Bliss Harvesters

by Teodor Mihalcea

‘Want to get in bed with the princess of the dragons? Or maybe a harem, in space, with
aliens of different races. How about skydiving from the top of a volcano, while it’s erupting. All
this, and more, if you come to one of our centres, we got everything you’re looking for, because
we can grant any wish you have with our top of the line simulator.’

“Here comes our boss.”

‘But it’s not the real deal, you might say. No, No, No! I gotcha bro. I got yo’ ass. Don’t be
worrying, leave that to us. Cuz’ with our special program, ‘Feels the reels’ you get to feel, the
real, sensations that anybody would feel, while, I don’t know, doing what your crazy mind wants
to do. With our program, everything is possible, and after you step into the machine, everything
is real. Or at least you’d think it is.
So come, feel everything you’d like to feel, do everything you’d like to do, and pay for
your actions, but only in the form of our fee.’

“And now, the song.”

“Ah. It’s catchy. I like the commercial.”
“I hate it, every time I come to work, I hear this, in the lobby, in the elevator, in the
motherfucking bathrooms. I can’t even take a piss without hearing the song, and his voice.”
“Well, he looks and talks kinda like a bad guy.”
“He is, kinda, a bad guy. Not the worst between the employees. But…”
“So, what do you do?”
“I’m… It’s hard to explain.”
“Try, I may be smarter than I look.”
“You sure are.”
“You mean I don’t look smart?”
 “No, no! I mean yes! You look very smart, and you are. I… I just…”
“ Hahaha. I’m joking, chill. So, tell me.”
“Ok. I work in the Bli…it’s… So you saw the machine at the end of the commercial,
right?”
“Mhm. Yes.”
“Ok, I, that machine puts you in a sleeping state, more like a light coma, so it is able to
shut down some parts of the brain, without doing any damage. After that, the machine connects
to those parts of the brain, and wakes up the, person sitting in it, but that person, wakes up in a
simulation. It’s so realistic that the person never knows he is in a simulation, until the simulation
ends, and he is told that. That’s why they are turning off parts of the brain, if the brain never
even thinks that is possible that the reality it’s seeing is a simulation, then that possibility,
doesn’t come to mind until it’s already over, and everything is already experienced.”
“Wow. That was, a mouthful. But still, what is your input in all of this?”
“I, so, the machine can simulate everything, actually, whatever you can think of, the
machine simulates it, and the brain imagines it. The brain takes the data from the machine, and
builds the world, the characters, the environment, the…everything that has to do with the
experience the client wants to feel. But, if the client just goes, and does what he wants to do,
like…let’s say skydiving. The brain will only build, and transmit to the body, the feels and
emotions, and sensations, that it already knows. So, that man, would not feel how it really feels
to skydive. The adrenaline would not pump as much or as little as it should, the… All the
chemical reactions, that happen in a body of someone who jumps, the brain of someone who
never jumped, wouldn’t be able to reproduce.”
“So much information. And still…”
“Wait. Now we are coming to what I do. I am one of the, people that help with that aspect.
So that, the client would, ‘Feels the reels’.”
“Hahahah. That line kills me. With your voice, it sounds just wrong.”
“What’s wrong with my voice?”
“Nothing. Hahaha. But never say that again, please.”
“Ok.”
“So, how do you do that? I heard a rumour that your division, is called, Bliss Harvesters.”
“What? How do you… Where did you heard that?”
“I haven’t told you, but I have a colleague at work, and her husband is working with you.
And…but she didn’t tell me anything about your job, she said that her husband doesn’t talk too
much about what he does.”
“Yeah, we are not allowed to talk about our job. Well, about what we do at our job. How…
But I can tell you what we do, in big. Bliss Harvesters…”
“If you can, I’d love to hear.”
“We have special devices implanted in our body, especially our head and nerves. These
devices measure and store everything that we feel, so that information goes in the simulation,
and thus, the client also feels the things that he sees and does in the simulation. It’s, I don’t want
to say it to brag, but it’s 100% accurate. So, if a person wants to skydive, we go and skydive, and
our information is put in the machine. Well, that’s not a perfect example, because we already did
that, it was one of our first tasks, a few years back, and we won’t have to do it again as it is
stored in the database. Unless someone wants something specific, like having sex while
skydiving, or doing drunk or drugged skydiving. So, the thing is we have the basics, what we do
now, are the special requirements like the last ones. The complex ones, the things that we yet
don’t have.”
“I see. Can you give me an example? Of something that you did lately?”
“Uhm…”
“If you can’t, it’s no problem.”
“I, one of the last ones, that I can talk about, was, parkour in an abandoned old building,
with destructible environment and surprise, life threatening events. So we built an environment
for me, with traps and falls that I wouldn’t know about, and I had to do some parkour through
there, and get scared when shit happened. And survive.”
“But you did this safely no?”
“This is, for the clients to be safe, not for us. They have to feel the threat of death, the fear
of one mistaken step that could kill them. I can’t feel that if I feel safe, if I have harnesses and
safety mats and everything that would save me if I fall. So, no. What we do, is dangerous, and
that’s the nice side of it.”
“The nice side?”
“We…I talked enough about me. And now that you saw where I work, can we end the date
for this night?”
“Yes. Sorry…”
“You have nothing to apologize for. After all, you should at least know something about
my job, and that is, that my job is dangerous, and there are no safety measures in what we do.”
“I know now.”
“So, there’s a risk in building a relationship with me.”
“I know.”
“Do you want me to give you a ride home?”
“No. We were supposed to go at your house tonight, watch a movie or something. This
was just a stop along the way.”
“Yes, but, now that you know…”
“It didn’t help, you’d have to do more to push me away… I like you. And now, that I know
about your job, and all the risks around it, I still like you. So, lets go to your place.”
“Ok.”
She’s stubborn. And she’s beautiful. And her smile, I have to protect that smile, because I
want to enjoy it for as long as I can. My work, never, will come home with me. There’s things, I
haven’t told her, and I never will. My job is wicked, and is sinful. I can’t let her see that part of
it. I will take her to my place, and we’ll see were this goes.

