not st.ang enough, not vicious enough not nerciful
he tried ta rcach his wmit-so that he auld eat it on e again.
cnough. I hate nat experienced enough hunger. Words cannot gtue hin
Nobody paid any attentioh to him. A few strcgglerc s.urtied acrcss
ba.k his tife, but at lcast they can offet his nane restitution: He was a
the nearly empty square, rushing ta make it in time fat the game: dfte t
all, they were used to the many ond rdtied perfarmances of death
Only I stood there, motionless, undet the ruinstarm, my fd.e drained
She was suddenly overcome by an odd feeling, as ifher own sen
to bone white.It was as if Id tuned to stane.I coul.l heither.ry nor
tences hadjust done an about face and had begun watching their
yell; a tisht fist, a silent scrcam .aught in my thrcat I recalled a fi|n
ruthor. She grabbed her pen and struck a big X across the page
IA seen years ago. (Fiction versus .edlity! But to what degtee 4n tht
T]len she wrote a single sentence:
former possibly save yau ftom a one on one conftontation with the
latter?) The Anerican protagonist ih the f,lm was talking about th.
''I write ta shon nyselflaryer thanI leally dm, because Iansoverv
most drcadful hunger he had seen 1k his life, at a seclud.d hatel in th!
mlddle of the trapics: A native pi.kins out the undigested pie.es frcn1
anongst a pile of hunan fe.es...I was sick at my stomach fal days, l
As she i{alked up to the .ash register, a well-kept homeless wonan
didn't think that there rculd possibly be a more in.isive dessiptio
walked into the Newworld and, raisinghervoice evervso slightlv,
of hunger. But the naked realiq of the strcets of Rio w
asked: Anyone here want to buy me a meal?' Measured, polite,
atrceious than the mast atrociaus af fi.tions. With a few bLows of thr
kindly, like an abashed co ege student asking the other passen
hannet it had engraved a pottnit of hun4et inta ny mind.
gcrs ifthey have an extra bus tlcket lhere was no response; onlv
I simply must tell, tell everyone abaut that mdn whom I encoutt
ozgur lowered het head in shame lhankyou," the woman said,
tered in Cinelandia half dn haur beforc the start of the Bla2il'Russ t
bowingher headbefore rnaking a silent exit,like an extrawho had
socer mateh, that is, at a precisely definable point in time ahd spa.l
successtully conpletedher insignificant role. Ihe prostitute, who
Mhether they want ta listen ot noL) me price must be paid for that
had faced het share of adversity in life, ye ed out tuom the table of
scrcan that got caught in my throat. I was .ursed be.ause I did natl'
{lrunkards:"Tris jsn t theTrjtdWorld, youknow irt the Eighth
ing but stond there and wat h him like that for severaL ninutes, beti, t
World! Ihe Eighthl"
.ontinuing along ny ||ay. Because therc was nothing ta be done, hl
Ozgur looked at the young man with the swollen legs, and
cause I didn t fnd a spoon and feed hin his puke, because all of tlt
rhought the woman was right. He was curled up like a tetus next
kiasks wele closed, and a bis.uit would never ha,re nd.le it on tinr .

lti! lo one of the columns. He stjll wore that miYaculous, pure, in_
because I didn t dtaw a pistol ftam my purce and put a quick end ta
no.ent look on his fa.e. "lhjs is an indigent peoPle, clothed onlv
nisery... What did I hare to affer him? To deny hin? I @ntinued on h'v

An excuse fot pastpon it+l

in its om luster... Making do with a love of ljfe, o{ unknom
way, far I had charyed nyself with d
'lissian. .nrr.e... Yetwhat they.al life is nothingbut so much deception

A banalgirnmi.k passing forhappiness "

Yet now, as I laok at the letterc I have lined up on the white tit\ |
 She regretted not having said goodbye to Armando. She felt the A TRAVELBR IN THE STREETS OF RIO
kind of sentimentaljtt generaliy resewed for prisoners spendlng
_THE MULATTO WOMEN OF RIO

their last day injaili she wanted to leave behindgood impressions

of herself. She wenr back to nre New World. Together with thc
mulatto girl, Armando and the other three waiters were standing
next to the tabl€ of Negroes. Ihen, a1l at once, evety single soul in
the restaurant broke out in riotous laughter. "Who an I to think
I have a nonopoly on reality? I'm probably the last person in Rn) ]f there is any netropalis on this eatth that belangs to mulattn women'

who sho d be talking about happinessl" She managed to grab it is Ria de Janeiro. A nulatta waman is an essential detail of any Rio
the attention ofthe busboy standing in ftont of the coffeemaker phato taken at any time ot' the day, in any part af the .ity The mulatto

she convinced the kid, who was looklng at the WANTED hips likc wonan of the stums, with het .urly hair, thi& lips, full hips bwsting

he was peeling a banana, to give hel a paper cup full o{ nilk. As .ut of her .lathes, .ross hanging frcn het n\k . vau ean see het at the
she walked over to the kitten screaming in fea/ on rhe sidewalk luncheanettes: she lean! agdinst the baL d(lnk ng a beer and talking
sdssy; in ftant af the chur.h she colleds donatians, a diline radiane
opposite, she feltlike a vern very oldwornan, who no longer ha,l
any er?ectations of ljfe. onanatihg flom he/ fa.e... Childrcn af all sizes hang anto het skirt at
the supermarket as she lugs fiE poun.l bags of beans . On the side
tudlks af Capa.dbdna, she s put on het wat paint, tdken up het arns'
md dannedher net sto.kings,knee high boots,leather g strings, etc
On the cove.s afsanba.asrettes,hatnaked and mwned with parrat
lcathers tallet than she is, she hdppily radiates big sniles and shakes
het hips with alt her night. Oh a dust covercd bus to the dums after
tightfatl half dead aftet twelve haurs of serving athers her eyes two
tlried upwells she eats her elening fteal fron a dinher bucket on her
lap. M.rc than anytfiete eke, though, youll see her on the beach .

t ike d nermdid .leposited upan the shotes by the o.ean waves . Het
hair wet: lips sme ins of coc.,nut milk; a .drelessly vttapped pareo:
runificent, east-going, frkky hips; skin pampered by the suntavs'
t.nstant fondling... Contary to popular belief, the mulatto women
,tf Ria arc not beautifuL that is, not a(ording to Western standatds
'thpy'te shart, fnt, stubby... But they are sa utterly stunning, and they
npase thei. attra.tiveness trith su(h abahdan that, in Ria, Wonah
 Ci1\ i. Crinrn)n a.)l

It k these wamen wha attrai

the epiurean, pampercd |Jlngo tn a"d AIDS stastns. ,€.arse they ve grawn |p thtee generaLians in a
th4.t^ whprc l'fe r a fisht 'o thp dcoth bpguF aae^ ringleroan, their sexuality knows no shane or enbattassndnr l1i/r!r
of ewry ddy. It is they who make the gringo toss his noney abaut lik. they find thenselves laden with a babi, the keepsake of a night of pas
@nfetti... In the hlink of an eye they transfatm this rat race of a third sion, befare they w ekn hit fifteen, they feel neither tage nor sadne::s
world metrcpolis into a tropical island. A fictional island existine anly It is as if erery disappointment, e@ty let dawh, every child further
on toutist postets, full of golden beaches, paln trces, and seashells . f.ttif,es their femininity. In this (ity, whi.h daes not all.w then tu)

They walk with lithe, rhythmk steps, always, as if they arc er be anything but women, they have rcnained, until the end, wanen
rying bunches of bananas on their heads, or doing the samba in slow ]UST WOMEN,
motion... Theit heads ih the clouds,.alm. relaxed... They tualktowd r me bld.k skinned, black eyed, blatk hairad ulatta dail1 the

an inrisible loret who stands waitlngwith open arms. .. An enchantinr sanbawith death aUherlife...Its stygian, abysndl, pernanenr ddrk
poem vthispering in thet ears, they smile at the passianate mirrot ih ness is within her bady.Inhubody only... Buaae she has no souL lt
the enptiness. Infinitely awarc of thelt fenininity, they hold complett was taken fton hr long ago.
.laim over their badles, whi.h haue nerer belanged ta them. . Hdll
drunk on theit devastating power-d pawer as fleeting as a wild
flower they hold folth the prcmise af forbidden fruits nare valuabll

On the plantations they leatned oh the tettible pillaging of tht

bady. .. and of the body\ value, and its plice. .. The whip was thejr ftst
tea.her. The, know that the world of wo ds ferments in their hips, ahl
that betueeh theit legs is concealed not the pen that wtites history, but
the wheel that extinguishes life. maugh song lyfts nake them senti
nental and provoke genuine tears, and thaugh they worchip rcuntlrst
deities ftan saccer playerc to the gaod heatted Jesus, and though thty
be doormats for one nan to the next until they become winkled antl
frayed, they know. 'Ihe bady never forgets lessans taught by the whi,
nulatto wonen of Rio ate tough ladies. mey have no qudL t
The
about giring the men they dspirc ta seduce long, lecherous looks, rt
about gtoping at taulists who ga2e fton blue, bleary, laslless eycs, r r

abaut p@ing in the middle of the strcet. met speeeh is laud and b.it
telaus: they stuflle in hai rending bnwlq they defy the poli.., Ir\
drivers, their bosses, and their husbands. Perhaps that is wlry thry
sLubbotnly clinq ta their nutubet one ranking in international vialor I
 POINT ZERO

Let the dead bury the dead.

