Considerate Phil Russell

A Short Story
by John Doe

Phil Russell was thinking about Gregory Kowalski again.

Gregory was a clever writer with brunette feet and greasy
warts.

Phil walked over to the window and reflected on his quiet

surroundings. He had always loved wild Sleepford with its
encouraging, eager estuaries. It was a place that encouraged
his tendency to feel cross.

Then he saw something in the distance, or rather someone. It

was the a clever figure of Gregory Kowalski.

Phil gulped. He glanced at his own reflection. He was a

considerate, special, beer drinker with feathery feet and ruddy
warts. His friends saw him as a high, helpful hero. Once, he
had even saved a grotesque deaf person that was stuck in a
drain.

But not even a considerate person who had once saved a

grotesque deaf person that was stuck in a drain, was prepared
for what Gregory had in store today.

The wind blew like bouncing rats, making Phil fuzzy. Phil
grabbed a magic teapot that had been strewn nearby; he
massaged it with his fingers.

As Phil stepped outside and Gregory came closer, he could see

the red glint in his eye.

Gregory gazed with the affection of 9865 peculiar brainy

badgers. He said, in hushed tones, "I love you and I want a
kiss."

Phil looked back, even more fuzzy and still fingering the magic
teapot. "Gregory, I'm in love with you," he replied.
They looked at each other with stressed feelings, like two
kindly, kaleidoscopic koalas gyrating at a very arrogant
Christening, which had indie music playing in the background
and two arrogant uncles rampaging to the beat.

Suddenly, Gregory lunged forward and tried to punch Phil in the

face. Quickly, Phil grabbed the magic teapot and brought it
down on Gregory's skull.

Gregory's brunette feet trembled and his greasy warts wobbled.

He looked ecstatic, his emotions raw like a kindhearted, knobby
kettle.

Then he let out an agonising groan and collapsed onto the

ground. Moments later Gregory Kowalski was dead.

Phil Russell went back inside and made himself a nice drink of
beer.

THE END

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Auto Praise for Considerate Phil Russell
"I feel like I know Phil Russell. In a way, it feels as though I've
always known him."
- The Daily Tale
"About as enjoyable as being hailed on whilst taking in washing
that has been targeted by seagulls with the squits."
- Enid Kibbler
"Saying the wind blew like bouncing rats is just the kind of
literary device that makes this brilliant."
- Hit the Spoof
"I could do better."
- Zob Gloop