10:28 AM

Wednesday
September 07
2005
 Why believe literally what CC writes any more than what Esther
Hicks does? Possibilities. Seeing this made me realize that the
abstract pattern sketched in “The View I Could Not Stand” applies
to me in this regard. We àre alike. I immerse myself in analyzing
every detail of my chosen writer/speaker/communicator never
until now really seriously considering that both communicators
are merely sharing their interpretation – not mine. Mine is
unique.

In CC’s story, the view he couldn’t stand, is the view of himself as

a copy – evidenced by the conformity he observed in himself and
his circle of friends in L.A. in the late sixties, early seventies and
beyond. The foreign installation is the copy – the design
document if you will; the memetic equivalent of DNA in genes and
chromosomes. That copy can viewed as a seed or nucleus. Just
yesterday I was viewing narcissism as a memetic pandemic which
has already propagated a global network of cages; memetic cages,
designed to confine and contain awareness inside a limited
fragment specified by the ‘rulers’.

Conformity for the masses and liberty for the very rare few who
experience emancipation and know self actualization. Some
secret. Some possibilities seem almost unimaginable. Seeing
over the longer term of evolutionary history of the species homo
sapiens (n-s: transgender humans expose the fallacy of dualistic
division. Relativity and absolutivity. Dialecticism – relativity is an
abstract pattern – the other syntax) I see that these are two
extremes with a broad spectrum of fluctuations of intensity.
Conformity or Self Actualization! No wonder I feel the interaction
 of the two so acutely. Nowhere could the juxtaposition be so
clearly defined. For the individual too, the experience of
conforming and of emancipated self actualizing are two extremes
of a spectrum of infinite variations of intensity.

One of the limitations of the abstract pattern described by

Buddhist writers is the false impression of existence in a state of
conformity up until the experience of enlightenment under the
bodhi tree. Then there occurs a sudden transformation after
which there is exclusively self actualized, enlightened spiritually
aware existence. The language they use encourages the
absolutist conformist view of duality. One or the other. Male or
female. Egocentric suddenly transforming permanently into
enlightened. That’s not the way it happens. They argued about
this. Hui-Neng and his rival, Sudden or gradual. These Chinese
pioneers of Zen also seem to describe dualistic categories that are
best seen as extremes of a spectrum rather than mutually
exclusive discrete categories. Neither sudden nor gradual but
both.

Each self-actualized artist has a unique style. In the whole of their

expressions is seen the abstract patterns stripped of the
unnecessary particulars as much as possible. Castaneda, D.T.
Suzuki, Lao Tsu, Plato, Chaudhuri.

All of them share in the one abstract pattern – a universal

(Platonic) ‘form’. It is the pattern of the life cycle of humans as
psychical entities. Picasso shows it in the evolution of his
painting. His work evolves from conformity to less conformity.
From copying others to becoming himself. Early in his career he
emulates his teachers – the master painters. Eventually he finds
his own style suddenly and invents a new way of seeing which
 then is repeated in his interpretations. Multiple sub-styles
emerge like the blue and the pink series.

Similarly, the shaman-mystic-philosopher experiences conformity

and self actualization not as a dreamland of external images
painted like a blueprint on canvas; but on the canvas of psyche. In
particular, the philosophic types seek to arrange their perceptual
energy as a work in progress revealing the same features of
robotic conformity evolving into self actualized uniqueness of
style. For me the uniqueness of my style is most prominently
visible in the experiences of intent revealed by integration. The
arrangement of perception experienced as the long collective
struggle for freedom on the day of the Sphinx and Goose bearer is
a pattern that emerges time and again in the evoys as intent not
previously perceived was seen and experienced. Now, twenty
three years later, the long struggle for freedom observed then for
the first time, is perceived in a similar fashion as Picasso’s
paintings as compared to the perceptual art of the shaman-
mystic-philosopher-scientist-artist. The long struggle for freedom
is evident in the five millennia interval in it’s macro-social political
form and in the much shorter term of the individual lives of
shaman-mystic-philosopher-scientist-artists who develop their
own unique style.
 11:41 AM
9/7/2005

Reading my first Perth entry for 2005, in it’s entirety, I discovered

that my self actualization began with my emancipation from the
control of my perception due to Gail’s iron grip on my
experiences. My liberation was seen quite clearly in the form of
awakening of the intent revealed in the evoys when some
fragments of perception came together. They were the fragments
of my experiences with three women who were my ‘ushers’
showing me the way from the vice-grip of the control freak Leo
woman I was married to. I saw in the evoys that my experiences
with these three women combined were the means by which I
was emancipated from the jail cell life I was experiencing due to
cohabitation with Gail. This is a fact I’ve long known yet usually
choose to forget and pretend not to know. It did come out once
in a meeting I had with Gail in Fremantle in 2000. She said: “We
were happy weren’t we?” I said: “No”. She said: “I was”. She
seemed devastated by this truth. Apparently I am too. What else
explains my having pushed this truth away from my awareness
when it’s a really crucial fragment (the nature of my life with Gail)
in my good fortune to have experienced some degree of
emancipation from conformity – in self actualizing and so
discovering the many types of capabilities I have so enjoyed – like
camping and hiking; like cooking and gardening.

