48HourGentlemanEBook0614 PDF

48-Hour Gentleman | The Distilled Man | www.TheDistilledMan.
com
TABLE OF CONTENTS
2
INTRODUCTION 3
GET A SHIRT TAILORED TO FIT YOU 5
COOK A STEAK 10
WRITE SOMEONE A HANDWRITTEN NOTE 15
MAKE YOURSELF A MANHATTAN 18
DO SOMETHING THAT SCARES YOU 21
PRACTICE ACTIVE LISTENING 25
READ YOUR CAR MANUAL 29
BECOME MORE AWARE OF YOUR POSTURE 33
HAVE A DRINK WITH SINATRA 37
PAT YOURSELF ON THE BACK 40
INFO 41
48-Hour Gentleman | The Distilled Man | www.TheDistilledMan.com

INTRODUCTION
3
So, you've got a weekend. And you want Some might scoff at the idea of becoming a
to become a better man. gentleman in 48 hours. True, maybe real

transformation is tough in this amount of time.
This isn’t about bedding more ladies or
getting a promotion. Or besting your But as the saying goes, “the journey of a
enemies in bare-fisted rumbles. It’s about thousand miles begins with a single step.”
something more fundamental, something
deeper. Sometimes it’s daunting to look at our lives and
see all the things we want to change. We get
Maybe you’re looking at your life and thinking paralyzed and don’t know where to begin.
you could make some improvements—dress
better, feel more confident, be more “useful,” be That’s why it’s good to start small.
more “worldly,” whatever that means.

INTRODUCTION
4
This book is designed to give you a few key What’s important is that you do it over the
activities to help you start your journey course of just one weekend.
towards becoming a better man.
Will this be a busy weekend? You bet it will.
Each activity is set up like a “recipe” to include But what you gain by packing it into a short
the ingredients you’ll need along with the period of time is a sense of urgency. It’s about
instructions, just like in a cookbook. STARTING and it’s about building on that
momentum.
You can read the whole book before doing the
activities (it’s a quick read), or you can do each This book is meant to be that first step, a
exercise as you go. Completely up to you. launching point on your path to becoming a
well-rounded gentleman.
The journey of a thousand miles Welcome to your new life.

begins with a single step. –Lao Tzu
Now let’s begin.

GET A SHIRT TAILORED
TO FIT YOU
5
Although sometimes we forget, improvements Many guys wear baggy or ill-fitting clothes that
on the outside can often transform us on the make them look way frumpier than they need
to. I made this mistake for years. People who
inside---and vice versa.
are overweight often wear baggier clothes
In that vain, I want to start this book by talking because they think it hides parts of their bodies
about something that might seem like a mere they’re not proud of. But it doesn’t hide
“cosmetic” improvement. anything. It creates a new problem: the baggy
clothes make them look even more out of
One of the biggest keys to looking (and shape.
feeling) good is having clothes that fit
your body. Even if you’re on the opposite end of the
spectrum, you may be tempted to hide behind

GET A SHIRT TAILORED TO FIT YOU
6
baggy clothes. Ultimately you end up looking judge books by their covers. People are
like a kid who borrowed an outfit from his dad. going to make snap judgments about you
based on your clothes, your posture, and the
However, once you end up getting clothes way you carry yourself. It’s human nature.
that actually fit you, it’s a revelation. Having
an outfit that fits your body—no matter what
size you are—is going to look infinitely better It’s not about hiding or accentuating
than if you’re hiding behind a bunch of excess parts of your body. It’s about “owning
fabric. what you’ve got”
Tailored clothes make you look more trim, more

put-together, and they make you feel more In 2013, dating site Ok Cupid and custom suit
confident. And this confidence can make you label Arden Reed did a 4-month study where
more successful. they took pictures of the same man in a boxy,
off-the shelf suit and then in a tailored suit.
Let’s face it, first impressions matter. We do

7
Then they created two otherwise identical accentuating parts of your body. What matters
profiles with the two photos. The results weren’t is that you “own what you’ve got,” because it
surprising: women were three-and-a-half projects confidence. You’ll feel it and people will
times more likely to send an unsolicited see it.
message to the profile with the tailored suit
pic, and they were 2.3 times more likely to visit So, where do YOU start?
the profile in the first place.
One shirt.
Granted, there may be some bias here, since
this was co-sponsored by a suit company, but Rather than go crazy and throw out all your
the results seem pretty believable. clothes, spending thousands of dollars on a
“bespoke” wardrobe, you can start small. Start
Net net: you’re going to look way better if your with just one dress shirt. And get it altered so it
clothes fit you. actually fits you.
Ultimately, it has less to do with hiding or The reason I’m asking you to start with only one

8
shirt is that I know once you do the first one, it

Ingredients
will transform your relationship with your
  Dress shirt
clothes. Once you get a taste of that first
  Nearby dry cleaner
perfectly fitted shirt, there’s no going back.
As a next step, you’ll find yourself going through INSTRUCTIONS

your closet and getting rid of clothes that don’t   Pick a dress shirt you already own
quite fit you, and finding other shirts that can be and put it on. Most likely it will be a
altered to fit you better. little baggy around the midsection and
the arms.
  Find a dry cleaner near you. Most will do
basic alterations for around $12-$15.

