Dear Valentina,

I think that the biggest thing that I learned is that my original pares are very unorganized.

I just write about things that come into my head without thinking of where I am on the page. With

a digital pare this is easy to make corrections I can just copy and paste things where they

should go. When I am writing an in-person essay I can not do this so I have to be aware of what

I am writing and where I am in the paper.

I started my revisions with simple grammar and spelling errors, and I found 4 or 5 of

them, that was not my biggest concern, it was not in the feedback letter so I did not spend to

much time on it. The first big change I made was to replace the original introduction with one of

the ones I wrote for the forum assignment. In the feedback letter, you told me to, “Consider how

you could do more to frame, focus, and contextualize your topic for the reader in your

introduction”, and I belive that with the new introduction I was able to achieve this goal. I made it

more interesting to read as well as more specific things that I would talk about in the rest of the

essay. Because I was already on the forum assignment I replaced the conclusion with one of

the ones that I wrote. While I don’t think the conclusion was as big of a problem as the

introduction I thought that the new concussion was more clear and it was a better resolution to

the things that I had been talking about in the paper. The new conclusion helped to bring focus

to the questions that were asked in the prompt. After those changes, I read through the body

paragraphs and made changes to the topic sentences, so that there would be more flow

between paragraphs. After that, I moved one of the paragraphs up one. I did this because I

thought that it helped with the organization of the paper and brought topics together.

The second writing project ended up being a bigger revision that I was hoping. The main

thing that was in the feedback letter was the organization so I started by rearranging the

paragraphs in hope that it would be better organized. I moved each paragraph around probably
twice so I don’t think I could explain what I did. The main change that I made was to switch out

the original conclusion with a different paragraph that I thought was a better conclusion, to begin

with. I moved the original conclusion to the third paragraph, this paragraph was never really a

concussion, it was just the last thing that I wrote, so I just moved it and did not make many

changes to it. After that, I read through one more time and made changes to the beginning of

the paragraphs so that they would work in the new order that I put them in. after that, I was

below the word count so I tried to add a sentence or two to each paragraph, and then I was

done.

I think that the main thing that I will take from this course is to look at the organization of

my papers after I write them. When I looked back at these papers I realized that I was just

answering each part of the prompt in that order then submitting it, without any thought to the

actual organization of the paper. This is the reason why I think that the biggest problem in my

second paper was the organization because the prompt was more of a list of questions of what I

did in the translation. I just answer the questions that were the easiest to answer first then I went

to the harder parts like adding two articles from the class. Because I did not realize my

organization originally, I ended up with the two articles from class as my conclusion. When I

went back to look at the organization I realized this and I made changes that moved paragraphs

around and i ended up with what I think is a much more organized parer.

Sincerely,

Jack Phreaner