Jokes in English

Today, we’ll read and listen to some jokes in English. One of the
best ways to understand someone’s culture is by getting to know their
humor style.
First, you will play the audio sent to you and read along. Then, you’ll be
asked to explain what you understood of the joke. They will be split into
levels, so the more you’ll read, the harder it will get.
In the end of this class, there will be a list of links with comedy videos
that you can watch. Try to enjoy it!
A small reminder: every joke has a target. But it’s nothing but a joke! Do
not feel offended, they don’t necessarily represent the joker’s opinion.
 Basic vocabulary:
 Having the smarts - It means you have the necessary level of intelligence
to complete a given task.

Ex:
"I don't feel good about the test."
"Relax already, you'll be fine. You've got the smarts."

 Had been - Past perfect continuous phrase, we use it to talk about actions
or events which started before a particular time in the past and were still in
progress up to that time still in the past.
Ex:
”It was so difficult to get up last Monday for school. I had been working on my
essays the night before and I was very tired.”
The past perfect continuous focuses on the activity of working on the essays up
to a particular time in the past.

 Think/Thought/Tought - To believe something or have an opinion or

idea.
Ex:
“I don't think Emma will get the job.”
“What did you think of the film?”

 Pour - To make a substance flow from a container, especially into another

container, by raising just one side of the container that the substance is in.
Ex: Pour the honey into the bowl and mix it with the other ingredients.

 Shine/shone/shined - To send or reflect light.

Ex:
“Is that light shining in your eyes?”
“The sun shone all afternoon.”

 Head (somewhere) - To go in a particular direction.

Ex:
“I was heading out of the room when she called me back.”
“He headed straight for (= went towards) the fridge.”

 Amazed - Extremely surprised.

Ex:
“She was amazed at how calm she felt after the accident.”

 Fool - A person who behaves in a silly way without thinking.

Ex:
“I felt like a fool when I dropped my phone in the toilet.”

 Rounds - Drinks that you buy for a group of people.

Ex:
“It's your turn to buy a round.”
“He bought a round of drinks to say thank you.”

 Jigsaw puzzle - a game consisting of a lot of differently shaped pieces of

cardboard or wood that you try to fit together in order to show the complete
picture that the pieces make when they are all used.
Ex:
“We spent the evening working on the jigsaw puzzle of the Monet painting.”
 Cried - To call out loudly.

Ex:

“"Watch out!" she cried.”

 Hot Summer Day

It’s a hot summer day and Jake and Harry are working hard in the
garden. Their friend Ralph is sitting under a tree and drinks a cold drink.
Jake asks Harry: “Why are we here in the hot sun when Ralph is
sitting there?”
Harry says, “I don’t know, I will go ask him.”
Harry goes to Ralph and asks him: “Why are you sitting here and
drinking a cold drink and Jake and I are working in the hot sun?”
Ralph says, “Because I have smarts.”
“What is smarts?” asks Harry.
Ralph puts his hand in front of the tree and says: “Hit my hand
very hard.”
Harry tries to hit Ralph’s hand but Ralph moves his hand and Harry
hits the tree. He feels great pain.
Ralph says: “I moved my hand away. I showed you that I have
smarts.”
Harry goes back to Jake and Jake asks him: “What did he say?”
Ralph says: “It’s because he has smarts.“
“What’s that?” Jake asks.
Harry puts his hand in front of his face and says, “Hit my hand!”
 The Fisherman and The Snake

An old fisherman was fishing in the lake one day when he saw a
water snake moving across the water with a frog in its mouth. He had
been a fisherman for a long time.
He knew the best food for some large fish were frogs. With this
thought, the fisherman grabbed the snake from behind and carefully
removed the frog from its mouth.
He put the frog in his side bag. The fisherman feared the angry
snake would bite him, so he grabbed his bottle of homemade whisky from
his pocket and carefully poured 2 drops into the snake’s mouth. The
snake’s eyes shone for just a moment and then it moved away slowly.
A few hours later, the fisherman was about to head home, when
he felt something touching his leg. He looked down and was amazed to
see the same water snake with 2 frogs in its mouth.
 Two Drunks

Two drunks were in a bar partying like fools. They were drinking
whisky, buying rounds like there was no tomorrow. They were dancing,
calling each other “professor“, and generally attracting a lot of attention.
When asked why they were having such a celebration, they said
proudly that they’ve just finished a jigsaw puzzle and it only took them
2 months! “Two months?!” cried the bartender. “That’s ridiculous. It
shouldn’t take that long!”
“Oh, yeah?” says one drunk. “The box said 2-4 years!”

Teacher

A teacher says, “What do you call a person who keeps talking when
people are not interested?”
A student says, “A teacher!”

Three Sisters

Three sisters who are 92, 94, and 96 years old live together. One
night the 96-year-old sister prepares a bath. She puts one foot in and stops.
“Am I getting in the bath or out?” she shouts.
 The 94-year-old sister shouts back, “I don’t know, I will come up to
see. “ She starts going up the stairs and she stops. She shouts, “Am I going
up or down?”
The 92-year-old sister is sitting at the kitchen table. She is drinking
tea. She is listening to her sisters. She says to herself, “I hope that I will
never forget things“, and knocks on wood. Then she shouts, “I will come up
and I will help both of you. But first I must see who is at the door.”

Links to humor videos in English:

Ps: Remember to activate the subtitles!
 David Cross - The Difference Between Americans and
Canadians
 Jim Carrey - Canada
 Chris Rock - How not to get your ass kicked by the
police!
 Dave Chappelle On Ohio's Heroin Crisis
 Swearing and the British Language | Jimmy Carr
 Kevin Hart - I'm Scared Of Ostriches