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A habit causes you to do something without even thinking. Once a habit is embedded in
your life, self-control isn’t even an issue. That’s true for good habits and bad habits. So it’s
important that you train yourself in good habits.
Now, the reason you developed the habit of wearing clothes is because you didn’t want to
get caught naked in public. Right? I mean, that’s very motivating. And that leads me to my
next point...
The research tells us that if you want to develop self-control, you need to get a picture of
the person you want to be that is so compelling, you will do whatever it takes to become
that person. Most of us have a compelling vision for being clothed in public and that
motivates us to put on our clothes everyday, so much so that it’s an unconscious habit.
My point is: when you have a compelling vision of who you want to be, every time you are
confronted with a temptation you will instinctively ask yourself: will this behavior that I’m
considering lead me to become the person I want to be? And if the answer is “no,” it will be
much easier to resist the temptation.
If you don’t have a compelling picture of who you want to be, there’s nothing to keep you
from caving into temptation. You’ll just say, “Why not? What have I got to lose?” Or at best,
you will do things begrudgingly that you think you should do. But doing things out of
obligation isn’t sustainable. You’ll eventually quit. Lots of people come to church out of
obligation but they eventually drop out for this reason.
There are lots of compelling images that might come to mind:
You might want to be financially successful.
Or be healthy and at your ideal weight.
You might want to be a person free of addiction.
You want to be a blessing to your family and friends.
You want to honor God.
For example, I have a compelling vision to be able to preach in Spanish. I know that in order
to make that happen, I have to practice Spanish every day for at least 15 minutes, if not
more. So when I’m tempted to skip my lessons, I ask myself, Will skipping my lessons lead
me to preaching in Spanish? and the answer is obviously, “NO.”
Once you determine your compelling vision, then choose habits that will lead to that
end. But here’s the trick to starting a new habit. Start small, like REALLY small, like praying
for five minutes, or taking a five minute walk, or studying spanish for five minutes. If you
start big you’ll get discouraged and quit.
I’m terrible at this. I’m an “all or nothing” kind of guy. When I do something, I’m all in. So
when I go for a run, it has to be for an hour. When I study spanish, it has to be for an hour to
feel like it’s worthwhile. But my downfall is that I don’t do either of these things
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consistently. It would be better if I ran for 20 minutes every day, and studied spanish for five
minutes every day.
...studies have found that committing to any small, consistent act of self-control -
...can increase overall willpower…
I was surprised by this, and actually found it hard to believe, but the research says that you
will build self-control even if you do a bad thing, but you wait five minutes before you do it.
This sounded wrong to me. I mean, if you are going to quit, you should just quit. But the
more I thought about it, the more sense it made. For example, let’s say you always smoke a
cigarette right after supper. If you wait five minutes before you have that cigarette, you
develop self-control.
It’s the act of delaying gratification that works in your favor. Over time, you will have the
strength to wait ten minutes, and then twenty and then eventually you won’t bother with
the cigarette at all…IF you are consistent. So, if you always fail at quitting smoking, try
waiting five minutes before smoke that cigarette and do that consistently until you can
expand the wait time.
Fourth, learn to be self-aware. How are you feeling physically and emotionally? Are you
sleep deprived? Have you had too much to drink? Are you distracted? Are you hungry,
lonely, or emotional? All of these are stressors and stress short circuits your self-control. So
be aware and don’t make serious decisions under these conditions.
Better yet, if you want to develop more self-control: address the stress. For example: get
enough sleep. Many people live in a constant state of sleep deprivation and they don’t even
know it. They are trying to resist temptation in a weakened state. A study from a school of
psychology in Australia showed that moderate sleep deprivation produces impairments
equivalent to being moderately drunk. So go to bed earlier or take naps. Get the sleep you
need.
Next, be sure to eat often enough. When your blood sugar drops, so does your
self-control. I know personally, I get crabby when my blood sugar drops. I’m not my normal
sweet and charming self!
Low blood sugar levels turn out to predict a wide range of willpower failures, from
giving up on a difficult test to lashing out at others when you’re angry. [One study
showed] that people with low blood sugar are also more likely to rely on stereotypes
and less likely to donate money to charity, or help a stranger. Page 61
After reading this, I decided we should start passing out donuts on your way in. I figure you
should be on a sugar high about the time we receive the offering. But seriously, don’t go too
long without food.
One of the best destressors is exercise:
Exercise turns out to be the closest thing to a wonder drug that self-control
scientists have discovered. For starters, the willpower benefits of exercise are
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immediate. Fifteen minutes on a treadmill reduces cravings...It not only relieves
ordinary, everyday stress, but it’s as powerful of an antidepressant as Prozac.
Less stress means more self-control. What’s the best exercise? The best exercise is
whatever you are willing to do. The research says that outdoor exercise has the biggest
impact. And remember...start small. It’s better to walk around the block for a year, than to
sign up for a 5K walk and quit when it’s over.
Next, I mentioned this last week: make your biggest decisions in the morning.
Self-control is like a muscle. It gets tired. You have less self-control as the day wears on.
There aren’t a lot of great life decisions made at 10pm after a long day at work or at 2am,
for that matter. When did those late night fights ever reach a good conclusion? Have those
tough conversations in the morning when you have more self-control and are less apt to say
something you’ll regret.
If there are things you want to be doing, do them in the morning. If there are things you
shouldn’t be doing, go to bed early.
Limit the use of your phone.
Your phone offers the promise of instant gratification and that’s the opposite of self-control.
