​ Soul Searching

Written by ​Melinda Bartley

Marie washed her hands, dried them on a soft pink towel, she picked up a brown parcel on the kitchen
counter and handed it to her tall daughter and kissed her good-bye as she ran out the back door to catch the school
bus. Marie watched her running out in her bright blue dress and her white shoes, she yelled out, “Love you!” as Leah
climbed aboard. Baby Sarah was now running around their new house scattering her toys everywhere.

Sam came down and sat at the table. Marie quickly grabbed the plate of toast with eggs and bacon from the kitchen
counter and placed it in front of him. She leaned down and gave him a peck on the cheek. After handing him the
newspaper, she walked over to the living room and turned on the TV. She sat down right in the middle of the white
sofa and put her legs up on the coffee table. Sam looked over to see a coy smile on her face. “What are you smiling
about?”

“Nothing. Just thinking.”

“About?” he asked.

“About life. I told you we’d make it. You wouldn’t believe me.” She let out a little giggle followed by a proud smile.

A small smile crept up on his face, and he couldn’t help but feel content looking at Marie curiously watching
the TV. He turned around to eat his breakfast.

Two years earlier…

Brown leaves rolled down the mud road as a light breeze blew over the small suburban rundown town where
the Sanders resided. Naughty Leah who was just over four years old was running in and out of her sweet old cottage,
while her mother watched from the kitchen window, and yelled out every now and then, “Careful!” as she cooked up a
good pot of mushroom soup. It was all they could afford, for they hadn’t had very much since their father lost his job
at the construction company. Mrs. Sanders grew a few vegetables in her garden and scraped through feeding Mr.
Sanders and their two daughters as the months rolled on by.

Leah earned her nickname of Naughty Leah from the old lady next door who couldn’t stand children very
much. Quite a bitter old lady she was, but Leah loved nothing more than to run about her garden which had the most
beautiful flowers. One day when the old lady caught her plucking her newly blossomed red roses, Leah ran away
while the old lady wobbled down the path behind her screaming, “Naughty girl! Naughty girl!” The next day while the
red roses scented Mrs. Sanders kitchen as they lay in a vase on the window sill, she peered outside the window to
see the old lady chatting to every passerby. She could hear her talking about her daughter and how Mrs. Sanders
needs to learn a lesson on how to discipline her children. Soon everybody in the small quaint neighborhood heard it,
and Leah came to be known as Naughty Leah. She couldn’t stand the sight of the old lady badmouthing the innocent
child. She mumbled under her voice, and carried on with her work, and the evening sun was soon turning orange. As
Mrs. Sanders prepared for her husband’s return home, she heard her daughter, just a few months under a year old,
cry “Mama.” With joy she turned around and her arm hit the hot pot’s handle and the soup went flying in the air. But
Mrs. Sanders didn’t care, she picked up Leah and ran to her baby, swooped her up in her other arm, and kept
repeating “Mama! Say Ma-Ma.” And out from the baby’s mouth “Mama” set sail in the air, and Mrs. Sanders jumped
for joy, as Leah laughed uncontrollably. She knew right then that her daughter was going to be something! She was
going to make it big and take them away from this burrow of a house! Just then the door swung open and in walked
tired Mr. Sanders.

She ran to her husband, “Sarah said ‘Mama’!”

“Oh, she did? That’s great.” He replied in a low gruff voice.

“Well, aren’t you a sight for sore eyes. Are you tired, darling? I’m so sorry I spilled over the soup. But I'll make some
more.”

“You spilt it over?” as he glared at the pot lying on the floor.

“Never mind. I’m going to bed.” he said in disgust.

“Wait! Tell me about your day. Any luck?” she asked.

“No. Not a thing I tell you.” He took a long pause and sighed. “Mr. Josephs got the Berlington deal.”

Mrs. Sanders face fell, she placed both her children down on the sofa, and slowly moved over to hug her
husband and said, “Oh, darling, that’s awful news. I know how hard you worked for that.” She held him tight. “No
worries. Better opportunities will come! They will! I know it.” She knew her husband was a brilliant man, he had a
degree in chemical engineering because of his father’s power over him, but he loved construction. After his father
died he shifted his trade and joined the Sterner and Harper Construction Company. It was a dead-end job, he never
made enough, and he always heard his father’s voice telling him, “Construction is not what my son will be doing!”He
pushed her away and glared down at her. “Enough! I don’t need the optimism right now. I’m going to bed.”

“But they will, darling.” She called out after him.

