“I tend to be most interested in the kinds of people who do not

sweeten or dilute themselves for the sake of people’s taste. Who

never soften the blow of who they are. Like my coffee, I prefer the
people I connect with to be full-strength and searing hot. Those
able to rouse my weary, idle heart.”
— Beau Taplin // Black Coffee

Loving myself. What does loving one self really mean?

Self-love may take the form of relaxing hot showers, calming

baths, scented candles, enjoying a cup of coffee while reading your
favourite book, going for a jog, finding clothes you like, treating
yourself to a spa day, and good food.

But self-love isn’t really just about pampering yourself.

Is loving ourselves being able to look in the mirror for once

without criticising our own bodies? Is loving ourselves finally
feeling content with where you are at in life? Is loving ourselves
being able to be happy for both yourself and others when we
achieve success? Does loving ourselves involve speaking and
thinking kindly of ourselves? Does loving ourselves include
listening to our needs and putting ourselves first sometimes?

This is the truth: self-love is not just a pretty physical

process. For many of us, we need to learn how to conquer and
keep our demons in check. Acceptance of the reality of what we
face would be the first step. After acceptance, we then need to
tackle both the ups and the downs before we can truly move
forward towards change. Trying to suppress what we feel may
seem like a solution in the moment — but the problem may grow
bigger than what it originally is in the long run if it wasn’t
addressed.

Is there a way to really truly love ourselves 100%? Maybe, maybe

not. As judgmental as we can be about others, many of us have
ourselves as our own worst critic.

BTS artist Suga quoted this in a poem he wrote to his bandmates:

“The brighter the light, the darker the shadows.” There is a saying
that those who have known what darkness and pain feels like can
go either one of two ways: either they dwell in their darkness, or
they feel more inclined to spread the light they wished they could
have had. I’m going to be honest: I’m still struggling in the process
of truly loving myself. There are days where I’m able to genuinely
laugh with my friends, while there are also days where I can barely
muster a smile. Although I do have moments where I have felt
genuinely, it does not discount the weight I feel on my shoulders
once I have to face my thoughts. I feel especially bitter and
frustrated about the person that I become on the days I feel
consumed by my own darkness. In those moments, I question who
I am and the parts of me that I have lost.
Have I found a solution for the thoughts and the pit of darkness I
find myself in? Not entirely. But I am reminding myself that
despite the gruelling process, I have the choice to allow something
beautiful to grow from it. Maybe not today, maybe not
tomorrow — but I’ll get there one day.

In the meantime, these are some of the ways I’ve been learning
how to embrace myself for who I am — as well as being open to
change: