What’s on my mixtape

2006-2008- You Are My Sunshine

https://open.spotify.com/album/5ueNN8xbGK6BMFnLjeiXUM?
si=ngMBm1-BTjyUdCRpTKz4iw

2011- No One by Alicia Keys

https://youtu.be/rywUS-ohqeE

2014- Bye-bye Darling by BØRNS

https://youtu.be/sc9E5wWiUiQ

2016/2017- Put Your Records On by Corinne Bailey Rae

My Mixtape Memoir https://youtu.be/rjOhZZyn30k
2003-Now 2017- Fifteen by Taylor Swift
Itzel Esparza https://youtu.be/Pb-K2tXWK4w

2018- Nadie es Eterno by Antonio Aguilar

https://youtu.be/fdDKL5j9Sng

2019- Always by Rex Orange County

https://youtu.be/HqYAgDYvdDw

2020- You Are My Sunshine

https://open.spotify.com/album/5ueNN8xbGK6BMFnLjeiXUM?
si=ngMBm1-BTjyUdCRpTKz4iw
 You Are My Sunshine

2006-2008

You are my sunshine, my only sunshine

You make me happy when skies are gray…
No One
When I was little my mom used to sing this song all the time. She was
always humming it and although she never mentioned that it was for 2011
me, I always just assumed that it was kind of our song. My mom and I Where you can stay forever
used to be really close. My dad worked weird hours at the time so a
majority of the time I was with my mom. I was super attached to her, You can be sure
and even sometimes to this day I find myself subconsciously going
towards her even though we’ve grown apart. That it will only get better

…But now you've left me and love another
You have shattered all my dreams…
My brother was born in 2006, and when he
was born my mom would sing this song to
him all the time and it kind of made me sad
because she never sang it to me. She was
always with him and showing him
attention, which at the time I didn’t realize
was normal when a baby was born because
well, they’re a baby. But after that it was
never really the same. Since my brother
absolutely hated the song she never bothered to sing it anymore and I
never really bothered to ask her to sing it for me because I knew her
answer would always be no.
My Nina’s green Kia, the windows down, and I’m in the back seat with
my cousin. My aunt smiles at us through her rear-view mirror. She
presses the button on her radio and the song blasts through the car. My
cousin and I sing at the top of our lungs to words we don’t really know
the meaning of. She would play that song at least three times on our car
drives anywhere.
When the rain is pouring down
And my heart is hurting
You will always be around
This I know for certain
My aunt was basically my third mom, whenever she could she’d take me
with her and she would always plan days for me and my cousins to go to
the park or the beach or just to go grab some ice cream. She was always
there for me and whenever I hear this song it takes me back to those
days, in that little green Kia, when my feet could barely touch the
ground.
 Bye-bye Darling
2014
Bye bye darling I'll miss you so much
My cousin’s 8th grade “graduation” was only a few days away. Fifth grade
me was going to have to go through middle school on my own. It was
weird, she’d always been with me. I always had my “big sister” around
but now she was off to high school. Boys, Parties, new friends, things I
was scared she was going to leave me for. After all I was barely heading
into 6th grade, there wasn’t anything we could actually talk about.
Goodbye to the telephone age
I'll miss your voice
I was scared and sad, was she going to stop talking to me? would I have
to go through the rest of my life without her advice? There were so
many questions I was going to have: What do I do if I get a boyfriend?
(still haven’t asked her that as that’s never happened) Which restaurants
are the best to hangout at? What do I do if I go through a breakup?
Would she still be there or would I just be a dumb little cousin? Only
time could tell at that point.
Put Your Records on
2015/2016
BOING
“NO!” I internally screamed. My hair had begun to curl naturally again
and that was exactly what I did NOT want on this school morning. I
desperately looked over to my desk where my ancient flat iron lay dead
and withering. I was so upset, even as I walked to the front door, I
thought about all the ways I could convince my mother to let me stay
home.
Just go ahead, let your hair down
You're gonna find yourself somewhere
I remember looking in the mirror and seeing my hair natural for the first
time in years and in that moment my 6th grade self came to a self-
realization
“I hate my hair”
It was so puffy, and why did it stick up in different directions like that???
Why couldn’t my hair be like my friends’, straight, or heck I’d even take
wavy, anything but these ramen noodles sprouting from my head. But
there wasn’t much I could do besides brace myself for whatever might
happen at school. I get to school and go to my first class. We have about
five minutes before my teacher will actually start teaching so people are
going around talking to their friends and just talking about whatever 6 th
grades talked about when suddenly,
“EW! Why is her hair like that?”
Suddenly I feel my face go on fire and I’m sitting in my desk really quiet
just waiting for the next person to say anything. As I look around, I
realize no one is going to say anything so I awkwardly rise to my feet and
sheepishly reply
“It’s curly. My hair’s curly.”
I was dying on the inside. She brought it up and in the way I didn’t want. Fifteen
I spent the rest of the day trying to braid it or put it up or keep it under
my hoodie but to no avail. During lunch I sat down with Anabel and we 2017
were talking, and I brought it up I looked around the building I had spent almost my childhood in. I saw
“Gosh I love your hair. It’s so tame. I wish my hair could be like that.” the wear and tear of the building that had been standing since even
before my dad went here. Holy Family, I had spent the past 9 years here,
She looked at me as if I’d just given her the most bizarre comment. with the same people. It was the last day of school, the girls were crying
and hugging everyone, the boys tried to be cool and give each other bro
“Why, I like your hair its different.” hugs as a farewell. People were signing yearbooks, tears falling on the
It shocked me, that was the biggest reason I hated it, I wanted my hair to pages as everyone realized we were going to part ways. I get a tap on my
look like all the other girls’ did. I never thought about how having my shoulder and turn around
hair be different could be a good thing. “You okay?”
Don't you let those other boys fool you She smiles at me and I nod
Gotta love that afro hairdo “Yea, it’s just kinda weird. I never
After that I gradually started wearing my hair naturally curly and I didn’t imagined leaving this place.”
really care that it wasn’t straight anymore. “Yea, I know but hey look at us now!
We’re off to cause some chaos at a
bigger school together!”