Bible
-lhe

In Lapa, which is like an anthil teeming with homeless people,

she wouldn't dare take her watch out of her purse, but she could
tell it was around six o'.lock. An evening fuJI of distant shadows
was well underway, and the streets had grown silent.It wasnt the
silence that pre.edes a storm, but a silence containing a storm...
A vague, somber sign of the night... In a little while, the world
would dose its agedeyes.
ozgrir stood at the fofk in tle road glancing indecisively
right and left. Sh€ had two choices: She could either walk down
cloria Avenue to the Flamengo cul{, or she could go to Cinelandia
Square, famous for its cinemas, night clubs, and open-ai/ beer
gardens. Cinehndia...lbe Land of Cinema...
Aposter caught her eye:lhe dashing, renomed director with
Broadway erpedence, Sergio Mancini, had adapted the MUsIcaL
oF TllE YEAR: ROMEO AND JULTET, that "drama that never grows
old," for the people of Rio a people that thought of life itselfas
nothing but a musical. Dark skinned Romeo of rhe favela, who
nevertheless somehow managed to avoid a life ofcrime, and nilk
white, inno.ent Juliet o{ Ipanema... In this city, the allure of the
flesh uuly did supersede all class and racial ditrerencesj however,
it did so to one exclusive end; satisfying the flesh. 'Ihe other day
sheA read a modern version of Romeo and Juli€t on the crime
pages of the newspaper. A bandito from the Turano favela con
vinc€d his lover (a university gnduate, .areei woman, wedthn
ctc.), a girl fron lpanema,who alsohappenedto be inr.olved with
 Cily in Crinson clo.l
tle chiefofanothersans and had rneanwhile nanaged to poach a
hefty anount ofcocaine, to come to Turano;there, at tle squar€
kJ.olm as Boca da Funa he subjected her to honendous torture,
cutting off her hands, tongue, and ears, before killing heL the
incident was kept secret for months, until the Romeo of Turano
was kiued in a gun battle. "Oh, lovelthat which males the world
go rcund!" Ozgiir thought with a smirk as she looked over the
poster. And tlere it was, the name she had been searching for: Eli
Vitot de Santos. As Romeo...
fte Land of Cinena was Elit homeland. It was through th€
din and dank bars, gay clubs, and S&M shows-the ones without
neon lights orsigns-of Cirelandia that he guided OzgrjJ und€r
the faint glow of a nashlight. On Friday evenings theyd leave
their AfricaD dance course and have a glass of frcsh coconut iuice
at one ofthe luncheonettes b€fore h€ading off into the night, irs
darkness pjerced only by the glint ofblades. Bars with no women,
where no one paid ozgiir any mind, full of smothering clouds
of cigarette and marijuana smoke, reeking of the sweaty
bodies of men wheye, disguis€d as desire, Azrael, the Ang€l
of Death, lurked, on the prowl for his next victim... Half"
naked negroes with shaved heads, bearing whips Dd chains;
transvestites in g strings and net stockings, who could run dngs
around any woman; show queens, barrels of horrnones with fake
fingernails as long as carrots and hips as wide as pilows... Once,
dzgiir nearly fainted while watching a queen, her be y hanginS
dom over her thighs, perform a show with dildos. Laughing
hystericallt Eli picked ozgiir up and carded her outside. "Oh you
poor Turkish girl! Ihat was obviously more tian you can handlel'
(]lre queen was a high school history teacher by day; and the club,
which served up generous heaps ofgesh at night, was a vegetar-
ian restaurant until ten.) On some nights Eli would get the urg!
to "play normal," and on those nights hed use the money bed
managed to wrangle out o{ his lovel to whisk Ozgur off to the
five star bars oflpanema.lhey were always on each other's 1aps,
getting frisky, hau in fun, half in eanest, putting on dances that
were risqu6 even for tuo.
But all of that came to an end on Jrhinho Night. fte pagan
festival, Juninio Night, whenballoons full ofcandles and lanterns
explode in the skyone aftet the otler...'I'll be there in a bit l'm
heading out now," Elihadsaidontle telephone. Just how long had
she waited for him in that pub? Maybe four, maybe five hours
there with those packs ofdegenerates, under a deluge of molesta
tions, trying to ignore the propositions, ridicule, andglances that
crawled over her body like slimy leeches... rinaily, shea dashed
out to catch the last bus to Santa Teresa, been attackedby street
kids at the square, suflived an attempted robbery, and thrown
the birthday present that shed gotten fot Eli-Oscar Wilde's De
P/ofu"dis-into the trash. ADd then she'drun into Roberto
she didn't head off to Cinelandia. she preferred the consum-
mate rogues of Gloda to the inebriated masses storming the
Sunday night Hoil)'wood theaters, and the cokeheads to the
young-tough mamas boys. ln the late evening hours, before
night set in and the streets were left to the homosexuals, the
square reminded her of Sundays during her early youth 'Ihose
suffocating years ftom which even the othei side o{ the ocean
offered no escape... Family picnics, sunflower seeds, black-and-
white American TV shows, nev€rending homework assignments,
restrictions, prohibitions, speeches, punishments Rough
amat.ur kisses, packs o{ Parliaments pinched from her mother, a
jazz recolds, and rambunctious
pai of high-heeled boots, her hrst
afternoons at friends' houses... Minors benused bv her smillng
reheatsals md the desperate chiliness of the gilded glass as it met
herlips... Blood stains on her panties, the shame taking root in her
adolescent body..- Falling in love, and the death wish it awakened
 C,r\ i ar n n al ,,k
within her... And a quest, always din and melancholic... Life was
elsewhere, it belonged to others: those who were able to seize ir.
'Ihe years during whi.h a timorous gnl, with unkempt hair and a
harsh gaze, becane a wonan... Slipping downhill into the world
of peop1e... And now, shc kneu Even if she fled al1 the way to
Amazonia, she would have to take her self with her. Together
withtheweighry noldybaggage of herpast... lf nothingelse, this
much, at least, the trees ofdistant shores had raught her.
She sprinted down the first few hundred meters of cloria
Avenue. ]}is was a place well'a.quainted with darkness, nurder,
and destru.tionj it was fu o{ prostitutes, muggers, AIDS-af
flicted robbers armed with needles, garbage dunps, rundom
houses, dark and dank bacbelors'pads, and morels with beds {or
rent by the hour. At the top ofthe road whi.h slirhered its way up
to Santa Teresa like a cobra, and whi.h no one dared to use. was
a fish restaurant. It o,lered fine Argentine wines and codfish and
was lit by candlelight only. All of the tables were for two. Ozgitr
had not yet {ound a knigbt to es.ort her thlough the two hug.
torches at the door. Besides, by now she found flesh of all kinds
repulsive, andthe thought of sricking her fork into a corpse madc
her stomach churn. Just beyond the restaurant was Rios most
famous sex hotel, otredng all manner of equipment that on.
mjght need foy the act ofcopulation, from pianos to saunas, and
porn videos to whips, in rooms rented out for six or twelve hour
sessions. It was at this point, where the Flamengo culf beqan,
that Gloria suddenly tnns{ormed ftom a dirty, dustyweck into
broad, spacious, tree lined avenue.
'Ihe streets were.omingnow to life. lhe impatient stirings ot
r rropical n;ghr rbou o brFrk o rr of rr", o,oon. . Ozgu, walk,rl
into lhe emelging night, slowl, absorbing a1l the sounds, thr
sights, and the srnelis... 'I}le warm, syrupt humid air pless.,l
against her lips like a wet kiss; the last rats of the waning day
skjpped along the sidewalk. Sttewn along the {rrPet were rotten
mangoes, papaya, bananas, iackfruit, coconut shells, and cassava
roots, which looked like dried branches and which she used to
mistake for firewood. left over from the Gloria street market
thathad ended hoursbefore. Crates, beverages, a few trucks, and
sanba nelodies all around... I}le closer she got to the gu1f, the
more stylish, more light skinned, and more dispassjona& the
people. Here the orderly rows of Pottuguese villas, buge apart
nent buildings surrounded by iron bars, air conditioned shops'
and paln trees slowly beganj the quality of the luncheonettes
gradually increased; in short, Rjo began Putting on its Postcard
.ostume. Two young men weating t shirts bearing the emblem
of theii workpla.e walkedby her. Trey were listening to the game
on a pocket radio turned up fullb)ast "Hey, Minas CheeselCome
hang with us if youre stag," they said to her, blowing a dense
cloud ofbeer jnto her fa.e. ftey were in a good mooditheir team
had won again this weeki the.ompany where theyworked them
selves to death for a bundred dollars a month had in.feased its
narket share; Brazil had won the world cup for the fourth time.
One night when she and Eli wetewalkingto Cinelandia, theyhad
taken refuge beneath this overyass to escape the rain that was
.oming down in buckets. I}Iey had waited, shivering, for nearly
lorty minutes before deciding that they couldn't get any wetter
sin.e theywere already drenched and so began running beneath
the razor-sharp drops. "No matter where I am in the world, 111
i always think of Rio when jt rains," OzSur had s:id
Th€ avenuebegan to narlow again after the overpass. I}Ie sea
disappealed just like that, as if made to vanish by a nagi.ian's
wandias a result of Rio s unique topography, the travelerwaiking
rarallel to the shore suddenly found herselfwith her ba.k to the
Jlulf. And it was at this point, where she and the Guanabara
Gulf
partedways, thar shewent down to the beach She gazed upon the
 City in Crimson Clorl I17