“Please be quiet already.” And he slammed the bedroom door behind him so hard that a piece of the tile roof over the
living room came crashing down, just nearly missing Leah. Leah ran to her mother and hugged her leg! As Mrs.
Sanders embraced the frightened child, she yelled at the bedroom door, “Now look what you’ve done. You got to
come out here and fix it!” A heaving Mr. Sanders walked out of the room carrying the whole weight of his body like it
was an extra burden on himself. He looked up at the blue sky and the orange rays of the sunset coming in through
the hole, he turned to his wife, sighed deeply and he grabbed his tools and went out the front door.

As he tink-tinked away on the roof trying to fill up the missing piece, Mrs. Sanders calmed her two children
down, and put a pot on the stove. She laid out the table with flowers in the center and two big bowls of piping hot
soup. She called out to Leah and gave her her own big bowl which had the outline of puppies on the sides on it.

On the roof, Mr. Sanders smelled the whiffs of soup in the air. It smelled good, and he was hungry, but all
that crossed his mind was “Boring old soup again.” He was sick and tired of his downtrodden life. His mind wandered
back to the days when he had just met Marie. She was sitting outside a small bakery, laughing to her friend as he
watched her from across the street. God knows what came over him, but he crossed the road and found himself
walking up to her. He’d never approached a woman, he had no clue what had come over him. The closest he had
got to talking to a girl was Susie in the ninth grade. He had accidentally let it slip while he and his friends were sitting
by their neighborhood pond that he thought she was the cutest girl in the class. They battered him to go up and talk to
her. But as he approached little Miss Susie standing by the oak tree waiting for the bus while the leaves blew past
her, she turned and looked at him. His heart raced and his mind was erased for that split second and he looked
vacantly at her and walked on by. After that he had sworn off going up to talk to any girl. But now as he watched
Marie laugh and throw her head back as her auburn hair swished behind her, he was filled with an emotion he had
never felt before. He moved closer and closer and paused for a moment as he pretended to look at the menu that
hung over on the wall behind the counter. “Can I take your order?” the man behind the counter asked. “Huh?” replied
Sam, suddenly being awakened from his reverie. “No, no. I’m still undecided.” He felt somebody over his shoulder
and he glanced to see Marie standing behind him. He quickly shuffled aside and said, “Pardon me, ma’am. Go on
up.” She threw a pleasant smile his way and walked up and placed her order. When he realized his hands were
trembling he slid them into his pockets. She looked at him with what looked like a curious look, and he realized he’d
been staring at her. He shifted his eyes and glanced over at the man behind the counter stumbling with a cup of
coffee. After much of a clown act, he brought her a plate of muffins and a mug of coffee and as she reached into her
purse to pay, Sam pulled out a note and handed it to the man, saying, “For the pretty lady.” She grinned and said
“Why, thank you.” A breeze blew in through the door and he caught the apple smell of her hair. He held out her tray to
her. “Here you go, ma’am.” She reached out for it, but he felt himself pulling the tray closer to him. She drew her head
back and gave him a stern look. He immediately placed the tray in her hand and walked out the door.

He found himself outside on the footpath gazing at traffic, thinking to himself what a fool he had been for
doing that. He gazed off into the bustle of people walking around him, he looked at the tall buildings surrounding
them. He lost himself in eying the detail of the tall magnificent structure that stood before him like a concrete Titan.
He only wished he would get a chance to be the creator of a building like that. He was fascinated by the world at that
moment and suddenly he was knocked back into his senses when a man slammed into his left shoulder sending him
stumbling through the crowd. He landed on the concrete pavement which sent a jolt up his whole body. He got up to
look at what had hit him, but the man was already running, with two girls running after him. His eyes caught the
glimpse of a bag between the man’s arm. Suddenly, time stopped for him. He realized the girl of his dreams was
standing there screaming for help as her purse had been stolen. He thought, “What a great opportunity to catch the
man, return the purse, be her hero!” This was going to be his moment of glory, his way of getting to talk to her. In
what seemed like a split second, he lifted himself ready to run and the whole world spun.

“Hello?.... Sir??”

“Sir, are you all right?”

“We’d better get him to a hospital. Come on.”

He woke up to a beeping sound that annoyed his left ear. He groaned and opened his eyes to the sight of a pretty
face peering down at him. “How do you feel?”

“Where am I?”

“You’re at Gover Hospital. You had a bad fall. Nothing serious.”

“Huh? Who are you?” He was feeling very uneasy.

“Oh, hi, I’m Marie.” She put out her hand to shake his but he didn’t return the gesture.

She slowly withdrew her hand and smiled. “I’ll get the nurse.”

Sam was still in a daze. He had no clue what had just happened. Suddenly he remembered something about a bag.
No, a purse. What was it?

