Blog #5: Where Do Broken Hearts Go?

By A.D. James
Email: aj@lovinglighter.com

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eH3giaIzONA

To know me is to know I love a pop culture reference. Lately, I have been feeling quite
nostalgic and reflecting on the sights and sounds of my youth. This morning I woke up with
Whitney Houston on my mind. I first noticed Whitney when I was about six years old; in the
den of my childhood home with my parents watching the “I Wanna Dance with Somebody”
music video. The vivid colors, the incredible 80s fashion and this absolutely stunning young
woman with a voice unlike anything I had ever heard before. She looked like a princess from a
fairytale, but she dressed like my cool Aunt ZZ. What stands out for me the most today, is that
in the video, Whitney appeared to be having so much fun! She was alive in a world bathed in
neon colors, surrounded by men who were having as much fun as she was; dancing and moving
from scene to scene ultimately giving me a mood, an emotion and an anthem that would
outlast even her. I was sold. Plugged into all things colorful, beautiful, celebratory and Whitney
for life.

I fell in love with Whitney at about six but I didn’t discover the entire album that “I Wanna
Dance with Somebody” was on until I was about ten or eleven. I had worn out the then new
“I’m Your Baby tonight” album to the point where I was craving new Whitney music; so I went
back to her earlier work to get my fix. My Aunt ZZ always had an extensive music collection so I
went to her house to record a cassette of the entire album. (For the younger millennials in the
room, please feel free to google cassettes and then return to this post). I rode home playing “I
Wanna Dance with Somebody,” “So Emotional” and “Love is a Contact Sport” in my Walkman
(google that too!) until my ears where ringing from the volume being too loud. I have always
been partial to high energy, up tempo danceable music – especially as a kid. Later in the
evening around my bedtime was when I would listen to the mid-tempo and slower songs to
gain the full breadth of the album and to lull myself to sleep.

During those late-night listening sessions, I would give full concerts alone in my bed. I would lip
sync the power ballads. Songs of love, heart break and devastation that I could only pretend to
understand based on my adolescent experiences. I hadn’t had a date; let alone anything
resembling a relationship; and I wouldn’t have one for another decade. But based on those
private silent performances you would have thought I had experienced years filled with,
infatuation, romance, lust, love, marriage, cheating and divorce. My favorite songs to perform
were, “Just the Lonely Talking Again”, Didn’t We Almost Have it All” and my most favorite
“Where do Broken Hearts go.” As I reflect on these songs today I know they all had one thing
in common – they were written to deal with grief.

The stages of grief have often been listed as: shock and disbelief, denial, guilt, anger and
bargaining (reflecting on the past); depression & loneliness. Healing can begin when you reach
the stage of reconstruction and working through (testing), and finally, acceptance.

Ultimately, I know the song is about getting dumped. He tells her he needs space. This
translates to “I’d like you to go away.” And what she learned from this was that she needs him
desperately. Whoever wrote this had my ideal client in mind. I doubt that the song writers for
Whitney where thinking about systemic racism, oppression, police brutality, and injustice when
they wrote these lyrics. But, when I think beyond the obvious meaning, there are questions in
the lyrics that can be applied to these situations.

Last night, what started as peaceful protests, erupted into violence and destruction in cities
throughout the United States. This was in response to the death of an unarmed, handcuffed,
beaten black man who was asphyxiated; slowly, cruelly and while defenseless against his
murderers. This violent inhumane act was conducted by men who represent the system of
American Law Enforcement. It happened; again. It was filmed; again. The response for justice
for this execution is moving slowly; again. People are grieving; again. Outraged; again.
Overwhelmed; again. But this time; some people were ready to tear some shit up; again. To hurt
people back; again. And to get some form of justice that they can recognize; again. I see this all
as an answer to the question of where broken heart can go.

Nothing about this scenario is romantic. But for those who are the closest connected to the
victims of these human atrocities, this is where their broken hearts have led them. To grief. I am
unable to recognize a time in American history when those who have been victimized have been
given the opportunity to rebuild and work through their grief before another incident occurs that
sends them back into shock, disbelief and anger again. The broken heart of the black American
has never been given an opportunity to repair, to reconstruct or heal itself let alone be accepted in
a country that has been marinated in racism.

When I think of the lyrics of the song and how it applies to this scenario, the question that it asks
is can they find their way home, back to the open arms of a love that is waiting there. The
question that I would assume many would ask is what is home? The victimized have been shown
repeatedly that home is not safe despite the fact that they are the ones who prepared the land and
laid the foundation for homes to be built upon. What do you do when the arms of love lay limp
and lifeless in the streets as a result of individuals who have been given the ability to enforce
supreme power over you?

As we create this space to love lighter we must also acknowledge the weight of carrying years
of dark experiences in our DNA. We must also face the current darkness that some use to keep
us frightened, or angry and ultimately in grief. I still believe that the beauty and magic of
Whitney’s neon world exist but this is a time to when grief makes that world feel unrealistic and
unachievable. I would never pretend to have perfect answers to resolve these feelings; or to
imply that letting go of so much trauma is a simple task but I would also never give up on the
belief that healing your broken heart is possible.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wa3tfVjGCQ8

With that I would like to create space for others to speak their truth and talk about their grief in
a productive way.

 How do you find healing when it feels like your world won’t allow you the time and
space to do so?
 What songs do you reflect on to work through life’s challenges?

 What makes you feel safe in the times of uncertainty?

 What would you want the people who are not as connected to your grief to
understand?