You don’t need to go to a fancy tailor.
  The dry cleaner will have you put on the
shirt, they’ll pin it to gauge how much to

take in and where, and then you’ll leave
them to do their magic.

9
Once you try on that fitted shirt, you will be Pro tip!
When you wear a tie, it’s the first thing people comment
amazed how much better you look. People on—because it’s the focal point. Without a tie, your shirt
is the star. So you better make sure it’s ready for
will complement you on your “new shirt” and primetime. Beyond having your shirt fitted, make sure
your collar is looking good. While shirt-shopping, avoid
ask if you’ve lost weight.
flimsy collars. And be sure to always use collar stays,
those little plastic or metal tabs that reinforce the edges
of your collar. A good collar frames your face and makes
Even if not, they’ll just hold you in higher a world of difference in your appearance!
regard. They’ll sense your renewed

confidence. “Something’s different about
that guy, and I don’t know what it is.”

COOK A STEAK
10
Cooking a steak is an important thing The point is that cooking a steak is a skill
to learn. Yet surprisingly, most guys you’ve got to learn. It’s also a skill where a
can’t do it very well. little knowledge can go a long way to

improve the final product.
For some reason handling meat is one of the
classic skills every guy is expected to have.
Often, if you’re cooking with a woman, she will
Once you’ve mastered cooking
automatically delegate cooking the protein to
steak, it becomes a go-to recipe for
you. For whatever reason, man is supposed
date night, guys night or any night
to own the meat. Maybe it’s a remnant of the
of the week.
days when men hunted and the women
gathered.

COOK A STEAK
11
Ingredients INSTRUCTIONS
  Steak (Rib eye, New York strip, or STEP 1: Salting the meat and bringing
T-bone) it to room temperature
  Salt, preferably kosher   If you want to serve a side dish with the
  Neutral cooking oil like canola or steak, see “Accompaniments” at the end
peanut oil of this section for a few ideas
  Heavy-bottomed frying pan,   About 30-60 minute before you cook
preferably cast-iron your steak, put it on a plate or a cookie
  A wee bit of butter sheet
  See “Accompaniments” at the end   Salt it with the kosher salt, covering the
of this section. top and the bottom as well as the sides,
massaging it in
(Cont’d on next page)

COOK A STEAK
12
STEP 1: (cont’d) STEP 2: Frying the Meat

  Letting the meat rest during this step is   Once your steak has rested, it’s time to
helpful. The time at room temperature turn on the pan!
allows it too cook more evenly   Turn on the heat to high/medium-high
throughout: if your steak is ice cold and let the pan heat up until it’s just
when you cook it, the meat ends up about smoking. Put a little oil in and give
burnt on the outside and bloody on the it a moment to heat up.
inside. During this time, the salt will also   Fry the steak 2-5 minutes per side
get a chance to work its way into the depending on the thickness. You’ll know
meat. when to flip the steak initially because
you’ll see tiny beads of blood forming on
the top. Also, try to render some of the
fat on the edges by holding the steak up
with tongs, perpendicular to the pan.

COOK A STEAK
13
STEP 3: Checking the Meat   Or if you’re using a meat thermometer:
  Use the “touch test” to ensure your meat rare=125F, medium-rare=130F-135F,

is cooked to perfection: medium=140-150F, well done=155F+
  With your left hand, touch your thumb to (Don’t bother with well done. Better to
your forefinger, so you’re almost making eat shoe leather!). Remember, if you
an “ok” sign. With your right forefinger, check your steak and it’s underdone,
touch the meaty part of your palm right you can still cook it more. But if you wait
below your thumb. In this position, the too long to check it, you can’t turn back
meaty part below your thumb should time.
have about the same “give” as a   About a minute or two before you’re
medium-rare steak. finished, add some butter to the pan.

  For medium, touch your thumb to your Use a spoon to ladle the butter and
middle finger. For well-done, touch your juices over the steak. This adds some
thumb to your ring finger. extra flavorful goodness and a nice
brown color.

