EASY A

INT – SCHOOL – DAY - COUNSELOR GRIFFITH’S OFFICE – Olive enters

MRS. GRIFFITH 
Oh, God! Oh, God! What? What do you want? What do you want? Just go!

Smashes picture of her husband and herself.

MRS. GRIFFITH (CONT’D) 

Perfect! Just perfect!

OLIVE 
I’m sorry... I was just looking for Marianne. Did she say anything about being mad at
me because she just smacked the bejesus out of me.

MRS. GRIFFITH 
No, that was my fault. I’m so sorry, Olive. I’m sorry, but I messed up. I just goddamn,
shit, goddamn messed up really goddamn shit bad! Goddamn, shit, goddamn!

OLIVE
Ok, don’t get me wrong, because I love it, but I don’t think you’re supposed to use that
kind of language in front of a student.

MRS. GRIFFITH 
Yeah, you know what else you’re not supposed to do? Is sleep with them! But that
didn’t stop me... goddamn shit.

OLIVE 
Wait! Oh my god! I’m not judging you or anything, but oh my god! I... Wait, what does
that have to do with me?

MRS. GRIFFITH 
Because you know... you should know that my marriage is not great. We haven’t slept
together in like months, MONTHS, alright! So finally this great-looking guy comes in,
and he’s nice to me, you know? And he’s not a minor, this is legal. It’s legal because
he’s been here forever, ok? He’s not the sharpest Christian in the Bible, alright? And
then they find out he has Chlamydia. So then he’s telling everybody that it was
you. He has to say that ‘cause he didn’t want me to lose my job, and
he doesn’t want to get in trouble either. So, he said it’s you. I’m
sorry. But I’m going to fix it, Olive, ok? I’ll tell everyone... I’m going to tell everyone
that it’s me, ok? I’ll just lose my job and you know whatever else I lose, and then that’s
ok.
OLIVE 
I could have Chlamydia. I mean, I could have easily given it to Micah, I mean who
knows? Women often times don’t show symptoms, and the whole world knows I’ve
been whoring around.

MRS. GRIFFITH (cutting her off)

No you haven’t. No you haven’t because a REAL whore can’t admit it to herself much
less others. Trust me.

OLIVE 
Call Micah. Tell him he is an ass and he owes me so big for this. But also tell him I
confessed to giving him Chlamydia.

They hug.

OLIVE (CONT’D) 
I’ve kinda been getting a lot of hugs today.