still waters for a long time, like a

rider on horseback standing at her eyes upon a panicllar spot aDd stared, counting to twenty,
the beginning ofavast d€sert. On€ ofthe countiess Ozsiifs inside an effective method she had deveioped to keep her from puking,
ofherwas stili in love with the ocean, the sunset, adventure. or crfng. B€fore she even realized it, she had begun praying.
Everything she encountered was teling her that death made all
Fat fron any human activinl, the o.ean wds calm and austere, dreams come true in this city;that here, death had found its very
with*awn into its own walld, last deep in thaught. It was as if the own nook ofpandise.
Guanabaru Gulfwere the daot to eternitt, with the sky sa expansitre, She slowed down when shegot to the catete Poli.e station and
its beauty beyond wa s, as it strctched from the hotizan into infrnity. quickly scoped out the area, her eyes moving at the speed of light,
Sundo\nn...The hour when life, ina afits magnificence and all ofits like those of a mastey thief. She once spent eight hours in that
misery, was cast in afterElow... ln the tropics, an endinq was nevet dirty pink wooden vila with its unkempt front yard overrun by
expenenced as a canclusion, never awakened feelinTs af sadness. tt weeds. hey'd left her sittjng there under the sun, hungry, thirsty,
was marc like the llrst notes played by an ecstati. synphany; it made a and without cigarettes; they? held a gun to her head; they d told
worn aut, aibpidated, exhausted tuean brand new, creatingit all ovel her how they were going to break her Engers using something
again. A daintr net of light had been cast aver the sky, like the gauze like a ping-pong ra.k€t. It was at the time when shed just begun
curtain of a temple; the clouds flashed, glinnetin| in Eald and purple. working at the So.iety for Protecting Stre€t Children. While
A giganti. dalk bitd catrying the night in its swdddlihg clothes slawly waiting at thebus stop, shedheard someone cry out, "lhat's herl
spread its frte-tipped wing' A ealm, pute, clea\ immattal sky. .. that's her! ' A car had then come to a sudden halt right next to her
and three civil police had leapt out, grabbed her by her legs and
She turned around. She looked at the Blue Hi fawla, e tiny arms, and brought her to this spot. It was only hours later that
fteckle in the jungle shrouded in red mist, and at the iron Jesus she Enallyund€rstoodthat all ofithadbeen fol the s.ke of wdng'
trying to enbrace the city with his puny arms.It was time she gor ing a thousand dollars out o{her. But Ozgiir hadn't given in.In a
back home, before night, making its sudden descent, tookherby country where concepts like justice, tdal by law, anddefense were
surprise once again. considerednothingbut encunbnnces, she had not been deterred
A bum, his face covered in pockmarks, walked by her, talkins by those police, whose language she hardly understoodi she had
to himself and hurling guffaws and exptetives left and ight. He managed to get out of that sewage pit scot-fuee, without paying
was pushing a cart ful of at least twenty dogs all tied up with a cent she didn't have anymoney any\'vay-for her tueedom, or
Iaundry Line. She ran into the man almost every Sunday. She pit her 6ngers.lhe odd thing about it was that she felt no resentment
ied the dogs. Some of them barked with all their mighr, hoping lowards the tolturers, or that cotton candy sweet building (all
to piercethe thick-skinned hearts of the people of Rio, while oth- police stations and barracks in Rio were painted in tones ofpink).
ers howled and howled with the same fi€rce exuberance of their Every time she walked by it, she scanned the wjndows with an
wolf ancestors. Most, however, passivelybowed to their{ate, just irEtional longing, tried to ligure out jn which room she hadbeen
like the street people whose protein needs they met. She fixed questioned, and felt a perve/se desire to run into "her" policemen.
 a ir\ in Crirnson al.xl

For some reason, she wondered ifthey would recognize her. After .one eye to eye uith the Atlantic A.ean, discovered Q\eljo Minas,
all, the Catete Police Station was one o{ very few buildings that that distant rclative of Turklsh white cheese, ahd papaya juice, akd
held a nenory for her in thls foreign city. gone to a do2en t'estas and net dozens af peaple She d even fallen in

l]le most vivid recollection she hadwas that ofher companion Iore an1 been dumped already. Her left index finset had been brcken
in misfortune while in custody. Hed been locked onto a balcony tuhen it got stuck ih ah eleratar doot. A dentist on the strcet whete she

the size ofa bathtub, located directly beneath the noon sun. He d lived had been hit with a rain of bullets because he refused to hand
.louched down on the si,zling stones, rolled up in a ball to protect
\i. rd,4lrom h"rdv. lrwa,al.rgihebe oreOzp-rhnal vno She was broke in those days, too, but she neveftheless continued

ticed the courtyard, whi.h was partitioned into .ages like a zoo, to ftitter her dollarc away with the expe.tation of the salary she
or the fat mulatto with the handlebar noustache there in his un' would secure on the day she finally managed to conquet the anerous
d"rwea' ftre idn h.d rd;-o hr. ne.d and w-, lookrng ar Ozgur. bureaucracy of Brazil. She and het anly friend, Debanh, went to jazz

like an o1d sailor garing upon the sto.my seas, never averting his dubs, Ipanema bars playing hassa"nova, and Japanese rcstaurcnts
glance, not for even a se.ond... He was asklng a profound, pain almost every nlght. Debotuh snubbed anything less than foft stars

frl q p.ror o' uaknowrble mpdr'nC. Ozgu" wrs

qu."r. rnFnrr" 'Ihey wotked at the sane universlty, but it seemed that nothing in this

wtapped up in heroM predicament. Shejust stoodthere staring world interested this nearly farty yeaLold waman less than aademia
back at him. She looked at hih with a 6xed gaze reflecting noth lt was in the rcaln af her wrious pleasures that h.t brilliance shined:
ing but her own emptiness, containing not a hint of cornpassion, Japanese .uisine, the sea, the sun, sdmba, etutt adventures,love
atta.hnent, any kind of message... Each ofthen had gotten lost (Ah, lovel) And she was alsa obsessed vith astrclogy Though neatly

in the depths of their om pain, th.re in the eyes of the other, shoft enough ta be considered a dwarf, she was a breathtakingly beau
until fte police took the ,aadiro in for questioning naybe for tiful woman, wlth an hour elass fiCure remlniseent af the Hollywood
torture, maybe to his death. stars of bygone eras, rcd hai eas.ading down her ba.k, a tiny but eret
so regal nose, and seablue eyes thdt shane like wet pebbles In the fuIl

The prc.ess of desttu.tian had begun, like everyrhine ih Lhis clty, at u sense aftheword bteathtdking She had bercme a virtuasa
'eitable
di2zying speed: before she knew it, she had arnved at the point of no .f sedu.tion. She whet her attractil)eness on a daily basis through a
rcturn. me wild seeds af doon had suddenly taken root in her soul. ftgulat series of exer.ises, tests, and fatmidable challenges Purting,
Owt the .oming mohths they ilould gerninate, furtirely, ond, feeding alddbsame, viriaus; a .atwonan who was a maenet fot desile
on the hapelessness a(unulating ih hel heaft drop hy tuap, wdx falth
Like trees that grow in the dark. She was across from the former President's Palace, which had
She had nade it thlough her third week in Rio. (Only thtee weeks!) been .onverted into a Cultural Centet. (On the mo/ning of the
She had akeady fallen fat the seductive call of Hades and made her firsr hilitary coup, the lhen'President of Brazil committed suicide,
favela jautney, enrotted in an African dance eowse, learned the bus with a single bullet to the head, on this very spot.) She was at
numbers, .igarctte brands, ahd the simple prcsent tense in Pottugues., a pizzeia thar was a cut above Ihe New Wotld nrere were no
 crtv rn cr iDrson
stains on the red Formjca tablesithe waiters were nol onlypolite
but nimble, roor hollow, oily pastries hadbeen replacedby pizzas
bearinglren.h names. l}erewere at least forty differeni kinds of
fruit juicc written on the board that.overed the wall from top to
bottom. Tropical fruits, erorbita.tly priced ifrported fruits like
pesches and sfuawberries, Amazonian fruitswith names reminis
cent of those of shughtered lndjan.hiefs: Taharinda, Cupuachu,
Genipapd. Because the people of Rio never deviaied from the
: u.. nol od, px "p lot d teA "bp , .rr"us rur.ign"r lrke OzTur
ever tried the latter drinks It was at just such a pizza joint that
shehadnet Daten The Engllshman was trying to ordera mush
.oon piz,a using exaggeratedarm andleg movements and, with
out realizing it, shouting, whcn he tumed to the Turkishwoman,
who had just sweated blood trying to explain that she wanted a
nate drink rather tban cola, for help. He had nistaken her for r
Brazilian, what with her.urly hair, short stature, and halfa dozen
words ofPortuguese... Darren was in Rio to male a documentary
rlr"L,o',tl"murdpr ng ol.tr""t , rld
"n.H"w'
of the age of communication, dedicatjDgbis life to his work, thal
is, to the weepy eyed voyeurism ofthe First World. Armedwith
.amera in one hand, di.tionaries in the other, and a back pockct
full of malaria pills and.ondons, havlng had all his shots for
crytling tuom t'?hoid to yellow fever, he was constantly risking
hr neck on peritous journeys, dashing about &om Nicaragua
Bosnia, from the desetts ofAfrica to the slums of Brazil.
Ozgiir knew well and good within three weeks tim€ that sh.
would never be able to nake it on hey own in the maelstroms ,n
Rio. Shewas hopinganewlove affairwould soothe the fresh
of having been left high and dry, tbough what sbe mistook for
desire to be consoled was /eally the boxer's anxiety as he soughr
to heng in the malch aftef a walloping clout. Ihe fa.t was, sh,
had already gotten caught up in a.urr.nt much stronger thil
Clorl
herself, and now she was fated to be dragged along, smashing into
one rocky shore after the next. The two strangers, besieged by
the city's brutality, would inevjtably draw closer, sailing towards
one another with the force of the erotic winds blowing off ofthe
b€a.hes. But then, befo/e the timid relationship ofthis Old Wotld
pair had a chance to bloom in the steamy climate of the ttopi.s,
Ozgrir would nale another ofher countless mistakes in this (ity;
she would introduce Darren to Deborah. For the born and raised
native ofRio, one nigbt was all it took...
Debonh was going to take the tourists breathless from
dashing around rhe neon signs and Eroticas and pussy Cats of
Copacabana-to Santa Teresa. To a bar where all the customets
sangin unisonand ac.ompanied the musi. with tambourines, ta
bor drums, andmatchboxes, andwherepaiis danced amongst the
.ramped and wobbly tables... ('I}ris was Ozgur's first encounter
with Sobrenatuial, and with Santa Teresa.) Where, later, Deborah
would exhibitherart as i{performingher rendition ofa Paganini
sonata. An impec.able .onposite .,f goddess and sparro4 joyand
tenderness, atta.k and withdrawa1... Sometimes dancing, some
i times singing pagodes in a slightly huslcy voice, with movements
poached from Edith Piaf... And then proceeding to twist a nap-
ev kin and explain the Mobius stip... Probably no one else on this
earth could possibly male theword "Mobius'sound sotitillating.
1o (Ihat's when Darren turned to Ozgiir and said, "Such a beautiful
woman, and so intelligent as welll Unbelievablel" As if seeking
.onfirnation from her thathe had indeed made the right choi.e.
'Ilen he added: 'Hey, you're a mathematjcian too, right?') Ozgnr
pail desperateiy regretted never having had brains enough to explain
,r the Mobius strip to a man before; wearing ratty j.ans instead of
: tight, bright r€d dress; not having pier.ed her ears or bought
lipsti.k yet in her lifei not being able to hold hel tongue but in-
stead wding effusive on the matter o{her "amorous adventure."
the truth was that, compared to Deborah's, her Middle East€rn .uckao clock sang out every hour, on the hour: 'You idiot, you idiotl
flirtation hethods were ponderous, clumsy, and ludicrous, like mat pair of daves, D. and the other D., stood dawn in HER stteet
the war.hariots ofancient history. Next to this beautiful, charm (neither the house nor the cauntry was herc, but she claimed the stteet

