Your 19-month-old's social and mail

e-

emotional development: Eager to print

help share

by Dana Sullivan
Reviewed by the BabyCenter Medical Advisory Board
Highlights
New this month: Eager to help
What you can do
Other developments: Craving an audience, preparing for a sibling

New this month: Eager to help

As you've observed, your child has learned much by imitation and is interested in doing many of the things
he sees you do — especially if the jobs seem important. He may insist on helping you wash the car, empty
the dishwasher, fold laundry, and so on. His desire to help, as you know, far outweighs his ability, but the
more you insist that you don't need his assistance, the more he'll demand "Me do it!" So your challenge is to
find ways to let him in on the act. Toddlers don't see the difference between work and play, so you might as
well encourage him to help you while he's willing.

What you can do

Let your toddler toss the dirty clothes and dump the scoop of detergent into the washing machine, for
instance, or give him a rag so he can clean the tires on the car (or better yet, let him hold the hose — always
thrilling for a child). Show him how to put dirty spoons into the silverware basket in the dishwasher, or stow
his plastic plates and cups in a low cupboard so that when you're emptying the dishwasher he can put those
things away himself.

Other developments: Craving an audience, preparing for a sibling

Though your toddler's desire to be the show-stopper 24/7 may have waned a little bit, he still enjoys an
audience. Expect repeat performances of any antics that get a response from you. He thrives on adoring
adult attention, and may wither if you scold him. If you tell him not to do something in a harsh or impatient
tone, he may cry and come to you for a hug since he needs reassurance that you're not angry with him.

If you're planning to enlarge your family, you're probably wondering how the arrival of a new baby will affect
your toddler. There's no easy way to say it: It may be difficult, at least for a little while. But put yourself in
your child's shoes. He's been the main attraction for quite some time and now someone else is going to
steal the show.

While you don't want to start talking about the new baby too far in advance, since a toddler can't really
understand the difference between a day and a month, at some point he'll notice that there's not as much
room on your lap as there used to be. You can help make the adjustment period a little bit easier with some
advance preparation. Here are a few parent-tested tips:
•  Make a scrapbook with pictures from catalogs of baby items such as a crib, stroller, infant car seat, and so
on. As you look through the book with your toddler, tell him about the things "his" baby will need.

•  Let him help you wash, fold, and put away the new baby's clothes and blankets.

•  Buy him a special baby doll so he can practice loving a baby, and teach him a special song that he can
sing to his doll and then to his new brother or sister.

•  See all our articles on toddler development.

Your 22-month-old's social and mail

e-

emotional development: Issuing print

orders share

by Dana Sullivan
Highlights
New this month: Issuing orders
What you can do
Other developments: Expressing love and cooperating ... maybe

New this month: Issuing orders

Now that your toddler can communicate using both words and gestures, you can expect him to become
quite bossy. Mostly he's experimenting with how his ability to communicate affects the people around him.
For instance, he might yell "Stop!" when you start singing his favorite song. It's not that he really wants you
to stop singing. He's more interested in seeing how you respond to his order. If he demands "Help me!"
when he's playing with a toy, you're witnessing a huge developmental leap. Rather than throwing a toy he
can't operate, he can now ask you to help him figure it out. "Look!" is another frequent command. Usually
this request signifies a need for your approval. He may want you to compliment one of his scribbles, block
towers, or simply acknowledge that he put on his socks. Praising his specific achievements will give him the
confidence to keep trying new things on his own.

What you can do

Use your toddler's bossy behavior as a springboard to teaching "please" and "thank-you." For example,
when he says "Help," teach him to say "Help, please!" You can also use his demands to get a conversation
going. When he says "Stop," ask him to explain why he wants you to stop doing whatever you're doing.
Although your toddler probably doesn't have the vocabulary to give you a real explanation, you may be
surprised at how well he expresses himself.

Other developments: Expressing love and cooperating ... maybe

Your toddler may delight you and a few other special people in his life by showering you with affection. He
will freely hug and kiss you, and (usually) come to you when called. He doesn't totally understand what it
means to cooperate, but he recognizes that it makes you happy when he does. He may even be willing to
help with some chores, such as putting away books and toys when you suggest it.

Other children go through a standoffish phase around this age. If yours isn't particularly loving or
cooperative, be patient. Keep in mind that this can be a confusing time for toddlers. They have many
feelings but they can't always express them with words.

If your toddler has begun to reject your hugs and kisses or has become uncooperative, give some thought to
what could be causing him to act this way. Is there a new baby at home? Have you been working late or
traveling? Your toddler may be overwhelmed by his feelings but unable to tell you. Try asking him questions
about how he's feeling ("Are you angry with Mommy about something? Are you upset with me because I
worked late? Would you like to spend more time with me?"), even if his answers hurt you. Understand that
he's trying to make sense of his emotions.

•  See all our articles on toddler development.

