Anna Maria Pantelias

FYW 1000c

Prof. Roeder

9/10/20

Study Abroad

My whole entire life I have never known what to write about for these types of essays.

You’d think it’d be easy because people love to talk about themselves, but I’d just sit for hours

trying to figure out a topic or an event in my life that makes me so special and worth the next 10

minutes of the readers life. It’s hard when you literally have the most basic life ever. However,

after many, many personal essays on my not so interesting life, I’ve come to the conclusion that

the majority of the class are probably struggling with the same thing and their basic lives as well.

So I’ve decided to stop trying so hard to find some amazing coming to age, life changing event

that happened in my life (that hasn’t happened), and decided to write about something that has

changed in me from the Anna Maria I was in September 2019, to the Anna Maria I am now, in

September 2020 which is my study abroad experience. And in all honesty, trust me, I really hate

to be that girl who studies abroad once and does not stop talking about it, but if you stay to learn

my whole story, I promise you’d get why I chose it as my topic.

September 2019

Ahh September 2019, I was on cloud 9. Every aspect in my life had to have been going

perfectly, I’m talking about cheesing even when going into work type of happiness. I had just

had an amazing summer with my friends and family. I was in Greece most of the time, so I had
that glowing skin. I finally got my car I’ve worked all summer for, I felt like “ah yes finally

everything is falling into place”. However, I think most of the reason I was so happy all of the

time and September was so great was because I was in an amazing relationship. He was my

absolute best friend. We did everything together. We’d go to the mall for no reason, we’d go to

the beach during the hot days, but my favorite was in the evening when the sun would set, we’d

go to the movies even though I hated the movies, we’d drive around talking about anything and

everything for hours, annnnnd we worked together. Now you can see why I’d be so happy going

to work. Working with your boyfriend had to have been the most fun experience ever. If you

were to ask me if you should date your coworker, I’d tell you absolutely 100000% yes, I don’t

even know how some people stand work without their boyfriend.

October 2019

Never date a coworker. October 2019 officially goes down in history as the worst month

of my life. As you may guess my boyfriend and I broke up. The breakup was really out of

nowhere and unexpected. That sucked, so much. Not even a week later someone crashed into my

car I had just leased, and worked all summer for. And of course, insurance comes right behind it

with the now raised monthly price that I had to pay. Within the next week someone close to me

had been diagnosed with cancer. Then I lost my favorite gold bracelet I had got while in Greece.

I was still working with my ex which had to have been the top 5 worst experiences ever. Like I

hated it so much, imagine having to see your ex’s face every time you worked for the whole time

after you freshly broke up. Ew. School was stressful on top of everything else going on.

Everything was just one after another after another after another. I felt like life had picked me up

and just shredded me apart. October was a hard month to say the least. I went from having the
greatest time of my life to 2 am nights crying to Frank Oceans “self-control”. That’s when I

spontaneously decided to just apply for study abroad. The worst that could happen was I got

declined from it, and clearly that wasn’t the worst of my problems.

November 2019

I was accepted. November was weird. I tried so so hard to make November better than

October. It was better, but it felt fake. I was rarely ever genuinely happy that time. It was more of

a FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out) thing whenever I went out. Even going out with my friends

when I didn’t want to go because I thought forcing myself was better than staying by myself

probably finding something more to stress about in my room. Maybe it was, but it never made

me genuinely happy. I felt so lost in this time in my life. Still dealing with grieving my break up

and working with him, while one of my close friends was in and out of the hospital with her

cancer, and had a ton of school work I had to keep up with. Everyday started to feel the same,

there was nothing I really looked forward to anymore, it was just like:

wake up

Go to class

Go to work

Study and do home work

Go to bed

And then repeat it all the next day. All during this time I was every on edge about going abroad. I

got accepted but I wasn’t sure if it was a definite plan yet. Like I said I was just so caught up in

FOMO and afraid I was going to miss something important back home. The whole thing about

going abroad just kinda scared me. It’s not the easiest thing to leave for 4 months in a completely
different country so far from your family. However, I just came to this point where I was trying

everything to get myself out of this miserable rut I’ve been in and nothing was working. I was

constantly in this back and forth argument with myself if I should go or not, it was so out of my

comfort zone. I remember sitting in my room one night and just having this overwhelming

feeling of anxiety that one day I’m going to 80 looking back at myself now and myself in my 20s

and just regretting that I decided to stay home and continue on with this everyday pattern I had

been living, and nothing seemed worse than that. So, I finally decided to go through with

decision and began doing all the things needed to be done for me to go.

January 2020

I finally left. January 2020 was a bunch of emotions mixed into one. While December

was just finishing up the semester and I was able to distract myself with all the stuff I had to get

done for study abroad, I had less time to think about all the things going wrong in my life. I was

clinging to that fact that I was leaving soon in whenever I caught myself being down and what

not. January finally came and I was beyond excited but at the same time insanely nervous. I was

forced to change up the same depressing routine I had been for the past 3 months. There’s always

that risk, though, because there is no guarantee that it’ll be better. I always had that little voice in

my head telling me all the unwanted “what ifs”. What if I hated it? I don’t know anyone going,

what if I make no friends? What if I can’t stand my roommate? What if the classes are too hard?

What if this is all a big waste of money? Just another thing to add on to my list of stress’.

September 2020
 I’m happy to say the little devil voice in my head of what if’s was so wrong. Studying

abroad was the most amazing experience I had to date. Slowly but surely, I started to find myself

again over there. The excitement in came back to me, every day I was excited about what I’d see,

what I’d learn, and what the world was going to offer me. Every day I saw something new, I

learned something new. Every weekend I’d go to a different country with the friends I made

there, friends I know I’d have forever. I think the most important part of this is that I did it by

myself. I made new friends on my own, I left home on my own, I went to all these countries all

on my own. Nobody was there to push me to do it, nothing was forcing me. For the first time in a

long time I did things because I genuinely wanted to do them, not because of FOMO or just did it

because its better than being in my room.

I didn’t want to sit here and describe every trip I went on or every memory I made, but

rather tell you guys how the trips and the memories changed my mindset and how it helped me

out of this downward spiral I felt I was going down. After my break up I felt like I had lost my

best friend and source of happiness. As cliché as it sounds, I didn’t feel whole I felt like I needed

him to be happy. He was my source of happiness for so long, and for it to be suddenly yanked

from my life, I had no idea how to adjust. With everything else on top of it I didn’t know how to

be happy anymore, where did I even start?

I’ve come to learn that happiness always starts and ends with you. You have to be your

own source of happiness. Things are so insanely temporary in your life. One day you can have

the world and the next everything can come crashing down, if you find happiness within all these

temporaries you are not going to ever feel whole. You’ll spend the rest of your life just looking

for things to fill the voids. Life is so beautiful and learning is endless. Waking up every day in

the same house, in the same room, in the same town, seeing all the same people can make it feel
otherwise, I know. Its draining, but its ok to recognize that feeling and want to change it. There is

so much more to life than just the life you know. I’m not saying everyone has to travel halfway

around the world, but maybe a change of scenery for a little and take a drive to a town close by

you’ve never seen, or a new café, and try to go on it by yourself without the pressures of those

around you. Be your own best friend and the reason you wake up and are happy.

So, yeah, maybe study abroad is so common and super basic, but like I said I have the

most basic life, and somethings I think the story of your life is found in the details of the basic

things you do every day. Its more so the story behind it rather than the actual event.