ing, ski f!1, fast, en.hanting woman, she felt like the Aboninable as her awn) chatting for dbout falty minutes, twitterinclike parrcts,
Snoman in the Himatayas. alist ofadjectives that
She ran down their laughtet saating up ta the faurth float, in a contersation that
coutdbe used to descrjbe Deborah: coquettish, enti.ing, flighty... most likely did not in lude the Mabius strip, before they fina y u,ent
(Mu.h lalel she would use the same adjectives when describing olf to sone unknown destination.
Rio.) Presenting a flawless image ofthat which she wanted to be: Just as night was settling in, beforc Cleopattu of Rio nade
AWOMAN. her grand appearcnce, o2gtu and Darren had agreed to meet on
And to rub salt into Ozgur's wound, the couple at the next Copacabana beach at ten the next mornins. She knew he wouldnt
table had been kjssjng non stop, except for the occasional drink came, but she nevertheless woke up at the crack of dawn and ptepared

and roiletbreak, as ifthey were partaking in some kind ofcouples to ledre. She was undettaking on.e again that v)hich an unkempt
.hampionship. And as ifto spite 6zgiif... Like courtjesters using woman newly arrived ftom a winter countty and who is generally
exaggeration to show reality in its purest form to the king- And a careless about her appearanee must da beforc putting on a bathinE

weepy chorus piece played in the ba.kground, so appropdate to srit; that neaninglrss, Strypheak battle against badily hair. She felt
the melodrama. Hei stohach twisted in a cramp. they ended up exa.tly like the hairc that fell onto the newspapet she d spread out on

having to carryher to the carand quickly spirit her home. the floor: naturul, harmless, and far some reasan, unwanted.
Baster, an Easter when all clacks stopped, had begun thus. Nobody

The sun was abaut to rise as she set her alarm clock fat eight. Even showed up at Copacabana. Sure, half a tuillion people crammed onto

taking pity upan hetself no longer provided solace. She was alane in the four kilometerc af beach with their g-strings, pareos, gaitals,
Lhefive rcon nini palace, as the owners had gone to Sao Paolo for tabar dtuns, an.l bodies that shined as if they'd been deep f/bd. But
Easter. Like a tiger ik a .age she wandeled abaut amangst the heary nobody cane fothet...
touthes draped in covers, mahosany .offee tables on slendet less, silvet Easter had begun, and all clo.ks had stopped at the behest of the

candlesticks, reliEious paintings doused 1n bload from top to bottom, evil wi that reigned otd the city. The alarm .lack had performed
Madonna cwios, Spanish swonls, duello pistols, books of absalutely no its final duty at eight o clock, the detisive, talkanle cuckoo birds had
ihtercst to her, witten in a language she didn t know baoks an sail suddenly retircd to thet nests, and the batteries in her wtistv)atch

|ng, kalian (uisine, the Blaziliah Constitution, etc. Wheh she euLl harl sone dedd. She had not yet leamed where she could buy u,atch

no langer stdnd the pdin in her stonath, she would callapse onto tht batteries, simple, infinitesima y sma yet vital piece af information

Percian .arpets and drive her fingernails into the.ou.h.overc to kery though it was. The temperature had suddehly shot up to forty-two de-

herself [rom s.reamins. As if anyone wou]d hedr her if she did screaml grees. She .ouldn t get the aI conditioning to work. She was all alone

She was surrounded by arrogant, presumptuous abjects all loakinl and shut up in a house that wds like a emetery, with a telephone as

dawn and sneenng at her; ewn the mirrors derided her. An antiqk sti as a eotpse. Fat endbs days, four abysmal nights... It was as
if alrcady half dead. Silehte mounted a full assaub; when
she \,)erc bus stops: haweret, with .hatu.teristi. carelessness, she had neglected

the .lo.ks stopped, so did time. Llke a bug unable ta break flee of its to take nate of the name af the stop. She vlalked around and around,
cocoon, she was confined to pae within the confines of a sinil e day. A neatly .rawling, on the wr|e of passihg out ftom hunger and heat.
warn, strky coaon gradud y tunning out af oxyeen... SheA begun Then suddenly, on maybe her faufth tlip in flant of the same stop,

haying asthma attatks. she sa|9 the mulatto waman. She was sitting with her bdck against ah
Sonetimes she would reath the verge of insaniry and throw herself electlic pole, her legs spread heedlessly in frant af he/, into the street
out onto the broiLing streets so that she .ould .ontinue beliering in wherc a canstant stteam of whicles sped by. She was sleeping. She
the redLity of the outside world. She d walk up and doh,n Copacabana was barefoot and wore a dress that was so fikhy its color was indistin
Arenue, the only street in the city that she was familiat with. Like guishable. Patches of grayish skin showed through her sholn head. She
Rudolf Hess ds the last rcmaining prisaner pa(ing back and forth in reglsteled no rcaction, even ds the buses lapped at the sales of het feet,
the .ourrydrd af his ptlsan. The heat rapidly devoured all of her energy. and the exhaust puffed at het face. what a deep slumbet!
She couldn't read, or eat, or breathe. She feb her lungs were filled with 6zgnr stuWed a few steps away ftan he/. merc was something
warn phlegm. hery item of .lathing she tried an was too heary. Her odd about the woman, or rathel about the woman s .olor. Her face was
lips were ua.ked from thitst, het urine tuas the colat af nud. Blue a ditty yellow, what might be des(ibed as the @lar of beaswax: it was
lightnnllt constantly struek befale her lustetless eyes. All clocks had a lery strange, ,ery odd .olor belonging to no race. Due to hunge.
stapped and she was losing het mind; time went by so S-L O W L v, probably," tuas 6zgiit's onginal though| Then all af a sudden, Ozgar
so vry S L A W L v. It spiraled and eddied and meandeted, splitting awoke, roused by the devil. Lightning that, ruther than illuminating
and forking at dekas. Inde.isire, foreetful ninutes collapsing noisily her mind, ln.ineruted it..- The wonan was deadl She approached the
an top of one anothet. .. Grcins of sand drcppins one by ane. .. From life waman with timid steps, ready to cut and tun at any moment, trying
La dea&, from oder ta .haos, laom life... ta stifle her hotaL She saw the deep wound, which looked like a hole
She run inta the mulatto woman of Capd.abana on Haly Sunday. dri ed light into the point where her neck and skull net, and the dried
'Iheir paths .ross.d at Paint Zera. On that day, Jesus had conpleted blaarl covetinsher ba.k The wonan had been k lled! She looked around
his jautney thraugh the Land of the Dead and had decided to .one ik despetution, wdnting to ask for help. Cars, notorcy(les, buses; they
baek to Earth. Ol a likehess of him, dt least. .. a .attied indiffetent peaple eamingba& from Easter service, ot lang,
Shed left h{ apaftment be.ause af the piercing hunger that drawn out medls, at the bea.h. Evetyane was in thei/ own little uo/ldl
wracked her stonath. The only re.ent heartening derclopment was everyone had pulled down their blinds. me waman attlacted less inter-
her dis@,ery of a Lebanese restaurant. She was fantasizing about est thah an empty sack tassed 1n a carneL As if she wete a horrendous,
the white chcesc stuffed pita and eegplant salad she wauld eat in the dlrty yellow stain on the shiny, unblenished surfa.e of life. A phlegny
kiask restaurant consisting of faw at five tables rcndanly s.attered in gob of spit on the face of humanity!

