Claudine Caluza

English III Block 5

Mrs. Storer
April 2, 2020
In the Rain
The first step to fitting in with a majority-female group in middle school is the so-called
heart palpitating and dreaded question that brought groups closer together.
“Do you like anyone?” Gheny exclaims, and suddenly all the attention was on me.
This was finally my time to get the attention I wanted. I was put in the spotlight and I had
to savor that moment. This was my moment. The issue was, I didn’t really like anyone. I just
wanted attention. It was middle school, people made such a big deal on crushes that a whole
entire group wants to get in on the situation. I knew that if I said I did like someone, then they
would make a big deal of it. I wanted to be noticed. I wanted that spotlight. I wanted it and this
silly question was going to make it all come true.
“Yes,” I hesitated. I paused for a moment to survey the reactions of the people around me. They
all had the same stupid expression plastered onto their face. The stupid smile that said, “I’m
going to pester you until you ‘fess up on who it is.”
I didn’t, because guess what! This person doesn’t exist.
Word got out to the rest of the group and now I desperately had to find someone. The
only real clue they had was that the person was from the group since those are really the only
people I invest time in. Luckily, it was a fairly large group, so it gave me time to actually choose
someone.
Until about a week later. I began to harbor small feelings for Jay. It was a rainy day and
my group was huddled near the classrooms.
“Hey, can you come to the library with me?” Jay said.
“Why?” I said
“Nobody wants to go with me,” Jay sighed, flashing my friends a look of disappointment.
I submitted, pulled out my umbrella, and motioned Jay to join me. Jay was slightly shorter than
me, had a scar on their left cheek, and a babyface. In every hoodie, there were always holes near
the wrist area where he could slip their thumbs. I always saw them cleaning their glasses and
their nails were always jagged and uneven.
It was dreadfully awkward and quiet for no reason, usually, we would be joking around,
talking crap about why nobody else wanted to walk with Jay. Then it clicked. I blanked out, all I
heard was the rain pounding against the ground and Jay’s lips moving. I was speechless, and Jay
began to inch closer towards me and pulled me into a kiss.
Movies and tv shows always romanticized kissing, how your heart flutters, how the blood
shoots and you just have that one feeling where you just want to be with that person. But deep
inside my chest, I felt nothing. No heartfelt love, no fluttering heart, no real feelings, I genuinely
felt empty, like I was kissing a wall. I hated it. I couldn’t figure out if I pretended to like Jay. I
began to doubt these feelings. Maybe its because it’s supposed to feel this way? Maybe its
because I am tired. Maybe it’s because of the weather. Did I even like Jay in the first place?
Those questions just clouded my mind and when they pulled away, I smiled softly and said,
“That was nice.”
It was like I wanted all of this but I just was not ready. I ended up telling Jay that I wan
not ready for a relationship at the moment and they understood where I was coming from. I
missed all the genuine feelings, the ones I should have. I just hated feeling, nothing. I was a
hopeless romantic.

Emotional Truth:
The emotional truth that I wanted to reveal in my story is that people are not ready for what they
think they wanted. That people can hope for something, and yet, be disappointed when they
finally receive it. My character craved the attention of her group and wanted to impress them in
order to fit in, by admitting that she harbored feelings for someone when in reality she did not
have any in the first place. She was not ready when Jay kissed her near the library, and she ended
up not confronting her true feelings and staying disappointed inside. It is so easy to make
excuses but we can’t ignore the feelings we actually have.

Arc:
Exposition: It is middle school, majority female group and I want to fit in
Inciting incident: Gheny asks me if I am interested in anybody, and I am put in the spotlight.
Rising action: I lie for attention, saying that there is a person, when in fact I am interested in
nobody at all.
Crisis/climax: Jay and I walk to the library and they end up confessing their love and is brave
enough to kiss me
Falling action: Me realizing that what I have done for attention just left me feeling disappointed.
I don’t know if I’m doubting my feelings for Jay or if I’m lying to myself about feelings in the
first place.
Resolution: I couldn’t figure out my own feelings and I figure out that I am not even ready for
the things that I want. Jay understands.