Relationship Anarchy Smörgåsbord: a tool for discussion

This bord includes a number of concepts antithetical to many understandings of RA. Not all who use this are
Relationship Anarchists, and those who are may need to discuss how their relational style differs from cultural norms.
The categories are loose gernalizations to help conversation, and are arranged
with those relating to the larger social/political systems toward the outside,
and the more personal toward the center.

Legal Suggested Notations: Power / Hierarchy

Power of attorney Yes, Maybe, Maybe In The Future, Boss - employee
Business Partner & Let’s Talk, Definitely No. Sponsor - Sponsee
Adoption Marriage Color-coding and Teacher - student
Executor of Will Collaborative highlighting Professional/Work Mentor/guide
Civil partnership Teaching Projects are fun too! Combining social & __________
Organization collaborative
____________ Colleagues Partners
____________
Financial
Domestic Exclusivity
Money Payments
Routines Chores Sexual Emotional
Shared accounts
Sharing a dwelling/home Social Structural
Responsibilities
Sharing a sleeping space ______________
Property Support Romantic Cooking together Emotional Intimacy _________
____________ Cultivating uniqueness Sharing meals Being vulnerable
Emotional attraction Love languages
Shared experiences Sharing values, beliefs
(going-on dates) ____________
Communication ____________ To form your relationships: Caregiving
Frequency & Method you and another can pick any Health Sponsorship
Daily Weekly Monthly number of “items” from any Reliability Emergencies
Annually Inconsistently number of “platters,” take a End of Life / Death
In-Person Phone Text
Sexual huge helping or just a scoop. The Physical Intimacy Receiving care from
Written ______
Kissing Orgasms? dish the two of you hold is your Dance Cuddles Giving care to
Involving genitals, anus relationship. Remember you must Hugs Pets Massage
Chemical reaction agree together on what is in it! Hand-holding Nudity
Body touch No sneaking items in without the Kissing Co-sleeping
___________ other knowing, or there will likely Body contact
Emotional Support be conflict or disappointment
later. Also: it’s your dish, so if Religious/Spiritual
Listening Empathy Shared ritual/prayer
Being asked for advice you decide to change what you
want from the smörgåsbord Shared beliefs
Confidante Kink Discussions
__________ Partnership later, that’s cool.
Sadomaochism __________
Shared goals, values
Sadism Fetishes
Commitment Routine
Masochism
Embracing change Power Exchange ___________
____________ Age Play Pet Play
Public Displays Labels/Terms
D/s M/s
of Affection Chosen family
______________
Events Friends Family Spouses Parent Cousin
________
Work Social media Companionship Creative Sibling Datemate
Seen together Playfulness Visual Art Craft ________________
________ Shared activity/interests Music Yoga Comedy ___________
Intellectual/Philosophical Acrobatics Dance
Discussions Friendship Theatre Improve
______________ Martial Arts
Co-Caregivers Systems
__________ __________
Family (sick, elderly) of Oppression
Animals Plants Race Ability Gender
Children Class Skills Influence
_______________ Citizenship Financial
________ Sexual orientation
__________

Originated by Lyrica Lawrence & Heather Orr of Vancouver Polyamory in December 2016 (v1). Updated by Maxx Hill with the guidance of the Relationship Anarchy,
Polyamory, and Solo Polyamory Facebook Groups: April (v2, v3) & September 2018 (v4), & January 2019. This is Version 5.
Please share. Translations into any language are welcome. Contact Maxx for editable file:
maxxhill.creates@gmail.com