HIDAYA

THUG!
“I caught you!”
“No, you did not!”
It was a bright warm day in March, and the wall clock was striking fourteen. The house
was filled with obnoxious children scrambling endlessly around the corridors.
When I put things back to where I usually set them, I cleaned my desk. As I searched
for a pen, I took the calendar displayed on my desk and marked 14, the day I will take
my SAT test and unleash all the hard work I have endured. I cannot help but feel
anxious as my limbs started to feel numb. The thought of having exams tomorrow drive
me crazy.
Someone tugged the hem of my shirt as I was about to go to my bed. Her impeccable
small face was looking towards me. "Can we plaaay?” Her voice was innocent and shrill
as she twisted my shirt more tightly.
“I can’t. I have to rest first, okay?” I said while tapping her head smoothly.
“But it will only take for a while!” Like an old lady with her charming pout, she crossed
her arms.
“All right, all right. Just one game then I will sleep.” I finally give in. My little sister
grabbed my hand immediately and pulled me through the hallway. I saw my other two
younger brothers ran blissfully to us from the back of the corridors.
“Huda will play with us!”
“That’s great! Then let’s play hide and seek!” Khalid shrieked as he hugged me behind.
“Yes, let’s play that! I’ll be the culprit.” As Ahmad started to close his eyes, he
immediately volunteered to face the wall and started counting numbers.
I rolled my eyes. I truly despise this type of game. I hate games involving running and
breathing. I decided to choose my room as my hiding place since I am too lazy to find
and willingly wanted to be eliminated in this childish game.
I simply walked through my cabinet and opened its doors as I let myself hide. Perhaps
this hideout place I chose is an easy and perfect target for Ahmad to capture me.
“Seventeen, eighteen, nineteen, aaaaanddd..Twenty! Ready or not, here I come!”
Ahmad squealed as he began to run around the corridors looking for his hostages. I
could already hear Amna’s soft chuckles and cries as Ahmad found her.
Suddenly, minutes went by and it looked as if nobody would dare to look for me. I
suppose that could be one of the childish pranks they pull over me. However, in this
rigid cabinet and dumb game, I have chosen defeat.
“Ahmad! Ahmad! I’m a loser. You can come and catch me—” As if stuck underneath the
shore, I felt everything went into a slow paced motion as my mind sunk under the water.
From that first glimpse, from the first second, I took in my breath sharply and paused.
Most of the wall spaces were covered with posters of bands and musicians who were
known decades ago, like the generation of my grandmother. 5 Seconds of Summer,
Maroon 5, Taylor Swift, and Billie Eilish. The ceiling was different, it had been whitened.
Beside the doorway of the room stood the carved wooden shelf and the granite tiled
desk. The crumpled sheets of the mattress showed that someone had left the room
without smoothing his bed.
As I looked sideways, the window undeniably struck the key-note of today’s season.
Streets outside seemed to be lifeless, shining stubbornly in the night. It was as if they
had not enjoyed life for a while but they merely loved to share their glow. There were no
buzz of cars’ turbines and no one walked through the sidewalks.
“W-What is happening?” My lips stuttered for a moment. “Where am I?” I tried to close
my eyes, maybe it was just one of my fantasies I dreamed before my mom wakes me
up for school.
“Who are you?!”
I followed the path of the voice. A lady who leapt into the air yelled and bewildered
through her mouth and looking at me astonishingly while carrying a laptop. But, her
crimson and swollen eyes captured my attention the most. It was like she had just gone
to a burial.
“Uhm, hello? What are you doing here?”
My brain stuttered for a moment as I tried to regain consciousness. Every part of me
seemed to pause while my thoughts tried to catch up. “I-I don’t know”
She furrowed her eyebrows in confusion. “Then, how did you get in here?” I stared into
those deep brown eyes burning with disbelief and uncertainty.
“Countries across the world are on weeks of lockdown. The coronavirus is the biggest
threat that all countries have faced for decades.” In that instant, I snatched the laptop
away from her and my lips started to slightly part. I shook my head in disbelief.
Coronavirus? Isn’t that pandemic happened 30 years ago?!
Soon after, I moved the cursor and went quickly to the calendar section.
March 20, 2020?!
She quickly grabbed it away from me just before the laptop fell off my hands.
I couldn’t believe it. All this happening around me is beyond far-fetched. My mind was
sent whirling, unable to process the images I just witnessed a few seconds ago. The
flash of the headline of the news, the date, and the year kept on bouncing around inside
my skull.
Shaking my head in disbelief, I grabbed my hair like a lunatic woman and immediately
sat on the floor as though I became temporarily incapacitated. So I got into a time
looped?
“Excuse me? I think you’re in the wrong house, in fact where do you live?”
I held her hands like a peasant wanting someone’s dimes to feed them. “No! I-I mean I
don’t know.” My voice suddenly became soft.
“Then how did you get in here?” She asked me for the second time around.
“I got into a time looped.” I uttered as I saw her forehead wrinkled in hesitation.
“What do you mean by time looped?” She grunted, her expression simultaneously
bemused and fearful.