Even more than I have ignored my emancipation from the iron

grip of Gail, I have ignored my memories of my experiences of
daily life with her. Perhaps it has something to do with the self
disgust I tend to feel when I see how weak and unpleasant I was
to be around then. I was moody and morose, unable to fulfill
myself because I surrendered to her the responsibility of shaping
 my experiences. Now as I find the courage to face who I really
was, I see that it provides a very helpful milepost which adds
perspective to who I am now by emphasizing the immense change
that has occurred.

I felt so attached to Mary, I couldn’t let go. At the time and

since I’ve accounted for this as evidence of a deep need for
the love we experienced together. That’s very accurate as
far as it goes. The quality of our experiences together a
proof enough of why I could not let go. The other side of
the story is what that says about the quality of my
experiences with Gail – how dreary, confining, dull by
comparison. I usually say that that was all I knew and so was
unable to see it as it was – unaware of my sorry state –
under the control of a hyper-control freak who insisted on
being in charge of everything I experienced. Gail so
dominated me and my perceptions and experiences than
my true self (mind), my actualized unique self rarely spoke
because it had been defeated and relegated to obscurity.

Now I can see that this must have been very obvious to
others who knew us in America. Mary has told me she saw
that and out of compassion wanted to help emancipate me.
That was why we became so close until she began to make
her bid to defeat my real mind self all over again. Out of the
fire and into the frying pan it was.

This is not the first time I have been aware of the pattern of
my emancipation. Having just freshly opened up
Castaneda’s last book again, I am well aware again of what I
saw back at the time of the evoys – that I had indeed
experienced a liberation in connection with the assistance
provided by the three women in the front and all those
 behind them who influenced them to act in support of my
bid for freedom.

The foreign installation, the confined and conforming mind,

offered it’s limited possibilities by the rulers and controllers
was broken open in the emancipation accomplished by the
three women and their supporters. In time I can see, it
repaired itself, with the aid of a series of controllers who’ve
come forward to impose their will in shaping my
experiences.

I’ve long accounted for the events of my bid for freedom, as

consciously aided by Mary and the others consciously
participating in liberating me for my own sake. Now I
question that. It looks more like an attempt to remove one
dominant controller and to install another to favor the
narrow self interest of those involved. Mary was the first of
the new controllers substitutes for Gail just as Gail had been
substituted for the earlier controllers in business, church,
university, school and family. After Mary, Coates. Then Bill.
Then Rebecca and then Coates again.

Looking over the whole span of the experiences of this life

and all lives, I see that once I had made my bid for freedom,
I would never again accept dominance. So there began my
journey of liberation and a series of encounters with various
controllers who collectively have ‘tempered’ my actualizing
self. Four major attempts to dominate me – all failed
miserably and ended very badly. Many more minor
contenders have made brief forays without much
commitment.
 As I see the overview, the integrated view of multiple
fragments associated with each contender, I become aware
that the only possible strategy to be adopted, is one of
propagating emancipation in all of my interactions. Like the
midwifery or Socrates. Like the ministrations of don Juan.
Do not the naguals become yet another master until they
are abandoned.

I can see that after my successive encounters with rival

dominators, there is no room anymore for anyone to control
me. Anyone who comes in contact with me must face the
awareness I give birth to in their minds of the possibility of
their emancipation from being controlled by others.

“Your world is coming to an end”, he said. “It is the end of

an era for you. Do you think that the world you have known
all of your life is going to leave you peacefully, without any
fuss of muss? No! It will wriggle underneath you, and hit
you with it’s tail.” P87

This becomes more transparent when the underneath and

the tail are seen as a dragon you are riding after having been
ridden by it, so to speak. It always comes down to one
controller at a time. A single controller can employee agents
to support their bid to control. Two rival controllers musty
first face one another to win the right to bid for control. So
it’s always the latest controller.

Here again the relativity syntax illuminates the limitations of

categorizing all people as either controllers OR controlled.
All controllers are also controlled. One can only seek to
impose obedience if one knows how to obey. Language and
 violence are the two most popular media for imposing and
compelling obedience.

There are only obedient controllers who have varying

degrees of the two tendencies in their relationships with
others. There are only a very few rare beings who are self-
actualized and emancipated from the endless dull ritual of
simultaneous controlling and obeying. Like predator and
prey. The only alternative I know of to this life of being both
predators and prey in our relationships with other humans,
is the life of setting free by opening the cages.

Now I am seeing that a nation of self employed small

business people has no room for the industrial replication
system of drone like worker employees.