Marie came breezing into the room with a nurse following her. The nurse looked like a forty-something
exhausted lady, but there was something about her that made everything around her look more alive. She brought in
an air of perkiness into the room. “Well, you’re awake! Good! All right, I’m just gonna give you a little something. She
popped out a syringe, dug it into a bottle, and pierced his flesh.” He felt the liquid rise through his arm and soon he
was at ease. He looked at Marie and smiled. “What happened?” he asked her looking at her like as if he’d known her
his whole life. She jumped up on a stool by his bedside and narrated the whole story to him. He zoned out as he
gazed into her face, her high cheek bones, the little dash of rouge on her cheeks, her dark brown eyes, her smooth
hazel lipstick… “And as I whacked him on his face with my umbrella, he came tumbling into you! That was such a
funny moment. Betty and I were laughing about it! Are you okay? You seem a little out of it?”Suddenly he snapped
back to her story, “Yes! I’m all right. Thank you.” He suddenly felt her hand on his forehead and it grazed through his
hair to push it off his forehead. He kept looking at her and it was then that he knew she’d be his wife. He listened to
her talk sweetly like a perky bird chirping away in the room, and he gazed out of the window into the bright blue
cloudless sky.

The sky turned burnt orange and Sam realized he had finished fixing the roof, but he was still sitting up
there, for no reason, he just stared at the setting sun with the orange sky behind it. It looked beautiful but he couldn’t
appreciate that beauty. What with life being so ugly? He wondered how such a beautiful sight unfolded before him.
He stared at it harder and harder trying to make it go away. Realizing his attempts were futile, he finally looked away,
and he blinked and all he could see were little yellow dots floating around him! He tried blinking them away but it just
wouldn’t go away. He felt a small child in him jump for joy at this feeling. He realized he had stared at the sun too
long. He hadn’t done that since he was a little brat playing in the park while his mother yelled, “Careful, Sammy!”

“Sam, come on down! Dinner’s getting cold.” Marie yelled up the ladder.

He packed up his tools, and climbed back down, suddenly feeling invigorated. He felt something inside of him
stirring. He walked into the house and took in his life in one long deep breath. He watched his wife wander through
the house busily, but she still had a look of contentment on her face. The children were lapping up their soup like they
had never tasted anything so delicious before. Thoughts raced through his head, his life wasn’t pathetic, he was. He
had the most wonderful wife, the most beautiful children; a little optimism never hurt anyone. He wasn’t living his life,
his life was passing him by.

That night he laughed at the table, he swooped Leah up into his arms and threw her in the air and caught her
as she came flying back down, laughing joyously! Marie looked cynically at her husband wondering if he was all right.
But she let her short-lived cynicism go and enjoyed the night as they reminisced on the past, and laughed till they
cried. Sarah kept saying Mama, and Sam kept telling her, “No! Say Da-Da! Da-da.” As Marie lay in bed staring at the
ceiling she felt a warmth from her husband she hadn’t felt in a while. She felt fuzzy all over. Soon she saw everything
go hazy, and before she knew it everything went black.

“Cock-a-doodle-doo...” cried the rooster from the neighbor’s barn. Marie woke up feeling like that was the best sleep
she had had in years! She got out of bed and went about her routine chores. She tended to the children, cooked
breakfast, washed the clothes, tidied up the house.

Sam sprang out of bed, put on his best suit, grabbed his cup of tea, kissed his wife goodbye, and ran out the
door. He suddenly stopped and turned back. He saw his wife going about her usual routine, he saw his children
playing. He suddenly felt that satisfied. He didn’t need anything more than what he had. Marie waved to him. He
gazed back at this sight as if it were a dream. He waved back and went on his way.

Marie watched her husband walking down the road. She knew something inside of him had popped. She
watched him take off on his three-mile walk to catch the bus into the city with so much energy. Any other day she
would see him dragging himself down the road, but she saw a change in his eyes when he said goodbye. Something
inside of him was burning.

A few weeks later there was a change in the household. There was a crispness to the air, the floor shined,
the curtains glowed in the sunlight, the house was warm and there was a sparkle in Marie’s eyes and a gleam of
hope in Sam’s. Weeks had gone by, and Sam was still hitting dead ends at every job he tried for. But he was
determined not to give up.

A few months down the line, Sam looked down at the sheets of paper in front of him. All he had to do was
put his signature on the dotted line and the contract for the Cummerbond project was his. This meant work for the
next five years was guaranteed. His saggy eyes and rundown look showed he had worked to the bone to get the
deal, but the gleam in his eyes showed that it was worth it.

Back home, Marie had cooked up a stuffed chicken to celebrate. With this job, he would make enough
money to shift his family out of the poor suburbs they lived in. They would be able to afford a place in the city, a
bigger place! He’d bring Marie flowers every day. He prayed to God that nothing would break this deal.

Present Day

Sam sighed, thanked the Lord for his breakfast before him and dug in.