C OURTSHIP PRACTICES IN THE 21ST CENTURY

THE FAMILY
(EU112 - F017 - TTh 7:30 - 8:30)

MABUTING, ROLAND EMERSON O.

I - BSIE

PROF. DIVINE GLIFONEA

COURTSHIP PRACTICES IN THE MODERN DAYS…
Due to the impact of technology, forming relationships with others became
centralized in the use of new media platforms such as Facebook, Messenger, Twitter,
and Instagram. There are online dating sites where you can meet strangers online and
eventually form bonds that usually end as soon as they have started. Communication
became faster and more accessible, and our customs and ideals were altered
because the change in the modern society affected the way we interact with one
another.
Traditional courtship practices are no longer prominent in today’s society. They
were replaced by the new generations trends and culture in forming deeper
connection with someone whom we love. Some of the practices are as follows:

SWEET POSTS AND MESSAGES instead of love letters

Nowadays, love letters are

replaced by long messages that are
either shared publicly in social media,
or sent privately to your partner.
Replies can be easily sent without
long delays. You can also express
your feelings and emotions with the
use of emojis and emoticons. The
ladies usually demand long sweet
messages from their partner because
the effort and thoughtfulness makes
them feel loved and important. Since
these messages can be easily
constructed using the new
technology, one can daily
communicate and send multiple
messages in one day as long as they
feel like it.
GOING ON CONCERTS instead of serenade…
Suitors don’t have to sing
in front of their beloved’s home
anymore. They can just afford
tickets to concerts wherein they
can both enjoy the music
performed by their favorite
artists and just savor the
moment with each other, as if
every romantic song played is their relationship’s theme song.

DATES CAN BE MORE EXTRAVAGANT…

Couples usually go on special
dates especially in places that are
aesthetically pleasing and
“instagrammable” as they call it. We
have many beautiful places to go,
restaurants with many choices of foods,
entertainment places like malls, theme
parks, etc.
They usually go for more
expensive dates, or sometimes they
just hang out in their home to watch
movies in Netflix, hence the term
“Netflix and Chill”.
The more extravagant your date is, the more attention people will give to
the both of you, wishing that they had the same relationship as yours.
ONLINE DATING WORLDWIDE…

This dating practice is

widely-sought and established
not only in the Philippines but
across the globe as well. Since
love is no longer limited within
the borders of one’s nation,
finding genuine companionship internationally has become more popular
among other dating gestures. Over the years, numerous Filipinas have found
their one true love overseas, and this has been made possible through various
online dating sites flooding in the internet nowadays.

BECOMING TEXTMATES/CALLMATES instead of personal interactions…

As cellular phones
marked their grand arrival in the
country in the early 2000’s,
young gentlemen used to court
their desired ladies through
cellular phones. Becoming
textmates and callmates was
actually the most trending
courtship medium in the Philippines for the past several years and had brought
about both boon and bane effects toward the persons involved in such gesture.
As the relationship between textmates or callmates blossoms to a much higher
level, it is but a sweet move for a gentleman to grant a free cellphone load to
her woman.
PRE-MARITAL SEX IS BECOMING A TREND…

Living in sin is all the rage

these days, couples are staying
together under the same roof and
having sex. Some of these couples
even have babies without having to
give them up for adoption under the
overwhelming burden of guilt
they’re not feeling. Some relationships even end after they have sexual
intercourse because their relationships were just centered on lust and sexual
desires.

GENDER FLUIDITY IS MORE PROMINENT IN DATING…

Sexuality is pretty fluid in

modern dating; people are
straight, then gay then bi, or
started gay and then had a
straight moment before ending
a little bi, or they can be
asexual before becoming
pansexual. Its a spectrum, and
the pendulum can move all the time. This has always been the case but rather
than across the board sexual repression, we’re beginning to realise everyone just
likes getting their rocks off in a different way.
PARENT’S PERMISSION IS OFTEN NEGLECTED…
Some Filipino parents could be
quite strict, especially with their
daughter’s dating life. In the traditional
way, before a man could ever date a
Filipino lady, he has to ask for her
parent’s permission first. It is required for
her parents to know where you’ll take
their daughter and even issue a curfew.
Though there are some that would
demand a chaperone. But it’s not really that common. But that tradition is not
really followed by most Filipinos anymore. Though there are still some who follows
it. These days, they usually allow the man to meet their parents after they
officially became boyfriend and girlfriend.

PUBLIC DISPLAY OF AFFECTION…

Filipinos are now more
accepting to seeing couples
holding holding hands. When a
boy and a girl hold hands, they’re
automatically perceived as
boyfriend and girlfriend. Hugging
and cuddling while in public is also
widely accepted and could still attract a few stares from other people. But of
course, there are couples who can be a bit excessive with their hugging and
cuddling. Like just clinging into each other like crazy and girls sitting on their
boyfriends’ laps. Kissing in public is already quite accepted now. Others would
consider it as okay if it’s only a kiss on the cheek or forehead. But something
beyond that would not only turn heads, but also make foreheads frown.
MODERN LOVE STORIES…
MEETING VIA A DATING APP

Online dating can be taxing but

for *Kline and *Nico, it was anything
but when they started talking to each
other. "The medium (dating app) was
very typical but the conversations
were not," Kline said.

"Our key was to make it less sexual,

and more of knowing the other
person’s personality and mind, though
we admit that we did flirtatious teasing that did raised the interest level to one
another.

"We texted about everything under the sun and moon, on our likes and
dislikes, aspirations and goals, and our lives and family. We grew so fond of each
other and so two weeks later, we decided to meet in person. I remember how
fast my heart was beating during that time. I felt a bit of awkwardness at first
having to transfer our conversation from texting to in person, but shortly after, it
was almost as if like we’ve been together for a long time."

