PARTON [2 ALF <2 SPUDS and MUCH MORE FUN! Ee HANI aig aye Be 0 | Fs Ones o M271 00lo6esa, HAaka THE PARTYIN’ ANIMAL * @ Be on the lookout for this terrifying yuppies at parties everywhere. terrier! Description: 2 feet tall, WANTED for corrupting the youth shark-like dentures and a perpetual of the world through unmerciless black eye. Known to associate with merchandising of beer for kids!MICHAEL DELLE-FEMINE/,,, editor-in-chief BARRY SHAPIRO art director SYLVESTER P. SMYTHE sultan of sanitation GEORGE GLADIR, PETER BAGGE, JERRY DE FUCCIO, ROBERT LOREN FLEMING, ROGER BROWN, MOE. " McMAHON, PAUL PROCH, CHARLES KAUFMAN, JOE ‘CATALANO, EEL O'BRIAN, CONSTANCE LORING and CHARLES E. HALL writers JOHN SEVERIN, DON MARTIN, RICK ALTERGOTT, BILL Or ' WRAY, MIKE RICIGLIANO, BO BADMAN, MILTON KNIGHT, DICK AYERS, VIC MARTIN STOSH GILLESPIE, GARY FIELDS artists Lovingly dedicated to the memory of MARIAN “MOE” McMAHON cracked contents WANTED: SUDS MacFRENZIE MARTIN STRIKES YET AGAIN Ag wand nen: Gn Conmsatr Co Bx es i YS Ei oer nd Be gk sre ae Une sg pcan So eas Ws Sr Tr anrseatin PAATEDN EaNAGR Van SoestONE FINE EVENING IN TR.Hil I'm Dullnise Huxtyplk, the second oldest 'm Saggie, Dullnise’s roommate and alll | ever do is talk, talk, daughter from the Cozby Show! Here on my talk without ever saying anything of substance! If I can kee spin-off, 'm a freshman at Billman College Up this non-stop nonsensical chattering | may have a good. ‘majoring in what every good TV student shot at entering politics! should..one linerst * 7 Ssss , Ce < < 2 You may ask why | filloser, an eS ancient 27 year old, would want oe : to room with these two at = . college. Well, what would you - Cera do if some TV producers offered OC af 7 ‘you $1500 a week to do it? I'm “ not complaining...Unless they : tell me tol ee \ Zz ‘CREATED BY BO-BADMANHOW TO FOLD YOUR UGLY ORACLE: SIX Stick your fingers behind SEVEN: To tell your fortune, the faps of the eyes ard ps Feld with both hand ne ‘Now you haves puppet siteenate how you open UGLY ORACLE FACT FILE: IS MAMA MEANY REALLY MEAN? ‘Well, the neighborhood pit bulls are trying to have her outlawed, so ‘mean she is! And big? She's more than big, she's humongous! She ‘weighs herself with a Richter scalet She once wore a pair of fishnet, stockings but it wasr't her idea..she was swimming in the bay and whale boat netted her! Like all moms, she is good at telling your future, like: Dont, itil get infected! or You'll Boke your eye out! and You'll never amount to anything! See what we mean?thing has been constant. a There ways Deen \ b ta buck for asandwich sit? Got enough change for a cup of coffee?I don't know the sandwich! ‘a buck! Take three of your friends with you!Dear CRACKED, Ireceived CRACKED 233 in the mail and itwas radical! realy liked RoboCop-Out and Premedator was fabulous. You guys are great, but I would like to see more of the Ugly Family, the Cracked Crusader and Ugly Oracles. Why don't you goof on some other comic heroes? The Sylvester dollis neat. Mlorderitanda shirt if my rom will et me. Hove CRACKED. Ihave read it for over a year and gotten a subscription. And happy 30th, dudes! ‘Andrew Dancer Munday TX Thanks, ANDREW! You might've noticed we had a lot of the UGGLY FAMILY last issue (including a page in IYECCH] coor) as well as a SUPER SYLVESTER/CRACKED CRUSADER BO BADMAN’s U CLES appears in this edition. How's that for service? CRACKED LETTERS 535 Fifth Avenue, New York, NY 10017 Dear CRACKED, ‘Why do you have only eight issues a year? ‘Why don't you have twelve issues; one for each monti? ‘Timmy Cash Beesley's Point NY We ARE monthly during the spring and summer and bi-monthly the rest of the year. Ifmore people bought our fall and ‘winter issues we might go monthly. And don't forget all our great 100-page specials that come out every now and then, CRACKED COLLECTORS, EDITION % should still be out and features a look of 30 years of CRACKED! And also coming out soon is the much-awaited SUPER CRACKED #2! Dear CRACKED, ive in El Salvador and I cane you that your magazine is excellent. 