Your 24-month-old's social and mail

e-

emotional development: Playing print

together share

by Dana Sullivan
Highlights
New this month: Playing together
What you can do
Other developments: Reverting to baby behavior, modeling masculine and feminine, social milestones
Social Milestones

New this month: Playing together

By his second birthday your toddler may be interested in sharing his play space with a peer, but don't expect
him to actually share his playthings in a combined activity (like pushing cars around a track or building a
block tower together) just yet. Some 2-year-olds play briefly together, but it's more typical to see them
playing side-by-side. Children this age often enjoy watching each other play and may even imitate one
another. Two-year-old toddlers continue to be very clear about what they want, but they're starting to
understand that sometimes they need to put others' needs ahead of their own.

What you can do

Sharing will probably be difficult for at least another year, but you can introduce your child to the concept by
playing a simple "My Turn, Your Turn," game. When you're making pancakes, for instance, say "my turn" as
you stir the batter, then hand the spoon to your toddler and say "your turn." Or you can set a timer and
explain that when the bell rings it's time for someone else to have a turn with a toy. An unwillingness to
share is developmentally normal for a 2-year old, but you can still start to introduce the concept to him. For
more ways to teach a toddler to share, see what one of our developmental experts has to say
Other developments: Reverting to baby behavior, modeling
masculine and feminine, social milestones
If your toddler proudly claims to be a "big kid" one day and then whines to be held like a baby the next,
you're experiencing a common toddler phenomenon known as regression. Sometimes this behavior is
simply a sign that your toddler's memory is improving and he can recall the happy parts of being a baby.
Other times, he may just want the warmth of your hugs and attention, especially if his routine has changed,
there's a new baby in the house, you're planning a move or recently made one, or even if you've been
arguing with your partner. Your toddler may also be trying to tell you that he's a little overwhelmed by his
recent attempts to become independent. You can help ease his stress by lowering your expectations.
Instead of pushing him to clean up his room himself, for example, help him put away the toys and clothes. If
he asks for a bottle repeatedly, you may want to give him one once in a while, but resist the urge to lecture
him on how disappointed you are that he's using a bottle. Instead take every opportunity to praise him when
he uses a cup.

Around age 2, many children become attuned to gender differences. A boy will start imitating adult male
behavior, and girls will imitate the women in their lives. You may notice how your son tries to imitate his
dad's walk or wants to wear a baseball cap — or how your daughter pretends to put on lipstick. Children
don't always imitate the same-sex role model, and that's normal, too. At this age they're merely
experimenting and figuring out which identity feels most comfortable.

According to the American Academy of Pediatrics, there's no need to encourage your girl to play with dolls
or to push your boy to play with trucks. When allowed to choose, boys and girls will naturally play with all
types of toys, and they'll benefit from the variety.

Social Milestones
Children develop at different rates, but the American Academy of Pediatrics has a list of social "milestones"
that most children reach by their second birthday. The following behaviors are considered typical for a 2-
year-old:

•  Imitates the behavior of adults and older children

•  Is aware of himself as a person separate from others

•  Is enthusiastic about playing with other children

•  Is increasingly independent

•  Has begun to show defiant behavior

•  Has fewer episodes of separation anxiety

If your child isn't doing these things, talk to his healthcare provider for advice.

•  See all our articles on toddler development.

Your 23-month-old's social and mail

e-

emotional development: Looking print

up to big kids share

by Dana Sullivan
Highlights
New this month: Looking up to big kids
What you can do
Other developments: Learning to talk about feelings

New this month: Looking up to big kids

Your toddler may be showing an interest in playing with other children and especially imitating what he sees
other kids doing. If your toddler has an older sibling, don't be surprised to see him follow his brother or sister
around the house — all day long. Your toddler may try to dribble a basketball the way he sees an older
sibling do it, wrestle with older kids, or join a game of tag. Your child may try to win his sibling's affection by
offering him cookies or other prized possessions. He also wants to entertain you and his siblings by making
funny faces.

If you're expecting another baby, experts say it's a good idea to tell your toddler about three or four months
before the arrival. At that point he can see what you're talking about (your expanding belly), and the big
event is not so far away that he'll get bored by the idea.

What you can do

Consider doubling up on a few toys to minimize the inevitable "mine" arguments. You don't have to buy two
of everything, of course, but if your toddler loves trucks, for instance, make sure there's one for him and
something similar for his sibling, so they can play side by side with minimal grabbing.

When you schedule playdates for your toddler, choose times that he's generally well rested and in a good
mood. If your toddler usually naps from 1:00 to 3:00, a noon gathering is probably asking for trouble. Keep
the playdates short — 30 to 60 minutes is about right for children this age.

•  Get more ideas on how to make playdates go smoothly

Other developments: Learning to talk about feelings

Toddlers have feelings too — and they're just starting to develop the vocabulary to express them. You can
help nurture your child's emotional intelligence, or "EQ" by teaching him the words that mirror his feelings,
both good and bad. "I see that you're sad because we have to leave the park now." Or, "You get angry when
your brother won't share his trucks with you." You can also help him understand that it's okay to have
conflicting emotions, such as when he feels both nervous and excited about his new tumbling class.

Has your toddler started referring to himself by his name, or maybe the pronoun "I"? If so, this an important
clue that he fully understands he's a separate person from you. Sieze opportunities to help build his self-
confidence by praising him for specific individual achievements. Try to avoid saying general things like
"What a good boy you are" and instead hone in on specifics, such as "I really like the way you made that
tower."