11/2/2018 Digest 420: Marriage Questions | HH Romapada Swami

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Home Inquiries Into The Absolute Grihastha Ashram Training in Grihastha Ashram Digest 420: Marriage Questions
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Analogy (147)
Entering into Grihastha Ashram Finding a Marriage Partner Practical
Inquiry Type Responsibilities of a Grihastha Role of a Husband Role of a Wife Training in
Insightful (277) Grihastha Ashram
Philosophical (141)
Practical (264) D 420: M Q
Anartha Nivrtti Q.1. What is the purpose of marriage as viewed by ISKCON?
Developing Good Habits (9)
The purpose of marriage is to provide an opportunity for all the members in the family to
Overcoming False Ego (4)
properly support one another to peacefully practice and grow in their Krishna Consciousness.
Overcoming Fault-finding Tendency
(2) In Vedic scriptures, the institution of marriage is referred to as an "ashram" or a sacred place
Overcoming Lust (1) of purification.
Archa-Vigraha or Deity Marriage provides much opportunity for this as it involves rising above one's own personal
Attachment to Deities (1) attachments/issues and serving the other members of the family with devotion and
Definition of Archa-Vigraha (1) detachment. This is not easy (many married devotees will attest for this) but it is so by design
Deity Worship (9) to help devotees grow and become more pure in their Krsna Consciousness. Thus, marriage, if
Personal Exchanges (1) properly approached, is an amazing opportunity offered to the conditioned soul to shed its
Worship of Gaura Nitai (3)
false ego and become more advanced in Krsna Consciousness and cultivate devotional qualities
Worship of Radha Krishna (8)
like patience, determination, chastity, faith etc. The key to making this all happen is a strong
Attributes of Krishna relationship of service and inquiry with a bonafide spiritual master, as well as those who
All-knowing Krishna (3) closely guide one's spiritual life.
All-merciful Krishna (5)
All-powerful Krishna (4)
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11/2/2018 Digest 420: Marriage Questions | HH Romapada Swami
Bhava-grahi Krishna (1)
Krishna - The Cause of All Causes (3)
Q.2. What criteria should be for choosing a husband/wife for devotees?
Krishna - The Infallible (2)
Krishna - The Original Person (6) A strong commitment to Krishna Consciousness, not just externally in terms of practices etc
K i h Th S E j (11) but also internally, are essential criteria.
Internally means an openness of heart to ask, receive and learn how to mold one's own
consciousness, especially in moments when challenges arise.
If this internal resource is there, then no matter what obstacles come on the path of
marriage, they can be easily overcome. This commitment is an important criteria to keep in
mind for both the intending partners.
Hence it is best if both the devotees have a strong relationship with some authority in ISKCON
(Guru and/or a Vaishnava preceptor) from whom they can receive input, training and guidance
-- both individually and together -- throughout this process. This is very essential as most
often devotees need training not just in what decision to make but also how to make a
decision.
A strong marriage rests on the good qualities and strong Krsna Consciousness of both the
husband and wife. There should be an unwavering sense of respect towards the other, no
matter what good/bad qualities we see in the other (especially over time, as familiarity
grows, etc).  So, in one sense, a very important criteria is "Do I respect this person from deep
within my heart and can I respect and serve him always?"
Other questions that devotees commonly ask before marriage: how many years of training in
Krishna Consciousness does the other person have; does he/she have strong sadhana practices
of hearing/chanting; does he/she have close relationships with other Vaishnavas; is he/she
aspiring for spiritual initiation from a Guru; what is their level of commitment to the four reg
principles etc.?
Compatibility has to be established in these areas.

Q.3. Is a wife's service to her husband/family considered to be her service to Krishna?

Absolutely. A devotee wife looks upon her husband and children/family as parts and parcels of
Krishna. She recognizes that her family is an arrangement of Krishna in her life and she fully
accepts and serves them with the same mood of devotion as she would serve Krishna. By doing
this alone, a wife can progress very quickly in the path of devotion to Krishna!
By serving Krishna in this way, the wife is fostering a spiritual atmosphere in her house which
further nurtures the Krsna Consciousness of her entire family. With her own practices and
behavior, she inspires her husband and teaches her children how to cultivate one's spiritual life

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11/2/2018 Digest 420: Marriage Questions | HH Romapada Swami

while living regular lives in the modern world. In other words, a wife plays a very powerful
role in the spiritual growth of her family.

Q.4. Is a woman supposed to have family and children as being her natural state or is it not
necessary as long as she finds a service she can do well by herself?
Being married is a natural place of shelter, protection, service and Krsna,Divine  Conscious
engagement for a woman. Although it is not necessary to marry in order to follow Krsna
Consciouness, it is recommended for most female aspirants as it brings with it many natural
opportunities for spiritual growth and learning.
Whether to have family/children within one's marriage is a personal decision that a devotee
couple must make for themselves. The basis for the choice must be "What would best support
me/us so we can properly pursue our spiritual practices?"
As said before, whenever faced with such big dilemnas, a mature devotee naturally consults
other Vaishnavas. This mood of dependence pleases Krishna and attracts His mercy.

 
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