Four hours of guarding the ceiling, I guess it’s time to wake up now, get up. Who can sleep
with what’s to come? I bet they didn’t either.
“Mmm. Where are you going?”
“To work, it’s morning, and I have to get there early.”
“But you said that you only have to work when there are special requests, or I don’t know
what else you said. You said a lot, and you filled my head, and I’m so sleepy right now… So
please, don’t think that I don’t listen to you, or that you are talking and I don’t care. But I’m so
sleepy.”
“We slept for only 3 hours or so, go back to sleep, and if you’ll wait for me to get back,
we’ll go to a restaurant.”
“Sounds delightful, and I don’t have to go to work for the rest of the month, so I’ll stay
around.”
“OK…”
It’s harder today, to get out of bed, more than usual. Oh, yes, not only because of her, it’s
also because of my assignment. The Jacobs… This day will turn to shit in no time.

“Josh! Are you ready for another Jacobs fuckfest?”

Con comes to me rather energetic, only his face betraying the lack of sleep, like mine.
“Never. Are you ready, Con?”
“Me? I just want to die, knowing that what they’ll tell us today, will be, even more fucked
up than last time. They always manage to outfuck themselves.”
“First, too many fucks. Second, I don’t even think you used them right, for example…”
“Hey old buddies. Long time, no kill. Is it true what I heard?”
Jason comes in and greets us wit a similar unslept face.
“Yes, it’s the Jacobs.”
“C’mon Josh, don’t be sad, let’s have some fun and do our best.”
“It’s never fun, what the Jacobs make us do.”
“It’s not, but life is about how you make it to be. How you see it, how you feel it.”
“Fuck off with that bullshit thing. What drugs did you smoke?”
“Josh, what you think?”
“What Con said.”
“Josh, Con, Jason. Are you ready?”
 “No.”
We all answered at the same time, like we planned to do it. But boss wasn’t impressed by
this. Mostly, because he must’ve had the same answer in his mind.
“That’s the spirit, let’s go.”
“But boss, is this assignment that complex that you have to participate too?”
Con seems a little worried.
“From what I’ve heard. And also last time it turned into a nightmare, because I wasn’t
there, so every time the Jacobs want something, I’ll come in the equation, apparently.”
“That’s good to hear.”
For the old times sake, but for what we will have to do, I’d like him to stay this one out.
“Well you fucked up pretty hard last time, I mean the clients liked it, but that’s not a
compliment coming from them.”
“But, you’ll see why we fucked up immediately.”
“What do you mean Jason?”
“Let’s go, and you’ll see.”
We head for the conference room, where the secretary opens the doors and invites us in.
We are the first to arrive. It’s early so we don’t continue our talking anymore, we’re just drinking
our coffees and eating the complementary food prepared on the table for our guests. Whatever,
it’s ours too.
Boss as our team coordinator, that will be not fun at all. When he’s not part of our team,
not anymore, and since we became the number one team, that being in getting the most fucked
up assignments, I don’t think he’s ready for what is to come.
“But, I heard you retired boss. What are you doing here?”
“I did indeed retired, but…this isn’t something you can leave behind, and then life didn’t
got any better. I don’t think we are made to retire.”
“No, you’re right, I don’t think someone can retire from this fucking shit.”
Con has a point, I’ll let this slip.
“So, you guys, tell me, how did you manage to screw up that last Jacobs assignment so
bad, that legal got involved? And the other countries. And some corporations. And the whole…”
“Clusterfuck?”
“…yeah, that came after. “
“Well…”
Jason started talking, but then stopped. Silence fills the room. And everybody waits for
someone to break it. Only Jason could be tough enough to talk about that certain event.
 “It was a jungle hunting party. Or something like it. We managed to refuse drinking and
drugging, as you know, killing and surviving need a clear mind, and Jacobs were pissed about
that, but we had to do everything else they whispered us to do.”
“Why did you had to do everything they…”
“No. It’s ok boss, you’ll see why, in just a few minutes.”
Jason interrupts Con, and then turns to him to sign him to continue if he wishes. Con
continues.
“The Jacobs, had us hunting down people, of different ages and sex, throughout a forest.
We…”
“It’s ok Con, you don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to.”
“No, I’m fine. Boss wants to know…at least he should know what the Jacobs are capable
of. So, we went on for days with almost no sleep at all, in what was a marathon of killing, raping,
torturing, desecrating and doing things that would make even God look the other way. He whom
had seen it all, done it all, I bet even He couldn’t look at this spectacle.”
“Why did you do this, if you didn’t want to do it? If it was this much, you could’ve
refuse…”
“Wait. That’s not all. That was what was decided at first. But one, kid, managed to escape
in all that hell. Well, not escape, you know, because of the trackers. But the girl managed to run
away and put some distance between us and her. And after we finished everything, we went
hunting her down. It was perfect for the Jacobs, a real game of hunting. They were just excited to
get in the simulator and relieve this, with every minute detail. But, that’s how we sold it to them,
telling them about the hunting game, while we were wishing that she already died in the forest,
and would be spared of everything that would’ve came to those fucks mind when we’d catch her.
We just wished that we won’t be able to find her, and if we did, to find her dead.”
“Spoiler alert, we did, and she wasn’t, the end.”
Jason interrupts Con, fuck.
“Don’t interrupt me, if you don’t want to talk about it, at least don’t interfere.”
“Con, it’s ok, I don’t need to know everything. I learned what I needed to know about this
family. I’ll act accordingly.”
“Yeah. Of course.”
After Con, the room fills with silence once more. We just wait. The coffee is bitter now,
the food is rotten. And time, is our only ally. But in this war on long life, it will not help us forget
that assignment, ever.
After a few more minutes of dead silence, the doors open, and the Jacob family enters. In
order of appearance, and by that, I mean, in order of rank. First, the head, father of all, Jacob the
Third, with his sons following right behind, surprisingly, nothing with ‘the Fourth’ in it. They
were simply named, Adrian and William. After the three alpha males of the Jacob family, enter
the sisters, Emma and Ellie. And the names of some other relatives that weren’t important for us
to know.
 And then, our legal counsellor, that’s a first time, the family legal adviser, and last, but not
least, our big boss, or how he likes to call himself, Top Dog, or how we like to call him, Sir. The
very man in the commercial. The one who built this dreamlike agency. And the one that forced
us to do whatever we were told, in the second Jacobs assignment. And yes, boss is shocked,
because he never, ever, interferes with the works. But what boss doesn’t know is, that Jacobs are
rich and resourceful, and almighty.
“Alright team, I see you are complete again and ready for some action.”
“Aren’t we all?”
Jacob, the father, it’s the only one that can say something like that, following with a vile
smile. We can’t do anything but laugh. But boss, he is still a little awed by Top Dog’s
appearance.
“So, Jacob, what do you have in plan for us this time? I’m ready now, team is ready. I’ve