COOK A STEAK
14
Accompaniments
Step 4: Resting the Meat If you have the time, the steak also goes great with:
  Once the steak is done, pull it out of the Baked potato

Preheat oven to 350F, wash potato thoroughly, poke 8-12
pan and place it on a clean plate or holes in it with a fork, coat lightly with oil and salt. Put directly
on the oven rack with a baking sheet underneath to catch
cookie sheet. drips. Bake for about an hour until skin feels crispy. When
finished, cut it open and add some butter or sour cream.
  You’ll want to rest it for about 5 minutes
Bacon also helps.
or so.
Sautéed spinach or asparagus (if in season)
  This process is super important. During Both of these can sautéed in the steak pan while the steak is
resting. Make sure and wipe out SOME of the beef juice and
resting, all the juices redistribute and butter. Just sauté over medium/medium-high until tender, add
a little salt and pepper and BOOM, you’re done.
soak back into the meat evenly. You can
A big red wine like a Cabernet, Malbec, Zinfandel
always tell if you haven’t rested meat or Shiraz
long enough: when you cut it, the juices

come pouring out and your cutting board Once you’ve mastered the steak recipe, you’ll
looks like a crime scene on CSI. You find it will become a go-to dinner for date-night,
don’t want that. Those juices are pretty guy’s night, or really any night of the week. It’s
tasty, so keep them in the meat! refreshingly simple and it allows good quality
ingredients to shine with very little effort.

WRITE SOMEONE
A HANDWRITTEN NOTE
15
There's nothing quite as classy as a with an email, but somehow because he
handwritten note. For the recipient, it’s wrote it in a card and mailed it to us, it
a personal touch that shows you took seemed so much more charming and classy.
the time to think of them.

I was touched. And my wife practically melted.
I was reminded of this is a few years ago when He might as well have shown up in person with
one of my friends came to a cocktail party my a bunch of puppies wearing little bow ties.
wife and I hosted. Afterwards he sent us a small

card with a handwritten note thanking us for the
Those quickly scribed “just for
party.
the hell of it” notes are often the
most appreciated.
He could have easily done the same thing

WRITE SOMEONE A HANDRITTEN NOTE
16
It was as though he had given us a piece of   Tell them about something that made you
himself. You can easily imagine someone half- think of them.

assing it when sending an email. But there’s   Tell them about an event that’s coming up
no cut and paste with handwritten notes. and see if they want to go with you.
There's something about a handwritten note   Tell them about a brand of whiskey or a
that suggests the person gave his undivided record you’ve been enjoying. Ask whether
attention to you—just for a moment. they’ve heard of it.
Most people just think of the simple thank you Ingredients

note, but there many other types of notes you   A pen
can send. Here a few ideas:   1 stamp
  A quiet place with hard surface to write on
  Congratulate someone on an   A small blank card. Note: it’s worth investing
accomplishment, however small. in some decent stationary. There are many
  Say that you miss hanging out with them manly varieties available.
and it’s time to get a drink together, STAT! (Cont’d on next page)

WRITE SOMEONE A HANDRITTEN NOTE
17
Ingredients (CONT’D) INSTRUCTIONS

 You can go the extra mile with  The point here is not to write the story of
stationary that’s personalized with your your life. You can keep it pretty simple, 3
name or initials. As with business cards, sentences or so.
personalized stationary says “I’ve got  The note should just show that you’re
my shit together.” It represents your thinking of that person and that you’ve
brand. Check out Crane & Co. for gone the extra mile to write it down, put
classic options, or Etsy or Zazzle for it in an envelope, and mail it to them.
something more contemporary.
The more often you send notes for no particular

reason, the easier it will become. Rather than
trying to find the perfect occasion, you’ll dash off a
quick card here and there. And those “just for the
hell of it” notes will probably be the ones that are
most treasured by the recipient.

MAKE YOURSELF A MANHATTAN
18
The Manhattan is one of the manliest The best cocktails achieve a balance between
drinks around. Originally invented around ingredients—sweet, sour, strong, bitter—to create
the 1870s, it is one of the classic cocktails. an alchemy of flavors and textures that come
together as a unified drink.
Like many of those original drinks, this cocktail
is all about tasting the liquor in its full glory.
When a Manhattan is made well,
There’s no hiding behind mixers here.
it is truly something to behold.
But it’s not all about brute force either. There’s
And drink.
some elegance to it, and that is what makes
it an amazing cocktail. Before we go any further, it’s important to
appreciate the definition of the word “cocktail.”

