My Attachment to My Childhood Fantasy

by: Marie Soul

Maybe it’s about the sense of professionalism that white laboratory coats radiate, or the
impression of sophistication metal stethoscopes bring, or the significance of the vocation that is
service to the sick people with all other things unconsidered. I want to become a general
physician in the future, but I could no longer remember the root of this juvenile ambition.

Of course I was fully informed of how expensive and lengthy studying for medicine is,
but a child’s mind, I guess, only grasps the notion of good things, such as the relatively high
salary for doctors. And I can still remember how dramatic I got after receiving my very first ever
doctor toy set, and that says a lot to my young obsession with the profession I wanted for myself.
With all the positivity in mind I somehow managed to tell everyone I know that I wanted to
become a doctor, and how I wish my past naive self didn’t do it, until my junior years in high
school.

When I moved up as a senior in high school, it hit me that I have a lot of characteristics
that don’t fit to the societal requirements of becoming a doctor. I am not intelligent, I lack
mathematical reasoning, I started to become poor in the study of science, I don’t have the healthy
study habits, and I don’t have the socio-economic capabilities. Living in a third-world country
where becoming a general physician for those in the middle and low class is moderately
achievable to just impossible, adds up to the already many obstacles.

I can give you the list of all the things that disqualifies me to achieving my ambition, but
I also have a single thing I hold on to, and that is the dream, the dream itself that I had ever since
I was young. I had the dream and I take it to faith that wanting to become a doctor myself was
not an accident. It was a childhood fantasy that with all the determination I have in me, I might
turn into reality. Watch me.