waited for this all night long.”
Top Dog’s smile is a little awkward, like he’s already not pleased with what he’s about to
hear. But that’s not a first for us. Between us, Top Dog, and the Jacobs who are so rich that most
probably are using the new drug, never sleep, never shit, never whatever, and boss. I think boss
is the only one in the room that managed to sleep last night, not knowing what he’s getting into.
“I want us, to do everything.”
“What?”
Boss is suddenly hit by the statement, that response was a natural reflex that came in all of
our minds. But we went already through everything, so we expected it, as the worst-case
scenario.
“Jacob, please, be a little specific, we need a planning attack, a list of things we need to
prepare for, you know we train before executing these big assignments, so they are done perf…”
“No. I wanted to come here today to see the team, I’m happy it’s the old team, as I
understand the full team, of what used to be, so that is even better. So, and, I wanted to come to
give you the small details. Everything will be secret, and also a surprise, because everything will
be spontaneous. This time, I want us to outdo ourselves. So just train like special forces or
something. Because whatever we decide to do, we will decide, with every small detail, on spot.
The environment will be provided by us, and you’ll know when you arrive there, and the people
will be procured by you I guess.”
“Whaaaaaaat?”
Top Dog reacts in a way that’s funny and not at all disrespectful, as a surprise, because, the
real reaction there would be, ‘Fuck, you, and your fucking money, die!’, and then pull out a gun
and kill the entire Jacob family. God I’d love to do that, and that would be the only time, that I
would enjoy killing. And I wouldn’t even feel bad, for killing, or enjoying it.
So, this time, he wants to bypass the Laws of War. Last time, we were so close to be sent
to trial. He just wants to destroy the barriers of humanity, to go so far… I don’t think he’s
human. I would totally believe if you’d told me now, that he’s an alien, or some kind of ancient
demon. Last time… I don’t think I can do this.
 “So, that’s for today, I wanted us to get on the same page. I’ll leave you to prepare, for
everything, in one month, we start the operation.”
Jacob family gets up and leaves the room, Top Dog follows them, and then everybody else.
Only we are left in the end, in the room. Boss has nothing to say. Jason has.
“War crimes.”
“Torture.”
I add.
“Fuck. What will we do?”
“We do it. If we don’t, someone will do it. And… We have to do this one.”
I understand what Jason wants to say. There are no better, fucked up people, to do this.
“And, this will be my last assignment.”
“Jason, you’re retiring? Fuck me. The least person to expect it from.”
“After this one, I think I’ll retire too.”
“You too Josh? And I thought Boss would be the first to retire, always. Then followed by
me, and…”
“We can also just retire together, that would be our middle finger to the company.”
“I like how that sounds.”
Con agrees with us.
“Boss, what do you think?”
“I, don’t know. Can we refuse this?”
“Yes of course, you can. We won’t.”
“Why? They’ll make you do horrible, acts of terror…”
“Because, if we don’t do it, someone else will. And we are used to this shit, we can take
this.”
“What happened last time?”
Jason gets up and goes towards the door. He’s upset.
“You guys, tell him about, that. He needs to know what he’s getting into. We meet
tomorrow at 5. At our old playground. Bring your own toys.”
Jason leaves the room. Silence falls again upon us. But, we must tell him what happened
that day. I’ll take the lead on this one.
“Sooo…”
“So.”
Con interrupts me, and quickly follows with the rest of the explanation.
“This little girl. She wasn’t in our documents. We had all of the targets in our head, and
there wasn’t a little girl in the files. When they noticed that she managed to distance herself from
the war zone, they let us hunt her until they were tired with our stalling and just gave us her
location, and file. And we saw…that she was a 10 year old girl. We hoped she would run away,
find some authorities, or just die. Because something much worse was coming for her. Us.”
“Con…”
“It’s okay. It’s true. We finished with everybody, and then we went in pursuing her. We
refused at the beginning, and continued to force them to finish the operation, while moving
towards her. But we were given an ultimatum.”
“An ultimatum? How could they force you?”
“They, the Jacob Family, had a plane ready to throw White Phosphorus on us, and
everything close up to 10 miles. Just for fun. If we didn’t satisfy their fun for them.”
“That’s…”
“As easy as snapping fingers, for them.”
“We had, to find the girl.”
“What happened after?”
“After, fuck after. As soon as we had her in our sights, as soon as those fucking monsters
saw her on their huge screens. They told us, ‘strip her’. We did. They told us… ‘ra…rape her’.
We, did. It’s no use to say that we argued, that we asked nice, we begged, we threatened. The
planes were flying just above us. We would hear how they would deploy the White Phosphorus
on the forest, to burn the bodies of the people we killed. To show us that they don’t stop at war
crimes. But…the girl. That, they brought her. It wasn’t procured by us, it wasn’t a person that
wanted to die, that was already sentenced to death, that, volunteered. She was snatched away
from her life. And brought in this hell, just for fun.”
“It’s enough.”
“No. Let me finish. They told us that they wanted us to do it while she was dying. Bleeding
out. To give her an orgasm, and that to be her last known sensation, before leaving this…fucked
up world. Jason pulled the gun and shot her in the head. We still had to rape her, dead body, but
it was better. She wasn’t crying, wasn’t feeling anything. She was just, lifeless. Her face was full
of tears. But, yeah, and then we came home. Mission accomplished.”
“Why? Why did you do something like this?”
“Why?! How many times have you refused an assignment? Tell me!”
“Every time I couldn’t do it. Every time I didn’t taught it was right.”
“Yeah. You taught the client went like: ‘Oh, well, if Boss doesn’t feel like doing it, maybe
we shouldn’t.’ Eh?! No! We, got those assignments. We, the hunters, that’s how our division
calls us, because of that forest thing. Yes, we are hunters, no, in fact we are animals, maybe even
worse. That’s because we can be. And if we don’t, someone else will, because the client won’t
ever stop, until he will have his dream fulfilled. And our boss, the real boss, doesn’t care, about
what we do, how we feel, he was there when we did what we did to the little girl. He didn’t said
one word, while we were arguing and begging.”
“Con…”
 “No! So no! Boss. We can’t turn down this assignment, because someone else will have to
take it. Someone else will have to rip out his soul, and do the things that would give a monster,
nightmares. So it’s our duty to do it, we who already are corrupt and rotten beyond salvation. We
have to do it…because we can take it.”
Con gets up and goes towards the door.
“See you tomorrow Josh. Boss, I suggest you leave this one out. Go and retire, and forget
about this, all this…”
Con stops talking, he leaves the room. I don’t know what to say, what to do. I guess I’ll
just leave too, tomorrow we begin training.
“Bye boss.”
“Josh, what do you believe?”
“I believe you should retire boss. We will too, after this one.”
“Right.”
I leave the room to the boss and get myself home. I just want a hot shower and sleep. It’s
barely 9 AM. But sleep would be something good right now.