The most recent encounter I had with a controller was dealt

with by multiple evacuations. No real acceptable alternative
was offered. At least, not one I could accept. Either the
controllers knew the offerrings would be unacceptable or
they were distracted by illusions. Like the fisherman facing
the sea every day, the shaman-mystic-philosopher-artist-
scientist…………………. right in the middle I see that perhaps
Gail might be well served by an attempt to communicate to
her the realities of emancipation. I recall now that I always
felt that she was too obedient to the more ignorant and
brutal elements for me to feel comfortable with her. Mqary,
on the other hand, had a superficial appearance of being
emancipated from obedience to those crueler and brutal
elements. As it turns out, Mary was not and is not
emancipated at all. She is merely obedient to another gang
of equally brutal and cruel dominators. I was trying to
describe my most recent encounter with a dominatrix.
 Rebecca. I was feeling reluctant because I wish not too be
unkind to my close friend. Then I saw that Gail is in a
position to continue to exercise a lot of control over my life.
Much more than Rebecca. So I switched to perceiving a
possible interaction with Gail to support her own bid for
emancipation.

Just now I also saw that my arrival in Australia became a

celebration of my emancipation. Then suddenly events
unfolded to reveal that I am still very much limited by the
control that Gail is excercising. Mary too. Rebecca has
nowhere near the power over my experiences that they
have. That alone explains much of the phenomenon of the
sudden change when Gail’s influence was felt in the
wriggling and tail thrashing of June/July. At first I felt so
elated because I was finally free. Then I realized that I was
not as free as I thought.
 1:33 PM
9/7/2005

A glimmer of hope like light at the end of a dark cave of

trees, awakens as I contemplate yet again, possible
maneuvers for me to win freedom from the narrow financial
limitations imposed on my daily experiences by the hostile
actions of both Gail, Mary and Bill in the courts. Looking at
all three is quite imposing. Gail alone is imposing enough.
When I came to Perth I began again on the path of
dislodging Gail from the litigious saddle she is in. Now that I
contemplate it, she is now so dislodged. As far as I can tell,
she has permanently given up the option of trying to confine
me financially. I, for some strange reason continue to act as
if she is still able to get access to my current earnings. I can
always reason that, Mary might similarly use the
international reciprocal procedures to gain access to my
earnings.

Here comes the cavalry. It’s not just me bidding for

freedom. I am seeing that extreme narcissism (libertinism)
is a trap that awaits those bidding for freedom. Extreme
narcissists merely substitute one controller for another.
Having shrugged off the other incarnate beings who have
been controllers, one becomes a slave to one’s physical
desires even if one is no longer obedient to any living
person. These are the worst of the tyrants. The only real
freedom is in impeccability – emancipation from self
importance and self indulgence. What is the point of
successfully executing emancipation from the controlling
attempts of other humans only to become a slave to an
externally imposed psychic ailment caused by a toxic meme
– which attacks one mentally and fragments the perceptual
body, pulling it apart, destroying it?

The whole point of emancipation from external human

tyrants is to be able to use one’s freedom from obedience to
tyrants (control freaks) as a platform or springboard to
launch a bid for freedom from the confinement that is
egoistic self absorption with it’s necessary and inherent
disease of duhkha cells. What about that. Not only are
there psychical equivalents of physical viruses, genes,
pandemics, immunity, anti-bodies, inoculation, perhaps
there are equivalents of cells, organs and bodies!! Here is
the holarchic concentric systems of particulars and
universals again.

To be a narcissist, to stop once one has gained one’s

freedom from other humans, residentially and vocationally,
is to remain in a pre-embryonic stage of development of the
self. Like a fertilized egg, without the nourishment or
environment needed to divide and grow. In the past, I’ve
often embraced the term ‘larval’ as well as ‘embryonic’, to
describe the relationship between the ordinary state of
psychic development and the enlightened stage of
evolutionary psychic development. The principles or
abstract patterns of human psychical evolutionary
development is in fact, perhaps one of my favorite modes of
contemplation.

I’ve often had clear insights into the truth that Newton and
Einstein have left us their psychologies disguised as their
science and their physics or their laws and principles. As
with the scientific approach of Siddartha to the reality of the
infinite, the ultimate, it’s possible to strip all the
 unnecessary and superfluous trimmings used by Newton
and Einstein to reveal the bare and naked abstract core of
their art. They merely pretend to be physicists or scientists.
At their core they are shamans, they are philosophers (they
held doctoral degrees in philosophy); they are psychologists.
Newton and Einstein are alike in that they chose to explore
and contemplate the psychical regions encompassed by and
limited to physical sensory perception. Both of them
described their journeys into psyche as explorers in new
realms. Both of them saw and artistically represented the
abstract principles of the worlds they witnessed.

A scientist in the sense of the common usage of the term,

remains inside the limits of the psychic realm of sensory
perception because this is what a scientist is defined as. Yet
a scientist is also a philosopher and psychologist. Once the
psychologist traverses the boundary between the sensory
physical realm of perception and the other realm of psychic
reality, the psychologist can no longer claim to be a scientis
but an explorer of yet another psychic realm. Psychic
Explorers and warrior-travelers are one. They are sorcerers.