Kline said he and Nico eventually realized they were already in love with
each other.

They always make it a point to find time for each other despite the busy
schedules they have.

"We make everything work by making sure that we always give time,
embracing and respecting each other’s differences, and giving one another
the personal space that we all deserve. We feel so grateful to many things
especially to our supportive families who accepted us and are always there and
making sure that God is the center of our relationship." —Rappler.com

*Names have been changed upon request

MODERN LOVE STORIES…

ERIKA AND CHRIS WHO MET IN

OMEGLE

Erika: “I was waiting for the 2010

World Cup Finals on TV at 2 a.m. in
Manila, while he had just gotten
home from work in North Dakota.
Both bored, we went on Omegle, a
chat website where random
strangers are paired with each
other.

I had just previously exited four disappointing chat sessions in succession, and
I told myself the next one would be my last random chat for the night. I pressed
‘Start Chat’ and ended up chatting with Chris. We exchanged Yahoo! ID’s and
didn’t stop chatting till 8 a.m.

The more we talked to each other, the more we fell for each other. There were
no mind games, no pakipot moves, no chasing after each other—just
straightforward honesty. We mirrored each other’s hopes, dreams, and values
despite being raised with different backgrounds. It didn’t take long for us to
know that we wanted to marry each other and raise a family together.

We entered a three-year engagement, visited each other’s families, traveled

around Asia, and processed my fiancée visa. I moved to the US in 2013 and we
got married in August that same year. We are now on our fourth year of
marriage and looking forward to starting our own family in the near future.”
MODERN LOVE STORIES…
THE GIRL WHO FOUND LOVE,
THANKS TO ROCK GROUPS AND
YAHOO! GROUPS

Joanne: “When I was in third year

college, I was into OPM bands like
Slapshock, Chicosci, and Cheese. I
joined the Yahoo! Groups of these
bands, which is how Den and I met.

Den had announced that he had a

ringtone of one of Cheese’s songs
and posted his number so that
group members could text him if they wanted it. I texted him, he sent me the
ringtone, and that’s how it started.

Den was dating another girl, so we were just friends at first. We’d talk about
bands and gigs, and sometimes he’d ask me to send him picture messages
through our Nokia 3310 phones.

A week before my birthday, he texted to say he remembered my birthday was

coming up. He had just split with his girlfriend, and we began to communicate
more often. My dorm roommates would often catch me glued to my phone
smiling.

On the day of my birthday, I was out with my roommates to celebrate, and Den
happened to be nearby. That’s how we first met in person. On our second
meeting, we officially became a couple.

Honestly at first, I didn't think it would last because we had only met online and
kept it up through text. But look at us! We've been together for 15 years now.”
MODERN LOVE STORIES…
CHESKA AND GILBEY

“To be honest, before I met my

husband, I’ve always held judgment
against people who use online dating
apps. However, I drew inspiration from a
friend who used Tinder to meet guys
and maintained platonic relationships. I
signed up with the hopes of finding a
friend and promised myself to be on my
guard at all times from guys who only
want one thing. Sure enough, there were men who wanted to meet up right
away which was a bad sign for me, but there was one who stood out and took
his time to get to know me before asking if we should start video calling.

December 2015, I was a nurse in CDO waiting for my UK employer to

grant me a sponsorhip while he was (and currently) an Iliganon engineer based
in Saudi. We swiped right on Tinder and started chatting online. All we knew was
when we started communicating, that was the start of something special.
Despite of what the future held for us, we tended our romance. February 2016, I
was informed of my deployment date which was on March 1, the very same day
Gilbey was supposed to come home and meet me in person for the first time.
Devastated and unsure if it would work out, we still planned for our future. A
week before my departure, he texted me that he was boarding a plane going
to the Philippines! The very next day, we hugged for the first time and we were
beyond happy with each other’s presence.”

“The fact that he asked his employer to let him leave a week early just to
see me before I go made an impression on me and my family. Then as we
continued our UK-Saudi LDR, our communication was consistent and he still
made efforts to be with me whether it be in UK or Philippines. Moreover, from the
very beginning, he never made me feel guilty nor stop me from wanting to travel
and work abroad. For me, these were the major instances that made me think
he was The One.”

“Be open to the idea that you can find love anywhere if you’ve learned to love
yourself and believe that you deserve a man whose purpose in life is to make
you happy.”
MODERN LOVE STORIES…

ARTHUR AND TRACY

“Arthur was an OFW in Oman, and during his one-month vacation in the
Philippines, a friend advised him to try finding a date on Tinder before going
back to work. Hoping and ready to love, he did and eventually saw Tracy’s
profile.

“I messaged her in the app, but she wasn’t replying. (Turned out, she
already uninstalled the app.) I saw her Facebook connected to her Tinder profile.
I messaged her, without really hoping she would reply, but to my surprise, she
accommodated all my questions, though a little “suplada.” I asked her if we
could meet in person and she agreed. We met and, from there, I knew it was her.
I knew she was “the one” for me. She was wearing her uniform from work, and
the moment I saw her, I experienced that cliche, cinematic scene from those
romantic movies we usually see. Everything went blurry, and suddenly, all I could
see was this woman, Tracy. We dated the whole week until I had to depart for
Oman. On the last day of my vacation, Tracy said yes to me.

We officially became an LDR couple, and we kept our communication

through video chatting. After a year, we finally got married.”

“My advice, the love of your life is out there. Don’t give up and think that
you will never find him/her. Wherever you are, no matter what time it is, destiny
or fate, remember you’ll be with the one for you in God’s right timing. It may be
through Tinder, friends, or social media. Just be patient and let love come to you
naturally.”
 REFERENCES

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