I open the door, I get my shoes off, my clothes, and I get myself in the shower. It’s so
good! I want to stay here forever. The bathroom door opens, the shower door too, and a small
human walks in the shower and hugs me. Or at least that’s how I saw it. It was Sarah, I forgot
that I had her in my house. She starts kissing me. But the image of that girl pops up in my mind.
“No.”
“Hmm?”
“I can’t, right now, sorry.”
“Why?”
“My job. It’s not something that you can take home with you. And we programmed
ourselves to leave it at the doorstep before entering our homes. But sometimes, it sticks. And this
is one of those days.”
“I’m sorry. Do you want to talk about it?”
“No, I can’t. I just, need to let this day pass. Do nothing. Sleep, sorrow, let it eat me. These
things I can’t fight. But they pass, if I don’t indulge them, if I don’t focus on them.”
“What do I do? You want me to, go?”
I look at her face, I couldn’t until now. She’s hurting, but she is willing to help. She is
something worth keeping. I have to let her help me. I need to finish this job in one piece. And I
must retire right after.
“No. Please, I know it’s hard but, just stay with me. If you don’t have to work, we could
just, let the day pass, together.”
“Alright. Wanna eat after the shower?”
 “Sure, we could go to a restaurant.”
“Do you always eat at a restaurant? I don’t see a fridge, or some cooking utensils.”
“Mostly, we eat at work, on the move, as our jobs require a lot of traveling, and in
restaurants. Rarely I order some food at home. But that’s how we all eat, it’s our work
environment that forces us to do so.”
“That’s not very economical. And also, not very healthy.”
“I eat at places that cook the food completely themselves. And with our jobs, money isn’t a
problem.”
“Are you paid that much?”
“Let’s not talk about the job anymore.”
“Sure, but, now it makes me wonder, you live cheap, and expensive at the same time.”
“I don’t have time to live, expensive, whatever that means. I just work, or at least used to.”
“But now?”
“Now…I’ll see.”

The rest of the day, we kept talking about myself, and then about her. But then we got in
the bed, waiting, letting the day pass.
“Sarah.”
“Yes.”
“From tomorrow on, I’ll start the working day at 5 AM, until, late in the afternoon. Not
everyday will be the same, some I will come earlier, some I will come late at night. Some I will
not come. I will be able to tell you how the day will go on, and when I’d be coming…when I’d
be getting out of work. I’ll keep you updated.”
“Mhm…”
“If you want, you can stay here, move all the things you want here, change whatever you
like, I’ll also leave you a card to use if you want some specific kind of furniture or whatever you
girls like and use… To make it your home.”
She’s awed. She wants to say something but I don’t let her speak.
“I’d really like for you to move in with me. This one is my last assignment, and then I’ll
retire, our kind of job has early retirement, or not at all, if you don’t make it. So, the risks give us
a nice, and wealthy retirement. And I’d like to spend that retirement with you.”
She’s still in shock, even more.
“What do you say?”
“I mean, I don’t know how to answer that.”
“Don’t think how to answer that, what would you like to do?”
“I’d like to move in with you.”
 “So that’s your answer…?”
“I guess so. I do. Yes. If you say it’s your last job. That makes me happy, I feel like you
worked enough. Well, you look like you worked enough.”
She looks at my scars and feels them with her soft hands.
“I enrolled in the army, a few years before the treaty. But I did see a lot of action. So some
of the scars are from there.”
“Maybe you’ll go get your scars healed after retirement. I mean, if you’d like that, if they
don’t have important significance to…”
“I’ll do it. They don’t, have significance.”

We kept talking until late in the night, and then we realized that I have to get up in a few
hours so we went to sleep. But this morning is better. My last job, and then a life full of her.
Maybe monsters like us do deserve a good ending.

“Josh. I see you are already in.”

“Yeah, I saw no one else so I started with cardio.”
“Good. We’ll do a lot of that. And then we’ll start with some drills and try to do a little
action today. Sound’s good?”
“Perfect.”
Jason was my lieutenant in our squadron, back in the army days. He was a warrior for
longer than me, and a good one at that. Con arrives not long after and we start doing some firing
drills, moving and static targets, and then we do old raids re-enactments to get our teamwork in
sync.
The day ends with a ten mile run, and a mile swimming. That’s it for today, tomorrow we
continue doing the same, but more. And so on, the following weeks. Our training place is
isolated, old, and used only by us, but still full of everything we need, to train.

