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Painting b Manteneh Koroma Digital 3D b Harris Coller

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 SHAKESPEARE FARMHAND
Finn Waterman

SETTING
O e ea f e ,a fa a d a f da
S a e ea e, d e e f e fa e a .

Sa e : (Standing over a cow poop, with a look of shock on his face.) B Jove! What foul beast hath lain its
excrement to rest upon this doorstep?

Fa e J : Well, Sam, it looks like an ol cow has dropped one right in front of the barn. What a shame, I
painted it not two da s ago. (John puts his hands on his hips in frustration) Shooot.

Sa e : Alas! No other creature could produce such a thing! I abhor this foul demon.

Fa e J : (Looking worried) Now, heh, Samuel, there s a-no need to get all twisted about it-

Sa e : BUT I SHALL STAND, UNDAUNTED IN THE FACE OF SUCH EVIL!! Worr not, fair John, for
this creature of devilish coil shall see the sun NO MORE! It shall be embossed, and cast from this mortal
plane. (Squinting his e es and getting quieter) I care not if it wills m demise, I shall see the end of this torture
unto our precious farmland.

Fa e J : Oh sweet lord... (He looks up to the skies, almost as a cr for help) Now, uh Samuel, son. (He
looks over to Samuel, who is staring at the ground) Are ou gonna clean that up or whut?

Sa e : (Looks up from the ground, his e es wet with tears) Yes, I shall purge this land of its impurities.
(Samuel picks up a shovel and gets back to work)

Fa e J : Yeesh. Bo , ou ve been readin that Shack Spear fella s book again ain t cha.

Sa e : To speak of the Bard of Avon as is an unfavorable belch is unwise.

Fa e J : Unwise?! I m the wisest farmer ou ll find in these parts! What does a strange-talkin farm
hand know about bein wise?? (He emphasises the last word, spitting it out)

Sa e : (His face is red with anger) Wh ou... Thou overweening, clapper-clawed... tell me, where got st
thou that goose look?

Fa e J : (Getting angr ) Did ou just call me a GOOSE? Well I never... Samuel, ou re about a railroad
tie awa from being in a trainwreck.

Sa e : Thou art as thick as a Bansbur cheese! Thou finch-egg!

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Fa e J : Son, our brain cavit wouldn t make a drinkin cup for a canar ! You re about as ugl as a
mud fence! Catch me wamble-cropped lookin at ou!

Sa e : Thou hath said much, but lo, can ou fare in battle?! (Samuel picks up a shovel and starts jousting the
farmer)

Fa e J : ARG!! Dang it, bo !! (Dodges attack and runs to a small shed left of the barn)

Sa e : Evade THIS, heathen!! (He jabs at him with the shovel and hits John in the side)

Fa e J : (Picking up a shotgun from the side of the shed) I ve had enough of this nonsense!!! (He
knocks Samuel to the ground and fires blindl in his direction)

Sa e : (Blood starting to pool on his chest as he la s on the dirt ground) B jove... it appears that I ve been
struck down b the hand of God himself. How unfortunate...

Fa e J : (Reali ing what he has done) Oh... oh no. Samuel! Are ou all right?

Sa e : I hath fallen, this time m last

M time here was fun, but now it has past
You, Farmer John, shot me, right in m chest
And, not to be rude, but our aim was not the best
I ll just die now, for m chest has been blast

THE END

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The P K g W d gR e
Carving b Sage Yates Line art and water color pencil b Griff n Schulte

U ed
Photograph b Anon mous

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 BLAIR
Emil Hedrick

People have been known to do weird things. It s just human nature. Blair is et another example,
but she s a prett darn cool one.
This girl was on vacation up north somewhere, or at least it looked like that. There was some
snow on the ground, but some had melted to reveal the grass, some of which was ellowish brown, some
of which was green. The sun was shining, but the outside temperature was just below free ing.
Well, it was to ever one but Blair.
Blair was a teenage girl with long, flowing hair the color of fresh-baked cookies, which matched
her warm personalit perfectl . Her e es were the color of melting chocolate chips. Her ros complexion
and deepl tanned limbs indicated a strong love of the outdoors, and her strength, speed, and stamina
indicated frequent exercise.
Well, an wa , Blair looked out the window and decided that she would go out into the free ing
cold and have some fun.
So she put on her dark blue swimsuit and leaped over the threshold and out the door. She jogged
down one hill and climbed up another. Then she approached a third. It was partiall covered in snow, with
big grass patches all over and so tall and steep that it nearl lacked a gradual incline, so it was basicall a
stair for a giant.
This didn t discourage Blair, though. Without a word, she smiled and climbed it an wa , using
the large roots sticking out of the side as handholds and footholds. As an experienced rock climber, she
scaled that big hunk of earth in record time.
Once at the top, Blair planted her dirt , grass-covered feet on a deep snowdrift and sank in,
stopping halfwa up to her calves. She took a deep, satisfied breath of that fresh, free ing air and said to
herself, What a beautiful da .
Though the location in which this event took place is unknown, it is possible that Blair was
visiting from a different, much colder countr , which probabl explains wh the weather in that other
countr was so warm to her. When ou think of it like that, it doesn t sound all that, weird, does it? While
running out into free ing temperatures in swimwear might not be the best idea ever, just remember that
individualit is important.

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