I have on a few memorable but all too infrequent and short-

lived occasions, become fully aware that the awesome
gigantic stature of Newton and Einstein, in due not to their
contributions to the small world of professional scientists
alone. Their greatness is a consequence of the all pervasive
benefits they have bequeathed as psychologists involved in
the whole long struggle for freedom and self actualization.
In their lives they show the way. They are role models.

Seeing this makes me wonder about other gigantic beings

who like Einstein and Newton have made such basic and
 universal abstract core principles known to all in both
memetic and in physical (as technology products) forms.
Immediately the names of Jesus and Siddartha leap right
out. In terms of who has had the most influence there are
others who do not demonstrate the same sort of
compassion yet are extremely influential as role models
providing a blue-print for others to adopt.

The entrepreneur is surely a most suitable and eminent role

model for those who are enslaved and powerless.
The entrepreneur is even more secular than the scientist. In
between them is the engineer. The engineer is too exclusive
as is the scientist to appeal to many. The same really applies
to the saints like Jesus and before Jesus, Moses, Pythagoras,
Siddartha and Lao Tsu. Their molds are the opposite of
secular and far too difficult for most people to even begin to
approach. More realistic role models and blue prints are
needed if psychic larvae are to have any chance of
developing through the many stages they must experience
in order to become like those rarest of beings who are the
most beloved of all Jesus and Siddartha.

Mohammed is the most popular model for Muslim people.

What I know of Mohammed is that his mold is that of both
warrior and religious leader or prophet. It should be no
surprise that his model is attractive to people who are
predisposed culturally to violence as a strategy for
emancipation. In the west, in European culture, only
Alexander of Macedonia has anything like the stature or
configuration of Mohammed in regard of living the abstract
principle of violent self emancipation. This similarity should
not be surprising since Mohammed lead a movement to
terminate the already denuded Graeco Roman imperial
tyranny which had imposed it’s will on his people for nearly
seven hundred years after putting down the Persians who’d
previously put down the Egyptians and the Mesopotamians.

Seeing them all as alternative role models or blueprints for

life makes them easier to look at and compare. Westerners
are accustomed to revulsions for any role model popular
among non European peoples including Taoists, Zen people,
other Buddhists (I suggest that Zen is really Taoism
camouflaged as Buddhist) and Muslims & Confucians.

It’s a bit of a dilemma to discern how to set up a blueprint

based on the life of persons who have best exemplified self
actualization. In modern times we have a few of similar
configuration as the greatest and most popular. One of
them is Ghandi. Andrew Carnegie is one possible
entrepreneurial candidate. He is way too pre Hiroshima. At
least Ghandi is post Hiroshima or at least trans-Hiroshima.

After a few minutes of random drifting a wind rose up with a

firm direction. This wind has a voice or is a voice. The voice
is saying that such role molds may be found among the most
prominent people of the post Hiroshima integral culture
movement. It’s amazing really that this movement has
specifically avoided any allegiance to any one central figure
or person. Paul MacCartney is sure secular enough. George
Lucas is similarly entrepreneurial. Steven King is prominent
as a popular author among many authors. Andrew Lloyd
Weber is another. Electronic Music is MacCartney’s medium
and he is almost a holy figure. The Dalai Lama has so far
avoided endorsing rock music but he sure the holiest.
Lucas’s medium is cinema. What about Ted Turner in
television? Rupert Murdoch in media. Weber in stage.
 Then there are Bill Gates, Steve Jobs, Paul Allen, Steve
Wosniak in electronics.

Where are those who are known for growing entrepreneurs

by design? Especially sustainable entrepreneurs and
entrepreneurs involved in sustainable business?

Who are the living examples of sustainable

entrepreneurism? Greenpeace? Robert Kennedy Jr.?

n-s why not a sustainability assessment for Worsley? It’s a

broader scope than carbon inventories, greenhouse gas
emissions and energy efficiency opportunity assessments.
The two pronged carbon-energy approach is too confining
for me to feel entirely comfortable or even partially
comfortable. I can only enthusiastically embrace an integral
approach to sustainability. That’s a lot easier sell precisely
because all decision makers can identify with sustainability
when it is translated into business strategy planning and
adapting to the coming shocks of energy costs and shortages
as well as carbon and green house gas emissions control
costs. It seems that the owners of the petroleum and coal
industries are now cleaning up and buying up and
consolidating the whole resource sector first as one might
expect since minerals extraction resembles petroleum
extraction. High petroleum prices means huge surpluses for
owning stock in any chosen business sector. The two
primary divisions, as I see it, are best described in terms of
their anatomical associations as ‘extensions’ of (hu) man
(ity).

One is the extension of the motor systems of the limbs of

the human body – the four limbs, with two
bisymmetricalities – are suitably represented by the abstract
icon of a tetrahedron or cluster of four spheres, two larger
than the other two. This is more commonly know as the
transportation sector. It includes petroleum and refining,
automobile manufacturing, aerospace, ship building,
highway construction, steel, coal, coke, aluminium, copper,
titanium, magnesium, nickel, cobalt, molybdenum,
chromium, cement.