19
First, note that a rum and Coke is not actually a This is exactly why a good Manhattan is so
cocktail. It's a “highball” because it has only one special. It takes an attentive bartender who
type liquor with a non-alcoholic mixer. A true cares about what he’s doing. And when it’s done
cocktail consists of multiple types of liquor, well, it is truly something to behold. And drink.
blended together in perfect harmony.
The Manhattan is a delicate flower—one of

Ingredients
  2 oz. rye whiskey or bourbon
those cocktails that can easily be ruined by
  ½ oz. sweet vermouth
a careless bartender. I don’t order Manhattans
  1-2 dashes Angostura bitters
in most run-of-the-mill bars because they're just
  Garnish: maraschino cherry or
too easy to mess up—usually because there's
too much vermouth. Vermouth is great in small lemon twist
  Cocktail glass
quantities, and it becomes a perfect wingman to
  Ice
accentuate the rye. But in larger quantities it
  Shaker or mixing container like a pint
can ruin the drink.
glass with a strainer

20
  Strain into a cocktail glass, add your

INSTRUCTIONS
garnish, and enjoy your Manhattan!
  Fill the shaker or mixing container
  If you like, you can also pour it into a
halfway with ice.
rocks glass and enjoy it over ice. It will
  Add bitters, rye and vermouth.
end up diluting the drink more, but you
  Using a long spoon, stir (don’t shake) the
may be less likely to knock it over if you
ingredients together. Stirring the
have trouble wielding a dainty cocktail
ingredients with the ice adds a small
glass.
amount of water to the drink and helps
smooth out the overall mouthfeel.
As you enjoy the drink, notice the balance of

Pro tip!
Remember to never shake a Manhattan or a Martini. When ingredients. The interplay of flavors, the cool feel in your
you shake, you introduce small air bubbles that make the
drink appear cloudier. You also break up the ice more and mouth. You’re tasting history. You can almost see the
introduce too much water to the cocktail. Shaking should
flapper girls and the guys in Fedoras. And the grumpy
really be reserved for drinks where you’re incorporating
citrus; when drinks have citrus they would never be clear barkeep with his sleeves rolled up. You have to admit,
anyway. The vigorous shaking also helps create a chemical
reaction to bind the citrus with the other ingredients. this is way better than any museum…

DO SOMETHING
THAT SCARES YOU
21
If you’ve read biographies of great nagging voice in the back of our heads that
men, you know that most successful holds us back from doing a lot of things: asking
people recommend you cultivate out that girl we see at the coffee shop all the
a habit of ACTION. time. Stepping up and taking on bigger projects

at work. Starting a new venture.
Yet most of us consistently hold back from

doing things we want to do or know we should I’m not saying you’re actively scared, but when
do. Why? it comes down to it, the reason we hesitate in

doing so many of these things is that we’re
One word: Fear afraid of the consequences: of failure, of

ridicule.
While we may not realize it, fear is the little

DO SOMETHING THAT SCARES YOU
22
What’s funny is that when we sit down to Or what’s the worst that can happen if you ask
think about it, many of these fears are pretty your boss about taking on more responsibility?
silly. What’s the worst that can happen if you Even if he says no, your boss will probably tell
end up asking out that girl at the coffee shop? you why you’re not ready.
Ok, let’ see: worst case, she’s not interested But instead of taking that as an indictment of
and she politely declines. Is it going to cause your character, take that feedback for what it is:
lasting harm to either of you? No. Worst case, your roadmap to a future “yes.” If your boss
she just ends up awkwardly avoiding you in the thinks you need more experience with X, fine,
coffee line. But who cares? As long as you you’ll take a class, you’ll practice. And before
weren’t a creep about it, you can hold your you know it, your boss won’t be able to say no
head high. much longer.
Something happens when we step up and

What we fear most is usually overcome that little fear-voice in our heads.
what we most need to do. –Tim Ferriss It’s invigorating. Even though for half a second
we feel like we’re going to die.

23
When we face the thing we’re nervous or When we spend too much time “lining up the
scared of, we get a massive rush of confidence shot,” sometimes we miss the opportunity. 90%
and well-being. “I’m ALIVE!” of the time, just DOING it will reap massive
rewards, even if we have to course-correct
The best part? Action begets action. along the way.
Each time you do something like this, you get
better at it. You start remembering that the little
Ingredients
weasely voice is just bullshit, and that there’s a
  A pen
reward if you can drown it out in your mind.
  A scrap of paper
We spend so much of lives thinking about stuff

we want to do but never do. We rationalize that INSTRUCTIONS
it’s not the right time, we’re still figuring things   For this exercise, think of something you’ve
out, etc. been putting off because of fear.