Sarah turned my apartment into a home, and now I can say I’m coming home when I cross
the door. She started cooking a little, but we still ate mostly at restaurants. We didn’t talk about
my job lately, especially because it’s my last assignment, and then we won’t have to talk about it
ever again. Which is the best course of action.

But today she did want to open that subject.

“Love?”
“Yes?”
“I taught a little about your job, seeing that you are not happy to talk about it, and that you
can’t wait to retire from it. My mind wandered.”
 “That’s never a good thing.”
“Stop it. But I’m serious now. You said people come there to fulfil their greatest fantasies.
And that being in their own minds, there are no rules or regulations. So, I started to think, if there
would be no rules, legal or moral, and they’d be protected, by doing those things inside their own
minds. What kind of things would people most want to do?”
“They usually want to skydive, or try doing dangerous stuff without repercussions,
climbing skyscrapers. Getting into war zones and shooting stuff up without actually being shot
at. Things you couldn’t do normally without putting your life in danger.”
“But you do put your life in danger, for them.”
“Yes, but this is my last assignment, and after this, I will be risk free.”
“But this last assignment you are talking about. Is it dangerous?”
“Yes. Not that much as usual, but it is.”
“Your answer, was not at all similar with what came to my mind. People are not that good,
not that kind, inside their own minds.”
“Sarah. Don’t start looking into something that soon will be in the past.”
“It’s…without rules, people would want to kill, rape, do even more horrible things, it turns
my stomach upside down just thinking of it, but…”
“Then stop, please. It does no good.”
“Do they ever want to rape, kill, torture?”
“Sometimes.”
“Do you have to do those things?”
Yes. Would be most sincere, but would also destroy my relationship. No, would not help at
all in this relationship, and would made me feel guilt for lying to her, for the rest of my life. Best
thing that could happen is, if she says that she doesn’t want me to answer, that it’s not important
to her anymore. But her mouth doesn’t open, she’s just waiting.
“Can I please not answer the question? Can we please not talk about my job, about
everything that I do, and that I don’t do at work? In less than a month, I won’t have a work
anymore, so please, by then, let’s forget I even ever had a job.”
“No. This isn’t some talk that we can forget, or leave it like this. I’m talking about murder,
rape, and God knows what else, and I need to know, what are you doing when the client wants
this.”
“Please.”
“I’m just waiting for the answer.”
“Don’t I deserve happiness?”
“I…don’t know.”
“Will you know, after I answer your question, if I deserve happiness?”
“I don’t know. But it’s… I need to know.”
 I get up, and start getting dressed.
“What are you doing?”
“I’m getting ready for work.”
“Now?”
“I told you, this month will bring an unpredictable schedule.”
“Unpredictable? You just want to leave from this conversation.”
“I’m sorry, we’ll continue the talk, when I get back home.”
I take on a random jacket from the wardrobe, and I turn to leave the room. Without kissing
her, or telling her that I can’t wait to get back home.
“I’m sorry, but we won’t.”
“What do you mean?”
“Go on, go to work. They need you to do some, harvesting.”
I’m sorry, I leave to work, I get there, and I start working out until it’s morning.

“Josh, early as…I would say usual, but it’s 2 o’clock in the morning.”
“I started earlier today, you?”
“Yeah, I can’t wait for the big day, I can’t even sleep right.”
“I know.”
Con goes to the bench press and starts pushing. I wait for him to finish a set and go to him.
“She asked me, what I do at work, specifically. What things I’ve done. That the human
nature would make the clients wish for horrifying things. And if I do those things.”
“Well, she would have asked anyway, even after you’d retire. It’s not something that I
think we can hide from our life partners.”
“How do you do it?”
“She knows, she knew from the beginning. We talked, everything, every aspect of it, why
I’m doing it, how it doesn’t change anything if I don’t do it. She accepted it, eventually. She
almost left me, but she held hard on this relationship, and we worked together. I guess, I don’t
know if you want to hear this, but, no matter what difficulties appear, or how you deal with them,
if she really wants it, she’ll stay. So hope, and in the worst case scenario, go find someone that is
willing to stay. It’s something hard what we do, we need hard women.”
“I know.”
“We can’t deal with this alone, or we’ll die young.”
“But I won’t let her choose that easy. I’ll talk to her.”
We go back to our training, Jason arrives a few hours later and we start doing shooting
drills and scenario drills.
 After we finish the day, I get back to my apartment, it’s empty. It’s just her clothes, and
her things, and herself, not the furniture and everything she bought for the house. But the change
is huge. To not see her blouse laying on the back of the chair. Her purse, her clothes, her
feminine items. Her smell. I can feel that, but faintly, and it feels like it will fade away in a
matter of seconds. I can’t let this happen.
I leave the house and go to her apartment. I knock, and she opens the door.
“Can I enter?”
She doesn’t answer. She wants to send me away but, she can’t quite say it.
“I’m sorry for intruding.”
I turn around and leave. I just do it so slowly; I hope she calls me. Yells at me. Even curses
me. I just want her to interact with me, some way. She doesn’t. I left, while she still stood there,
with the door open, looking at me.

