Dealing with Conflict in the Workforce

NOVEMBER 2004 • 4 Pages • by Joyce Henderson

Effective teamwork is an essential in most

jobs. B. Brewster Jennings summarized its
importance, writing, "Man's greatest discovery is not fire, nor the wheel, nor the
combustion engine, nor atomic energy, nor anything in the material world. It is in the
world of ideas. Man's greatest discovery is teamwork by agreement."

Even in the best of teams, however, disagreement can mar the effective functioning of co-
workers. We all have expectations of
"Man's greatest discovery is not fire, nor
ourselves and others, and how we should
the wheel, nor the combustion engine...
relate. Most of our expectations are not
Man's greatest discovery is teamwork by
based on the reality of our humaness, but
agreement." -- B. Brewster Jennings
on wishful thinking and idealizing.
Whenever there is a disagreement, it is
helpful to examine expectations and ask yourself where they come from, are they based
on your needs or those of the other person. Monitor discussions for frequent use of
"should," "should not," or "ought," which are clues to the presence of unrealistic
expectations.

After you study the information here, you will be able to:

1. Identify four methods for dealing with a disagreement and build foundations for
agreements which will reduce friction among co-workers.
2. Adopt attitudes in dealing with others that will convey respect and general good will.
3. Develop new listening skills using the eyes, ears, body, voice and mind.

People use their expectations to maintain order in their lives. Unmet or violated
expectations evoke stress, complaints and disagreements. Disagreements between people
are an inherent and normal part of life, stemming from differences in perceptions,
lifestyles, values, facts, motivations or procedures. However, disagreements may also be
threatening because they arouse deep feelings of anger, jealousy, fear, grief, guilt,
frustration or disappointment. Differing goals, expectations or methods can turn
disagreements into conflict which, like a snowball rolling downhill, can be damaging to
both parties. Conflict can be healthy and beneficial when it forces clarification of policy
or procedure, but usually, conflict is a symptom of a breakdown in basic communication
and teamwork.

The goal of dealing with disagreements may be met by either reconciliation of

expectations or resolution of conflict. Reconciliation seeks no final solution, no perfect
tranquility, no absolute harmony. It is an ongoing process which results in a fair working
agreement. Reconciliation anticipates what both parties would like to get from a situation
and allows them to make the necessary changes to improve the work environment or
team functioning. Reconciliation brings together differing expectations and seeks
alignment or agreement.

Resolution, on the other hand, focuses on acknowledgement of the concerns of each

party, drawing on the positive intent of each side, bridging from the commonality of
each person's expectations, encouraging cooperation marked by mutual respect. Like
reconciliation, resolution seeks to reduce friction, however, it also involves asking for
change in cognitive, affective or behavioral responses to solve a problem. As with
reconciliation, resolution has the ultimate goal of improving the work environment and
team functioning, but seeks also to strengthen communications and build a foundation for
deeper rapport and cooperative relationships.

Three common approaches to reconciliation of disagreements are frequently used:

1. Do or say nothing and ignore the situation

2. Refute, argue or preach

3. Agree with the other person.

All three methods have pros and cons. When you elect to ignore the situation, there is no
reconciliation of the disagreement and no opportunity for growth of rapport between the
persons. The person who says or does nothing frequently internalizes unhealthy emotions
which can produce stress and its detrimental effects on health. However, this may be a
valid approach when the other person is entrenched and has no desire to change or learn,
or when you are vulnerable and your self esteem is already low. When the disagreement
is trivial and more important issues need to be handled, ignoring the problem may be a
valid approach and frequently time will cure a minor problem. Walking away from a
situation may also be a valid final solution when other approaches have been tried and
have failed.

The refute/argue/preach method may produce anger in the other person, damaging the
relationship, rapport and jeopardizing chances for growth or change. But, this approach
may be successful in a lecture situation, when you are not concerned about rapport or the
relationship, or when the other person is disagreeing without having facts to support her
position. It is essential that you have high self-esteem, are well-prepared and have correct
facts to back up your position.

Agreeing with the other person may look like the best approach, however, it has its
drawbacks as well. There continues to be no opportunity for change or growth and you
may internalize negative emotions which will cause you to question your beliefs and
devalue your self-respect and self-esteem. This method may be beneficial when you are
dealing with an explosive situation and need to disarm the other person or defuse the
emotional content of the situation. When you perceive the disagreement is based on a
misunderstanding or miscommunication and suspect that your position may be faulty,
agreeing conveys your respect of the other person and allows time and distance to assist
in reconciliation.