I laughed, yep, whose ever idea it was to

admit me and Anabel in the same school
had no idea what they were in for. I was relieved to have someone I
knew go through this change with me. I mean after all, I’d been with the
same 12 kids since I was 6 years old and going from a class of 14 to a
class of 200 was not going to be a piece of cake. I was nervous, all I had
ever known was this run-down humid building, now I was going to a new
and shiny tech school, would I survive? She hooked her arm through
mine smiled at me and we danced/walked out of the classroom in a fit of
smiles and giggles. Was I ready? Maybe not but I had her and I knew we
could get through it together.

Your very first day

Take a deep breath, girl

Take a deep breath as you walk through the doors.

 Nadie es Eterno could see his eyes light up and his body relax. Even till the end he
enjoyed his music. He lived his 74 years to the fullest.
2018
no me lloren
75
que nadie es eterno
He always said he would never make it past 75.
nadie vuelve del sueño profundo
My abuelito has always been a very important figure to me. He would
always make me and my brother little toys, furniture, and a lot of other It had been a few months after his passing and my dad and I were in the
things. Whenever the church fall festival came around, we’d run over to car on the long drive back from school when he says
his famous fish taco booth say hi to him and he’d always give us tickets
to go spend on the game booths or the random booths they had. He “Itzel turn on the radio”
would always show me new songs and teach me how to dance to them. “Uh okay Apa”
When he was working on a project he’d let me sit there and watch and
annoy him with a bunch of questions. I press the button and as soon as I do the last song we had ever played at
the hospital before that night blasts through the car. I feel myself tearing
cuando ustedes me estén up because I know. I look over to my dad to see if he notices. He looks
despidiendo straight ahead, but I can see his eyes glistening with tears that he won’t
con el ultimo adiós de este allow to fall.
mundo “Learn this one” he says softly.
no me lloren que nadie es “I will”
eterno
The rest of the car drive is spent in sad silence as we just play this song
Watching him slowly over and over until we get home. I see my dad get out of the car and go
deteriorate broke me. I to his room. I know better than to try and talk to him at this time, so I go
couldn’t imagine someone to my room and curl up on the floor and softly cry. Memories flash
who I was so used to across my mind, Christmas time when he would come down the stairs
seeing strong and full of after everyone was already down stairs because he liked to make a
life screaming in pain and dramatic entrance, him sitting behind his desk in his workshop with his
just not moving anymore. music blasting, and his insistence on helping my dad cook the turkey
He was being eaten from every year at thanksgiving even though he could never remember how
the inside out. I had to to do it on his own. And as all these memories flashed across my eyes,
watch as my abuelito realization sunk in, those stairs would never reveal his goofy entrance
crumbled before my very ever again.
eyes. I couldn’t recognize
him. He was bones covered in skin, a fraction of what he used to be. sufrirás, lloraras mientras te acostumbres a perder
When we went to visit him and I’d sing or my dad would play music I
después te resignaras
cuando ya no me vuelvas a ver.
Always
2019
It’s always been a joke that I look like a child. My friends make fun of the
fact that a lot of people mistake me for an 8 th grader. It’s weird because I
guess I’ve had the mentality that I haven’t changed much since 4 th grade.
I have always seen myself as that same little girl with her hair in pigtails. I
haven’t really seen myself as any different since then. In the back of my
mind I know that I’ve probably changed and all that jazz but for some
reason there’s a part of my mind that blocks out time.
But until somebody sits me down
And tells me why I'm different now
I'll always be the way I always am
I know that there are things about me that have changed. I have grown
and experienced a lot of things these last couple of years but deep down
I’m still that little girl with her pigtails and big dreams.
And now I get to sit down
And I'm happy to admit now, I'm on my way
You Are My Sunshine
2020
At seventeen years old, I have learned, laughed, loved, and lost. Maybe
not to the extent that most adults have but I’ve been through a lot. I
Used to hate listening to this song because it served as a reminder that I
wasn’t anyone’s sunshine. But through these past years I’ve made
friends that have shown me that I am worth something. I never felt like I
had anything to offer the world. That the world would just be better off
without me. But through my group of friends and friends that I have had
since I was little, I finally felt loved. They helped me realize that I meant
something to someone.
Anabel, she’s been my rock since fourth grade. I cannot imagine what I
would be like without her. She’s been with me for such a long time and I
consider her as my sister. She’s always pushed me to go out of my
comfort zone and pushed me to new heights. She’s always had my back
and I have always had hers. She’s been with me through it all and im so
glad that even through the new phases and changes in my life she’s been
there.
Evelyn, Maria, Bella, Tim, Louis, Matthew, Lauren, and a bunch of other
people I met at Mater Dei showed me a real sense of purpose. They
showed me that I was loved that I was beautiful and worth being friends
with. I don’t know a group of people that can make me laugh as hard as
they can. I’m so thankful for all the memories and laughs I’ve had with
them these last couple of years. I thank them for being so nice to me
when I was still transitioning to this new school.
Now that I’m older and I listen to the lyrics, I Think about all the people
in my life who are my sunshine. And I’m so eternally grateful for having
these people in my life.
You are my sunshine, my only sunshine
You make me happy when skies are gray
You'll never know dear, how much I love you
Please don't take my sunshine away