  Note: I am NOT recommending you do
But in reality, the approach of “ready, fire, something physically or criminally dangerous
aim” is often better than “ready, aim, fire.” here.

24
INSTRUCTIONS (cont’d) It’s best if you list them as very specific,
  There are tons of other small things in tangible actions.
your life that you’re probably putting off:   Then, circle the one you’re going to do.
maybe asking your boss if the company Plan to take action on it in no less than
will pay for a public speaking class for 48 hours. Then actually DO it. All it takes
you, or pay for part of your grad school. Or is one action: make phone call, send an
maybe asking someone you respect to email, research something.
be your mentor.   Make this a habit going forward. Lather,
  Take a scrap of paper and write down 3 rinse, repeat.
or 4 things you’ve been hesitating on.
Gradually, you’ll begin to see that the price of

“failure” is usually not very steep at all. It’s the
cost of inaction that weighs most heavily. And
armed with that knowledge, you’ll see the
world—and opportunity—in a whole new light.

PRACTICE ACTIVE LISTENING
25
In How to Win Friends and Influence host, saying that Carnegie was “most
People , Dale Carnegie tells a story stimulating” and “a most interesting
that reveals a fundamental aspect conversationalist.” The funny thing is that
of human nature. Carnegie had hardly said a word.
In the story, Carnegie attends a dinner party Carnegie recalled:
and winds up chatting with a botanist sitting I couldn't have said anything if I had wanted to
next to him for several hours. Carnegie listens without changing the subject, for I didn't know
intently as the botanist goes on and on about any more about botany than I knew about the
exotic plants and gardens. anatomy of a penguin. But I had done this: I
had listened intently. I had listened because I
At the end of the night the botanist turns to the was genuinely interested. And he felt it.

26
You might think that in order to endear actively listening and asking them follow up
yourself to someone, you need to talk questions. Some advice columns mention this
yourself up. True, sometimes it helps. I do as a “trick” for to talking to a woman. But let’s
believe tooting your own horn is good. But that’s face it, this is just basic human nature for men
for another time. and women.
Even more important is your ability to be a good

listener. As Carnegie’s story shows, the Ingredients
fundamental truth about human nature is   You
that people want to feel important and   Somebody else
valued. Carnegie points out that few people in   A place you can sit and chat
the world are immune to the flattery of someone

paying attention to them. INSTRUCTIONS
  Practice actively listening to one person.
You’d be amazed at how much people start to Start by asking the person about
like you when you simply let them talk about something. Make sure your body
themselves. And even more so when you’re

27
INSTRUCTIONS (CONT'D) X is happening” or “What I’m hearing

you say is X.”). As you listen, try to think
language is primed for listening: turn
of potential follow-up questions so you
towards them, avoid distractions like the
can find out more about the story.
TV or your cell phone. Be fully present
Just like Carnegie, you’ll find that if you
for their story.
try to be genuinely interested, it will
  Try to focus on them and not worry
come easily.
about what you’re going to add. Don’t be
  You’ll sense the other person’s delight
one of those people who’s just waiting to
that somebody cares about their world.
talk. Instead, focus on really listening to
And you’ll both enjoy the conversation.
them and empathizing without making
You’re not only giving them the spotlight,
any judgments. Put yourself in their
you’re asking them to talk about
shoes.
something they’re comfortable with.
  Sometimes it helps if you periodically
After all, the one thing people know
replay or recap what the person has
most about is themselves and
been telling you (“Wow, it sounds like X
their interests.

28
By being selfless in the conversation, you’ll

reap so many more rewards. For one, you Your small “sacrifice” of letting
might actually LEARN something by listening. the other person talk will be
For another, your small “sacrifice” of letting the multiplied 10-fold.
other person talk will be multiplied 10-fold in the
form of better relationships. You may even find
that giving someone your undivided attention
and truly listening for a moment is relaxing. In
time, it will become second nature, and you’ll
forget you ever had to “try” at all.