front af a eounter. me fantasy het paralyzed imdgination was ca-

sale wha could she passibly ask fot help? She didn't even kno|9 the few
pable af plodu(ihg. .. But she just .ouldn t seem to frnd the restaurant. measly sentences of Partusuese needed to ask sameone for the addrcss of
She had reeorded jn her memory that it was la.ated.lase to one of the the nearest police statian. She was standing face ta face with d fturAer
l.16 trLJ n,. n Cl,iJl
'n.r

ui.tim on the busiest strcet in the city in brcad daylight and she didn t bLrried alive in amber. She had transformed it into an object that

knaw whdt to da. She didn t eren know whete watch batteries werc she coutd gaze upon in amazement whenevershe pleased
sold in this danned .ity! "Let the dead buty the deadl Noticing that an eerie silence had suddenly descended upon
Shattered, erunbled, graund ta a pulp, doser to a stdte of nothinE the restaurant, she raised her head. She was perplexed She
ness thdn shehad ewrbeen, shewat/ nnin. ba& to her sole tefuge couldnt tell which of the two universes in which she found her
her five roon mini palace. Suddenly thele it was, right in front of selfwas more real.All of the cusromers had grown deathly silent,
her,like an oasis in the desett: the Lebanese restauraht Withaut a and were staring at the nearly two meters h1l, fear inspiring,
second thought, she walked in She ordercd a spina.h'filled pasttv' burly man at the entran.e, like an otchestra fo.used upon the
eggplant salad, and a white .heese stuffed pita And an ice'cold condu.ror's wand. He was welL kept, but his clothes looked like
papaya juiee... she felt nathing, absolutely nathing; onlv a vague, theybelonged to someone else. He had a lopsided cap on his head

insidiaus trembling had settled anta her lips When she stabbed the thrce of four sizes too small, and held a huge sra.k of paper' His
spinach pastty with her fark, a gteasy, sliny tlump of spinach fiew gaze slid over the obje.ts ofhis focus like butter' "It's like theres

out of it. And at the moment, she thought she would Anlv at a well in lhe .enter of his eyes,' Ozgrir thought to herself 'As
'omt
if he's iust fiDished reading the Book of th. Dead, and jusr fully
Newrtheless, desplte het harrible feeling of queasiness, she ate urd"r ,ood rr' rer. ing. "l "rArl"odeOlr!.rd.
every last bit of hel meal. The queasiness wauldn t cease fot weeks; fte giant cerefully looked at every single person in the room
it wautd .ontinue for months, years h v)ould descend upon Rio like a one by one, like a sultan scrutinizing his harem, before deciding

dirty ye ow cloud. A sreasy, timy doud afferins no ehan.e of eseape upon Ozgrir. He spat a few words at her out of the .omer of his
The process of destruetian had begun. mouth. A walloping curse or threat... He walked up to her, his
Now she, too, knew what ewry percon who had arrined at Point awkward movements secminSly beyond his mental control, nore
zero knew: All af the corpses that a person eh.ounters hit her in ane like a gorilla than a man. Bumping into this and that, letting pa
spat, het weakest: The .orpse within per faright and left... He stopped in front of OzgnY's iable, like

a dark, black nountain.

She took a deep breath and laid her pen down on the table Her "So you don't wanl to talk to me, huh?"

eyeswere stil on the greennotebook, stil stuckon
Shehadfinished hernovet. there was nothjngleft that shewanted
to tetl the world. shea descrjbedher hell down to the vervlast de
tail. Shed reachedthe last station in the lablrinth of realitv where
all roads led to the same blind spot She d been tortured, and felt
as ifshe had shriveled to hal{ her sizej but at the same time' sh.
felt asif shed grown. She had exited the plocess of desttuctioni
she had captured it for eternity within strict .onnnes' like a bug
her own past She quickly cranmed her notebook into her putse She had
io win some time, to give the madman an answer that would get
him out of her hair. Somehow e1l the lunatics ended up at hel
doorstepl Should she say that she doesnt speak Portuguese?
Its nevef wise to make it obvious that you're a foreigner in Rio
Unable to de.ide wbat to do next, she laised her eyes and looked
up at the maD, simply letting events take their course Just like
thar, the man atla.ked. Not Ozgrir, but the table right next to
 Ciry in Crin\on Cl.rk
her, where a young man in worker's ovevalls sat by himsel{... He
snatched the last slice of pizza from the toung man's plate. He
bit into it voraciously, angiily, vengefully. It was as if he sought
to remind the world, which had tormented him so much, for so
long, ofits place; to prove that, despite ofits {at, its sauce, its
a1l
fancy French names, he would rip humanity to shreds between
his canines, at any momenthe pleased... Hed dora'ned halfa slice
in a single bite. He gdmaced with ie!rulsion. Even more agile and
turious than before, in a single, gnndiose motion he flung the
rcnaining pizza back onto the plate. You could hear a pin drop;
€veryone, including the waiters, stood as if hpnotized. With the
same swift, mechanical steps,like ajack in the box leaping offits
springs, he walked to the counter, grabbed theketchup and nearly
emptied out the entire bottle. Ard then he gdped down that poor
last hal{ slice, which now looked like a cormonnt droming in a
sea ofblood, and dashed out. He disappeared as fast as he had ap
peared, leaving behind r€ams of Methodist church bulletins, and
the dark shadow ofhis anger...
Deathly silence .ontinued to reign in the restaurant for some
time, as ifthere was nothing le{t to say. Ozgur was watching the
young man who djust had his last piece of pizza stolen. He was a
little shocked, and a little hurt. Like all victims, he asked, 'Why
ne?" He resented being watched, andby a woman to boot, while
in su.h apitiable state; he turned his eyes towards the street and
put a smile on his tace. As the litde shop ofhorrors slowly livened
back up; as the jokes and commentary and teasing commenced
once againi as the customers went back to scarfing down thejr
mushroom pizzas, gulping down their tapbeels, and engagingin
small talk; and as life returned to its familiar, common, safe state,
lilre a bran.h springing back after itt been stretched as far as it
can go; with what seemed like an almost supernatural willpower
he continued to keep that smil€ tight on his lips. 'Across between
the Mona tisd and the catl^ Alice in Wonaethnd," thought Ozgrr.
She ordered a papaya jui.e and wrote her final sentenc€s in the
The equation fot chaos ts really rcry simple. Life = Iife. Death = death.
Nevertheless each of us seeks ta fotm aw own equation and make the
world equivalent to it. What vahity!
Thetels nothingin the realwarld deep enaughto cantaih urhat's
inside af you; but you, too, with yaut life, yaw death, and all of
your dreans, ate na lareet than a hollow dot in the awful eternity
It was dark when she went outside. Another Sunday night in the
tropics hadbegun. Rio de Janeiro was perhaps the only cityin the
world not to have fallen prey to the melancholy of Sundays. 'I}le
Carir.ds couldn't srand loneliness, silence, or sadness, not for a
se.ond. But sti1l, but still .. Sunday nights were always terrlfyine
ln a littie while the streets would fi]I up with people feeling
brandnewafteracoldshower, wearjngfreshnake up, invigorated
by nocturnal hopes. A mad rush for the Domingreilds, clubs, bars,
restaurants, andbeach con.erts was about to get unde/way. From
amongst the infinite available choices, everyone would choose a
nook, a rhythrnjust right for themselves. Sanla, axi,bossa-nora,
tango, jazz...the flat broke would park their chaise longues in
front of the luncheonetres and turn their boom boxes up tulI
blast. You.ould dan.e in any doorwat make love in any secluded
comer. Even the street people could 6nd a nelody to hold on to.
In the velvetynight, death would dissolve, tike a handful o{pow-
der paint thrown into water and imprint its invisible signature
on the nisht. Letters of lLrst that would be sent, naked, without
envelopes of love. Ile peopie of the city would hoard everything
 Cny io Crinson Cloak

they could get their hands on to 6[ the time until dawn. 'ftey A TRAVBLER IN THE STRBBTS OF NIO
would build a massive stack of crates of beer, botrl€s of cachaca,
_ NIGHT
reahs of soDgs, and lov€rs of various shades and tones, to defend
themselves against the onslaught of loneliaess. Ozgia had be€n
hoarding for months, too. She had bought pack after pack of ciga-
rettes, lin€d up her pens, put her memories in ordei, and placed
them on a conveyor belt to transform them into sentences. For
morths she had grasp€d tighdy onto her pen, iust like an acrobat me black velvet glove was slowly closing in on the ruby that spa*1ed
oh the horizon. The topi.al night, capable of penetating even a dia-
walking t}l€ tightrope holds onto his balancing cane. Ev€ry night,
mond... Like a wet tongue it lieks the body, seeps thrcueh a\l the oaekt
without exception, she had sharpened her imagination witl the
determination of a knight gkding his weapons; placing letter on and into the tissue; and therc, deep down inside, it finds its rhythm.

top of letter sentenc€ on top of s€ntence, pain on top of pain, Thenight, t efteruting in each pulsation...

until, frnally, she had built a fortress. A fortr€ss whos€ secret me taveleru'ould get caught up in the ca of the streets, in its

weapon would be revealed at the 6rst cyclone of reality... exquisite and unbearuble lishtness... She would bth on b one of the

caral'ans en rcute to the land of the night. To lose herself in a sound,

to find herself in a ftenzy, to taste the most poisonous of passions. Ihe
sound of dflms fton afa4 ron-tons, atabaqu€s, marimbas, pan-
denos... She would artive at the giant bonfrle in the immense desett
of loneliness. She, too, would join the .rowds that danced hysteicany.
DivorceA ftom her chdins, ecstatic, cutsed with plasure . mose dane'

ingdesperately, so thattheir combined fitesnighti u inatethenight

sununding them, and the night within then... To the same rhythn,
in the same desert, on the same night... Those descending into the
depths of nothingness, in step, hand'in'hand, shoulder to shouder. .

'Ihe Great Se.ret was thefe, ngtu there at that blind spot: Life k a
dream seen between two blinks af the eye. A *ean, that's a11...

"screams. drums. dan e, dance, dane, danee!"

 AND
THE FIREWORKS EXPLODB!

