Excerpt from George Carlin, Live from NYC '92

Censored of course.

Something we all have in common, flying on airlines and pretending that the
language that they’re using in those loud-speaker announcements is really
English. Doesn’t seem like it to me, whole thing starts when you get to the gate,
First announcement “We would like to begin the boarding process.” Extra word
“process” not necessary, boarding is enough! We would like to begin the
boarding, simple, tells the story! People add extra words when they want things
to sound more important than they really are. “Boarding Process” sounds
important, it isn’t. It’s just a bunch of people getting on an airplane! Anyway As
part of this (air quotes) “Boarding Process” they say “we would like to pre-board”.
Well what exactly is that anyway? What does that mean; ya get on before ya get
on?! Bout this time someone’s telling you to get on the plane, and they might tell
you that you’re on a “nonstop flight.” Well I don’t think I care for that! No I insist
that my flight STOP! Preferably at an Airport! Sudden unscheduled cornfield and
housing development stops seem to interrupt the flow of my day! They might tell
you that your flight’s been delayed because of a change of equipment. Broken
Plane! Flight attendant telling me to put my seat back forward. Well I don’t bend
that way! By the way, they sometimes refer to those people as “Uniformed
Crewmembers!” Yeah uniformed, as opposed to the guy sitting in back of you in
the grateful dead t-shirt and the Wayne’s World hat! Who’s working on his 9 th
little bottle of Absolut I might add!

-Safety lecture tragically cut-