Before I have even turned to the other sectors I see already

that most sub sectors service all. This is like the concept of
shared services.

The other most obvious sector is telecom and media. It

includes internet, computers, software, intewrnet service
providers, mobile and cell phones and services, cable
television, music, movies, books, print, schooling and
training,

The integral city seems to me the best way to escape from

the fragmental deficiencies of specialization and this it’s a
very attractive sustainable business investment strategy
avoiding the pitfalls of specialization.

It’s very noticeable that all of the ‘new economy’ business

sectors almost without exception belong to the telecom
subsector while the old economy is almost exclusively
concentrated in the physical macrocospic transportation
sectors. It is even more illuminating sometimes to use the
terms ‘electrical’ and ‘mechanical’, in deference to Marshall
MacLuhan. These could easily be symbolized by their
primary pioneering psychic explorers Newton and Einstein.
Einstein and Newton were both physicists. One focused on
 material objects (phenomena) (Earth) while the other
focused on electrical phenomena (fire). Do they have an
equivalent explorer who went beyond sense perception in
an equally bold pioneering manner? Freud and Jung come
to mind as the early pioneers in the field. I can find none
more worthy since them than Carlos Castaneda although no
doubt ken Wilber would be already proclaiming his
superiority if he knew he could.

In a knowledge based economy the physicists and their

progeny in mechanical engineering, civil, chemical and
electrical/electronic and their entrepreneur brethren will be
retired like the horse by the car. Who replaces the
mechanical and electrical inventor entrepreneurs in the
knowledge economy? Surely they are psychologists and
psychic inventor entrepreneurs who innovate new
knowledge products or packages or quanta that like the
mechanical and electrical products of the old
(manufacturing) economy. Today, it is those who operate
schools, universities, seminars, consultancies and the like
who are at the forefront in the knowledge economy.

The integral city is best seen as a residential business

campus facility for distributing knowledge products and not
as a manufacturing center.

This is where innovation is most profitable and also helpful.

In coming up with new and better ways of assembling and
delivering knowledge products. Consulting is one means of
doing this. Not such a great one either.

The university is perhaps the best model to begin with. One

of the difficulties is that we are in such a novel realm one
wonders how suitable any model might be but we have to
start somewhere or get involved in all the impossible
difficulties of reinventing the wheel.

Consulting is like being a sort of private tutor.

In the knowledge economy teachers will take over the role

of the mechanical, electrical, electronic and software
entrepreneurs. Now I don’t care about that anymore. My
only passion is self emancipatory actualization.

I am feeling the dulling effects of fragmentation and

confinement in the now moment.
 3:47 PM
9/7/2005

After an reasonably thorough review of the historical

persons who best exemplify role model status for
encouraging self actualization I found that I am at a loss to
find a post Hiroshima peer to the ancient greats Siddartha
and Jesus. As I write their names I’m impressed 9/7/2005
3:56 PM by something that escaped when I went to the
gayraj to carry stuff from the car. What was it? What was it
about Jesus and Siddartha which impressed me? I know I
began the sequence with a shift out of the knowledge
economy to recognizing that only emancipators can serve to
satisfy the mass market for liberty that is the new economy.
The new economy is all based on the understanding that
customers will pay a very high price for what they value
most – liberty. Actually liberty is an intermediate that is
desired for it’s suitability for development of unique
selfhood. Discovering the unique self of each individual is
the real ‘product’ of the new economy. Liberty is a
precursor that can be converted into either destructive
libertinism or into compassionate creative constructive self
realization. Who do libertines worship or at least who do
they look up to as role models if anyone? Bonaparte?
Hitler? Alexander of Macedon? Hitler? Stalin? Mao?

It seems to me that since there are so many people who are

so horrendously abused, there must be a lot of admiration
for tyrants who evolve from prey into predators. That must
be an inspiring blueprint for the abused.
 In the course of having an involvement in operating some
facility devoted to and designed for letting people out of
their (psychical) cages Siddartha and Jesus stand out as the
two historical persons who best exemplify in the wholeness
of their lives, emancipation of their psychic selves from the
larval stage of psychic development (evolution). Liberation
is only the beginning – integration is the finishing touch.
Liberation and integration as a participative experience
seems an inspiring possibility. Liberating one’s unused
‘energy’ is one of the consequences of a continuing
integration. It’s possible it seems to offer training in
integration as an alternative to analytical critical
fragmentational modes of being – complaining and judging,
rejecting and disapproving; being discontent and full of
unsatisfactoriness.
 4:44 PM
9/7/2005

Three fours is nice. In solmed there awakened a memory of

the realization of the intent that emerges when I see the
three women and their behind the scenes support staff as
involved consciously and knowingly in the strategy of
emancipation to nurture the evolutionary growth of the
larval embryo of being that I remember being. When all the
fragments are joined together according to CC, unused
energy is made available.