A month passes and the Jacobs come again, to give us the last details for the assignment.
Tomorrow is the day we start. Today, is the day we find out what we start. The meeting room is
again filled with people. The three of us, our legal representative, Top Dog, and the Jacob family
and their legal representatives. And Jacob the father, is the first to talk again.
“I see you trained well. You look very bulk. I’m glad. Today is the last day of this month I
gave you to train, and tomorrow at this time, you’ll be jumping out of the plane at over 10.000
meters above Bolivia.”
We all want to protest but we don’t dare, Jason tough does.
“We’re going to do HALO jumps above an unknown location. No scouting before, and
also no special training for the actual jump. Awesome.”
“Are there going to be problems?”
“No, not at all. We might just finish the assignment faster than intended.”
“Don’t worry, it’s not that hard to jump out of a plane, you jump, and then you pull the
lever of the parachute.”
“Yeah, whatever.”
“Ok, so, now that you know the where, let me add something that came to me a few days
ago. This is going to be a breakthrough for these simulators.”
“Ooohh, a breakthrough. Tell us more.”
Top Dog acts curious but in fact, he is scared of what is about to come out of Jacob’s
mouth.
“We have put the feeling devices on the targets as well.”
“What?!”
 I yell out, with the least regard of my surroundings. Even my colleagues who were as
much as shocked as I am, still were more shocked by my slip.
Jacob looks at me like he’s trying to kill me with his eyes. And Top Dog also.
“No no…I was just, really, surprised. In a…good way. You know.”
“Good, good.”
That was awful.
“So, if there are no more questions, the actual indications will be given to you through
earpieces, as always.”
“As always…”
“And good luck tomorrow. Kill some for yourselves too, you deserve it. Goodbye.”
Everybody gets up and leaves the room, but the team. We lay here in silence, once again,
for this discussion is not something that you can continue with another. But Jason gets up and
claps his hands in an excited manner.
“Alright! You all heard Jacob Jacob the Sir! HALO jumps are just normal jumps.”
“And we should fucking kill some for ourselves too. We fucking deserve it!”
“We fucking deserve it!”
We start laughing. It’s twisted, and we choose not to think of it. Especially his
breakthrough. We leave tomorrow to tomorrow, and we hope is the last.
“Can I hear a hell yeah?!”
“Hell yeah!”
“Hell yeah!”
“Good, now let’s do some jumps, it’s Top Dog’s treat.”
We leave, we do some HALO jumps in preparation for the next day, and then we go home,
early this time. We need a lot of sleep for what is to come.

But I don’t have a home, and I don’t want to sleep. Instead, I go to back to Sarah’s
apartment. I knock, and the door opens again, with her blocking the way to her heart, again.
“Sarah, can I come in? To talk?”
“Why?”
“I just, lately, had these nightmares, these, things that I wanted to share with someone. I
don’t have anyone to share them with.”
“You want me to listen to whatever fucked up things you’ve done in your career?”
“Yes, please. I want you to listen to what I’ve done, and why I’ve done it. And then, I want
you to judge me. Because, based on your judgment, I will take a decision.”
“In regard to?”
 “In regard to what I’m to do with my life.”
“Stop this, I don’t even know how to call it…stupid talking. Stop.”
“I am at a turning point, now, with this being the last assignment, we’ll have to take a
decision, me also. And it’s an important one.”
“And you want my help. Fuck. Oh…come in.”
“Thank you.”
“Shut up.”
She moves aside and lets me enter her house. She closes then the door and sits on the sofa.
I take a sit, on the other side, to not try and invade her personal space, and to look her in the eyes
while I say what I’m about to say.
“So. What do you want to tell me?”
“I hate myself.”
“What? Shut up. You came here to talk, now talk, stop saying stupid shit.”
“I, didn’t chose this job. Or at least I didn’t knew what this job would entail. And the first
assignments were easy, the program just started, people were still experimenting, were still afraid
to go…there. But slowly, and without even us noticing out, the assignments became more and
more, dreadful.”
“But you didn’t stop, how long ago did you notice this?”
“A year after I started. More than 11 years ago.”
“Right, and you, didn’t stop, for 11 years.”
“No. Because, if I don’t do this, then someone else does it. And no! This isn’t some
excuse, this isn’t something that I, we didn’t taught about. It’s something well taught.”
“How so?”
“The things we do, if we refuse, and we did with some, in the beginning, they get done, not
even delayed. They get done. And the shitstorm these assignments can bring to one’s soul, it’s
overwhelming. I’ve seen people change, I’ve seen people, colleagues, that killed themselves after
an assignment, just one, that I refused. I’ve found bodies, of my colleagues, lifeless. No, this shit
gets done, whether I say yes or no. No matter how many of our colleagues die. Clients get
everything they want. So I say yes, we, me and two other colleagues of mine. We took a vow, to
take upon us, the worst assignments that are there.”
“But why!? Why did you…why do you think that this is something so, grand. Because it’s
not. You still kill people, or worse. And worse.”
“I know. It doesn’t help, and it doesn’t change anything, but all the people, that, we use.
Are either death row inmates, or people that signed their life away.”
“What? What does that even mean? People that signed their life away.”
“They want something better for their loved ones, and they cannot provide, they couldn’t
provide in their lifetime. So they sign away their life, in exchange to that thing. A better life.
Something. I don’t know.”
 “And you think that makes it better? Do you, feel better?”
“I just know that, yes, I feel so much better since my colleagues stopped killing
themselves! I…”
I lost my temper without knowing. She looks scared at me.
“I’m sorry… That’s not, I didn’t at first, enrolled in the program. When they opened the
program, I just got home because the war ended. You know, me being a soldier and all that,
doing kinda the same things, but under a flag and under ‘justifications’, hell, a hero for doing the
same things that I do now… But anyway, I was in shell shock, so I decided that the best way I
could take care of my brother would be signing my life away, for the very same company I work
for now.”
“You…and what happened after?”
“My brother was, he had a genetic disease, it was hard to watch, it was hard for me. Heart-
breaking. And I lost all my money, and the house, because the war ended. Because the
opposition came to power. And because those damned hipsters thought they could show the
supporters of war, how bad it is. Being that, we, soldiers that gave and risked our lives for this
war, are the main supporters of it. We shouldn’t be able to make money off of war. Whatever
that means, and they took everything we had. I had. My brother, had.”
“I’m sorry. But, what happened with you?”
“I got paid, millions, my brother had the money, and I was owned by the company,
usually, because of my war experience. I was used as a fight dummy. People that wanted to
experience fights and all that, I was the dummy that the hunters would fight. A punching bag.”
“Fuck.”
“Yeah, either way, I was hating myself, everybody was hating us, soldiers, even the new
government. I was depressed. And besides drugs for numbing, and alcohol for forgetting, I was
just being kicked, until I would pass out. And then, Con found me, well, he first fought me, but
he wanted a little more, he hated being let easy, so I kicked the shit out of him. And he liked me,
somehow, and took me in. I think, he saw that I was fucked up enough to do this kind of job,
without being the least affected by it. Then I brought Jason, from my war days, and we three, did
the best and most gruesome assignments in the company, first, because we were motivated by
money, then, because we were the only ones that could do those kind of things, and latter,
because we didn’t want anybody else to do those kinds of things.”
“And, what do you, how can I judge you? It’s not fair for me, what do you want from me?”
She is looking like she’s about to cry.
“What, what happened to your brother, you never talked about him to me.”
“He’s dead, he needed to do a surgery, and it went bad, and he died. A few years ago, 4, in
March.”
“Fuck.”
She drops a tear, she wipes with her hands and then she looks at me.
“I don’t know, I needed to tell you all this.”
 “Yes, but you’re not making it easy for me, to judge.”
“Then let me make it easy for you. I’ll tell you about an assignment that still gives me
nightmares. That doesn’t compare to anything I’ve ever done, and never will.”
She changes her body position, like she’s getting ready to take a huge blow, which will be.
“I was alone on this one, it was also a secret assignment, these are the worse kind, nobody
else needs to know about these, because it would turn anyone’s stomach upside down. So, I got
this assignment, I had to equip a woman, a pregnant woman, with the same devices that we
wear.”
She starts to feel it, her body, her hand covers her mouth.
“Then, when the foetus was old enough…”
“Oh!”
“Are you okay?”
She’s crying, her body, is shivering.
“Yes. No. No! But, continue. You must continue!”
“Yes. Okay. Then, we implanted the same devices into the foetus.”
She feels it, every word, every sensation, she feels it, so detailed.
“So that the client would know, what is like to be born.”
“That is so…”
“Wait. The first foetus died. Other women wanted to join, but the first one, convinced them
not to. Our boss would pay insane amounts of money to those women. Anyway, our first woman,
was pregnant again, got pregnant again, immediately after the loss. She, I was…the father… Do
you want me to stop?”
She is shaking. She was barely able to let out a word.
“No…”
“The baby died again, three times, until, it finally worked. Three times I saw my baby
getting implanted with those devices, and fighting to live, and three times I saw my baby die.
After the fourth, the baby was out, and healthy, the information was stored, the client was
satisfied, and the pregnant lady was done, paid, and let live her life happily ever after. But, the
baby died soon after, because of the devices. Getting them out would’ve been too dangerous, but
also keeping them in, which is what killed the baby. And the woman, killed herself.”
She starts crying, she comes to me in seeking of a hug, not for me tough, for her. But it still
feels good.
“I don’t know what to say. I can’t judge you.”
“But, do you think I deserve happiness? Ever?”
She makes a pause from hugging me, looks at me, and then shoves her head again in my
chest holding me even stronger.
“Yes.”
 “Can you forgive me? Can you give me the happiness that you say I deserve? Because, if it
doesn’t come from you…”
“I…when is your assignment?”
“Tomorrow.”
“Come back, from your assignment, and I’ll…give you your answer then.”