"I mean in fantasy, it's a plot trick where characters replay a span of time..." I wondered
if the entire incident could become surreal any more. My eyes were filled with tears, as
much as I tried to hold it in.
“I take it you’re not from around here, but would you please explain yourself?” "Her face
was serious, no joy, not even masked, all the way from her eyes to her mouth.
“I'm sorry if I'm getting pulled into all of this...” There is a static in my head, trying to
navigate it all again. “Listen, I know I am a stranger to you because I'm not definitely
from this location or anywhere.” At this moment, I felt my hands shivering like a little kid
and I stared at the window as if the stars could soothe me.
My eyes couldn’t stare at her in embarrassment while her eyes desperately searched
mine. This kind of thick silence would chill me usually, particularly during an inky night
beyond moonlight or stars, but today it works like a disturbance.
A moment later, her eyes turned back to her hand and were blurred by a glassy film of
tears. When she blinked, her eyelids fell and her cheeks sunk down. In an attempt to
conceal any sound that might escape her mouth, she bit her lip tightly, and my heart
broke.
"Are you okay? Is everything all right?”
I wondered if I should interfere her on her perplexed thoughts as I watched. It was
rather than weeping, it was a bleak gaze that came from a person drained from any
hope. I got that sinking feeling that something was terribly wrong. Somehow, I needed
to help.
She brought her hands together “My father…” It came out slower but also smoother, the
syllables rolling off her tongue in a pleasing, unrushed cadence. “This past couple of
weeks father has been sick and… I fail to be his daughter and I truly regret it.” Regret
washed over her like a slow and steady wave on a shallow beach. Each wave was icy
cold and sent shivers down her spine.
When she muttered it there was a rawness to it, the pain was like a wound that was still
uncured. She would clasp onto something for comfort just how she tightly grabbed and
squeezed the soft pillow on top of her bed.
And so, the quietness grows deeper. I was not sure at this point whether it was right to
ask her this question. “May I ask where is your father?” I was afraid she wouldn't answer
me for a second, but she did.
"He is currently recovering in the hospital right now, but I have never had the time to
visit him because of this whole pandemic situation. Due to the lockdown, I had to stay
home. I want to see and talk so badly with him.” She sighed, the sigh coming from her
dry lips was soft, as if her brain had to process what had happened.
She was seated on her sofa which was thick and irresistibly soft, like a billowing cloud.
She toppled into it, relieved to rest her weary feet next to her carved wooden stool and
somehow, I sat next to her thinking I could console her.
“He has a serious illness, and we recently knew that he was tested for Coronavirus and
unfortunately, he was tested positive.” She paused for a while and said nothing. She
reminded herself that we were strangers, but somehow it didn’t feel that way. She
leaned back against the soft cushion at her back.
As we had been talking, she’d pulled her hair into a high, loose bun with shorter pieces
of hair falling around her face.
It's much easier to track her discretely now that I'm near her. Nonetheless, I found
something unusual around her collar. The pendant that she was wearing today. It was
what my mother used to wear occasionally. It looks very familiar. It glittered attractively
in the light, radiant and shining. After all, the diamond is the gem of royalty.
"How about you, huh? You haven't answered my question about who you really are?”
My voice remained as warm as early spring. “I am a regular high school student who
will be having the SAT test tomorrow.” My mouth's nearly dry to speak. I forgot,
miserably, that I've got time looped down, so I don't know where I've been. “I didn't
expect myself to be here at this very moment. I am sincerely sorry about this
unintended incident.”
For the second time, she groaned. Perhaps I was waiting for her to say something to
me.
“My mind was twisted with pain, my heart went cold, my spirit was confused. With pain
and rage, hurt and terror, I felt obstructed.”
I was unsure about her statement for a fraction of a second. She had a habit of not
mincing her sentences, her arms crossed tightly over her pajamas.
“Oh, I miss my father. I've been a disobedient child ever since and I deeply regret the
things I have done to him. And so, like my mom. I was always insensitive to other
people's feelings.” She let the comment sink in for a moment. “I'm just such a brat and
thoughtless. No wonder if they will ever forgive these mistakes I've made.”
Those deep brown eyes, staring into my mind, desperately waiting to know what's going
on in there.
“You're never going to have the opportunity to turn back time, crying for your past isn't
going to help you recover and make you happier.” Her gaze had been on me, listening
to my own words. “It's just going to try and capture you. Only take it out, tomorrow-is
never certain and the present is the only thing you have at present.” She listens as
though my words were precious, maybe some elixir she's been waiting all her days to
hear.

As I looked at her eyes, I said, “Never be that hopeless.” Clearing my throat. “All you
have to do is pray to Allah SWT.”
“Never before have I prayed or even attempted to pray. do you believe that if I pray to
Allah SWT, He will forgive me?” I could see that she had a look of shame on her face
and on her cheeks that flushed pink.
It's as if the words still resonate in her head. She clenches her hands until she digs her
nails in the palm of her hand, but she barely acknowledges it.
“Allah is the Ghafir who immediately forgives, the Ghaffar, who abudantly forgives, and
the Ghafur, who constantly forgives. Don't despait to his mercy”