READ YOUR CAR MANUAL
29
You know, that hunk of paper wedged how to check them.
inside your glove compartment next to

the Altoids and the old national park This, along with all the other little maintenance
maps? That one. things, will help you make sure your car doesn’t
crap out on you for a silly reason like not having
Why read your manual if you’re not broken enough oil or coolant. If your manual doesn’t
down on the side of the road? Two reasons: visually show where everything goes, ask Mr.
Google, and he will tell you about your specific
First, I want you to know about all the fluids make and model.
in your car. Even if you don’t ever want to get

Second, you should get in the habit of reading
your hands dirty working on your car, minimally,
you should know where all the fluids go and manuals. Any manuals you have for anything

30
that’s important to you. Why? Because—and When that guy helped write the manual, he
you’ve heard it before—knowledge is power. wanted to give you all the helpful tips he
discovered while getting to know the car
Don’t be afraid to “get under the hood” for inside and out.
anything you own. You’re always going to find
something of value. I guarantee you will find at least one useful
nugget of information you didn’t know
Even though manuals can sometimes be full of before.
extraneous crap, I try to see them for what
they are: love letters from their makers. Sure, you can probably go on with your life
without ever reading a manual, and maybe
Imagine the engineers who spent time slaving everything will be fine. That’s why we have
over your car. I’m not talking about the roadside assistance, right? But ultimately, you
marketing associate who supervised the become dependent on other people to fix your
graphic design and printing of the manual. I’m issues. The more you can “dig in” and start
picturing the guy with coveralls and grease on to understand things around you, the more
his face that really got intimate with the car. empowered you’ll be.

31
INGREDIENTS INSTRUCTIONS
  Your car manual   Read the manual cover to cover. Take
  Your car (if you don’t have a car, use a notes or underline anything you find
friend’s—at least one of you should useful.
know how to properly maintain it)   Look all around the car and under the
hood while you’re reading

  You should know where the following
things are under the hood:

o  Engine oil dipstick
o  Engine oil fill cap
o  Coolant expansion tank
o  Power steering dipstick
o  Brake fluid dipstick
o  Automatic transmission fluid dipstick
o  Window cleaner reservoir

32
Good news, knowing more about your car does Pro tip!
If you own a car or if you’re thinking about buying a used
not mean you need to work on it when it needs car, make sure you’re aware of the known problems for
that make and model. Most cars aren’t perfect, and with
fixing. The beauty of reading your manual is
a little research you can find out the common problems
that it also makes you smarter when you talk to to watch for. Tom Cebollero of Metric Motors in San
Francisco recommends doing a web search on “[car
your mechanic. And the more you know, the make and model] problems” or “[car make and model]
pattern failures.” If you already own the car, this gives
more you’ll feel like you’re truly in the driver’s you an idea of what to watch for. And if you’re buying a
used car, this gives you some leverage. You can ask, “I
seat. know the X in these cars often craps out around 80k
miles. Have you had that replaced yet?” If not, you just
negotiated yourself a discount.
The more you can “dig in” and

understand the things around you,
the more empowered you’ll be.

BECOME MORE AWARE
OF YOUR POSTURE
33
Okay, you probably think I’m going to Well?
have you walk around with a book on

your head like women in the ‘50s did. It’s undeniable: the way you carry yourself
No, not this time. projects your outward confidence or lack

thereof. All those people you see in the food
court (or wherever you are) are showing you
Try this first: go to a public place like a park or
what they think of themselves by the way they
the mall, and look around at the people there.
stand, walk and sit.
Do you notice how some people stand up
straight and tall while others slump over? What
Notice how the person who stands up straight
kind of feeling to get from those two different
and walks confidently looks like they could
behaviors?
command a room, or be more likely to be a

BECOME MORE AWARE OF YOUR POSTURE
34
leader? And notice how the person who slumps standing up straight not only affects how we
over in their chair or hunches over when they look to others, but it can also change our
walk looks like they don’t have any confidence? biochemistry.
Like they’re prepared to have an excuse for
why they’re not pulling their weight? After doing a series of 2-minute “power poses”
study participants showed an increase in
It’s amazing how much body language testosterone and a decrease in cortisol (a
communicates. stress hormone). So they not only looked more
powerful to observers, but they actually felt
Some research suggests that “high-powered more powerful and were better equipped to
individuals” generally have more eye-contact, handle stress.
they’re more expansive and open in body
movement, and they have a more erect Interestingly enough, some of these “power
posture. poses” were as simple as standing up straight
with your hands on your hips (the “Wonder
Harvard Psychologist Amy Cuddy found that Woman” pose) or leaning back in a chair with

35
your hands behind your head—basically, inside, which gives more reason to have better
confident, “expansive” poses. posture, and so on.
Cuddy said these findings give us more reason

than ever to trust the mantra, “fake it till you
become it”—her twist on the old saying “fake it Ingredients
till you make it.”   You
  A public place with some other people
This goes back to the observation before about around
the fitted shirt: seemingly “cosmetic” changes

can affect how you actually feel, and drastically INSTRUCTIONS
affect how others perceive you.   Observe the crowd for a moment and see
what a difference posture makes.

When you change how you carry yourself, you   Give it a try yourself. Be mindful of your
set in motion a positive cycle: better posture posture when you’re walking around or
helps you look better to others and feel better sitting.

