MARRIAGE AND FAMILIES

Marriage

Definition:
 Latin maritare, “to wed, marry, give in marriage,” refers to the contract made by the couple.
 New Family Code of the Philippines (REPUBLIC ACT NO. 8533 July 6, 1987):
Marriage is
 a special contract
 of permanent union between a man and a woman entered into in accordance with law
 for the establishment of conjugal and family life.
 The Revised Code of Canon Law (Canon 1055 pa. 1)
Marriage is
 a covenant
1. blood relationship
2. a gift of person, not merely an exchange of rights
3. total, involving spiritual, emotional, and physical joining
4. with GRACE
 by which a man and a woman establish between themselves a partnership of their whole life
1. communion of life
2. union of the spouses on all levels of their human activity
3. not simply an attribute but MARRIAGE
 and which by its very nature is ordered to the well-being of the spouses and to the procreation and upbringing of children
1. interrelated
2. This is what marriage is all about.
3. Conjugal act – more than a sexual contact, most intimate expression of human love ( GS,49)

Marriage between the baptized has been raised by Christ the Lord to the dignity of a SACRAMENT.

Reality of Marriage

Paradoxical Facets:

 a Human Secular Reality and yet, a Sacred Reality

 a significant point in human life
 a “mysterion”
 a Human Institution and yet, a Divine Institution
 “officium naturae” task of procreation (St. Thomas Aquinas)
 act of consent
 God as the Author (Gaudium et Spes, 48)
 a State and yet, an Event
 permanent character
 a life-long process
 a gradual transformation of an “I” and a “You” into a “We” (Cathecism for Filipino Catholics, 1886)
 a Contract and yet, a Covenant
 “pag-aasawa”
 “pag-iisang dibdib
 a Personal Affair and yet, a Social Institution

God’s Call to Humankind: Towards a Theology of Vocation

(Laurence J. O’Conell)
 Vocation
 Latin vocare, to summon, to call someone over, to invoke, to invite, to name or designate ( giving someone his/her mode of existence)
 OT
Humankind is called by God to be creatures, co-creators and partners in covenant.
 NT
Greek kalein, to call, name, invite Jesus Christ is the Call, the Word Incarnate, of God to humankind. Jesus was sent to call humankind back to
the Creator, the Father (Jesus’ mission)
 Christian Vocation
 Everyone who is baptized is called to a life of holiness in their own proper state.
 Amidst the diversity of ministry, all the vocations are directed towards the building up of the Body of Christ.
 consecrated Celibacy
1. Priesthood
2. Religious Life
 Single Blessedness
 Married life

Marriage: A Commitment – Love, Life and Family

(Fr. Lana, OP, Profs. Ocampo, Santos, Laig)
 Marriage as a Vocation
 It is not only a call to holiness, but also a way of holiness (Bacani, 1988, 101).
 It is both a gift (source of joy, blessings, gratitude and grace) and a mission (source of challenges the couple face with hopeful and determined
hearts).
 consecrated Celibacy
1. Priesthood
2. Religious Life
 Single Blessedness
 Married life
 Personality Growth and Maturity

Factors Influencing Growth

1. Heredity
- we inherit our basic personal traits
2. Environment
- conditioned by the people around us (verbal or visual)
3. Education
4. Sacramental grace

Knowing the normal growth and development of the human person

STAGE PSYCHOSOCIAL CRISIS VIRTUE RADIUS OF SIGNIFICANT

RELATIONS
Infancy Trust Hope Maternal Person
Ages 0-2
Early Childhood Autonomy vs. Shame &Guilt Will Paternal Person
Ages 2-3
Play Age Initiative vs. Guilt Purpose Basic Family
Ages 3-5
School Age Industry vs. Inferiority Competence Neighborhood/
Ages 6-12 School
Adolescence Identity vs. Identity Confusion Fidelity Peer groups & “idols”
Ages 12-18
Young Adulthood Intimacy vs. Isolation Love Friends, spouse
Ages 19-35
Adulthood Generativity vs. Stagnation Care Shared Household
Ages 35-65
Old Age Integrity vs. Despair Wisdom Humankind
After 65

Basic Trust vs. Basic Mistrust (Ages 0-2)

 Touch formed a bond of trust as early as conception.

 The more a child is touched, the heavier the brain whereas if an infant is not touched or nursed sufficiently very early in life, this may affect later intelligence
more profoundly than formalized education.

 Basic trust is crucial not only for physical health but also for later emotional development because without it we cannot grow by letting go of the past and
risking new possibilities in the future.