So don’t sleep with your phone or keep it next to your bed. If you can’t sleep, you’ll probably
check your messages. You don’t need to do that. That only creates an addiction which drains
your self-control.
Instead, leave your phone in another room. And in the morning, wait five minutes before
checking your messages. Delaying that gratification builds your self-control muscle.
Parents, you can help your kids develop self-control by limiting their screen time. I know
they will complain, but that’s your job...to set limits. And you can also help them by
modeling self-control yourself.
Practice slow breathing. This is based on research that I don’t have time to get into. But it
says that if you take five minutes to slow down your breathing to 4-6 breaths/pm it will add
gray matter to your brain, increasing your willpower reserve, and your ability to bounce
back from stress.
One study found that a daily 20 minute practice of slowed breathing...reduced
cravings and depression among adults recovering from substance abuse and post
traumatic stress disorder. Page 40
This sounds good to me, so I practice slow breathing every morning while I pray and listen
to the Bible, which leads me to my next point...
Develop Spiritual Habits. Here’s a list of common spiritual disciplines, and each one will
help develop your self-control. Reading the Bible, Prayer, Attending Sunday Worship,
Regularly Serving Others, Consistently Giving, Practicing Sabbath, Silence.
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I could easily preach a series on each of these. But that’s for another time. I just want to
point out that spiritual disciplines offer a bonus because not only will the habit help
develop self-control, but as you perform these disciplines they will help shape the image of
who you want to become. I’ve been listening to the book of Ephesians recently and it’s full
of images of who God wants us to become.
Next, Walk away.
I talked last week about how a chemical in our brains, called dopamine, drives us to find
happiness in some kind of reward. It creates a craving.
But there is a part of your brain that works to counteract those cravings. It’s called the
pre-frontal cortex. It’s job is to slow you down and THINK before you take action. It’s what
keeps you from doing stupid things…at least, that’s what it’s attempting to do.
If you want to help the pre-frontal cortex do its job, the best thing you can do is put a little
distance between you and your temptation:
The good news is, temptation has a narrow window of opportunity. To really
overwhelm our pre-frontal cortex [the decision maker], the reward must be
available now, and - for maximum effect - you need to see it. As soon as there is any
distance between you and the temptation, the power of balance shifts back to the
brains’ system of self-control…
Anything you can do to create that distance will make it easier to say no. For example, one
study found that just putting a candy jar inside a desk drawer instead of on top of the desk
reduced office worker’ candy consumption by one third.
The next idea is what is called: Pushing Through.
Sometimes we say “It’s impossible, I can’t resist,” when what we really mean is: “It’s really
hard, I won’t resist.” You know, deep down that you could resist, you just don’t want to.
So, it’s in these moments that you need to push through. Pushing through is based on the
idea that we have more ability, both physically and mentally, than we give ourselves credit
for having.
Scientists have learned that the first signs of physical fatigue are not accurate
indicators of our true energy levels. They are merely a warning. So elite athletes use
this knowledge to push themselves through their initial fatigue and achieve
impressive results.
In the same way, “some scientists now believe that the limits of self-control are just
like the physical limits of the body - we often feel depleted of willpower before we
actually are… Just as the brain may tell the body’s muscles to slow down when it
fears physical exhaustion, the brain may put the brakes on its own energy expensive
exercise of the prefrontal cortex. This doesn’t mean we’re out of willpower; we just
need to muster up the motivation to use it. Page 72
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In other words, when you think you just can’t resist a temptation, dig a little deeper. I think
that’s what the apostle Paul was talking about when he said:
No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is
faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are
tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it. 1 Corinthians
10:12,13
So, science says: you’ve got more resistance than you think you do. But if you are a follower
of Jesus, you have an even bigger reservoir of resistance because God’s Spirit is living in you
and working for you.
The Bible talks a lot about how Jesus’ death stripped our sinful nature of its power. I could
do an entire series on this idea, but let me give you a few verses that are worth meditating
on:
When you came to Christ, ... he cut away your sinful nature...And with him you were
raised to new life ...Colossians 2:11,12
I have been crucified with Christ; and it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me;
and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved
me and gave Himself up for me. Galatians 2:20
I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. Philippians 4:13
These are great verses to help us push through when confronted with temptation.
Next, if you want to develop self-control, join a community.
You want to get around like-minded people who are shooting for the same goals that you
are. You want to be surrounded by good examples for their inspiration and advice.
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Brothers and sisters, if someone is caught in a sin, you who live by the Spirit should
restore that person gently. Galatians 6:1
That’s how you should treat yourself...gently. So the next time you fail, cut yourself some
slack and try again.
Okay. I’ve given you a lot to chew on. But I don’t want you to be overwhelmed. Here’s what I
don’t want you to do. Don’t make a list of everything you are doing wrong and try to fix it all
this month. I guarantee you’ll quit by next Sunday.
So do this instead. Pick one healthy habit that you’d like to start doing. Something that you
would enjoy doing, like taking a walk or praying. What can you start doing today for just
five minutes? Or what can you wait to do for five minutes? Start small and be consistent
until you master that habit.
Whether you realize it or not, you will start gaining self-control. Then you can apply your
newly acquired self-control to the next habit on your list. Over time, you will evolve into the
person God created you to be.
Closing Prayer:
I pray that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope
to which God has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in his holy people, and his
incomparably great power for us who believe. That power is the same as the mighty
strength he exerted when he raised Christ from the dead… Ephesians 2:18-20
Father, help us to have a compelling picture in our minds of who you want us to be. And
help us to believe that you have done, and will do, everything necessary for us to become
that person. Amen.
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