NOVEMBER 2004 • 4 Pages • by Joyce Henderson

Best Method for Resolving Conflict in

the Workplace

The empathetic approach. The best method for constructive reconciliation of a

disagreement is empathetic resolution, which preserves the relationship and deepens
rapport, providing opportunities for growth and change for both. Empathy strengthens
commitment toward beliefs, improves self-esteem and confidence and allows the
participants to assume responsibility for problem-solving and decision-making.

Effecting reconciliation or resolution usually involves confrontation. Confrontation is an

event most people choose to avoid; however, it can be a positive step toward ending the
disagreement and repairing the relationship. Preparation is a key element.

.Take time to think through the situation and your feelings about it. Write down what you
feel and want to say to the other person. Define what is negotiable and what is not about
your position. By going slowly, you can minimize gut reactions, which tend to be
negative because they arise from a self-defensive posture. It may help to talk it over with
an impartial third party, if confidentiality can be maintained. Be sure to tell the third party
you are brainstorming and not looking for advice or solutions.

.Decide if there is a problem, and whose it is, and if you want to work toward a
resolution. Keep in mind there are those situations where an effective solution involves
walking away from the problem. With this choice, you may need to acknowledge that
you cannot always make work flow at an even, pleasant rate, but you can learn to relax
amid stress. Take charge of your daily life and add stress reducers.

.Schedule an adequate amount of uninterrupted time in a non-threatening place away

from the work environment for a meeting. In preparation for the meeting, keep in mind
these principles:

Negative feelings exist before negative actions. It is necessary to deal with emotions, as
well as behavior. A popular saying holds that people do not care about what you know
until they know that you care.

Unmet needs are always the most important needs at any given moment. People act
consistently with their beliefs, therefore, it is helpful to examine what the other party
views as reality.
People resist change. Most agreements involve asking for change, yet change threatens
the most basic of instincts, survival. You cannot change another, but you can build your
own strength and professionalism, and defuse your own stress in difficult times.

Cooperation flows from respect. Poor working relationships exist when there is a lack
of trust, support and respect. Even when you disagree, you can still respect the other
person. Look for something positive in that person and build on that.

When you meet, observe these ground rules:

· History is history, deal with current problems only

· Limit the confrontation to one problem at a time

· Meet in a neutral location, preferably at a table

· Avoid interrupting each other

· Agree to seek solutions acceptable to both parties.

Throughout the meeting, listen. Listening is the most powerful communication tool we
possess. It allows gathering of information, defuses emotional situations, demonstrates
caring and compassion.

Avoid the impulse to argue mentally while the other person is speaking. The average
speaking rate is one hundred and forty words per minute, while the average thinking rate
is twelve hundred words per minute. (3) When your attitude toward the speaker is already
flawed by conflict, you may be tempted to use the difference between thinking and
speaking time to compete with the speaker's message. Still that internal voice and focus
on the other's words. Listen for unspoken as well as spoken words.

Before you ever speak, you have conveyed a message through gesture, posture and facial
expression. Be alert to the statements you are making with your body. Lean slightly
forward with arms open, but not overly extended. Be certain your body language matches
your words. Congruent actions and messages build respect and trust. Evidence of active
listening includes upright posture, eye contact, nodding of the head, calm facial
expression, hands at rest or gesturing openly, lack of fidgeting and squirming, appropriate
sounds and acknowledgments.

Every part of the body is involved in listening. Understanding a message involves relying
on only seven percent of the actual words used, thirty-eight percent of the tone of voice
and pace, and fifty-five percent on facial expression and body language.

Listen with the eyes, to physical cues. Even though sitting at a table masks the view of
the lower half of the body, the use and position of the hands, head and face can speak
volumes. A social smile may reveal weakness, lack of interest or even hostility. Too
much eye contact expresses hostility, while too little may indicate low self-confidence or
nervousness. How is the speaker using distance, posture, gestures? Placement of the arms
can reveal openness and willingness to participate in problem-solving.

Listen with the ears to vocal cues in inflection, emphasis, volume, pitch, tone, pace,
rhythm and use of silences. Listen with the mind to discover the intention of the speaker.
Note the sequence of ideas, detail and organization of thoughts. Listen with the body to
send physical responses which encourage the speaker. Listen with the voice by asking
reflective questions, repeating to clarify what you have heard, and summarizing
frequently to keep on track.