I have just this moment seen for the first time that there is a
strategy of emancipation, a strategy of nourishment of
embryonic consciousness, that is prominently perceptible
when the fragments I associate with each of the companions
are joined together. That new. The experience of seeing
this is reminiscent of the experience of seeing the linkage
between the three women who emancipated me from
domination by Gail. Those experiences were some of the
more memorable of the evoys and that was twenty years
ago plus some. This links all of my companions together.
Gail, Elly, Sheila, Mary, Mikki, Coates, Bill, Ruud, Lizza,
Tammi, Rebecca, Hille, Coates and mother now.

That’s quite some integration giving rise to this perception

of intentionality.
 6:09 PM
9/7/2005

During some TV new viewing I saw that when we are “in

love”, what we experience is a much higher intensity of
approval than usual. Usually, we are assaulted from all sides
with disapproval. That means that we experience a high
density of unsatisfactoriness or duhkha. Being in love is
almost identical to enlightenment. Both are states of mind
in which we experience a very low intensity of duhkha. The
primary difference is that when we experience the state or
stage called enlightenment, it is a solo performance. When
we experience being in love, the state is dependent on the
approval of the lover.

There are clues in all of this about the intermediate steps or

stages between unsatisfactory and enlightened. Perhaps
this explains why we often hear that before we can love
someone else we must first love ourselves. For me it’s more
important that perhaps we can actually consciously
deliberately approve as a technique for enhancing the
enlightened state of mind. Maybe this is the meaning and
the hidden wisdom in the saying: “count your blessings”.

I can see it in my experiences here in Perth, Australia. I’m

quite surprised really to find that I am experiencing so much
self disapproval over my situation. On the surface I can
readily see that it is true and real that I have much more
than I could have had if I had been obedient and conformist
and let money and possessions guide me into slavery. Yet I
still find all sorts of reasons to assure myself that if only I
had more money I could have a place of my own and if I had
 a place of my own I’d be free to focus on purifying my
consciousness by extracting and removing all of the
unsatisfactory perceptions and judgments.

It’s seemingly meaningful that in recent days intent seems to

be working. Impeccability has been manifested quite
spontaneously.
 8:18 PM
9/7/2005

“I think that the crux of the matter is that the concept of the mind being a
foreign installation is so outlandish that my mind refuses to take it seriously,” I
said, feeling that I had made a real discovery.

Don Juan did not comment on what I had said. He continued explaining the
issue of the two minds as if I hadn’t said a word.

“To resolve the conflict of the two minds is a matter of intending it,” he said.
“Sorcerers beckon intent by voicing the word intent loud and clear. Intent is a
force that exists in the universe. When sorcerers beckon intent, it comes to
them and sets up the path for attainment, which means that sorcerers always
accomplish what they set out to do.”

“Do you mean, don Juan, that sorcerers get anything they want, even if it is
something petty and arbitrary?” I asked.

“No, I didn’t mean that. Intent can be called, of course, for anything,” he replied,
“but sorcerers have found out, the hard way, that intent comes to them only for
something that is abstract. That’s the safety valve for sorcerers, otherwise they
would be unbearable. In your case, beckoning intent to resolve the conflict of
your two minds, or to hear the voice of your true mind, is not a petty or arbitrary
matter. Quite the contrary, it is ethereal and abstract, and yet as vital to you as
anything can be.” P9,10.

It is sure alluring to hear that we can get anything we want

even if it is conditionally limited to the abstract and
ethereal. Esther Hicks somehow omits to tell the truth when
she channels Carlos and names him Abraham. She assures
he customers that they can have anything they want
without any limits whatever. It’s the same message I got
from Robert Collier. The law of universal compensation.
 9:26 PM
9/7/2005

I think I’ve already called the force named intent, existing in

the universe, to resolve the conflict of my two minds. I am
now calling intent loud and clear to resolve the conflict
between them. Already it appears to me that intent may be
setting up a path for attainment. I say this because I have
already seen that the two minds are not like equals. One of
the minds is the differentiated fragment confining
awareness in the infinitesimally small fragment of the now
(it’s not necessarily the now instant, the current minute of
even this day – it is a very small and finite portion most of
the time – relatively small). The other mind by comparison
is vast like and ocean because it is infinite and all inclusive. I
think that until now when I have contemplated the conflict
between the two minds I have seen them either as equals or
in relation in which the foreign installation – the caged mind
– is seen as far more powerful and much bigger. The truth is
just the opposite. It is tiny and weak. Maybe it’s because
the true mind is described as having been defeated and
relegated to obscurity.