So I left her apartment, or so I thought, because, immediately after the elevator arrived.
She opened her door and yelled at me.
“Is it dangerous, this assignment?!”
“Yes.”
“Stay here tonight. Sleep here, please.”
And I slept there, and the next morning, I really contemplated about not showing up. But I
left her apartment in the end. Went on the assignment. And then, we got home.
I’m not going to talk about the assignment, about the what and the how. It’s up to your
imagination to think of what we could’ve done, taking in consideration that Jacob the father has
a sick mind, and no rules apply to him. And also adding to that, that all the victims had feel
devices implanted.

“Our last one.”

“Fuck you, I’m not in mood.”
Con jumps at Jason’s neck. They were angry the whole trip back. I guess me too.
“Calm down. We said we do this as our last assignment, and we did, now we stop, and we
get our lives together, and whatever happened until this day, it should be forgotten. If you ever
want to live a better life. And that should be our next assignment for the rest of our lives.”
“It’s not that easy.”
“And it shouldn’t be, after what we’ve been through. But it’s something that we can do.
We are not known for taking the easy assignments. Let this be our last, hard assignment. And
compared with all the assignments before, this is a joke. The only hard thing about it, is taking
the choice, and sticking with it, it’s being selfish and saying out loud, I deserve to be happy!”
The other two look at me, still chewing on what I just gave them. It’s true, and they can’t
argue. Jason is the first to say something.
“Alright. I’ll take that assignment. But first, I have a smaller one, that needs to be done
before.”
We all pause to think about what Jason said, and what it implies. I quickly figure it out.
“No. You are not going to kill the Jacobs.”
“What?”
 “That’s what you want to do first, you want to go and kill those monsters, because they
deserve it.”
“Yeah, because they deserve it!”
“Don’t do this. You’ve seen the detail they have on them. The best chance you have is
when they are on the move, and even then, it’s an army that goes with them. So no, it’s just
stupid. You won’t even get close enough to scratch their car.”
“Probably you’re right. Fuck… Well, I guess this is it then. We all leave here, and never
come back.”
“We go on with our lives.”
“You don’t sound so, happy. We’ve got all our lives ahead, we are in good shape. Healthy
at least. And we have enough money for more than a lifetime. It’s time to let go, and move on.”
“Yeah, maybe you’re right Josh. But, let’s not forget everything about our past. Let’s keep
in touch.”
“ Sure. We’ll see each other again.”