36
INSTRUCTIONS (cont’d)   Now that your posture’s better, notice
  Notice your shoulders: most likely, how you feel. Go up and talk to
they’re hunched forward; pull them back someone (maybe order a coffee or
and stick out your chest—not in a something).
ridiculous way, but if you’re doing it right,   Notice how people react to you. I
your shoulders probably feel broader. promise, you’ll sense a difference.
Keep your hands at your sides.   You’re radiating more confidence,
  Try to pull in your belly. Ironically, if you and at the same time making yourself
do this, you may find that the so-called more approachable and engaging.
“pot belly” you were trying to cover up
with your baggy shirt is less of a
problem that you thought.
Once you become more aware of your posture,

you’ll ask yourself why you didn’t start paying
attention sooner.

HAVE A DRINK WITH SINATRA
37
Sinatra was the greatest crooner in Like any other guy, Frank had his faults, but the
history. He was a ladies’ man and a passion that comes through in his songs is still
man’s man. Ladies wanted to be with as fresh and powerful as ever. When you listen
him, and guys wanted to be him. He was to his voice, you can’t help but be struck by how
he appears so casual and relaxed yet able to
the essence of cool.
achieve such amazing control.
What’s amazing about Frank Sinatra is how he

sang with such bravado, yet his music also
Sinatra’s music calls to mind
conveyed deep feeling and tenderness. On top
smoky rooms and a world where
of that he had a great sense of humor.
booze flowed freely and times
were simpler.

38
Having a drink and listening to Sinatra is like

a meditation in manliness. And it transports Ingredients
you back in time to a different era.
  A few Sinatra songs, like:
o  Come Fly with Me
He always said that at heart he was just a o  New York, New York
“glorified saloon singer.” And his music calls to o  My Way
o  The Way You Look Tonight
mind smoky rooms and a world where the
o  Angel Eyes
booze ran freely and times were simpler. A time o  Witchcraft
when we didn’t know about global warming, o  Very Good Year
when “social networks” were barbershops, bars
  A drink: Some sort of whiskey on the rocks
and churches, and when diet soda and tofurkey
Frank’s drink was reportedly Jack Daniels
didn’t exist.
on the rocks, but if you want to have single
malt scotch instead, that works fine.

39
INSTRUCTIONS
  Make yourself a drink and put on some
Sinatra songs.
  It’s important that your drink is on the
rocks with no mixer. There’s something

holy about drinking hard liquor on the
rocks while listening to Sinatra—like a
perfect wine pairing.
As you drink, you’ll experience notes in

Sinatra’s voice in the liquor: bitterness,
sweetness, starkness.
Soak it in and enjoy.

PAT YOURSELF ON THE BACK
40
Well hello! Are you still here? something that scares you, there are so many
ways to improve yourself and continue your
At this point, if you’ve managed to get through education as a gentleman.
all these sections, you should be feeling pretty
good about yourself. We’ve covered a lot of Granted, this is just the beginning. But the most
ground in a short amount of time. important thing is that you started. You took the
first step.
I really appreciate you reading this, and I hope
you found it helpful. I can’t say the journey will get any easier from
here. But it will be worth it, I can promise you
If nothing else, I hope I’ve inspired you to think that. The more you push yourself and test
about all the little ways you can get started on yourself, the more rewards you’ll reap.
your journey to becoming a better man.
I’ve already got a good feeling about you.
From the little things like getting your shirt
tailored, to the more serious things like doing –Kyle Ingham
June 2014

INFO
41
About the Author Want more from The Distilled Man?
Kyle Ingham is a big fan of burritos, bourbon, If you’re not already part of The Distilled Man
and the occasional pirate joke. He is also the community, sign up for regular updates.
founder of The Distilled Man, a website
dedicated to helping guys learn essential skills Follow us and say hello on Twitter, Facebook, and
and become well-rounded gentlemen. Kyle is a Google+.
regular contributor to other men’s lifestyle blogs
and lives in San Francisco with his wife.
IF YOU LIKED THIS EBOOK, PLEASE TELL YOUR FRIENDS!

Click below to share the link on Twitter,
: Facebook or Google+.
Or click here to email the link to a friend.

INFO
42
Copyright
What did you think?
The copyright on this work belongs to the
If you have any feedback about this
author, who is solely responsible for the
eBook, please drop me a line at
content.
info (at) thedistilledman.com.
I’d love to hear your thoughts.
Even if you received this for “free” as part of
If you liked it, please share the link on
joining The Distilled Man mailing list, please do
Twitter, Facebook or Google+.
not share the content of this eBook with others
who have not purchased it. A lot of hard work
went into this little book. Thank you!
First edition. June 2014.