I was going to comment earlier that it’s kind of interesting to

me that it’s very early in the book, on page 9 -10 that we
find the above quote about the awesome power that is at
our finger tips. I know that I read this book back in 1998
when it first appeared in the book stores. I know I read it
several times in the last few weeks before today. Somehow
however, I just pushed it aside and decided not to give it any
attention. In order to do that I conclude I doubted it when I
read it. This time, I became aware of a new possibility. That
 possibility is – what if this is actually true and it will actually
work for me? I’d be delighted if it had any affect at all in
resolving the conflict of my two minds since that is the very
task which has taken over my existence ever since the evoys
and my emancipation by Mary, then my emancipation from
Mary. I’m quite amazed that I just negated it off hand as if I
was absolutely certain it is a false claim. Yet that is exactly
what I did. However, just in the last week, I did beckon
intent for what seems a petty affair but it is related.
Smoking less. Already it seems to have worked. No. It has
worked. That is perhaps a glaring example of intent
announcing itself to me. It’s the active side of infinity. Since
I’m in the grips of a long struggle to resolve the conflict
between my two minds, the fragmental mind full of duhkha
and dissatisfaction, and the integral divine infinite collective
mind free of duhkha, it is a very welcome relief already to be
feeling that there is something to hope for to bring relief
from the flood of dissatisfaction that has descended recently
right at a time when after two decades of struggle I thought
I had really got somewhere already only to find myself stuck
in a place that feels most uncomfortable – in fact – it is so
uncomfortable that I am compelled to seek a solution to my
discomfort.
 9:54 PM
9/7/2005

I tried it before and it didn’t work. That’s one of my

standard responses to the idea of the power of intending
(Esther Hicks – Abraham calls it vibrating). Actually I did try it
before and like the sorcerers of don Juan’s lineage I can say I
learned the hard way that it doesn’t come for petty and
arbitrary requests. I have previously reasoned that
intending a more athletic physique had the consequence of
attracting Mary and a shit load of pain. I hadn’t ever
considered it before but I did very deliberately vibrate or
beckon that universal force called intent even if I thought I
was asking for a more athletic physique to attract women. I
did attract women and a new place to live. It hadn’t
occurred to me until now that when I beckoned intent as I
did then in about 1976/77/78 (nearly thirty years ago) it
came to me for it’s own reasons and caught me by surprise
as it were. This is a fragment that I hadn’t previously
connected in with the unfolding of the evolutionary
development of my consciousness since then. Now I am
seeing what happened.

Earlier when I first considered this assertion about intent, I

assumed that don Juan was saying that if we beckon intent
for something petty or arbitrary, it simply does not come.
Now it seems to me that intent comes whenever we beckon
it. It comes for it’s own purposes. If our purpose is petty
and arbitrary we are in for a surprise because intent will
inevitably push us relentlessly, even ruthlessly to
emancipation from confinement in fragmental differentiated
 finite consciousness to integral infinite consciousness. That
is self actualization or spiritual evolution.

It also occurred to me that this beckoning of intent has a

resemblance to prayer. Praying without a clear idea of a
deliberately conscious supreme being in direct communication.
What really matters is that it works. Describing it as a force which
exists in the universe is a very economical and lean means of
expressing the principle without unnecessary trimmings and
adornments. When we beckon intent we are creating a psychic
space for the force to occupy. It’s a bit like inviting Jesus to come
into your heart and take over your life. When intent is beckoned,
it is really a submission and a yielding of the fragmental
egocentric self even if you don’t know it. That’s quite different to
what happens in evangelical Christian gatherings when deliberate
submission is recommended for relief from suffering. Esther
Hicks’s way is the most deceptive. It lures people to beckon
intent under the pretense of satisfying egocentric concerns – for
petty and arbitrary reasons that is. What I’m seeing now is that
when intent is beckoned it doesn’t matter what it is consciously
invited for. It has it’s unalterable pattern and that pattern is
liberation and integration.
 10:43 PM
9/7/2005

There were many times at about the era of the evoys when I recall
being in enlightened states and seeing that I had access to power
that could be used to accomplish anything I might set out to do.
The thing was, that once I was back in ordinary fragmental
egocentric awareness I just didn’t believe and believed the
opposite (clear evidence of the conflict of my two minds) so that I
would cancel out the beckoning of the force of intent. Now I am
seeing that it is only after the egocentric mind begins to collapse
in utter sobriety that it become possible to believe that such
power is accessible. It’s like Carlos comments in “The Return Trip”
on p 267.

“Don Juan had decribed it as a common occurrence among male sorcerers: an incapacity
to remember events that had transpired while I was in states of heightened awareness.”

A displacement of this kind (heightened awareness) had two consequences for me: an
extraordinary keenness of thought and perception, and an incapacity to remember,
once I was back in my normal state of awareness, what had transpired while I had been
in that other state.”

What I discovered in the bevons, about 15 years or more after the

evoys, was that I was deliberately conscious of wanting to
remember the evoys which were states of integral enlightened
awareness that I am quite confident are as identical as is possible
to heightened awareness. What I discovered in the bevons was
that even when I deliberately intended to remember those states,
my ‘ordinary state of awareness” would vehemently contradict
the very possibility of the evoys and actively work to drain them
of awareness and put them out of reach.
 My discovery was that in order to remember the insights like the
accessibility of the power of intent to accomplish everything I set
out to do, I actually had to be out of the state of so called ‘normal’
awareness. It is most obscure until you can see the proper
relationship between ‘normal’ awareness and “heightened”
awareness. I find it much more accurate and informative to
describe the two as I saw them and experienced at the time of the
evoys. I saw them as a differentiated, finite, fragment or
egocentric normal awareness on the one hand and on the other
an infinite integral state of awareness which actually contains
within it the so called normal state. Having seen this relationship
between the two states it is quite simple to comprehend why it is
just not possible to perceive in the differentiated finite normal
state what is perceptible only in the integrated infinite realm
because what is perceived is perceived in the wholeness of the
integral state. I remember many occasions seeing so very clearly
that in the integral state I was fully conscious of existing in a state
temporally extended over vast intervals of time (a dimension of
consciousness) and seeing that in ordinary awareness I existed in
a state of very narrow temporal extension.

It’s amazing to me right now that I am able to sustain this

awareness of temporal extension as even a possibility. Prior to
the bevons, even if the idea occurred to me, I would immediately
experience a feeling of vehement contradiction which would
prevent me from focusing on the idea at all and drive the idea
away. I would now describe this as some sort of force that acts to
confine awareness in a small temporal interval and actively
prevent it from expanding. At the time of the bevons I’m now
recollecting that I’d see that this force was connected to
punishment and reward as a child and as an adult too. All the
punishment and reward forms a sort of electric force field or
barrier that shocks us, zaps us when we bump up against the
boundaries. This was seen to be the effects of conditioning. I call
it a alien installation. Carlos called it a foreign installation. It’s
purpose is apparently to ensure that egocentric blobs of
awareness can be herded and manipulated by hyper-criminal
elements. If the blobs of awareness are allowed to expand then
they become endowed with their own sense of direction and
purpose and cannot be herded and manipulated by the hyper-
predators.

As I contemplate the whole of the development or evolutionary

unfolding that has occurred from the frame that was crafted in
childhood to beckon intent later, to the evoys after the second
deliberate beckoning of intent for egocentric purposes, then the
nearly thirty years since I first beckoned intent and now – it is
truly an amazing accomplishment for which I claim no credit at all
since most of the way I have resisted. It is an amazing
accomplishment because it is such a vast and incomprehensible
transformation of my direct experience of reality. I have actually
performed the tasks that have made all this possible just as surely
as if I were painting on canvas. However, the inspiration, the
abstract patterns, the direction and purpose, the design has all
come from outside of the fragment of awareness that I previously
identified as my self. In fact, what I call my self has undergone a
vast transformation and it is this transformation that forms the
core of the evoys. The transformation is so radical it’s very
tempting to say that there is no self anymore, because what I
once identified with although it still exists in tact was swallowed
up long ago by infinity, the divinity, teon, tao, the dark sea of
awareness. It all comes down to what the word ‘self’ means or is
interpreted as to mean. It used to seem like it was so solid and
definitely fixed. Just like the collapse of categories in quantum
mechanics when space and time, corpuscles and waves all merged
and morphed.
Seen it it’s totality the transformation that was experienced as an
evolutionary transmutation of consciousness at the time of the
evoys, can now be seen to be like a glimpse of a transformation
that was still in progress and was only in the seed or conceptual
stage then.

Just like Carlos, I have simultaneously resisted and obsessively

pursued the transformation for nearly three decades since I first
beckoned intent having been lured by the promise that I could
achieve anything I believed so long as I was prepared to give up all
secondary choices and focus on one and only one goal that I am
most passionate about – the one that I desire above all else. I
must also re-emphasize the role of my exposures to one of two
scientology seminars as very young child and a decade of
exposure to various sects of evangelical Christians. Those
exposures had the lasting effect of creating a place in my
awareness for the force of universal intent – the active side of
infinity. Now, as I contemplate the experience what I see is that a
seed was planted then. A memetic entity possessing the abstract
core of intent. The Christian sects called it divine intent and the
will of God. This is a particular expression of the more universal
and abstract essence that is intent in all of it’s manifestations.
Castaneda, Matus and the whole Toltec lineage, like Siddhartha,
drop all of the unnecessary baggage and retain only the essence
and that essence is pure intent which is the active side of infinite
awareness and it is truly mysterious and not known as the
Christian interpretation which because of it’s baggage of
theological adornments is a manifestation of particular expression
which bears the design of the abstract essence but is itself finite
and limited, objective and exclusive, divisive and mutilating.
 The universal intent is integrative. It’s perceptible in the lives of
Isaac Newton and Albert Einstein in particular because of the key
role of unification in the works they both bequeathed us. In my
own life it’s so very abundantly perceptible in the evoys and the
bevons and now in the bevons2.

As the midnite hour approaches I want again to acknowledge and

celebrate as well as thank the mysterious force of integrating
unifying abstract essence of the intent of infinite conscious being.
I deliberately and consciously beckon intent for the specific
purpose of integrating consciousness and bringing about a more
continuous initiation into the enlightened state of the perfect
mystic state of consciousness and awareness with all of the power
it makes available to accomplish anything I set out to accomplish.

-fin-