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    4K views56 pages

    Broadway Bound

    Uploaded by

    Brayden Jake

    Copyright:

    © All Rights Reserved
    Download as PDF or read online from Scribd
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    of 56
    Broadway Bound moaoway sour sf prorated by Emanuel dae the Broadus Thar, New York City, December hh be olin a sare Jada Lavin mr John Randa fone Jondina Sivemen rar son Alcander Banca Phys Newnan wee Philp Sting Rado Ves snovouncrn Ed Hetty are warexs Macloiye Dizon saree Marlyn Coopet Dincted by Gene Saks Scenery by David Mitebell Lighting by Tharon Musee Cesramer by Josep G. Ais Sound by Torn Morse Production sage manager: Peter Lawrence 69s Srnosts or Scenes Act Ox Brighton Beach, Brooklyn, New York February, late 19405, 600 Fa Aer Two Coted Plays Saturday evening, «month later, 545 Pa of Nal Simon, Fume Ut The year is 4p We are in the Jerome bouse in Brighton Beach, Broklyn, [New York—a working-lae migborbod abot tov blobs rom be oct. Iisa tavstory frome Bouse On theft floor we we @ living room and ding rom, seperated only by furiture ‘Stage righ isthe front door. Ouse a rick sop andthe surrounding Bouse Just inside the dor isa states tbat eads to tbe fur upstis badroms. Inthe livingroom area fre a sfa, an armcbir, anda concle radio separating the tt00. Nea the front door ir a tleptone ‘In tbe dining room are irom al, Betifel dining table and fv cairs Just upage of the table ir a breatjont. ‘The furitre, curtains, wallpper, and carpeting refect ‘he mall potion of postwar prosperity tbat bs come tothe Jerome family Uptage center is a swinging door wich leads tothe Fiche. Stage lft and rennin up and downstge iain doed porch Te itcen is accesible citer through the center oor fram tbe dining room through he porch A dot fom ‘he porch leads to the backyard ‘The scond floor bedrooms ae aronged a elles: sace and xar’s rom is age righ and wns rim ioe left. ‘Bath are ile ely taben thr doors ee open. Fully ible tnd everbaging the Fcing room are nocnN's end stare tzy's rooms Bor rooms contain aringle bed anda det and ir. GEN room i filed sith Boks, All four BtToons aR The Balboa reconnected by @ conrad Balko, Tis abouts pan a cold day in February. Sve covers theses Tes already dark. KATE yenonc, about fifty and graying, is wearing a svatr toward of the cll bot permeates tbe house. Sb is seting fie places for dinner, As are goes into the Ktcen for more dks, we = Sram Kare’ ftber, about seentyfe, comer out of bis 697 698 altel Pas of Nal Sen, Vote It Dedrom and stars sloly down te sain. Hes wearing 2 ‘eavy cardigan seater and carying a Brown poper bag. He it searing bir Bowe lipo over Br sk. sxare comer ou of he itch at ni reaches tect She ‘peaks Ider to nex than 1 anyone dhe sear I dide'tall you, Pop. I's not ime for dinner ye. ane Ts dinner yeo ch (Sting ou he flarsate) Tn shouts half hose. No ‘one's home yet Why don't you sa ia your room? I's warmer in there. set (Taking Bis én from the clot) Mayibe Palle ‘down to the'store ind gers eigae are There's ice on the streets twelve degrees out gene will get you a cigar when he gets home exe like cold weather kare Yo fe always complaining you're frecxing 1 don’ like i cold in the house. I lke it ouside (Putting om Bis Bat) Phaye nothing to read. Maybe TL goo the are (Coming 10 mei) Ids six o'lock. The library is ‘closed. Eugene bass milion books upsair. tmx I don’t read what he read, are He has everything sex He docs’ have «book about Trotsky. are, You just finished a book about Trotsky. sax One book doesa't cover Trotsky. Thursdays they say open ill even sare This is Pray. wen Ti take chance. (He stars tsar the front door) are You wane to fall and slip and break your hip ‘sgsin? You don’ even have shoes on. You were going ‘or walk in the now in your slipper? ans (Returning 10 the clad) YL put on my galoshes sare What's in the brown, paper bag? aun (Siting om te sofa to pu om Bis galorber) Where? sare Tn your hand, What have you go there? sux Nothing. Is garbage. T was going to throw it ay. xeare Give it to me I pit in the tas can. sex Will you sop treating me ike 4 child. in your father, Tl do what I want. Whea T'm dead, you can ‘eat me ike «child sare You're not going to the library. You were git Comeplace eke, Where were you goiag? Se seh TI go where I want! (She gray fir galckr and throws them nt the case If you don’ ike, Tl move in with Blanche. Blanche tests me with respect. Dont interfere with me (HEN ges tote cle, sre stops Bie at centr) warn, You ete: go ota elk Something going om here. If there's something in that bag that's (apartane, you ell me and Tl bing it there ysl. sss The day Toant take cate of my own thing, they’ be praying for me ache synagogue. (kav grab te bag rom six) Katey; don't! 700 Cott Plas of Na Sian, elu It xr (Cooking into te Bag) What i chi? Is this your ‘bed sheet. Where were you taking i@ mex To the Chinese laundry. They never close... 1 ‘want it back, please ‘xarm_ You soiled your sheet and you dia't want to tell ‘me? Why? I've bcen washing your bed shets since Pm ten years old». So you had an acident. Ie al ight, Poppa ‘mex At night I've had accidents, This isthe frst time during the dy are So? What else have I got co do with my sie? There's noone in thishouse anymore anyway. Take your cost of. You'l catch cold (Se get into the hte, taking te bg) ex (Calling ter ber) Not 2 word, you proinst me? 1 coulda’ stay here ifthe boys knew. sre (Prom the icon) The boys? Who es the bys? org what they lok ike TE et ont of ti i i a ond ot He pat Bi pp Bk od tae a newspaper from is cao packet ond read cA MMs Seto cms running dow the 29 strect, searing «zip-up jacket with tbe collar up, and tarp, Het elytiee gers. He bet ‘Brough te fot dor ond Bes on bis Bands Th fron dri ot ced. Dw’ forges only 9p) verse “Oh my God! Hi, Grandpa! Did you hear’ This ‘nthe codes day in the history ofthe earch. Is Sealey home yet? (Craing tothe caer and yelling wpstae) STAN”? ss What are you yeling for? T hear you. ogee Hamgng wp Bicet)_ a8 yelng opti for Staley Why ae you singin your coat me What socane Why ar you siting in your ea? ses iva going oot. Your mother changed my mind re (Going to the dining tbe for an apple) Youve Deter of es fiesng Tew aan sgh wie og the comer and they got stick each other Me Jacob, the tal i lowing hot eam on them aes (Lonks at bim, concerned) Two people got stuck? ucmwe_ If chey can't get them apart, they're going to have to sew al their lohes together, ‘mex They can't got them apt? ucts (Straddling a dining chur ond Jcing wey) Tewas joke, Grandpa sex That was a joke? (He vse and stares toward the ‘oet) What kind of je? ucene