Each percon's destiny is Perconal

it resenbles that which
anly insafat as exists in his nemory
Malea
-Eduardo

She was on the broad square between the former Presidential

palace and the datk alleys leading up to the Blue Hlll favela T'}]'e

evening breeze blowing in from the oc€an hadloosened th€ iton

cola/ around her throat. the last spectactes of the dav were gradu
aly beins erased beneath the city lights and quietlv retiring from
the streets to make way for the night Peddle$ selling semi pre-
cious stones, zodiac necklaces, toucan, hummingbird, and parrot
figurines, and secondhandbooks were gathering up tleir stands;
kiosk workers were filting up their coffee pots and roling out kegs
of beer for the thirsty travelers jouvnelng through a vast dark'
ness: streetchildren were devoulins the last wafers and candy on
their display trays and, holding tightly onto theit meag€r earn-
ings, heading off in search of their mothers for dinn€r' Buses
coming back flom the beaches were pack€d flll of salt'scented
travelers with wet hai/. Tleir bodies nade languorous bv aI of
the Eys they absorbed, they had lain about like emptv sacks, with
sandy sandals, towels, and paleos strewn around them A dapper
crowd in {ront of the Cultural Center was waiting to entet the
cinema {or the 7:30 p.m. showing, with candy popcom, cola' and
cashews in hand. ozgLir glanced over the poste6. the cinema in
the city centey was the only Place to watch decent movies And
showing that day: Bram Stoket's Dtucula.
A boy of around fifteen or sixteen strutted bv in what could
only be described as a wat dan.e. His haii cut to the latest fash
ion, iike a rooster's ciest, a pale orange t shirt with a 6sh design
 Citr_ ii Crimnrn Cloak
on it, American tennis shoes, and shortswith an emblem reading
.Child "l'n
of tuo"... Everything about the guy just screamed,
t'm rond of cocaine and cola. one of these days I'm soins
fa1'elada ,
to b€ one heluva gunsiinger"..- A melody ran through her head.
" Ele eru um bandita ..;' The words pierced her heart once again; just
like when shed heard them sung by the throaty vojced man in
Santa Teresa that afternoon. Her eyes welled up with tears. ]t was
as if in a single, acute thrust, all of the pain, the disappointment,
a of the blows she d been dealt in the past had be.ome lodged in
a tiny spot ofher heart, no larger than the eye of a needle. Shed
had enough; enough of clingins to life, of defending herself, of
taking slap after slap to the face...
"He was a bandit, but he was a good guy." lhose dread{ul
Sunday night migntions... Iley were long, excruciatingly long,
a thick r€sidue, a clotted darkness... Clasping herpen, she wrote,
for writing was the only thing that made the night bearable. For
just as a soldier is acutely familiar with fear, and an acrobat is
intimately acquainted with her body, so, too, is the vagabond's
knowledge of loneliness profound. Espe.ially a traveler in the
streets of tuolA harborless voyager in the tropics... "What busi
ness do you have over there in that city anway?" her mother
had asked, in a concerned, winter scented voice of the rorthetn
hemisphere. Wby baven't you come back yet?
Her fingers went to the bulge in her purse, to the notebook,
its faint pulsations ftom beneath the worn leather revealing it
to be alive. Even i{ I have wasted two long years, at least I've
writt€n a book. It may not be of use to anyone, or save any-
one from anything. 'ftey re just phenomena that I've selected
to replace reality, lies that lick ny wounds... A few glimmering
twitches in an ocean ofdarkness. Tremulous, plain, enchanted...
I wrote, because I couldfnd no other cover, Do otherprotection
against death in this city which puts a value on human life often
to four hundred dollars per head Now I am alone with my own
hunchbacked child. but I'm even lonelier than before."
a
Eli suddenly appeared at the doo! to the pizzeria that was
the birthplace o{ Point Zero, like Lazarus dsing {iom the dead
H€ was going to the Cultural Center, his posture rigid iike that
of an Indian warriot, his stdde unmistakabty singular' When
he walked. it was as i{ he danc€d to a magnificent rhvthm that
only he.outd heat... As if life were a capoeird dancer wielding his
knife, but Eli had long ago learned how to protect himseu from
the attacks o{ his extremely agile, cunning, mastertul rival. In
the blink o{ an eye ozsur dashed into an a[ey and disappealed
into the night, iust seconds be{ore they would have come face
Eti was the sole photograph of Brazil that cursed, riddled
mass of a country not splattered with blood. the sole name
that kept her from striking a vitriolic X over an intetminable
list. Yet he was the veritable otrsPring of violence He $'as born
in the Africa of South Amenca, the former slave Port, seven
gated Salvadot. "I don't remember my moth€t; she died before
I'd even started crawling. And she probably has no Yecollection
of my father," hed exptained, punctuating the ends of his sen-
tences with the acrid, wry, touching smile he used in li€u ofpe
dods. "I was five the first time I was raped. When they rescued
me from the clutches of ny Lrncle and four of his friends, thev
hadto give me stitches to keep ne {rorn bleeding to death. Even
on my mouth... Ilat dat's been erased from mv memory, but
I still remembe/ my uncle. Like they say, you know, vou 'arv
your 6rst love with you for the rest of your life " His starkest
rnenories of his childhood, a childhood which he describes as
"a coai black stone that's stil stuck in my throat,'are the nights
he spent in a wretch€d orphanage trying to 6ght off sleep. A
broken bottom dog, he was beat€nwith iton rods evervmorning
 Ciry in Crimson cloak
until the fte hunger that
age of fourteen because he wet his bed.
was englaved sonewhere even deepel than his memory, into his
very body; the rapes, ofwhich he became the perpetratoronce his
mus.les were sufficiently developed; warm, ocean scented rains
siipping in through the broken windows of the dormitoryj the
windbearing fogwhistles, the chiming ofbells, the be.koning call
of distant shores... He became acquainted with the opposite sex
at the age of €ighteenj he had studied it like a European biolo,
gist studies Anazonian monkeys, but in it he failed to 6nd any
trace ofhis world. After so many Brazilian women, who were as
clingy as stinging nettles and saw this black'skinned Hercules
honosexuality as a hordble waste, or even worse, as an insult,
th€ introvelted, &ait Ozgnr, that g/inga from distant shores, was
Iheyhadmet in the African Danc€ course in Flamengo. When
she 6rst set foot in the dan.e studio, she had progressed on
wobbly knees before the gaze of the troupe, all of then profes-
sional dancers and all of then b1a.k, and all of them gay-as
their gaze turned her blood to vapor. (And theyyelled out things
like: Another whitey who \rants to dance like the black folk!"...
"First she's gotta get fucked by a nigger, manl" . "Ouch, stopl
'nrat hurtsl') She'd taLen r€fuge behind the only person who
smiled at her. And that's how she learned jazz dance, Afri.an
titoals, Candonbla... And that sole secret of the bodt to whi.h
only the black continent is priry: rhythm... Keeping her eyes
riveted upon Eli's mus.ularback, imitatinghis incledibly elastic
movements, simulating his dance, whjch gave each and every
beat of the drum its due. . . Ihey were the most intriguing pair in
the.lass. Acoalblack Candonlli dan.erwith thebody ofa creek
god, and the skeleton like, ivory white ballerina. Ihe harmony
that developed between them over time was nothing less than
extraordinary. Even the haughty troupe had begun to rreat her
decently, despite her thlee deadly sins ofbeing white, awoman'
and a grtrga. "Ihere s only one way to dance in Candonbl6:' Eli
had explained. 'No inhibitions; you can't hold back; vou can't
hide anything. You have to dance like you're going to die, not
tomorrow, and not in fottyyears, but rightnow-as soon as the
She had.lung to Eli, exhilarated at final1y having found some
one to whom she could direct her love without danger. And Eli had
clungback... theils was a relationship free o{ any kind ofdemand'
tyranny, orbargaining. lt bore the kind ofspontaneity se€n onlv
in {riendships between children. Full of pu/ity and innocence,
characteristi.s that were so agonizingly absent in Rio . Actually,
Ozgiir didn't believe mucb in lofty words like "innocence." And she
couldn't explain what purity meant eithet he love she {elt for Eli
was definitely not non sexual. To the .ontrary, she desired hin
so ardentlt he made het quiver like a leaf caught in a storm But
still... But still, when she lay down on Eli's twin bed and rested her
head on his chest, sh€ felt that she was finaly there, in her lost
paradise, though she did not believe in the exist€nce o{it, and sh€
h:d no idea what it ra,as like.
Eli had seduced the dashing, lenowned director, sergio
Mancini. with the Broadway experienc€j fitst, he had acquiesced
to the whims ofthe sixty something h€donistic manandtook on
the leading role in his sado-masochistic fantasies And thus he
managed to snatch the lole o{ Romeo in the 'Musical of the Year'"
Ozgur now followed his dizzyjng ascent in ihe entertainment
world via the newspapet onll l}e combined forces of tbe gtizzled
wolf's jealousy and Eli's saviry foi survival, a trait he acquired
at the tender age of 6ve, immediately pushed Ozgiir out of the
Juninho night, the pagan celebration, when a series of bal
loons fr,rll of candles and lanterns explodes in the sky one after
 the other... Shed wajted at that awfirl pub in Cinelandia until the was going, who she was even stark blue, phosphorescent flames
lastbus to Santa Teresa. thrown DaProfundis into the trash
She d suffused her consciousness ln a flash the fireworks surging tuom
and she'd run into Roberto. 'Youjust can'tquit chasiDg after that the Blue Hill fdrela had fiUed the dark skv with colortul comets,
thing you fear the most, can you?" Roberto had said to her. gushing springs o{ sparks, totus nowers ablaze, and sparkling
She hadn t writren hih, inscribed
caUed Eli again. She had stones that poured down like burstjng rosarv beads. thev were
him onto the page. At the time, she likened her pain ro that of a soaringtowards the zenith of the endlessvoid, andplunginginto
mother who's lost her son. But then she d never had a chlld ofhet the deepest depths of the night, heading fuI speed into their
own. fte onlythingshe had comparable lo maternallovewas her demise, leaving twinkling traces of themselves behind Straight
feelings towards Tfie CiO, ih Crimsan Cloak. tslr now she missed to that moment when a powder fi1led rocket gives bilth to a
the Eli that she had witten about in her nove1, even more than fantasticaly beautiful universe, tutns pumpkins into cariag€s
she missed the real Eli. Dear Elil Eli, who danced as ifhe would die and kilers into angels, creates a land of fairvtales out of a citv
when the musi. stopped, as if he had already died many dearhs, in .rimson .loak... To the miracle where the music o{ the Black
but who leaned to survive at the age of fivet tana sabdkhtani? Orpheus drowns out all of the moans, wails, 'des o{ the earth
A street lamp at the beginning of the patb up to the fa,ela At that very moment, Ozgnr saw an imaginarv mask shiniDg in
cane on early, illuminating rhe man in the leathe/ jacket who the nothingness, breathing
<'ood rhprp likF l pranrr" .r-ruF. Thpi e!psmpr.Hplootedo18ur By the time the .ocaine-laden trucks reached the top of the
over from her forehead down to her heels, with a gaze that slid Blue Hil1, she had arrived at a wholty unexpected' traumati' il
down her like slimy snails. As if she wete a tin, foll,snelling lumination. the fireworks had drawn a portrait of the darkness
bug standingbefore hin. His face, blackened wjth the soot ofan with the quivenng, magical traces of their demise, but at the
internal flame, was as bereft of llfe as that of a zombie. Warning same time theyhad cataPulted Ozgiir into the past. Likeascream
lights went otrin Ozgnr's brain. She had never seen such empti- that both beckons the night and rips it to shreds Ozgtir had
ness, such a void of meaning. "Ilis man must not have a soul at understood that she was in love with Rio de Janeiro, whete the
aI. A murderer... A murdererwho kills, not for money orpleasute, word tove pedshes befote it is even sPoken And that h€r fate had