1 buy itin @ Yideo store where it costs 20 eolones (5 dollar). Ihave made friends from other countries through CRACKED: Yuko Kitahara from Japan and Skye Hudson from the USA. They are good persons and Tanto bea CRACKED pen pal. Thanks forall. Iwill make your magazine famous here in El Salvador, believe it or not! Roberto lannuzzelli Colonia Miramonte Pre Pasaje El Rosal #18 San Salvador El Salvador Central America CRACKED certainly does get around the world! The CRACKED PEN PALS section isn't in this issue, so we've printed Roberto’s full address if you'd Dear CRACKED, Inissue 233 you did a satire of RoboCop, fa movie about the future in law en- forcement, But have you ever stopped to think about the future of humor ‘magazines? I have! I've come up with an idea of what CRACKED will be like in the year 2088. I've enclosed a sample of ‘what you might see in RoboCRACKED magazine! Joe Blevins Flushing MI ROBOBLOB . & i BATEUIR SPY According to JOE, ROBOCRACKED ‘#1133 will come out in January 2088 and cost only $19.15. Inside will be ROBOROCKY 35 and STAR DREK: ‘THE 3rd GENERATION! Presentea below are some regular ROBO- CRACKED characters! tagg Dear CRACKED, Tthought 233 was (burp) funny. The Rap ‘Kings Interview was the best! Like, I'm totally fresh, you know? T thought Premedator was preity good,too. Joe Bell Sierra OR 1Dear CRACKED, Fm glad you guys came to your “cracked senses and put the most cracked guy on ledge Hammer in CRACKED 234. Tve watched Sledge Hammer since it began and if I don't see him on Thursday 8:00 PM, on ABC, I go crazy! I'm a Sledge Hammer freak and it’s about time he was in CRACKED! Slege Hammerly reg “Sledge Hammer"Poff Easton PA Is it safe to assume you're a fan of the SLEDGE HAMMER ‘TV show or do you work for ALAN (Sledge Creat Producer) SPENCER’s publicity department? 2 Dear CRACKED, My friends Tito and Cissie got me into reading CRACKED. Now Iamacomplete CRACKEDaholic! I bought the 100-page ‘Shut Ups book, but my teacher threw it ‘away! The CRACKED Monster Party was cool and | liked Frankenstein's Monster the most! ‘Tommy Cook Wahiawa HI Throwing away a SHUT UP book is shocking and anticeducational! Next thing you know they'll be saying TV isn't good for you \ FOR ONLY $1.25 an ISSUE! That's RIGHT! Subscribe NOW, because the first 100 subscribers will receive a CRACKED T-Shirt... absolutely FREE! mail to: aes -- = == = Dear CRACKED, Congratulations! I just read the front page article in USA Today about Don Martin working for CRACKED! It’s obvious he'll got better treatment now like he deserves! Talso saw Don's TV commerical for the Monster Mash game. It was very well animated and made me wonder why a Don Martin cartoon has never been made? ‘A CRACKED and Don Martin Fan, John Orlando Topaz AZ How do you like Don's cover for this issue, JOHN? Some German animators have donea DON MARTIN cartoon and hopefully well soon see it on TV here! ‘We'll definitely keep you posted! 58 ' CRACKED SUBS « 535 Fifth Avenue New York NY 10017 ‘Enclosed is a check or money order for $9.99, so please send mea year’s worth « of CRACKED (8 issues) along with my FREE CRACKED hat and (hopefully, if ae 'm one of the first 100 subscribers) my CRACKED ahi NAME ADDRESS. ati TOWN state ZIPCODE t t Outside USA (including CANADA), enclose $12.00, payable in US funds by International | { ! cian ‘See Tshirt offer on page Money Order or check drawn on USA bank. Thank you!ONE ESPECIALLY FINE DAY THIS WINTERUGGIY FAMIIM her" Due CANE N ACTUAL NON-TOXIC RECIPE AYR TT CRN MAKE AND EAT! oy Bel o'Bréan & Stoo asstespse well: DUMP one large can of l tail) with juices into it~ DUMP | Gr blueberry or mincemeat pie CrTSUMP one box of yellow cake mix on top and d- DRIZZLE two sticks of melted margarine pped nuts and some cocoanut | for one hour. EEEEEEEEEK- T RECIPE: Grease a 9" x I3" pan \ crushed pineapple Gr frvit cock: one can of cherry ple Filling “a Ths sedipe provides by Connie Losi no Bo sore ae "ie ages CisShe gin Dig Gone eee “se ely. Gend Gone €50, 1 Wise 40: Cracked Rec Beast cite BEE SUNG MENTE INS: AS oeSYLVESTER P. SMYTHE eres CRACKED SYLVESTER DOLL 535 Fifth Ave NY NY 10017 Boy, do I need a SYLVESTER P. SMYTHE doll! I'm including