“The chief lesson I have learned in a long life is that the only way to make a man trustworthy is to trust him; and the surest way to make him untrustworthy is to
distrust him and show your mistrust.”
- Henry L. Stimson

Autonomy vs. Shame and Doubt (Ages 2-3)

 It is in this age the children begin to say “NO,” because they are becoming their own person, to have control over their body.
 Consistent guidelines are a necessary.
 Having a right balance between over permissiveness and harsh firmness can create a healthy autonomy in children.

Initiative vs. Guilt (Ages 3-5)

 Children are so sensitive to guilt at this stage.
 Children scolded continually with such words as “bad girl” or “bad boy” may end up with deep self-hatred.
  Unhealthy guilt and self hatred vary: they may have repressed self-hatred or self-hatred projected outward.

Industry vs. Inferiority (Ages 6-12)

 Children focus especially on feeling competent as they learn well and do well or inferiority as they fail.

Identity vs. Identity Confusion (Ages 12 – 18)

 Age of puberty, adolescence and adulthood.
 The main task now is to form an adult identity.
 Positive sex education is more important than ever.
 Adult conversation coupled with acceptance of their newly emerging adulthood is a positive experience.

Guidelines for better Parent-Teen Relations

- Remember that your son or daughter is facing transitional period
- Be a parent – not a teen
- Keep the channels of communication open
- Parents should differentiate between acceptance and approval
- Go easy with your criticism
- Surround your son or daughter with a fence of prayer, asking God to guide and direct him/her

Intimacy vs. Isolation (Ages 19-35)

 Intimacy usually connotes physical sexuality. Yet, sexuality is sharing of heart and spirit.
 Affirmation is a way we are not something we do.
 Only the person who can be moved inwardly by our goodness can affirm us. We cannot affirm ourselves; we can only receive affirmation as a free gift from
another.
 Affirmation as a way of being and as a free gift is the foundation of intimacy.

Generativity vs. Stagnation (35-65)

 Generativity includes care for others beyond one’s family, for future generations and the kind of world in which those generations will live.
 Identity, intimacy and fertility are some issue encountered by people who are in their thirties and in mid-life crisis.

Integrity vs. Despair (after 65 years old)

 The age where one has accepted one’s life and is able to look back on his/her years with happiness and contentment and is consistent with God’s plan.

Signs of Psychological Maturity

- Has a good image of self.
- is confident/ calm.
- Listens to /accepts others’ suggestions/ideas.
- Understands self.
- Does not need others’ approval.
- Learns from mistakes committed.
- Easily makes decisions.
- Usually humble/ unassuming.
- Looks outward/ is objective.
- Is open / honest.
- Attitude is positive/ optimistic.
- Is disciplined.
- Can make adjustments/ is flexible.
- Is usually calm.
- Is considerate.
- Is energetic / has drive.
- Is goal- oriented
- Is not defensive in attitude.
- Is prudent.
- Is patient.
- Is responsible.
- Uses persuasion.
- Communicates well.
- Easily gives credit, praise.
- Is able to understand other people.
- Is comfortable with people.
- Interested in others.
- Remembers people
 - Works well with others/ teamwork.

Signs of Christian Maturity

- prayerful and humble
- morally upright: prudent, self-disciplined, just and courageous
- responsible: competent, committed, decisive, faces consequences, penitent
- loving, forgiving, compassionate, respectful, helpful
- self-sacrificing: patient, perseveres n doing good
- full of Christian hope: exerts effort for excellence but leaves the rest to God’s mercy

Dimensions for Maturity

 Physical
 Psychological
 Social and Cultural
 Religious

Points for Reflection:

 It is within the embrace of the family where virtues infused by the sacraments are nurtured and protected.
 It is living a moral life that bears witness to his dignity of person because true freedom is pursuing perfection by seeking and loving what is true and good.
 Christian maturity is acting in a Christian way – living a life the way Jesus lived it.
 Maintaining and Improving Christian Maturity
1. There is a possibility of losing it because of sin.
2. Prayer and sacraments do not only maintain but also strengthen our Christian personality.
 Christian maturity in marriage
1. is a Christian man and a Christian woman
a. loving each other with the love of Christ, and
b. loving each other as Christ loves them.
2. is needed to be Christian parents (Fulton Sheen, DD.).
 To attain this level of relationship, the married couple has to
1. improve each other’s personality in terms of maturity, and
2. look to Christ and his grace.