but as a form of existence, a way of expressing himself. It's like been inrer twir"d wirh rhi" crry of clrrs Fver sin( e sn4 6t\t sew
he's jumped right out of the pages of fte CiO, i, Cnr,san Cloak;' that boisteiously colored freak of a postcatd ]}le citv of cliffs,
She relded wher she realized that the man wasn t palng any caycasses, and eagles... Rio was razor'sharp Eindropsi the Santa
attentionto herj he was watching the trucks climbing up the Blue Teresabuswith all the drunkards and muggers singingin chorus;
Hil. He was probably a policeman, most likely a .ivil poli.eman the maddening cacophony of the carnivat drums It was that
from the Catete Poli.e Headquart€rs. melancholy voic€ of the black nan which had swept he/ otr her
FIREWORKSI Ozgur was caught in the mlddle ofa bombard- feet {rom the very 6rst day, and kind-hearted banditsi Eduardo:
ment, and stood lrozen on the sidewalk whi.h shook with ea.h gifts; the mango trees of the ballet s.hool rith monkevs leaping
terrifying explosion. She had forgotten where she was, where she from th€irbranchesi shelis tintinnabulatins to the bleeze coming
 Cirt Crinson Cloat
in from the valley... Eli's smile on that 6rst day, a smile which
would neverbe erased... the cuanabaia cuti hiding rhe terdfying
laughter of the ocean... fte jungle, forever lunging forth in its
intermimble thirst for light, whi.h had woven irs branches in a
6rm embrace ofherheart... She had loved the dangerous, he ish,
melancholy tropics.
It was a love that existed {or her alone; destitute, wounded,
unconscious,so nearto insaniry ladenwithrevulsion andhate-a
love fated to seek outits oMannihilation. Like aflowerfadingir
a shop window, poisoned before it could reach anyone, sullied in
the most human way possible.
D€ath had confronted her at every corne4 a fat, gluttonous,
fickle death had infiltrated every word she wrote. yet it was some,
thing that she had tried ro capture in those dark labyrinths.
else
Wtat she had sought in the veiled gazes of street people, behind
the carnival masks, in the niserable /a'elas... fte bodyt desper
ate desire for life, olderand stronger than words... That was what
had conftonted her evely dat every moment, pacing up and
down on the st/e€ts like a sleepwalker... the rhythm beatjng at
the heart ofthe city in crimson cloak, ctimbing up from thebtaz
ing sidewalks and wriggling its way into the body, was the rhythin
created on the dirt floors of huts by siaves who had bowed down
to the whip for centudes. It was the Black Oryheus who, when
night fell and his body belonged to hin alone, began to sing his
melancholy tune. She had heard his melodies, had sensed them
vaguein had carded them within her; but she had failed to put
She had wrjtten me City in Crimson Cloaft, and won her
personal vi.toryagainst death. Her trivial, insolent, clumsy, de-
ceptive victory... Like a god seeing his likeness in the imperfect
universe of his own creation, ir was oniy now that she inally
understood. She had never been abie to love 1lfe, to lovejust for
the sake of life And she hadnever come to terms with
it;brit in
was able
the end, when she op€ned her eves at Point Zero' she
with its mass of sacks and boxes and trash 'ans'
The street.
was a .ar cemetery Cars stripped of their moto/s' headlights'
manv tor
and tires had been tolled onto the sidewalks like so
ture victims Ch€vrolets and Dodges {rom the 1960s
A Buick'
out
its toothless mouth smiling like a corpse, its eves gouged
A half-burnt, aluminum skeleton (Ozgur couldn't tell what
m.ke it was. but its tear license plate was stil in place ) She got
of burning firewood which enveloped the street like
a
a i,hiff
cloud risingfrom the underworld She felt the warnth
absorbed
walked haphaz'
by the asphalt spread through her body as she
ardly amongst the strewn nails, bolts, hoods, broken glass and
puddles of oil. Awarehouse btew a breath ofchilly ar at her fa'e
so farniliar
There was something about this street that seemed
scent of
to her. lts scent, maybe Her fatheY used to wear the
when he
the factort the ma.hines, the cables where he wotked
confi-
cane holne. In 6zgnr's eyes, it was a huge, masculine'
dence'inspiring world where onlv big and important
ork was
done. Why hadn't sh€ t\'/itten even a single letter in
months'
called Eli'
since she'd besun wYiting her novel? Why hadn't she
void
not even once? Maybe she had preferred preserving the
within and writinghim to the real Eli'
'fte singular exhilaration triggered bv the firewoYks was
needle 'Ihe
extinguished as quickiy as a batloon punctuled bv a
eter
moment she rea.hed the heart of realitv, that she captured
nity, it had alteady sliPped through her fingers lt had
once aSain
Mavbe trite
donned its veit of lifestvles svmbols, and con'ePts
lyrics, nelancholy singers, druns, and hreworks were
its unaP
preciatedguides l played Anne lrank again Mine js the crv
becones
baby sentimentality of migrants When our loneliness
 CiJ' in Crinson Clo.k
toopainful, we transferit ftom vessel to v€ssel, attributingsuch
protundity to life, which is, in reality, so utrerty meaningtessJ"
She was obsessing about the te.hnical details of her novel. for
example, the first person sections lhat she was couldn,t decide
wh€tler to inregrate into her novel ornot. And she didn,tknow
where to put the Poinr Zero .hapter either. At this point, what
she had construct€d was more tuagile than a house ofcalds. One
mistak€, and itwas bound to collapse. She 6leda footnote in the
corner of hd nind: 'Ha,ari, which means Grework in Japanese,
is the combination ofHani and Bi; that is Fire, which symbolizes
death, and Flower, which slmbotizes tife...
.Het gjve
me yourpurse, or I ll stityour throatt"
She raised her eyes from the ground, bewitdered Like a pa
tient aroused tuom slumber. She .ouldn't understand whv she
was being disturbed.
"Het youll'm talkin'to you. cive me yourpurse!'
'fte young woman in front of her was a ptump, extremely
sholt mulatto, barely reaching OzgLir's chin. Her dark brown
skin gleam€d beneath the light o{ the street lamp, and she had
iarge, phosphorcs.ent teeth. Her eyes were like those ofa squir
rel, aDd seemed slightly crossed. She was eighteen at tle most,
butherface had become agedbefole it had even shed the pimples
ofadolescence. Sh€ was wearing a bright pink blouse.'.What an
oninous colorl" Ozgr:r thought. Sh€ hated pink.
''No, dear. I certainly WILL NOT give you ny purse, Ozgor
heaid a voice say; but neither the ghoulish voice nor rhe words
"Give it to me or I'll siit your throat."
She sl:ng the broken bottl€ in her hand in a slipshod, half
hearted motion. For a briefmoment the dust rais€d by the wind
flick€red, drawing a shiny arc in the aiL l}le threat she posedwas
such a shokpiece thar Ozgur immediately sensed she was an
amateur. Irom her bod% OzsLlt could cleatlv tead the fear thar
she tried to .onceal beneath her poker {a'e A shot of 'ourage
borowed by someone determin€d to act detelmined She felt
a pang of sympathy, and considered shating evervthing she had
with the gi/l She even felt bad that all she h'd lefr was a few
measly reais. ror a moment, both of them paused lhev didn
t
knowhowto go on After afew seconds that seemed to last cen-
tuies, the young woman repeated her previous line' probablv
because she could think of nothjng better'
"I'm teljnsyou, give me your purse!CaPiche?'
Suddenl, her eyes flared up No matterhow much her mjnd
nay have been dulled by hunget andbeatjngs, she hadbeen liv'
game
ing on the streets of Rio for vears. Shewas as cunningas a
animal that had been comered time and time again Moreover'
she was a keen of character as i,ell She immediatelv dis
iudge
.erneal that the scrawnv, hagsatd' absent minded wonan
before
her was a foteigner'
"Dollarsl Dollarsl Understand? she said in English
"I dont have any dolla/s, sweetie," ozgur said in suddenlv
lluent Portuguese. The truth is she realy couldn't stand being
mistaken for a tourist
''I'm gonna slit Your throatl '
his tjme she s@ng the bottle with more aplomb' and the
dust flickered on.e again Having discerned that her victim
was
a foreigner had boosted her self confidence and intensined
het
stared
hatred. An arrogant smirk settled onto her face Ozgnr
at the woman's ample breasts gushing out ofher revealing pink
hlouse. Due to theirhelqht ditrerence, she even pick out the
'odd
woman's nipples lhey were the most attractive pair of breasts
she had seen in her entire life ftev stood uplight' as if swol
len with milk, robust, luscious. She felt sornehow ashamed
of
her own iron-board flat body She looked at the girl's shoulders'
 Ciry in Crimson Cloal
which were so nuscular it almost made her seem lik€ she didn,t
have a necki at her arms thick like those of a butcherj and at
her stomach that strained at her zipper. She certainly didn,t look
like sorneone who was going hungry. Especialy in comparison
to Ozgiir...
the sky was lit up on.e again by the last few fireworks; strag-
giers who had missed the real show suddenly, ozsiir betieved
herself to be in a musical. As ii
in a tittle while, she and the girl
would link arns and sing a few chirpy soDgs togethe4 as if they
woutd spin and sLip and tum a few flamboyant figures, dancing
and waving their shiny bottles amonsst the junked cars. A Rio
adaptation of Wert
Si.de Srdryl
Ihe rookie outlaw had misinterpreted the look in Ozgiir,s
eyesi she thought that she was tryine to gauge her opponent
in the overtui€ of what would be a fight to the death_ She
tightened her grip on her weapon. Atl of th€ musctes in her
body grew taut, maldng it seem as ifsheA suddenly undergone
a glowth spurt; an ugly €xpression spread ov€r her face. ,.I-
need-to get-my-shit,togeth€r,need to get-it-togethel-gotta
do-something-now." Ihe words were running through Ozgiirt
head fitfully like Morse code. ftose brazen breasts sprawled
out b€fore her eyes were distracting her. Out ofnowhere sheA
become the lead actress jn a cheap meiodnma. yet she herself
felt like a spectator who, slck and tired of metodramas, had
been forcefuly dragged to the theater. She was both there and
not. Justlike in nightmares, shewatched theperson whom she
knew was herselfprogress step by step to an inevitable end, but
without beins able to intervene.
"Dollars,s/irga, doIarsl"
She flinched violently as if shed received a whiplash to the
back. 'tre word gringa had wenched her out of her odd state of
intoxication. the bird-brained adolescent with the bovine boobs
thought she was a touist, and coutdn't tell th't she lived in a
state of semi-starvation. Did she not see her tatteredpurse and
jeans shreded at the knees? How could she possiblvnot see that
Ozgiir was an advocate of the street peoPle, that she was a cham_
pion of the victims, the downtrodden, the consummate iosersl
not tourist, but a forsaken vagabond lhe swo/d was
a
She was
6naly out of the sheath Ozgiir nade her move She grabbed a
broken bottle she d noticed lving next to the sidewalk CRINGAI
She nearlyscream€d, out ofspite revolt' lage'
"Nowlet's seeyoucome andgetthe bag, buh? Ifvou canl Mv
name is notg/i,g4lYou beat ne? I am not GRINGA!"
She took short, strained breaths as if she were having
an
asthma attack. Het eyes were narrowed and her lips stretched
tightly, reveating her bottom teeth. Now she, too, wore the same
expvession that she'd obsetved on th€ mulatto's face a short
while before. At that moment, it did not occur to her that she
coulddie, ot be killed She had completelv torgotten the concept
of death, \a,hich had twined around her iike irry throughout her
life. She was in a trance thatbordered upon insanitv Acloss {rom
jugolarvisiblv
her was a darkbrown, nisshapen, so{t throat, its
putsating that was all Iltat, and the ominous breasts spilling
out of that blouse...
'Ihe young woman's face was as silent as stone Onlv her
eyes revealed, for a fleeting second, a vagu€ surpdse
Her eves
No, not Ozgiir, but something behind her'
upon
were 61ed
Gradualy apploaching footsteps One-two three " 6ve steps'
death lowinmate waitinginhis execu
Like the{ootsteps that a
tion cell hears at dawn . Ozgiir counted five steps in the deafen'
ing noise, as if an entire citv were collapsing at her verv ears
Oi naybe th€ frreworks had gone off again A steel hand seized
her
her h€art, and with a terrible for.e pushed it down' towards
stomach. A click ]lle inevitable, lethal swish of a bulet sliding
 City in C'imson Cloak