T made it up. Ie not relly a joke. Ie just fanny. To whe? reome To me, x Soi t's fanny wo yo, wht are you ting ito ‘me for? Z 7 (1 ger ote cat and amg pir or, bur ftom bu baton) ugan (To oudiene) ‘The strange thing about my yndtather is he has totally no sense of himor. None Bateverything he says, I think i fanny. Maybe be- ToL + ror Cotte Phe of Nel Sen, Votome tt % ‘cause he does’t mean it tobe, If he ted to be faa, the wduldavt be. (7o mex) Where's Mom? sax What kindof animal wears zipper? avoese A zippet? I don't how. What kind? as A hore scene (To aioe) Soe what Y mean? ane (Crasing back to He sofa) That 9 jpke! Not two people got stuck together. You understand? ora Yes Grandpa! Thal othe pice ifr ‘nn (aude) My mote and ere he teow oy only Cot fey it par ont wal ald pt ps os ging. Botine ej sre edad boa trying to become w oomely writer somedey, anh the encouragement I gt. sexy What kind of ich sings an opera? uaa What kind of fish sings an open? . I give yp. ‘What kind? sexe A halibut mvorse A halibut? sux got it wrong. thought it was arhlibr, but ie doesn't sound right ‘vaee (Toaudience) Okay? guarantee you that hali- ‘but is funnier than the rel answer... { mean, look st him. Sitting there witha bat on. Ife put i on to be fanny, it would be dumb, But be doesn't know he's got 58 0, 0 is hysterical ses Does a mackerel sound right? vuent Don't work on it, Grandpa. [el come to you. (Toaudiene) My brother, Stanley, isthe only one who appreciates my humor. When I make Stanley lugh, 1 feel ike Charles Lindbergh landing in Paris. And Stanly comes up with grea ideas, That's why the ro of us teamed up. We've going to bea comedy writing oa team «« «(ike a radio annomncer) “The Jack Benay Show was brought to you by Lucky Strike and was ‘written by Sam Perin, Nate Monnister, Mile Josephs berg, and Stanley and Eagene M. Jerome.” (Ce bms “Love im Boom as are comes in from {be Kitben wih dinner pte) noone scare (Circling the table setting plats) What ate you sting an apple for? I made chocolate pudding. uoENE TPs not a fatal combination, Mom, Where's Pop? I have to tlk to everybody. & rear I'don’s think he'll be home for dinner. avoese Agta? Thats twice this week So what are you sersing hs place for? are The hell with him, that’s what I'm setting his place for. (Ste returns tothe Kitten) . cr (Crossing tse beside nex on the safe) Grandpa? ‘What's wrong with Mom? Did she and Pop havea other fight? ux Tes none of my busines vor You'know what's going on. She tlts ro you ‘You can tll me sex She asd to alk co me. She doesn’ tall to me any uapst- She saps at everybody now. Even Stanley can't get a ise fom her ros Colt Plays of Nal Simon, Vote tt ‘a_ She was always like that. Ashish could shut ‘of for « month, roan I cant picture her at «gic Was she rally ‘uppoted to be sich a good dancer? Tony sa er dance oc i Hh 0 go those places. She used to win eups a the er. he er ‘eat dance place recat The Primiose Balleoom? ss At the er. that place near Long Beach vcre The Primrose? as It was a big dance place in those days... the Primrose Ballroom! rvorne Right, (To audience) Even his timing was tx- rife. He wa the greatest teacher of comedy Tever amet» » Only he didn't even know I was studying im. sex Sure, she was terrific dance. vere She told me once she danced with George Rafe sex Who? cme George Raft, The movie actor. sex Tlnow who he is... Yeah, sure, she danced with him, He wasi'e a star then, Hews just a greasy loole ing kid. He sod to go around to allthe dffereat ball rooms and pick out the best dancer. She was fiteen, sixteen years old. Not prety. She was never pretty. But she was graceful on her fee. evonse Why dide't she ever ty t0 become « profes: ‘Sonal? Wasn't she good encugh? tn (Sbrgs) She had the accident. She burned alf the sin off her back. Twelve girls ded in tht fre. The ‘owner of thet shop went tj: There was no ven tion, so back door She coulda’ wal fora year... She never went down tothe beach again. Nos with her back Tike that... Hor siter Blanche was a beatfl gic “There were boys lined up outside the howe just to look at her. But Blanche couldn't dance a aot scare (Bxtering from bichon with pitcher of water ond ‘ater glen abc she pom teokebvard) What are you evo talking about voene (Crsing 0 xarn) About when you used to ‘dance with George Raft rare You sc? He sll doesn belive me, Pop rooms Who wi? Ibeive you, One day Fm going to rie a movi staring George Raf an he goes no ‘vas your hd and ancestango wth you. cave [di he foto beter, Mak it foxeot. srw (Crasng tthe table) What was the name ofthat place where you danced? are The Primrose Ballroom, sn (To euceve) ‘That was it. The Primrose! woop Okay. Listen, everybody. I have major news. "This serious, ere Where's Stanley? The pot roast is elmos dry. eons Listen to me, will you? Ihave to talk t you sare Pop? You want a litle wine tonight? sw No wine for me, Too much sci. Tl have « beer ros 106 Cotte Pheye of Nal Simon, Votome Ut sex You got wine? vane (To audiene) IFT could just get these wo on television. (Te ars) Will you please come in here and sit down, Thave spectacular news for this fly. sxare (Bringing in lies fom te itcen) What fly? ‘You see family in here? ucene Please sit. (He stats nun upstage of tbe table ind ‘are atthe eft end ofthe table) Okay «ready? Tish to announce that your youngest son, Eugene Morris Jerome is getting maried, (A eat of sexe) sex A Jewish gic? are He's kidding, Pop. He's not even going with any- ‘one, how's he geting marvied? rucexe True! True! Lam nor going with her—yet! Bot ve seen her. Her name is Jose. [talked tober. Thad lunch with ber, I saw the color of her eyes This is ‘marrage, Mom. This the gic forthe ret of ny life sare Thies the sime gil you met lat summer? vent No, no! I hate that gi. I never liked het. are You went with her for « whole summer scene I ad nothing eee to do, She was nie on the fire dat. Part ofthe free date. Until nine hic. se He liked « gol unl nine thir? sate He's kidding. That’ a joke sux Tats joke, too? Ask hitn to ell you about the people who got seul together. -kvorsa_ This gil i serious. knew it the minate [saw her. Her father owns 2 musie company on the ame floor where I work, She writes poetry. She paints, Her father hung her paintings all over his ofce. She's credible. She plays tennis She lays golf. She plays ‘softball. She's been to Europe. She hums Bach and + Begdhoven and sh can whisde Rachimainofl. She as jerblack hair and olive skin, and when she walls down ‘the seret, construction worker fll into the cement. If Tliveto bea hundred, Tl never meet a git Hike her ‘again sexre She ikes you toot sevore Like me? Took he tune, and we at from thesame choprcks. We could’ stoping Pls. ply, Heart, spores Yel, se kes me all ight chr T never heard you so exited sbout a gal varwe, There's one minor complication, though. She's ‘engaged tobe matied sex She's what are He's kidding. ls another joke voexe No. Really. She's engaged to a Harvard Law ‘sadent. But I'm not woried. Think Ihave the inside thick scare (Getting up and going into the bichon) Thave to ‘check the pot roast vars (Calling into the Kitchen after eave) Sbe'sbreak- ing i of. She's notin love with him. She rold im, bat he doesn't ear. He wants to marry her anyway. That's how great she i. (Ar AT come ut ofthe Kitten witb _ MEN'S wine) If she was marrying him, would she have had fonch with me today? sax Maybe she's looking for wedding gifts. ih ros Collated Pay of Na Sinan, Votome veark (Setting out napkinr) She-soundls file, if you ask vars Twanttobring her to dinner next week. I want her to meet the Family. art Tesbeestalong time since thi family ate together. roams On a Stinday. Everybody's home on Sima. “Al ight? ware Welll ee. Who knows what happen by then Tm sure she'sa nice gil bat eat from your ow cop” sick (Gare returns to te Kitchen. euoeNe roe toca testis) ‘uae (To nex) She never turned down a chance to ‘cook for someone before... Something'swroag be- tween her and Pop, isnt ehere> (Lonks back at ax) Grandpa? Did you hear me? (To audience) He'r sleep- ing. He's probably working on the halibut joke. are (Coming ut of be itebon and calling wp after wv vx) Where are you going? We'e eating soon. ‘roars I'm not leaving the county (soar goer into Bis bedroom, tars om the ih, ‘nd begins to cite in bis journal are returns tote itcben. stasiry jenone comes walking rihly dvonthe strc. Hes eaentycight, scaring ait te, over oat and bar He oipesbsshoeseareflly om th front ‘mat, then enters the Bouse. He is very exited) sta (Honging ircoar in tbeclot) Grandpa Is Eugene ete? (Soerming upstairs) GENE! : ss (Waking abrepaly)- What he bl are you sera for? * oe sna Tim sory I dida't know you were sleeping. sme Then’ ask me Ifyou asked me, I would have told ‘you. -xare (Entering from tbe Kitben) You walkin the snow ‘without eubber? The poe rasishalf dy. Tell Eugene isdinner. sna We haven't got ime, Mom, We'l take a sendwich Tar. ave What do you mean? No dinner? (pstis, cc pus doen Bi journl and comes ‘dewnsiirs) stax Werhave 9 get right to work. (Again, sowing ‘ttsin) GENE xara Tve been cooking since ewo o'clock. Your father doesn’ come home. You tell me no dinaer. What am Tyasave here>.» Sit down, Poppa! It's ready! svc (Atte foot of the stains) What's op? stay (To evanxe) What are you doing now? Whatever you're doing forge abou ie Back upstsirs. We've got to startin right away. Mom, no calls for us. Take & message, we'll get back to them. We may be up all though ch nigh, so don't gee nervous if you hear us yelling. (To nocaxe) Come on! Le’ go. We're was. ing time (stan stars to dash upstairs) varse You mind tllng me what cise about? sri (On the stir) We got job at CBS! The Co- Tumbia Broadcasting System. worse WHAT? sta Tan’ believe how much Idi tay. Iwas ran- ning allover eown. I met everybody. T mean, T would snake s terrific agent [talked to these people like they 709 m0 Cott Phas af Nal Simo, Vote were my friends... mét Abe Burrows! He sid tome, "Good luck, ki”. (To a sncomprebending Ke and azs) Abe Burrows, che greatest comedy writer in the business... L wat on the executive Boor, long balkiay piceures of evry sarin Eh history of CBS— Jeck Benny, Ea Suan, Archur Godfrey, Baward R. Murrow. are You met them? sry No. Their pictures. (To nvdtse) There's too ‘much o tell Thaven' got time, We have to sat work ing. Pm so excited, I'm sl shaking. Come on, let go! ies (As ess again tates up testes) Wait a nine tte! You mean the regular CBS? sran No, the fake one ee Can jou a this oe a nae stax _Isthatll you care about? Your dinner? The most important thing that's ever happened in our ives, nd you're worried about a lousy pot roast? sen (Obioaly dur, be get ily tb) Jot ike Jou father. You'e gong tbe ju ike your faher {ery day. Next hing youll turn Eagene agaist me, sea Tmsorry! Mom? Ab, shit (To everse) Come (evenee and seas ru upstairs as are comes charging ou of he btchen) are What did you sy? sue (Uidering ber bath into the htchon) “He didn't mean nythitg (soame apd san go into suan'soum even it fn tbe choir. seas takes of Bis jacket and te) cane All right tell me slow. Tell me evefything ‘What kindof job dd we gee When do westar? How such money do we get pid? nix I did't discuss det. If they like the sketch we ring in, ther ehey'l hire ws. ces. Ifthey like the sketch then they'll hire we? You ‘mean isnot ob, i's. an audition? stay Tes job, They jst have to ke it fast, eocexe 1 Kew it was too good to be true tase Late take cat of business. Igor us the audition, didn't rucxe So it fan audition. Why can't you say 50? T dont mind an audion, but yon make it sound like ‘ee leaving for Hollywood tomorrow. sna We discussed Hollywood, I id we would have ‘no problem in moving to Hollywood. We could lee ‘immediatly, they waned. rucexe CBS asked if we wanted to go to Hollywood? sna No, [brought t up so they would know how we fel, You have to have confidence when you talk t0 these people... That's why Introduced myselto Abe Barrows ose You introduced yours? stay Tn the elevator. [sad, "Mr. Burrows the greatest thing that could ever happen to me isto work as 2 (weiter on your staf" And he sid, “Good lock, ki." [And got off onthe ewelth floor. vorse Thats why he ssid—"Good luck”? You made itsound like you had lunch with him or something. ma ma Cote Phe 1 Net Sen, Votome tt sta Did yor talk to Abe Burrows? sucrsr Thats not emacly alkig'¥o Abe Burrows “Thats like the pope waving to you in the Vatican. snus You say hello to people like that chree or Your times in the elevtor, and eter a while they remember you. starving. Do you have anythingin your room? Some cookie of something? cane Why don't we have inner fist? vax Wehaven'e go time for inner. We hive vo work rvorst Ifyou cin eat cookies, you can et pot roast It just takes another few minutes eo chew it vas (Paling muces to bis fet) Allright, go get's ‘coupe of sandwiches. We' can ext here while we work. ‘And some milk: And some dessert. A piece of cake, whatever we've got. a vce (At tb dor, turn to sxe) How late are we ‘Boing to work? ‘4s (Sting inthe cbr, pads and pencil ready) Until ‘we finish. Maybe all night. They wane i tomorrow morning st ten o'clock. ucrxe They want a finshed sketch by ten oloclein the morning? ‘rays Thats how television works. They want it good, but they wan fast Those shows are on every sek, ‘ot twice year cane. (Sting on the ottoman) We never wtote a seach in ess than cree weeks. Ad ve only wrote one ‘ketch... And we didn't even finish it. And the ist part news rewriting.» Maybe we're not ready for Cas yer. rsx You want me to cll them up and rel them tha ‘Weil never hear from them agin.» Once tha kind of thing gees around, you're through at all the net works xvaene -You mean CBS is going to cll NBC and ABC sand el dem that ewo guys auditioning fom Brighton Beach can't be depended on? stax Maybe. Do you want to tke that chance? sucess You actly belive ht or names ging to cone ap ina meting a ADC and NBCE Wet at tren wit yr Yo the manage of oy clot Alvi and Sts Torin te sek rom af Sade company. Our named even ome up whee sewer sas Stinding) Wha si Engen? Are you sid If ‘youre fay el me. You have to have Gonfence in this world If yon dnt hve conience, Pilates be {in boy clding and you always be in the tock cen Why will ox always be in boy’ clothing f 7 av noconbensYources dre depend ny sri Yes Ie does. We've « team. I nced you; you need ‘Time, You have a great comic mind, Pm the bes editor tnd idea maa inthe busines ocese You relly belive that? ‘sax Absolutely. Thave an eye for talent, and we have Talent. When Joe DiMaggio came up from San Fraa- cisco, dide' I say he'd become one of the greatest Dalplayers ofall time? suanse Because he wat already a grat ballplayerin Sen Francisco, Why ae weso great? We sold three comedy \ m4 Cottd Pleo fi Sin, ume I monologues to « guy who plays weddings and bar micros : vay Right And hs salary bas tripled in three months. "Now all the young comics are starting to come to cs. ‘How do yb think I got into CBS? My fiend Mort Garfield the press agen, showed the monologues to the head of comedy development. . - Eugene, I'm foing to gets everything we ever dreamed of Ifyou don't hae uth in us, Thave enough for both. Please tos me... Now go get the sandwiches. [want to start ‘working on some ideas anvoxse Iida’ know we wire going to work tonight sean Well we are ‘wich. And mayonadie Put some lexuce on my sand ssvgene The thing i, T wanted to se this gel tonight sean Well now you won't se her, And get me some ‘cucumbers. svcine I eould leave by seven and be back by nine. T ‘ould write on the subway. 1 just ave tose her ran You can see er another night. What's wrong with your worn She's engged 0 « gy from Harvard She nt to re of be Becoming in tomorrow 0 tnt hertack nto fT don't convinge hes 'm he guy fore he's inl tak bra going hrogh wth nv Ifhecan talk her intoit what do you want he for? rvcrne Because she’s perfect. And you only get one ‘hance in you life of meeting perfect gi srs You know how many perfect girs there are in Hollywood? They'e all perfec. In wo years youl be sick of perfect girls, You'll be begging for pain one. Bir date ra i in pure) oops Aa hour and a half, that’s all Tbe gove. 1 don’ alk to her face to face, lose er, Stan. I know ra Eugene, 2s mich confidence as T have in a T don’t have that tach confidence chat we can write the sketch by tonight. Bur we bave to ery. Remember the ‘sory Pop told wx? How he had the opportunity to go nwo bis own busines with frend .- how he stayed upall night thinking about it...and he couldn't make cup his mind, A week later it was too late. His fiend lives om Park Avenue now, and Pop is sill curing rainconts... Maybe tis isthe only chance we'll ever (get Maybe not. Ba are you walling to ik everything fora gil you might nor even be interested in by next week? anvorse Tbe interested in her forthe ret of my life sax Then go out with her. Take as mach time as you ‘od. Pl write the sktch mysel. (Storming Back Bi ‘on rom) meant. 'm nt going wo blow this oppor ‘ont. socaxe Never mind. I won't se her stax 1 sid To it mye vom (Going downstairs) Don't do me any favors. (care and sux enter from the Kitchen ave puts per oup oy tbe table. He sits down teat) ‘xavx (To name) Ave you eating oF not? vcene (Going into the bicben) We're having sand ‘Wiches upstairs, s0 NBC and ABC won't be mad a (eats folloe rears nto the Hike LANCE MORTON, KATE rte, comer down the trek. She wears 2 mink coat and ar at. Se lok ery prosperous. She ring the doorbell No ome an- | (evar gos 0 bis ox rom and begins to des for nas 116 Catt Pye 1 Nel Sine, Vm It sssern, muascan opens tbe dior and walls in. She roe itn 28 dining room. We cam sens ome ten om beoeen wavste and B25) stance Hello, Poppa nx (Glancing up from is up) Who's cat? Blanche? T didnt hear the pousne pull up. seavcie Its not 2 limousine, Poppa. Is jut plain Cail. (Sbe ker men. Hes cerly ncomfortale) ans Like John D, Rockefller is jst «plain busines ance (Putting Br purse aud gloves onthe sofa) Te got stuck nthe snow, jst ike other cars, Thad to walk the lure ro blocks» » Where's Kate? ‘mex What happened tothe colored fella who drives you round? mance Rober? He's sil with us. He was calling 2 ‘garage to ge os pled out amex You pay him enough money, he could have carried ‘you here xcare (Entering fom Kzcen) Why did't-you tll me ‘you were coming? I could have made extra diane. ‘aps (To xate) Why? Somebody's eating it besides me? uawcat Thank yoo, Kate. Idiot come for diane. 1 wanted eo tall co Poppa are You had to come out a this weather? We have a telephone now, tn0, you know. (Beeryebing seems to bea innuendo about tbe dif erences inter economic stending ‘roc enter from the htcen) ecme (Gringo tare) Mom avi ‘trouble with the pot roast. ~ ere What did you do? ocee Hello, Aunt Blanche. suave Hell, Eugene ‘evanne I dda slice it right. shredded it, eJook ike ‘Shoelaces. retold yout et me dot Wha do T bother coke LULU socane (To maven) How's Non usc She's fin, Herchiden are wood. She hake ys eu Hes gg vor tht what he si? Whi dds name hin? manctiz Myron Isaac.” vaexe Myron Isa. ‘ane (Tp audience) Myron Isaac Eisenberg. Poor kid ‘Wait il he ees to date «gil from Mount Holyoke. are (Shouting from ktches) EUGENE! WHAT DID ‘YOU DO TO THIS MEAT? smears (Going sey int the Ktcen) KILLED JT! TT WAS HIM OR ME, MAI! KILLED THE POT ROAST! cance (Wein for soczn to divppear nt tbe hitcen, ‘and turning 10 06x) Monnma is sck, Pop. nar 718 Caled Pye of Nal Simon, Votome It sex Thats beautifal cout: What do you need Cadi Tae for witha coat ike that? ‘muancre ‘The doctor tells me if I don't move her to Florida, he can’ guarantee whl happen to her. vane Though we had bargin. suascue (Sitting on te sofa) Notting about Momma isnot ¢bargen, Poppa. lesa punishment. To me, t0 Moras, to the whole fara. And Pm not leaving here tonight until we talk about her ses (Rising and crossing a muancxe) Who'¥ stopping ‘you? Take her to lords. She'll outlive the pum ares, betieve me seawcite You can bé so crul sometimes, sms What did I say? vised hr adong life. You come ere and aggravate me while I'm eting mydinner,and Dm cruel ugsaur Do you how what she says to me at night? "The very last thing before she goes to bed? She sys to sme, "Why does thar man hate me so much?” What do answer he, Poppe? ax (Crasng to the armelair) You don't. Because she'll {ask i agsincomorrow, Her whole day is bil around wily do I ate er so much, She sts on pak benches sand ssks range women why I hate er'so much uasca Why do you? . sux Who sid did? Se diy I never sid it... have fecings for ehe woman, aways will... But Ted Tivesber kind of life, she knows tat. T hope se lives another fifty years, whether ison Park Avedue oa ‘Miami Beach, But these ae my roots Ive here most ‘of my ile, this is where I want to die {aus sts tbe armchair) Lanett She's sick, Poppa. Thisis nr the plac or her. “The cold wind coming off the ean would kl erin ‘wo years Thank God I ean afford to send the both of youtoa warm climate. Iewould make all of uso happy ‘o see the both of you living together in comfort forthe 1st of your lives mex Comfort doesnt makeme happy. 1 don't need some place where i's ot twelve mats ofthe yest. Apri fl October is all the sam Ged meant us to have, To ‘want more isa crime against those who were born without Read your Troi. scancite Don't turn this political, Poppa. This is nor polis nx. veryting is political. The soup in my dish pole. ‘eal. The bread on my plate is politica. And the four ‘thousand dollar coat om-your Back i politi. (Ring tad gong back robs plac tte dining table) Don tll ‘me about things Twas taught from the day I was bor, ance (Rising) Momma's health is not politcal “Mom's love for yon i nt politcal. When you cat find s reasonable answer for something, you a ‘ways ern to Trotsky fr help (Sb turns angrily escay from 32x) es (Crasing tte fe) You're angry with me bcs T wont ive ia your bigh-la apeinent howe where 1 Year's rent could feed everyone on thi bloc for a ore With pan in amor opening door forme ‘vos te yeas older das Tan? Pn no dead et, oan fll pos door open cane I don't goto your fancy Ba Avio dor fa ness we How mock ‘uoney did he ge for tling your mother to move to Foi’ [ge ttends who wal have ed berto move for nothing, (Os Hom te fe) nuavéate And why are you so angry with me? Becatse ‘you were brought upto despise the rick? I didert marry m9 720 Cotte Phaye of Neil Simon, Vela tt Saul becanse he was rich, I'm s used to not spending -rnoney he had to teach me how todo it. (Coming to 8 Fsde nex) But if he i loving enough 0 offer my parents che opportunity olive ot ther lives without ‘worrying, forthe fist time in ther lives, about where the rent eas coming, what in God's name is wrong, swith 2 sex (Lowering bis voce) I can't leave here. Not now. saves: Not now? ‘Then when? sex Are youso blinded by your own lf, you don't see ‘whats happening to your siters? Don’t you know ‘what's going on berween her and Jack? syaxci: No, What are you talking about? sex He's geting ready to leave her. Tomorsow, next ‘week, next month, who lows? He says because be doesnt have the courage yet to go. Bat e's going, rust ime ~ seascie I don’t believe that. Not Jack. suv Not ic, she says... A.man gts olde, he changes He suddenly realizes he only bass few year left o do ‘what he thougt he had a ifetime to do suascie Jack loves Kate, He's always loved her, bux Absolotely. But a Biy-ive, he can overlook i nuaxeatt He depends on her. She manages hi if. amex Lucky for her. Otherwise, he would have lft ast esr avcam Oh, God, Don't tell me this. the las thing ever expected to hese few Do you understand why I'm telling you I can't leave this house? Stanley and Eugene ae grown men ‘Their life isjust starting ls ime for them ta leave ths place. Do you know se ¢ would be like for her to be alone? A woman who does’t know a thing inthis ‘world except how to serve someone? If she eat make dinner for soenebndy, he life is over. You take your nother to Florida. You take cae of her. Buta og Tm alive, Text in thie house. oan (Coming out of te kitber with o nay of sond- ‘wich) "Your dinaer will be ready in second, Grandpa. Mom is sewing the pot roast back together (ean stars up the sai, stoping a thet) uancae Maybe Jack won't leave. Maybe they'll work ‘hings out sux Maybe... Psy here unt maybe. usc T would do anything ia the world for Kat ‘Bat Ive goc to tke care of Momma fis. IF bring hae down co Fords, ean only way a few weeks. 1 can't leave Sacl to spead the winter in New York alone. She does'« know anyoae down there, She cries row when she thinks about it Stay with her until spring... Until Apel... Kat is strong, She can take cate of herself. ‘mx When did your mother ever have trouble makiig fiends? In vo weeks down there sell be running for mayor ... I she gets sick, f she neds me, Tl ome to her. Thave my own work todo, This country geting richer every day fom war profs. And whose pockets does it go into? To those who had the money before the war sancur Poppa, 'm noc equippe to argue these things with you, Tdont understand them. I never did, Bat respect what you think right. Allan sying is does ithave tobe in Brighton Beach? Gan't you change the ‘world from Florida? ran rar Cold Pays of Nal Simon, Vote I sex You can change your bathing suits in Florida. Not the world. savcite (Crosing to the fromt door and looking cut) Why do we ave so much trouble understand> ing each other? \ mvorse (Enitring svan's room with the tray of sande ‘oiees) “Aunt Blanche is Bere. She's eying to get Grandpa to scan Shot up! Don’ say anything! Pav thinking, oes (Sitting inthe chair) Have you got an ides? sna Will you shut up? ucexe Tell meso I can think abou it, srg, es ac an ea et he ging fo Teejasee thought A germ, A tiny speck n my in (ie pet send) You forge te cocunber case How sboot «college sketch? College sketches ae always fay. vas (tet. Sting om te ottoman) Like what? ‘evox Like thie gel, Kathy O'Han, from Mount Hol- ‘yoke goes out ons bind date witha guy named Myron Tesae Bisenberg. stan Thate funny names 1 a cheap way of geting & Teagh. vere I don't know, Why don't you ey it out on ‘Aan Blanche? anc What if, God forbid, Jack did leave her? What if che boys moved out? Saul and Ican take care of her ‘She doen't have to stay here, We eould get place in Florida for all three of yo. Then you wouldn't have to worry, about Kate or Momina (nove leaves sean’ room and returns to bison) us (Rising and returning tbc place ot te dining to- ‘le) You think she woul leave this house? You think she would take charity from her own ser? ruscie (Cresing abo the sofa) 1 took i from her ‘when Lneeded i Where wat I going to go when Dave ied? There's no shame a iewhen it your own family. |Lwould be paying her back for wha she did for me and the gis. sex Don’t you know your own ser beter by now? No. I don’ think you do. acum (Crsing below te sofa) Sometimes, Poppa, 1 think you don’t spprove of me... Sometimes I thik you, don't even lite me very mich, ek fave three dsoghers, and love them these. Buc the one wig in wouble the one tha I lp, ‘manor Doesn't tha include your own wife? Why am 1 the only one in the family who wants to help Momma? sax Because you're the only one who can afford i. Don't ask for too much, Blanche. When you live on Park Avenue, sympathy doesn't come wit (nancies on te sf) ices (Coming back into sta%’s room) What's new inside the old rai, Stn? sr. Youre sill an infant havea goddamn nf for 2 partes. Why don't you wie im your eooa 1 eal sou when thik of verve Twant 0 belp you. * stax Tid, “Come bacieyhen I all you." 723 724 Coed Phe of Nal Simo, Vote I ene (At stan’ door) Yes, Heathelif. be waiting ‘on the moors (evs returns, again to Broun room and sits at te dst) stan Acid bring up the eueumbers! cane (Te audice) Tes very hed wring with your roti, beciue your wie relaonhip ge inthe sway. Can you imagine Haile write oy Wiis and Harvey Shakespeare? bar em ota the ce wa bt leo ot seat and vetabe, ich be pu front of eX Sheabe tors smal ox oapped ng pape, bcs ‘epee mascms) art This for Nor’ baby. If Nora doesn't like the color, ean exchange it stance Tim sure shell love it She coming over San- day with the baby, (More to nen thant kare) Iewould bea wonderfal time for the whole family to get to- gether. Before Momma leaves for Florida... Please ‘xart It's log trp on the tsi for Poppa. suascae T cond send 2 ca. A socal siting in the back of a Calle with a ‘oloed man driving? acanci You can let me know at the last inate, are You sure you cant stay for dinner? ‘mavour [told her we'd sare to pak tonight fT don't ‘help her, she'd try to gt her furniture in the suitcase ‘Poppa? Would you call Momma during the week fan jos say allo? ans Ihave «lt of meetings this week ware Heball. sa If find the time. were Hell all, ae (Casing Beck toni) Iwi I cond say 78 ‘wish we bad more tine to allel you tomar. (She cole er tigs) Sometimes Imi this Hoare rnuch, I miss how good we were to each other, (usc Rise mate ont eck) ‘x47 Blanche! I nced ttl to you. Not on the phone Can we meet someplace in the city? Let me take you to lanch. Tomorrow, the nextday. Whenever you can find time ‘mancit: Of course, Kate, Tomorrow, As eitly as You saz (Teas welling in reyes) hat oak yo this You know fneve ie be oligted to enyone: Bat youre the only me (Sddeuy mow al sppared Ine adding of tbe rap fr nt te plate" ‘is beatings ey) Poppa What wrong? (Geis Bling on 1 tat ale mel) ance (Dpping hero nd pce ont fa) Ob my God! a “* are (Tahing aun Bt of) What it, Poppe? Is it 2 ‘pain? Is it your chest? pe uaxci (Resbing to mex) Ob, Poppa! are Try to breathe slowly. Deep breaths, Poppa. ye (Siting up srigber) es al sight, Ym allright, ‘You wane wt (Pos in lof te) Drink some water. Lhd) Cole Plays of Nal Sima, Voteme tt nuance (Taking sus’s band) His hands ae cold as ice. are Do you want 0 ie down? amex I got diay fora second. (Now fully recovered. To ‘xare) L was hungry. You could wait forever for some- thing to eat around here. uancis I's thiselimate, Two blocks from the ocean ia February, how can yo keep the cold ou ofthe house? ane Ife not the cold. I's nor the climate. It's nerves, ‘hats what eis kare How do you know its noe your hear? You Taven' sen a oetor in over a year tax A hearratack God gives you. Nerves ypu get from people who worry abot you too much ‘maven Is chat meant for me, Poppa? xxare It wos meant for both af us. You learn not to pay ‘tention. He doesn't mean ic nuavem He can't stand the winters any more than Mom iia wa me ee Poppa you're happier Ree, then ay. Forget Rie aed but Tigetemebody to ay Momma Ti work too ay are (Returning aes’s Bat to the clot) AIL sight, ‘Blanche, Leave it slone for now. We've got time yet seancite (To pax) Why i cso ard for us to tlk ‘ach other? Why isto hard for you to ke anything from me? Pm afrtd to kits you whe Ise you, [ow how uncomfortable it makes you... Why i that, Poppa? aes (Banging bis fist on the tale) YOU ASK TOO ‘MUCH OF ME! (are and stave are stunned by ‘bisoutbust) Lam not en effetionate man. don't trust fection ... Sometimes people give itt you instead of the uth, mance (Vsly burt, going sf calles er pure and fechoge) Tsce And what’ the truth about me, Poppa? Have Ibecayed you because the man I married became wealthy? When met him, he was onthe verge ‘of bankrupeey. Whatever be go, he earned, Whatever Ie has, he worked for. are Blanche, sop it That's enough. Everybody has ‘sid enough. See or uaa uae en ev cures ete se oe phases me fee ie nm aerretee Pema marae ee Ss reer atran meet oe Sia emcee Dera ae manam And my sin iethat can afford to buy you one? saree eee Sarena eae SSSR hig a cata ‘manct can't take cae of all the people inthe eoun- ‘ty. Idd ask forall his. 1 was happier when I had ‘no money and Dave was alive. But Lm not going to curse God because He gave me a kind and loving has brand and yes, mink coz and Cadilla ar. You want ‘hem, take them. T didn't ask fri I found the catia my closet on my birchday. Some good it does me. It leeps oat the cold, but i also stope my father from reaching out and holding me... Is that the politics you believe in, Poppa? ra7 728 Colt Pay Net Sem, Vote I sex [lieve in what Twas taught fro che day Iwas bora sascie Tbeieve in what I was exagt, 00 «Twas taught that family who loves each othe takes eae of ‘ach ater. Yove seventy-seven yes ol, Poppa, you've done enough, You've worked hard al your he [estime to play pinochle and walk onthe beach, Magbe you'll meet fe reseed socialists. (Going to kare) Il ee you tomorvos, Kate? are Letme.sce what heppens [cll ya in the more ing nace Walk othe door, ten turns 0 lok at ex) 1 Ipve you, Poppa... and Tl accept whatever aflection jou can give me. But you're no going to stop me and ‘Momma from giving you ours. We're women, we on’ kaow any beter. (atasca exits) vaene (From Bis bedroom, to audience) Can you see ‘ow why I want eo write comedy? Even Gd has a terre sense of humor. Why ese would He make Grandpa a dedicated socials, fighting against che ‘wealthy clas, and then give him # daughter who ma Fie he riches gy in the garment distri? I wondet if we could sell to CBS? \Gcate ces away stcrh's $tin's end ber place setting, Thon se trns ou te por Hight) are Why dont you Snish your dinner? ex Tm not hungry anymore rave You'l change your mind. leave iia the oven, (hur take not plot ond ars toad tbe Eichen) sx You thiak I don't know wha’ going on between you and Jack? ‘That's what you wwanced to tlk ro Blanche about, wast i are You spoke to Jack? sx Tspoke to nobody. But you don’t got tobe seventy even without noticing «few things. xare Nothing's going on se Ifyou can tell your sister, why can't you tell me? are Idon'tknow. Maybe I'm afraid you'l think fsall ‘my fale rare You ste? That's why [im aftsid to talk to you (scar eis into the Rthem goer wpa bie Dedroom. cent specks from bis bevoom 0 the audience) ugent: There's so much material inthis hose, Maybe Tdon’s ave to become s write. If only T could get ‘enonigh people to pay for seats inthe living room stax Barsing into woes’ oom, bling a sbe of pa ‘per) Least believe i cannot believe i! recexe Whit? sna Tjust came up with an ides. One ofthe Funniest ‘eas Lever heard of in my life: I was hysterical just pietaring i voise So what's wrong? sean 1 just remembered I saw it om the Red Skelton ‘Show dhroe weeks ago (fe tras te paper into tbe ‘tastebuske) Can you imagine if we brogght tha ia 0 (CBS? They would grab ws by our collars and crotches snd throw us out in front of Abe Burrows. rucese Well what was the ide? Maybe we could twist ‘around, 729 130 Cod Pye of Nal Simon, Votoms I sas Twirt i around? We don't make pretels, we ‘write comedy. We're sopposed tobe original, chink of ‘new things. We doi’ steal from other people's shows. xvorne What are you, the district attorney of comedy? ran We're wasting time again. What have you got? ocese Me? I don't have anything vax Then what were you doing al this time? stax God, you are lany! Let me ask you something. crx Oh, God! Thate ie when you sy, "Let me ask you something” enw Let me ask you something. Are you serious aboot ‘writing or not? mone Yes vas Yes wha ruoene Yes, Lam serious about writing sas NojI don't thiak you are Evan (Jumping to bis fer) Oh, Joss! ... Lam, Sean- Tey, Lam serious about writing Tm kindof focdoose snd faney-free shout cucumbers, but I'm serious sboot ‘wring. sax You ean say what you want, I doa' Believe you vcene I am! T am! (To tbe Bavens) Please, Holy Mosher, make my blind brother see that I speak the truth sna Allright. Tell me how serous you ae about wet: ing sucpse Let me cil a doctor, Stanley. I think you're cracking ap. sri Twant to know. I wane to know just how serous ou are about writing Evans (Spring bis arms out wide, as tough messing ‘@fsb) This much! eras Don’ get sarcastic with me, vcr "That wasn't stcasti.I was eling you point ‘lank T think you're erry ras You've been writing your memoirs since you're fourteen years ald and you sill don’ give a goddamn shout your erat ruarse Tes nota craft, Stanley. A ere Indian rug ‘weaving. My memoirs isptng down the nutty things thie have happened in my lifes And cis conversation Jn getting a whole chaper of is own, enw, Thats exactly what I mean, You may ssy you're terioas abot i but you don act Serious. zvcmse You want me to act rerious sbout writing? Olay, Watch! (He rtriker a sry grim pose) T would father write «comedy Sketch than feed all the starving sthildzen inthe world, (Ue falls tthe flor at san’ fet) sna could Kill you right now. You want to forget thous thie You want me to call CBS and tll them ‘we're st not ready fortis ye? ih? io? AI ight? vome What are you geting so angry about? sean Tin not angry. Tar 132 cata ( 0 Su Volume ttt wuaexe Yes youre seas Ten angry about your anieude earse So why did you sy you're not aagry? stax Yout atseade stinks, you know tha vom Lcan't believe this! Maybe to yow my sttiude stinks. To me, my attinde smells wonderfl vax (Going tthe door) Liste, let's just forge boa it T don’ think we can work together. Tm getting older, 1 don'thave any more time to waste. il find somebody he. eon How about Abe Burrows? Hes probably wait- ing for you on the elevator svax_No, thats what I'm going todo. P'm going to fnd somebody else. Someone witha bigger interet in his ‘carer than you have ae pndig ots omsogea) Youre bigget than this? S ‘stax You've got alot to lear, my young frend rucene “My young fin Jesus, sow you're "Abraham Escola! (stax storm ot, nto bi on rom vent folloes), You Know what think this is all hour, Stanley? T think you're seared. T think terrific way to put off siting down and waiting. That's what chink (euGENE returns t Bie ox room) stax (Following evar) Go on! Go vist your giel- friend! T jut hope to God she's goe money and is willing t suppor you, beeause youl never make a penny inthis world on your ow, you lite shit! (Ue slams woces's door, and goes back ito bis room) ces (To audience) See what I mean about brothers ‘writing together! .. They're too busy sibling al the time. But ina way, Sean was right wasn’t concen= trating because I was afraid I was losing the greatest git in che world... Being in love sa definite carer Killer (Te door opens amd 143 comes back in) sraxe I got another ides. ome: (To audience) But lcky for me, Stan was eal ‘dedicated. (To, stax) What's te idea? ‘eran Notan ides fora sketch. But E know what we've ‘een doing wrong. von You do? ray Tell me what you think we've been doing wrong. uarne What we've been doing wrong? stax (Node) What's the essential ingredient in every good sketch we've ever sen? eonse I don't know. What? sri Don’t say “what” so fast. Think about i von (Thinks) What’ the essential ingredient in very good sketch we've ever seen sean Right vars I don’ know, What? sex You do know. We've ead about i. You're just ‘not thinking. eons Stun, I doa't want wo take « high school exam. ‘Tell me 20 we can write the sketch rsa 14 ots of Na Si Vobame so. The ingredient in every good sch we've ever /- "at cote Renee eight wre ulled shout conto? worn Yes raw You db remember? voene Tuesday, Sepember seventh, eight thine ‘eras All right, Now whats the other ingredient in ‘every good comedy sketch we've ever seen? vce (Sighs in xapeation) More confit! eras Comeon. You know it... Thi "De you know i shoueie,.. Heh? oop Yes 1&6 when one brother wants to kill the other brother. ena YES! rearse Yer? That's it sean Is close. You sui i in that sentence, Do you remember what you sai in that sentence? varne No, Te was 0 long ago. ‘ras One brother wants to ill he other brother, The lkey word is sant’ In every comedy, even drama, somebody has co want something and want itbad. He ‘wants money be want gil he wants to geto Phil Adelphia. When somebody tres to stop him from get ting money or gil or getting to Philadelphia, that's confit, Wanting plus confer equals what? cen (Looking beavemard) Ott pleas, God, Don't lee me get it wrong. (To stax) 2 job at CBS. sean Right ‘vars How do you know all thie? sax I watch all che comedy shows. I make notes. 