Copyright 2014, The Distilled Man, LLC. All Rights Reserved.

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48-Hour Gentleman | The Distilled Man | www.TheDistilledMan.

GET A SHIRT TAILORED TO FIT YOU 5

WRITE SOMEONE A HANDWRITTEN NOTE 15

MAKE YOURSELF A MANHATTAN 18

DO SOMETHING THAT SCARES YOU 21

PRACTICE ACTIVE LISTENING 25

READ YOUR CAR MANUAL 29

BECOME MORE AWARE OF YOUR POSTURE 33

HAVE A DRINK WITH SINATRA 37

PAT YOURSELF ON THE BACK 40

48-Hour Gentleman | The Distilled Man | www.TheDistilledMan.com

to become a better man. gentleman in 48 hours. True, maybe real

48-Hour Gentleman | The Distilled Man | www.TheDistilledMan.com

The journey of a thousand miles Welcome to your new life.

48-Hour Gentleman | The Distilled Man | www.TheDistilledMan.com

48-Hour Gentleman | The Distilled Man | www.TheDistilledMan.com

Tailored clothes make you look more trim, more

48-Hour Gentleman | The Distilled Man | www.TheDistilledMan.com

48-Hour Gentleman | The Distilled Man | www.TheDistilledMan.com

shirt is that I know once you do the first one, it

As a next step, you’ll find yourself going through INSTRUCTIONS

basic alterations for around $12-$15.

shirt, they’ll pin it to gauge how much to

48-Hour Gentleman | The Distilled Man | www.TheDistilledMan.com

regard. They’ll sense your renewed

48-Hour Gentleman | The Distilled Man | www.TheDistilledMan.com

can’t do it very well. little knowledge can go a long way to

48-Hour Gentleman | The Distilled Man | www.TheDistilledMan.com

(Cont’d on next page)

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STEP 1: (cont’d) STEP 2: Frying the Meat

48-Hour Gentleman | The Distilled Man | www.TheDistilledMan.com

STEP 3: Checking the Meat  Or if you’re using a meat thermometer:

 Use the “touch test” to ensure your meat rare=125F, medium-rare=130F-135F,

medium-rare steak. finished, add some butter to the pan.

48-Hour Gentleman | The Distilled Man | www.TheDistilledMan.com

 Once the steak is done, pull it out of the Baked potato

long enough: when you cut it, the juices

48-Hour Gentleman | The Distilled Man | www.TheDistilledMan.com

There's nothing quite as classy as a with an email, but somehow because he

the time to think of them.

wife and I hosted. Afterwards he sent us a small

48-Hour Gentleman | The Distilled Man | www.TheDistilledMan.com

himself. You can easily imagine someone half- think of them.

Most people just think of the simple thank you Ingredients

 A quiet place with hard surface to write on

 Congratulate someone on an  A small blank card. Note: it’s worth investing

accomplishment, however small. in some decent stationary. There are many

48-Hour Gentleman | The Distilled Man | www.TheDistilledMan.com

Ingredients (CONT’D) INSTRUCTIONS

The more often you send notes for no particular

48-Hour Gentleman | The Distilled Man | www.TheDistilledMan.com

48-Hour Gentleman | The Distilled Man | www.TheDistilledMan.com

The Manhattan is a delicate flower—one of

48-Hour Gentleman | The Distilled Man | www.TheDistilledMan.com

 Strain into a cocktail glass, add your

As you enjoy the drink, notice the balance of

48-Hour Gentleman | The Distilled Man | www.TheDistilledMan.com

a habit of ACTION. time. Stepping up and taking on bigger projects

Yet most of us consistently hold back from

do. Why? it comes down to it, the reason we hesitate in

One word: Fear afraid of the consequences: of failure, of

While we may not realize it, fear is the little

STEP 3: Checking the Meat   Or if you’re using a meat thermometer:

  Use the “touch test” to ensure your meat rare=125F, medium-rare=130F-135F,

  Once the steak is done, pull it out of the Baked potato

  A quiet place with hard surface to write on

  Congratulate someone on an   A small blank card. Note: it’s worth investing

  Strain into a cocktail glass, add your

  There are tons of other small things in tangible actions.

be your mentor.   Make this a habit going forward. Lather,

  Take a scrap of paper and write down 3 rinse, repeat.

that people want to feel important and   Somebody else

  A public place with some other people

INSTRUCTIONS (cont’d)   Now that your posture’s better, notice

Keep your hands at your sides.   You’re radiating more confidence,