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Surviving a Zombie Apocalypse

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Zombies are scary. Grinning lewdly strange humanoids that bumble, stumble, and mumble

along with tattered rags and hanging flesh from a badly severed arm right up from the

shoulder. Groaning and moaning, they gnash their half-ripped and deeply wounded face with

teeth that are filed to points. Hands; hanging in front of a bloodied chest with long and sharp

fingernails like claws. All the while, the zombies will be half dragging on ripped and severed

legs along the ground. Drooling and marching relentlessly, zombies have a weak point; they

hunt and attack in packs.

Therefore, the first question that I need to ask myself is, "what can I do to slow down

zombies from coming in my direction?". After giving it a really good thought, I think I will

need treadmills; plenty of treadmills, or better yet, escalators. "Why do you need escalators

when a zombie apocalyptic is unfolding?" you might ask. The answer is easy: delay the

zombies from entering my compound or house. With some of the rest of my family and a few

friends, we will set up ground escalators all along the outside edge of a perfectly squared

compound. I will then turn up the escalators to full speed rotations. The idea is to catapult

zombies that attempt to come to my compound as far as possible. As a safety measure, might

add treadmills at all entry points to the house for the same measure.

Now that I will have the zombies stranded on the outer edge of my compound, the next thing

I need to do is acquire a Valyrian steel bastard sword able to dispatch white walkers. Zombies

are incredibly idiotic. I think it has to do with their gray face with dislocated jaws that have

been smooshed all over with picky spongy brain matter. The scary humanoids shamble

around slowly almost nonchalantly until they see a human. Therefore, when a zombie sees

me, I need to have a Valyrian steel Longclaw. It is a long and handy full sword with the

stiffest blade there ever has been primarily for cutting and thrusting. The Longclaw is quick;
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always following the intentions of the hand-wrapped with black leather and a stabilized birch.

It has a sharp-edged blade and a narrow pointed spine end for effective thrusts from superior

stiffness. With the Longclaw, I will thrust and cut zombies into smithereens.

With the two defenses set, the next question to pose is "what if the zombies overwhelm my

defenses as they often do before the national guard finds me?" I think the last thing I need to

do is to acquire a zombie costume. The costume will make me look like a tall young male

zombie with a hooded red top and bluish jeans. On my hood, I will throw over a Yankees

baseball jersey that will earn me the right to straddle along with other zombies unsuspected

with a baseball bat. The skin of the costume will feature a completely burned away face,

arms, and chest with the skin and materials melted together. My hair on the costume will be

reduced to mere greyish bristles if they can be located on a large blister scabbing. Further, I

will intend for the face of the costume to be a featureless mass with partially gouged out eyes

seeping yellowish fluids that I will be occasionally pumping with my hidden hands. I will be

in perfect camouflage.