1 figure i out. I think scientifically. Ths why Um good at gin rommy. I always remember what the other guy Picks up. ‘vars So now that you know all this, do you have an idea for a sketch? eras No, Do you? svcrse Yeah, I think so, snag When did you think of svcene While you were doing all that explaining to ‘stan Well ell it co me uarse Olay... there's «guy and a gi. They're in ‘bed together lr sax Who are they? ucexe No one, Just a guy and a gid sen ao, bt wht oth de Be scp? Aan insurance salesman? A. doco veane Te doesn't matter sax Details are always beter for a characte. If he's « ‘cop, maybe there's some police jokes init vaese Olay. He's cop. Patrolman John J Mahoney. Fourth Princ, Twenty-seventh District of Manat. san on the night shi, ten osx. His parter is Patol- ‘man Vito Manganei, and he's married, with 136 Cott Pye 1 Nal Sinan, Pum vax Allright allright. You ate some pin in the as cane So this cop i in bed with a gil... Maybe they're marred. srint Maybe they're marred? wore THEY'RE MARRIED! They had « wonder- fol wedding, four hundred guess, catered by the P mount Caterers sean Lid all ight! . Go on (A laud knack om the Bedroom door) sy (From ouside tbe door) Will you shoe up in there! (sta opens tbe dor. nex stand there i Bie pajamas) fant sleep! Go into another bones! vcaxn We're sorty, Grandpa (To stax) Come on (uae and sea% ram downstairs. me returns 20 bis room) stax Go.0n, go on... They're both in bed, evcase They're both in bed. She has broken leg stay Tike tha, vorse, Thank God (They to te sf) crus What time of year? .. Winter, spring, summer? rvoene Winter. (sraw stare at bi) Twenty-one de ‘gees, winds fifteen miles per hour, barometer fall. ing tas. Did Lak you? Go on, rvoent Ts ewo ax The window is open. I's frezing in the room She asks him to getup to close the win- dow. Hl ruses over in his pajamas, but the window is frozen. So he pushes down wich all his might and flip his dik He can't move. She can't move. The window is sill open, and they're both freezing t0 ‘death, How do they close the window? enue How? a ecexe I don't know. It's only the beginning I just ‘houghe chat ro people who can't move in «freezing oom with the window wide open was fanny ides Do you Bke #2 ras (Pacing, thinking) Like some of i. case Lonly told you sme oft, That'll there is ome off. Wht pert didnt yo like? nas “The logic. Why docs‘ she cll the doctor? ocr (Siting in be armclair) I don't know. He's ‘ot in. He went to 4 Broadway show. sens Aco in the morning? cee They stole is cin the parking lot sea She could cll anther doco. vores ‘Theyre at convention in Cleveland sss Every single doctor in New York? oor She broke her Ginger. She candi stan All ten finger? cre Tsu comedy sketch. Doe it have to be Toga Were nding pla forte Sa sax Yes, we are. It's not funny if sot believable 738 Colitd Pays of Nal Sine, tame Ht xP cre Oh, you mean the Three Stooges are believs- ble? Moe is Bye years old and wears bangs and sticks his Singers in his brothers eyes, xan (Crasng up to xveve) The Three Stooges? Is thatthe kind of eomedy you want to write? That's for vars Really? Wel, the morons made it to Holly- ‘Wood, and the genase are resing in Brighton Beach, seas I'm not going to ste for eap, If we're going to ’be good, we're going to be the best ssvauxe Well, I can’t think of anything es. stay (Pacing) Lets keep tying ‘vomie ‘Their phone is out of order? 190 Too easy. Too coincidental, vcexe Too easy? Ie tok me twenty minutes to think oft sean (Pacing around the sofa) Don’ give up. Let me tll ‘you the iden agua. A guy anda ge are in bed together, Olay? Tes the middle of winter, and the window i open vars What if he's nats op? What if he's a doctor? “Then we don’ have to worry sboat caling a doctor. sax Ifhe's a doctor, he ies chem both up. There's 20 sketch nex (Shouting from is bom) THATS FINE ‘WITH ME! sr So, she has broken leg. He gee up. I frece- ing in the room. He rushes over to cove the wine dow ——— vos (Leaping to Bi fet)... and he rps on the wire ‘nd pls ou the telephone cord stan And they cn call the doctor! You know what ‘weave; Gene? Were goddamn geniuses. (fixes ev- ‘orn and they bth rn upsains 0 nucese's room) Now ‘we ean begin! Now we can write the sketch! Come on! (era leaps one te bed, and cen sts a bis dsk LOENE Seats to the audience) vor So atten to seven in the evening, we had the ies forthe sketch that would launch our carers and ‘we began to write. By cleven-thiry that night we had Se pe pad ad not wen Single ble (are comes out ofthe fitch and turns on the ining room lige She strat the tl apiting ‘sta vite up and rab Bir eer) ssrax_ Tcan'e ep my eyes open. You want ro tke a Thou break? vos How about an hous? sis Thirty mines, Tha'sll, You have no discipline. Don't let me fill slep. stan ext to bir x room, tara of he Hig in bat rom. Bot Ke om ter eum bei Ince yex0ME, ffyfe years old and wearing an overeat, ruber ond bo, comes dwn the set amd fn the front door) nce (Surprivad to ue are) You sll up? xara I thought you might be hungry. mc (Going to the lero tae of bis aat and bat) had ‘dncer at work. They bad food sent in. We have to get the spring lineout by next Thursday. (Sting om the sofa to tbe of bs rubbers) Everybody's working over ‘me, Jacobeen is sleping in his ofce. 139 740 Colotd Poe of Nal Sine, atm It are (Collting bis rubbers and taking tem tote close 121) Oh, because you sid you might be home tonight. hor No, [told you. The whole week Maybe into Monday or Tuesday. (Stoning and tartng tard the stairs) Everyone's exhausted. I's a wonder they're all not sick ‘xare_I have some tea heated up. Sit with me a few Jno Let me take a shower fst. im all sweated up. T ‘shall from the eating room, are In thinryshree years, is never bothered me before. I'l.get the et. “kere itr inte the Kitchen. sho abe off i uit va anders to bis sat at the Bead ofthe dining table) scx (Calling into the Kitchen) How are the boys? are (From the Bichon) [haven seen them all night “They've been upstairs writing. Stanley thinks they smight be able to get something in television. 4c Television? Ten people inthis country have tele- ‘vision, There's no money uales there's voluthe. He's Deter off Abraham and Stats, ‘eave If he gees this job, he wants wo quit. Yeserday he Tooked for an aparement in the city. think he and Eugene are getting ready to move out. (are comes i from te hitch wth ate serie) nce He's going to pay New York reat on a job he does’ ave,yet? Het gota good farure at A &S, for (God's sake. He's gor security there. What do either one of them know about show busines? save (Serving 3acx bisa) Te what hey want to do. 4nex_ What you want to do and making a living are cwo

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