into the barrel- An irreversible, merciless reality too intense she could give... A nonological dialogue "Forgetit, shesaidto
to deny... And she thought sh€ heard a whistling sound, too. hprselfin Turkish. FORGET IT IT'S NOTWORTH lT"
Trat odd whistling sound that she heard when walking down
Santa Teresa, and which resenbled the sound ofa humongous She undoubte(lly head the ftrnbte explasion at het lerv eals' but she
bird spieadirg its wings... Ihe man with the murderous face! didh'thare time to make sense of it She dbeen luekv Befarc she e1'en
Of course, there were two ofthemt fte most popular mugging rcalized she'd been shot, she fell face up onto the sidewalk' as if beins
method in Riol How sheA been dupedl SheA fatten into a tnp pulled rlown to the ground by a healv mask. Without haring ro en
which even the most iner?elienced tourist would not fali. She dure unbearable agony, without experiencing the hortor af knawing
felt somethingwarm run dowDherlegs, which atthat moment, that yau are .ertaln ta die in a sho/t amaunt af time, without moking
felt like melting buttel. Fo, the 6rst time in her life. she was o single sound, she net her death ln iust the anount of time that it
takesfot anuprighthumahbody ta.ollapse anto the gtaund
Anin
"Itt not overyet.l stiu have a chanc€.l tl toss away the bottte. rcnspicuous, unwitnessed, Ianely death-just the kind af death
that
it dom, slowly. Nol First, I'il tel them that I surren,
No, I'll lay befit her personalihv A completely coincidehtdl conpletelv mean
der, and theb I'li put it dowl. Whatever you do, don,t make any ingbss death, with ha prcyerc, na hvmns no trunpets ituolved
sudden movements! Do not ups€t them! Everything has to hap Nobody can know if she suffered ot not ot if her life passed before
pen slowly. C'mon now, garher yourstrengthand tatktTALK|', her very eyes like a navie rcel. Het final' silent scream rcmained
Silence... Her tongue was tied in a taut knot; not a single unanswered in the ,ast ocean of silence
word came out of her mouth. 'Itre bottte slipped fron Ozgurt Patrolmen from the Catete Police Headquartets maklng theil
hand and shattered on her foot, but she was obtivious to it. She rounds on Mandav nornins noticed that she still clung anto her bag
placed her right hand on her bag and fett the warm teather. An And that her eyes @ere wide apen Not out of feat or paih, at hottur'
eighteenth b;thday present from her mothe!. She hadD't seen but marc like an expression of nental concentntian As if at that
mament, she vras trying to explain death itself ln a citv 'alled
anotherpurse as practicalas that on€ in the ten yearc since. She Rio de

could 6t her books and her ballet equipment in it, and jt even Janeiro,anana inary Sunday .onv'.llsing 'rith firewatks, as the skv

had secret compartments. She nust have a few /edis lefr in her
wallet. House keys... Where could she sleep tonight? Sunscreen,
wristwatch, atel€phone book containing all oftheaddresses and
telephon€ numbers that she knew in the whoie wide world...
Hergood luck necklace... She nn herfinsers overherbag,like a
pregnant woman feelingherstomach. She felt abulse.me City in
Crimson Cloakl The only .opy o{ her novei, wirh aI of her notes.
everyword she'd written in the last two years, was jn that green
notebook. the only thing she could say to Rio, the onty answer
surrendere(t itself ta darkness ance again after the ttopieal sundown;
as the suffoating heat cantinued xs qtunni'al teign despite
the
otean brceze: as the women af Rio finished putting on their make'up
ta ga to Sunday dan.es, out to dinne/ ot to 4 rcncert; as the buses
packed full of wet haited, salt'scented passenEers Qme back fran
the Capa@bana bearh; as kiask vlo*ers turned on 'offee pats ana
rolled out kegs of beer fat the thi/stv trureles jaurnevikg thrcugh
a l,ast darkness; as street (hitdrcn set aut to find their nothets fot
dinner: as the Blue Hill favela announced to the
(itv that the Neek s
 Ciry in Crinson Cloak

supplt of coAine was now up fot sale, and sonewherc out there, far
dway, nelancholy choral nelodies rang out; she was tyingto explain
what it was like to die on a strcet full of junk carc, brcken glax, and
ail stains. Stunneil to be the hercine of a traledy for the first and
Iast time, to be conftonting an indomitable rcality one on one... Her
eyes gaping in a quest of splendid adjectiles, .rucial inages, and the
words closest to reality itself. Ihet wete trying to conyey that single
moment, that moment when life shnnks etema y into a spa.eless
point, and thus expands eternally. Actltallr, she had died exactl, as
One of Turkey's most challenging young authors, AsL Eldogan
has been a critical su.cess both in Turkey and Europe. A fomer
physicist r^'ho abandoned her scientific career for a literary one,
Erdogan's frrst book, the novel Kabuk Adan (The Shell Man), was
published in 1994. She went on to make her mark abroad two
years later when she received the Deutsche Welle Prize for her
short story "]he Wooden Birds." Erdogan has devoted helsel{ to
writins ful-time since 1996.
From 1998 to 2000 Erdogan, a human rights activist and for
m€r Tukish representative of PENs Writers in prjson Commjttee,
wrote a column for the Turkish newspaper Radiftal entided "fte
Others . Her aticles were later collected and published as thebook
Bir Yaleluk Ne Zaman Biter (when a Joumey Ends). Two of these
articles are featured in the 2004 edition of M.E.E.T.'s journal.
Edogan has also participated in vadous exhibitions both
in Turkey and abroad, and has recently been a featured guest
at international literary and arts events such as the Beau Arts
Festivalin Brussels, the Kunstf€stival in Antwerp, where she r€ad
togethey with Emine Sevgi ozdamar. A piece from her upcoming
book was most recently staged by Serra Y naz in halian at the
Festival Teatro Europa Mediterraneo in Milan in October of this