a check or money order for $23-70 ($19-95 plus $1.25 postage and $2.30 handling)'so send it to: AGE 5188 STATE VERYBODY SHOULD HAVEA Justin time for our 30th, ainwvorir JOHN | SEVERIN has crafted the ultimate in CRACKED clothing! All your favorite Mi ae CRACKED T-SHIRT | 535 Fifth Ave INY NY 10017 I must have a CRACKED T-shirt! Enclosed is a check or money order for $11.24 ($9.99 plus $4.25 postage & handling) for each T-Shirt | want. Send me-of them. Total enclosed: INAME. AGE ADDRESS jOWN STATE___ ZIP SIZE: {]Small [)Medium (Large Allow 6-8 weeks for processing and delivery us rosta samce STATEMENT OF OWNERSHIP, MANAGEMENT AND CIRCULATION Tag USC 85 ‘amcor A rmceoy sa Angorsiusramueed Law sixcaon |s1oaonormons onc osm o% st st Cepia = oanonor rogaine es HE PUI apt «sits 0 come OOHRS OTD NO ANNO Scotian ones emt jvc nono wont 4 nA SEU HOLDS RVING OR MODI 1 CENT (uso oF IOUS OF OOS MORTCACS OTM SLATS rear es | rorcowPowyNoNPuo ORGAN PAIONSAHORED MAA SPC RES ron 2 5 Tht on napa oad ern eens Che TMENOTCHANGEDOURNG -— HAVECANGEDOLRNG Hine pe mutt ae ECONG MONTHS HECONGT MONTHS achng ethane "RWONTHS uNcout {TOR x0 COMNSPTEO er Pe ss munca. TSKUS THROUGH OER 440 CRE ‘SER VACOHSAND COUNTERS {FORM CRCUTIN i a DB RLEOSANLTONEY MAL cat OR TL STERLING Cid consyorosremsti> ont sre usAcOMNTE, ‘SouuDareeraNING 2 TURNS FROM NEMS AEN Gad -lra SATE wo LCOFENO, LSH BSS AUGACEEOFONNER | w.rorcoumation yumi wa A THE ECLA RATS Scien 12 emi USC pda shh a nen inten een thee Inaction hea ey tpn mere an ee poathaihaiedly AUS FFM PLL LSS MANGER ORCI‘One of the greatest comic book milestones is at hand! No, not our 30th anniversary, but CRACKED does take great pleasure in saluting... Asa child, Supedupman entertained his foster parents ‘with simple feats of strength like this one, case Inhis toughest war battle, Supedupman faced Supemazi, the enemy who fought for Mom’ apfelstuce! ‘an fussball - DAY! GEORGE (Superdupwriten, ‘@LADIR and JOHN (Supedupartis) ‘SEVERIN Many believe World War Il was prolonged needlessly because Supedupman was sentenced to ‘a month in the stockade!Not even his dozen Congressional Medals of Honor won in WWII spared Supedupman from the Commie witch-hunt of the 50s! Historians blame the Korean War stalemate on a military snafu that assigned Supedupman to clerical duties instead of to combat! | NO gi PO ECTOETLENy You PINKO! TELL Tals COMMITTEE WAY YOu GO AROUND INA RED COPE? In the fifios, Supedupman met Supedupgal, a earns to a pace lime to alter distant relative. Their powerful supersmooches ‘course of history...and got it from beth sides! made them realize they could never be kissin’ cousins!Me LS In the 60s, Supedupman introduced many His worst injury was self-inflicted! It occurred ‘Supedupanimalst The Soviet Union countered ‘during the Twist dance craze! with a super animal of their own! SareeRE ere ANSWER ON NET RAGE! Braintoss Supedupman clones called Bizzeros ‘appeared. After winning five NFL In his movie debut Supedupman held up the ‘championships they got bored and returned 10 Golden Gate Bridge. thereby winning an Oscar their home planet! one i for Best Supporting Actor! 31‘Supedupman does his bit to correct the nation’s Supedupman's darkest hour: He s falsely trade imbalance by dumping Japanese ‘accused of going into the future to obtain illegal ‘Toyautes as fast as they arrive! Iruidoeiracing inormaton! NO.502 iiesae wine ‘Supedupman shows a warped sense of social ‘Supedupman volunteers to lead the Atghat consciousness and uses his laservision to help rebels agains! the Soviet Union only fo find he impoverished street people! Post has already been filled!le a jo a fs o we r T2ddTCTHS Plas a} E6NEW! IMPROVED! MNS [yao Co al? EG written & illustrated SPACE: The Final Frontier...These are the voyages of the starship SECONDPRIZE...Our NEW mission: to boldly go where only 1 TV show, 4 movies, a cartoon series and 4,999 novels and fanzines have {gone before! EFFECTS! by BO BADMANFancy new crew, but the ‘sume old dull plots! ce the feelings of some vast presence! There's ‘anguish! Bitter disappointment!| a 9 $ 5 2 $ 8 2 ° ( SS pa freee 63] ©'87 Gary FieLISs—