Everybody left on their own paths. I went straight to Sarah’s apartment, hadn’t eaten much
in two days, but hunger is not my concern now.
I knock on her door and instantly hear her quick light steps coming fast towards the door.
The door opens almost instantly after the footsteps stopped, as if she didn’t even looked through
the peephole to check who is at the door. She opened and almost jumped on me, but she
controlled herself, as soon as she saw that I was still in one piece, she calmed down and stepped
aside to let me enter.
“You’re, well. I don’t see any new, marks, on your body.”
“If you want to take a closer look later, I can lose my clothes.”
“No, it doesn’t look like you have any injuries.”
“Yeah, but are you sure? Don’t you want to see for yourself?”
“I’m good. Are, you…?”
No, but, I’ll hold it in, or better, I’ll forget, everything.
“I’m not, bad.”
“Do you want to talk?”
“About absolutely everything, but the work, that, is a closed chapter for me now.”
“I’m glad. But, I still can’t judge you, I, forgive you, if I can even do such thing, and I’ll
also forget about your past. But you have to forgive yourself, if you want to allow yourself to be
happy. I can’t do that. I can’t bring happiness to you, you have to do that yourself, alone, and
then share it with me, that is also my own task.”
“As long as I’m with you, I’ll do anything, I’ll work hard to be happy. And I’ll never think
back on my past.”
 “Good. Let’s, let’s get to sleep. I’m tired, I couldn’t close an eye these days.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Just come.”
We went straight to sleep, or at least she fell asleep, almost as instantly as she hit the bed.
But I couldn’t fall asleep, even after almost a week of extreme physical effort, and psychological
effort up to the moment I almost snapped. Exhausted is an infinitesimal word compared to what I
am right now. My body almost shakes, I’m just trying so hard to not let it, but it just wants to
stop working for a few hours, or even days, but I can’t sleep. As soon as I close my eyes, I see
everything. Each image I see, it’s like an immortalization of the worst part of me torturing
someone, or, I don’t know. It’s just the worst moments of the past few days, that could be caught
on photo. And each time I dare to close my eyes, I see another photo, never the same one,
because all those days were full of these kinds of moments.
After a few minutes, and hundred of images later, I passed out, would be more realistic
than, I fell asleep. And I slept. A lot. Because when I woke up, it was still night outside, and the
clock showed that two days passed. With Sarah still asleep, or again asleep, I got up and went to
the kitchen to make a coffee. I know what is going to happen next, I don’t like it, but it has to
happen, and if I’m not part of it, I know I’ll hate myself for the rest of my life. I’ll never allow
myself to be happy if I don’t act now.
So I leave, quietly to no wake my love. I arrive at our training ground and enter the
armoury. It’s empty, the whole place, and it says in the log that nobody came since we came
from the assignment. If nobody came until now, it doesn’t mean that nobody will come in the
next days, or weeks. I know for sure that they’ll come, and if I do it now, alone, it would be
better, for everybody.
So I start packing up everything I need, loading myself up with weapons and ammo, but I
didn’t even got to finish filling up my pouches that I hear footsteps. I quickly put the safety off
and point my rifle at the door entrance. Soon I see Jason, he first peeks with his head at a strange
height to avoid being shot accidentally.
“Josh, easy! Don’t kill me.”
“I should, at least shoot you in the leg.”
“I could do the same thing to you after, but then we’d be two cripples, and that would be
really fucked up.”
“That, would be. But, I don’t know what’s more fucked up. This is the first time in my life,
I want to kill, I want to become a killer. I choose to. I had a choice and I chose.”
“It isn’t done yet, you can still change your choice.”
“And let you take it all? No. This is something that I have to be a part of.”
“Me too.”
“I guess we’re doing this.”
“Yes! I guess so! Motherfuckers!”
Con comes out of the shadows like he was all this time hiding in there. He is already
dressed up for the occasion. Jason is the only one not wearing black.
 “Woah! Con, take it easy, Goddamn, you made my heart go nuts!”
“I see you are dressed up Con.”
“Yes, I am. I see you are also dressed up, Josh.”
“Yes. I am. Are we doing this?”
They both look at each other, and then Jason starts undressing to get in something more
befitting. After we finished preparing for the operation, we stopped and waited. That’s what we
usually do before an assignment, we wait to build up our courage for what’s about to happen.
Jason lights up a cigarette, I take one from him, and so does Con. We both smoke our cigarettes,
in silence, and then we get up.
“So we are doing this.”
“Yes.”
“Yes.”
“Good, where is the target?”
“He’s at home today and tomorrow.”
“That’s not good, it’s a fortress but, we’re hitting it tonight. We have plans?”
“Yes, I have a strategy on how to hit the house, and when.”
Jason brings up papers and schematics that he prepared for this mission. Con starts
bringing us up to speed about employers and guards, and relations. And then, together, we decide
our course of action and we go to the car. We load the car and we drive towards our target’s
house.
But we didn’t got further than our training ground’s gate. The gate was blocked by another
car, and in front of the car, was Sarah, and Jenny, her work colleague and Con’s girlfriend. Fuck.
We stop the car, Con and I look at each other. We just realized what we had to lose if we
do something this stupid, because this suicide mission is stupid. But we didn’t had the courage to
tell the other that we want to get out of it, we didn’t want to let down our friends, now, on our
last mission together.
“I think that’s a sign grand enough that we need to stop this.”
And Jason is the one who builds up the courage to say it.
“I do not have that much to lose, like you two, but now that I see it, on those beautiful, but
extremely frightened and troubled, faces of your girls. Fuck. I want that, I don’t want to die and
lose my chance to get that. You two have something more important than anything. What you
say? We stop this nonsense? And maybe you talk to those girls of yours to hook me up with
some of their friends.”
“Yeah, sounds good.”
“Fuck. Now we have to change again.”
We laugh, we take the girls inside our ‘playground’, that’s what they called it. I like it. We
talk, laugh some more, and end the night on a good note, nobody died, Con and I each go to our
homes and sleep with our girls, and Jason got a blind date for the day after tomorrow.
 And the Jacobs… Fuck the Jacobs. We deserve to be happy, so much, that we don’t care if
they are also going to be happy, and free. This part, the rest of our lives, is about us. Selfish, but
happy.

The End