What It Takes To Be Like Mother

Written by Deborah Boutwell, 1/18/11

(Notes that I spoke at Mother’s funeral, 2/2/11.)

First, thank you all for everything that you have done and meant to our family, not only in these last few
months, but in the past years and in the years to come. Your prayers and encouragement, flowers and
food, just simple fellowship has made a difference. Mother appreciated, as we all have, every single act
of love that you have shown to us.

When I was a little girl, my goal was to grow up to be like my mother. In July when I heard Mother’s
diagnosis, I decided to sit at her feet and just soak in all the wisdom she could bestow on me of how to
be like her. But I realized that I had already done that in the 47 years that she’s been an example to me.
I just didn’t always realize that she was teaching me or decided not to apply what she was teaching.

So as I’ve looked back over her life, I think that I have discovered her key to living such a godly life. If I
may, I’d like to share with you, her family and friends, how Mother lived.

Mother had priorities…it was that simple. There was no actual list posted on the fridge of these
priorities, or in her calendar. Her priorities were a mental list that she lived by on a daily basis. This list
affected how she handled every situation, private and public.

At the top of her priority list was her relationship with Jesus Christ, her Lord and Savior. Mother spent
time everyday with Jesus. They talked often and she stayed in His Word, letting it guide her every step
and action. Mother often said that she never said “amen” because she never closed her prayers….it was
a continuous conversation between the two of them. She loved Him with every part of her being, all her
heart, mind and soul. Because of that she never wanted to do anything that would bring Him dishonor,
and I can’t ever remember a time that she did. I believe that when she stepped into glory, Jesus greeted
her with open arms and said, “Welcome home, my good and faithful child.”

Next on her list was Daddy, the man that God placed her beside to be his helpmate. Mother and Daddy
were one, and will continue to be so. When one hurt, the other bled. She loved him with all her heart. I
never really thought about how they made their marriage work for 54 years until I got married. They
made it look easy. I’m sure that they had moments of “discussions”, but they always were a united
front before us. I never remember them raising their voices in front us. Now they might have had some
“come let us reason together” moments behind the barn….but they were one before us. I took it for
granted that everyone’s family was like mine.

Not long ago I was going to be speaking at a weekend conference. Mother had always gone with me as
my support system when I had speaking engagements, but because of the time frame we would be
away from home, she did not go. Several of the women going with us did not understand why Mother
wouldn’t want a weekend away from her husband.
Mother explained to me later, that she and Daddy had each made the decision that they would be in
bed together at the end of the day if at all possible. And they did. She started following Daddy on his
hunting trips once we children, or me especially, were old enough to be left with someone. It wasn’t
that she necessarily enjoyed hunting….she enjoyed being with Daddy while he enjoyed something. It
was the same for Daddy. I’m sure Macy’s or quilt shops were not Daddy’s favorite places to spend the
day, but he enjoyed being with Mother in what she enjoyed. They made it a point to watch every
sunrise and sunset together. I think we could all learn something from that.

Third on her list were three children, James, Ray and me. We have been prayed over by our parents
since pretty much the moment of conception…probably before, and sometimes more than we ever
could imagine. Every morning would find our parents holding hands over the breakfast table and lifting
up our names to God, speaking specifically for what they knew we were going through on that particular
day or speaking generally about us to the One that loves us even more than they did. As we added
spouses, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren to their prayer list, it’s a good guess that their breakfast
was cold by the time they finished praying for us all. Mother would do anything for us….and did
everything for us.

Finally, at the end of her priority list, were her brother and mother, in-laws, nieces and nephews,
cousins and all manner of relatives. She loved you all and enjoyed spending time with you all. And then
you, her friends and neighbors (from near and far). You were important to her. She loved you.

You might wonder how Mother could love so much with all her heart….it was her priorities. She never
got them out of order. When she put Christ first, all her love for others fell into line. She never got the
order out of sync.

I know one thing for certain….Mother would want each one of us to live by her priorities. She would tell
you….and probably has…that nothing (not spouse or children) should come before your relationship
with Christ….and if you don’t have a relationship….she would tell you to do that right now.

I still want to be just like Mother when I grow up…or grow old….and now I know how to do just that.

She loved, because Jesus Christ first loved her. (1 John 4:19)